Sunday, December 18, 2011

There is Thunder in our Hearts




Okay . . . okay, there is a good chance that this will not be coherent or even readable. If I were writing this down with pen and paper, it wouldn’t even be legible. There just would a bunch of scribbled nonsense, a bunch of exclamation points and a horrible drawing of me proposing to Calvin Johnson. I’m writing this now even though my fingers are still shaking from the adrenaline and this is probably a mistake since there is no possible way that I can organize my thoughts in any sort of constructive manner but HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT???

I have people like my boy Nick tweeting me right now telling me that he would have kissed me on the mouth if I would have been in his living room. I’m pretty sure Charles aka AdamantiumAC is going to end up in jail tonight after the police catch up with him naked, prancing through the streets and Big Al probably had to stick a knife in his toaster in order to jump start his heart. I’ve been ranting and raving about feeling like Jason Statham in Crank and about gnawing on the adrenal gland of cheetahs and The Great Willie Young’s name has been flying around and there is thunder in our fucking hearts, and . . . and . . .

Okay. I’m going to try my best to calm down. It’s probably not happening, but I’ll try. For most of this game I had a whole narrative shaped and as pissed off and whipped as I felt, it would have been easy to write because there was no ambiguity involved. But then things changed and now I don’t know what to write other than wild, raving gibberish. Actually to say that things changed is a ridiculous understatement, a phrase that is essentially devoid of meaning when placed up against the totality of what actually happened. How do you put something like what went down in perspective? Well, you don’t. Instead you just cheer like a goddamn lunatic and you point like a deranged ape and gibber things like “Hey, did you see that???” My eyes look like a cokehead’s right now.

My good pal UpHere summed things up about as well as anybody could right now, I think, when he said “The OLD Lions would have lost on a record setting field goal.” And he’s right. They would have. But these Lions didn’t. Ndamukong Suh – and how appropriate is that – rose from the earth and swallowed up the Raiders last desperate prayer and before that the Lions did what no other team has done in NFL history, scrambling back from two touchdowns down for the fourth time this season to win the game. The old Lions are dead, and the past can go fuck itself.

Are there things to complain about, to worry about going forward? Of course. But only a monstrous ogre would discuss such things right now. I’m still glowing like a goddamn nuclear firework and any negativity I felt during that game has been utterly obliterated.

I am a man who trades in symbolism, as you all well know, and so the way that game ended felt extra special to me. I am beyond being able to explain it right now, and while that may disappoint some of you, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. I mean, I could try, but I’d quickly degenerate into hoots and grunts as my brain tried in vain to save itself from climbing out of my head and soaring into the sun playing the air guitar and laughing like a damn fool.

Beyond all explanation, here’s all that matters: the Lions are now 9-5, we are mere inches away from a world we’d only dared to whisper about for so, so long, and the world feels like one big Broadway musical, insane and filled with bright colors and I’m pretty sure I just saw someone fly by on a giant guide wire, although that may have just been St. Calvin soaring through on his way back to his house in heaven.

I’m incapable of making sense, of penetrating beneath this perfect surface, and you know what? That’s alright. Sometimes the deeper story is the surface story. And I think this is one of those times. I spent all week gibbering on about letting go of the pathos of the past and now here I am, incapable of doing anything other than basking in the pure primal joy of the present. And that’s just beautiful, you know? Just . . . beautiful.

This is shorter than what I normally write, and I hope you don’t mind, but my heart is a supernova, burning bright and traveling through the universe at the speed of light and in the truth of that, everything else falls by the wayside and words are meaningless and forgettable and the only thing that matters is that right now I feel like I could fly and that, for a single precious, wonderful moment the world feels . . . perfect.

22 comments:

AutospeedConcepts said...

Quite simply....

Watchin' Stafford and Megatron....*damn did he make every1 take notice of why he is called that today....214 yards and 2 TD's....Whew!!!!*....And Staffords name as far as I'm concerned is "The Howitzer".

But yeah....I just have a big smile on my face right now that was preceded by major fist pumps and TD signs by me durin' the game as they made play after big play....in crunch time no less.

Neil said...

Yeah, when he's going, I am just in awe of Calvin Johnson. Fucking unstoppable.

CJ said...

9-5 is awesome. Having a QB is awesome (yes, I know there will be quibbles etc but we actually have a QB) and St. Calvin has been a revelation.

Neil said...

Yeah, I saw somewhere that he was the youngest QB to put up numbers like he has since Dan Marino in '84. That's . . . awesome.

BDR said...

And this is why you just throw him the damn ball. None of this decoy shit, just do it. Ad to the whiners who say Stafford isn't a franchise quarterback, go fuck yourselves. I still hate Linehan, and Gun scares me, but fuck it all, the lions are alive

Neil said...

And really, that's all that matters.

BDR said...

FWIW, Stafford is now #1 in Lions history Single season TD passes. #3 Single season passing yards. CJ's game ranks #3 All time lions history, thankfully pushing out that degenerate Roy Fucking Williams. And he's now #2 All time receiving TD's in a season. Just sayin were watching something special...

Neil said...

The crazy thing is that that connection has the potential to be even better.

Jeremy said...

My god. My dear god.

That is all.

Neil said...

Oh man, I thought of you throughout the game. I can't imagine what that must have been like, to be in a sea of Raiders fans at that game while all that went down. You are a goddamn warrior, Jeremy.

Anonymous said...

Grunt, hoot. Hoot, grunt, grunt, grunt, hoot.

Anonymous said...

Remember the feeling for all those games where fuckers like Favre would march down the field and steal the game on the last drive?

With all due respect to Megatron, we now have our own game stealer. An NFL record FOURTH comeback from 2 or more TD deficit. Holy shit.

