tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35801154387169804462024-03-16T03:07:54.321-04:00Armchair Linebacker - a New Writing blogRaven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.comBlogger1165125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-37799541595214294392016-12-19T00:55:00.000-05:002016-12-19T00:55:08.920-05:00Ox Baker Meltzer obit, trans. from English to Arabic, from Arabic to Russian, from Russian to Icelandic, from Icelandic back to EnglishWith large size, thick eyebrows, mustache, balding, and perhaps only the most sinister kind of person in the history of Pro Wrestling, which can not create a thumb that may seem horrible Ox Baker.<br />
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This is due to the coincidence of two people die after a short time to play with it, in many countries in the world, he was named as the most dangerous of human struggle, the man who killed several men with his move to sign, pierce the heart.<br />
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And he described the 6-foot-5 or 6-foot-6, which was not much of a stretch (the belief that he was 6-foot-4 and a half of the project in the early days), and 342 pounds (he was legally in his office and the supreme court of the 300 pound mark was not fat at the weight). If it had been a fighter in his day, which will give young nightmares, with the possible exception Sheikh, it was the man Ox Baker. Because of his vision, he was regularly on the covers of wrestling magazines.<br />
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He was taken in one area after another, and the man who killed anywhere from two to six people in the ring, and it depends on how much he wanted to local promotion exaggeration in the history of heart punch.<br />
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Baker gave one set of heels higher than 1970. All this happened despite the fact that it was already past 40 when he set his heart punch card and it took two days and the actual place of death. He went everywhere, usually for a short time so that it can not bite with the bark of. Almost paralyzed suffering from knee problems caused by a broken foot early in his career, and is not able to pick up only in slow motion, and Baker, the man was a big boost for publicity stills. It is often quickly to win the championship, to give long interviews on television, but in many places, and the idea was to be able to contend with as little as possible or a short TV as much as possible. His vision and boredom, with local favorite stories that could put their lives on the line against him, he gave him a quick main event. But the game can not really live up to the hype, and he won the title, lost it quickly, and take his act to the next location.<br />
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Baker died about 4:45 1020 from kidney failure after a battle with diabetes and heart attack last year. He was 80. He was attacked by at least another attack 14 years ago.<br />
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Death Baker was not surprised. She was his daughter, Megan, went through the group to raise funds in an effort to raise money for his funeral last few months, and it was well known that for a long time to live.<br />
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Last year, he lost more than 100 million pounds. He still came out when he can get a reservation. He worked in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, the summer festival this year, where people noticed how much of the decline took his health. For example, while doing an interview with a high heel, in fact, he was known to struggle behind the scenes music sings very well. At the end of last summer, and work in the near future Indie Carondelat, IL, and he showed that he continued singing prowess is not until the end.<br />
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But he had no illusions that the body will not fail him. When you try to push to set a date for the return of the presentation and told him that they were satisfied with it and put it back next year, he said. "I do not think I can"<br />
Baker said, for a long time he was afraid of death, Alberto Torres and Ray Gunkel.<br />
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The cause of death of Torres for the game June 13, 1971, in VERDIGRE, NE, with Torres and Cowboy Bob Ellis defend his titles against Midwest login Baker team and foot (Tom "Andrews" Anderson under the mask).<br />
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During the game, came medium grip the ropes and landed on Torres. Torres died of pancreatic cancer breaks after three days in hospital in Omaha Immanuel. He received death national news reports at the time, with the idea that it comes from an accident in the ring. A few years later, he played on the ground to some extent in the movie Verne Gagne in 1974, "Gladiator", and placebo wrestler Jack Cutter (played by Champion NCAA ex Joe Scarpello) was killed when he threw Ray Stevens knee drop a bomb off the top rope. In fact, in the film, and when the star Edward Asner ( "if Grant") spoke to the media about the death of the cutter, and especially mentioned the name Torres in his fighters who died fighting in the ring.<br />
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At the time, said the move by the cords killed Anderson Torres, who had 37. Baker just happened to be a tag team member. Improving Nebraska promoter Joe Dusek in an attempt to build recommend claws and Ramon Torres, who was brought into the territory in retaliation for the death of his brother in the story of a boomerang effect. Dusek, Ellis Baker, Anderson and Ramon Torres won all corners of the TV based on the idea was a step Andersen, who was killed by Alberto Torres, and the belief that it was not.Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-41857042862020092092016-04-28T00:45:00.002-04:002016-04-28T00:45:32.551-04:00c i f i t n e i c S r D<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: black;">
<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Dr. Scientific is an old dude who fixes cars in a shop up at the crossroads of roads 690 and 702. He has homemade strawberry and peach wine, his old lady makes it. I go there, watch him sand down old cars and make them look new and weird and he sells them to all his grandkids' delinquent friends for cheap. He knows a lot of stuff, he was in the air force and shit, so you can send me questions for him and I’ll ask him. It might take a couple of weeks each time I do a Dr. Scientific column, because he’s the type of old school redneck dude that would freak if I just asked him shit too much. So I have to work it into the conversation in between slugs of peach wine.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Neo-nazis and Aryan fucks, along with the black Muslims, are always talking about the coming race war. Is there going to be one? And if so, who will win? </o:p>–<o:p> The Bishop</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I don't know. I've