Matthew Stafford, welcome to your Calsberg years:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_M7zOew2Pc

Lord Anonymous

Anonymous said...

...well, it's soccer, not football, in the commercial...but you get the idea.

LA

DarkStar said...

Wow, just amazing. Of course, I had to wait for the replay since the NFL had the fucking Pats vs. Broncos game on in flyover-land. Just for the record, fuck anyone that ever doubted Calvin as the best WR in the NFL, and quadruple-fuck anyone that said that Matt Stafford didn't have what it takes to be an elite QB. The kid is 23 and a top-10 (hell, maybe top 5) QB right now. Nobody is bitching about Matthew-Stafford-if-he-stays-healthy anymore, are they?

Now all the Lions need to do is beat a Chargers team that just curb-stomped the Ravens.

Whiouxsie said...

You know, that was basically a playoff game in everything but name. The winner probably makes it and the loser's probably out. And in that vein, Congratulations dude.

The two most important players on Detroit's offense played their best in the deciding moments of a big game. That's a really good sign.

Granted, I think Miguelito and I are still screaming to whatever diety will listen over why the Raiders bizarrely stopped running the ball in that "kill the clock" drive and instead opted for that FUCK IT I'M GOIN DEEP pass that was of course dropped and gave the Lions about 40 extra seconds.

But that's what good teams do. When the other team wavers or errs slightly, you immediately kick them in the balls. Stafford to Johnson is about as good a scrotum-kick mechanism as any team can have.

Calvin's utterly fantastic.

Neil said...

"Remember the feeling for all those games where fuckers like Favre would march down the field and steal the game on the last drive?

With all due respect to Megatron, we now have our own game stealer. An NFL record FOURTH comeback from 2 or more TD deficit. Holy shit."

Yeah, it's amazing. And he's ONLY 23.

Neil said...

DarkStar,

Yeah, for as much as I've been "Come on, Stafford" at times this season, I've never doubted that he had the stuff to be fucking great. When he's on, he and Calvin are fucking unstoppable. Imagine how good his numbers would look if dudes weren't dropping passes all over the damn field.

Neil said...

"But that's what good teams do. When the other team wavers or errs slightly, you immediately kick them in the balls. Stafford to Johnson is about as good a scrotum-kick mechanism as any team can have."

This is an important thing for everyone to read, I think.

SandyC said...

Neil, I started reading your blog in September, after someone on POD recommended it. Now I check it out after every game. As a relative johnny-come-lately fan (started rooting for the Lions once I saw their D manhandle the Packers last year), it was interesting to look at some of your posts from the 0-16 year. Fuck, that must have sucked and I give heaps of praise to you for sticking with this team and this blog through thick and thin.

So I am especially happy today for tried and true fans like you who have waited an eternity to see the boys in Honolulu blue come through like this. Just an unreal game. 98 yards gained in, what was it, 1:40 or something with no timeouts, season on the line? Jeezus. The game and its aftermath has been emotional for me (see johnny-come-lately above) so I can only imagine the experience for others in the pride.

I got all giddy thinking about #9 hooking up with #81 for the next 8, 9, 10 years. It has to be one of the most blissful things to experience as a fan of any sport.

Echo BDR's thoughts about Linehan...the quarterback draw on 4th and 2 on the second-last drive was the only little bit of redemption he gets for some horrible play calling otherwise. But let me not be a sourpuss - it was another epic comeback and now any opponent has to know that NO LEAD IS SAFE.

I am damn-near counting down the minutes to Saturday's game. A win would be such a nice Christmas present for all the players like Backus, Raoli and Hanson who have seen some tough times in a Lions uniform, and for the Detroit fans.

Neil said...

Thanks Sandy.

And yeah, moments like these are so much fun, especially within the context of what we've had to endure in the past.

Thanks so much for reading and I'm glad you both enjoy what I have to say and enjoy the world that is Detroit Lions fandom. We're a dysfunctional family, but goddammit we're an awesome one.

StreetWorm said...

I think Cris Carter will be crawling into a deep, dark hole for a long time after this one...

I can't remember ever seeing a receiver just take over games the way Calvin has this season. I know Randy Moss had that incredible year back when the Pats went 16-0, but they were usually winning by 20 or 30 points a game. Calving turns it on when it counts and is just an outright electrifying player. He is quickly becoming our new "Barry", a skill position player that is head and shoulders above his competition.

Stafford too, really was just out of this worly. I can only imagine what his stat line would have been if his receivers would have caught even half the passes they dropped...it was like it was Joey Harrington throwing out there. I'm glad to see Stafford is starting to make plays on 3rd and 4th downs, it has been the biggest hindrance to the offense this season bar none and while it's certainly not their calling card, they are finally converting at a reasonable rate.

My biggest issue with this game was just the defense as a whole, especially the corners. I get the why, I really do. The position is decimated by injuries and I'm sure our starters our still pretty hurt, but come on...they were playing 10 yards off and they dropped to 15 yards before the ball was snapped quite a few times. They were making Carson Palmer look like a Pro Bowler out there. Also, the DLine really did not step things up at all. There run defense was better than I expected, but besides the sack by Avril at the end I don't remember Palmer ever having to rush a throw. I really hate to take anything negative away from this because it was such an amazing way to win, but in the spirit of Neil's newfound path to reasonable-ish-ness, its only fair to say that the Lions will not win many games playing this way unless Stafford is planning on getting 400 yards and 4 TD's a game.

Really great to see the Lions get the record for the most come from behind victories of 13 points or more though. Especially considering the seemingly endless stream of gut wrenching, hopeless, go cry into your pillow type losses we've been experiencing for all this time.

Neil said...

Agree with pretty much all of that.

And yeah, Calvin's ability to just take over games is incredible. Just ridiculous in all the best ways.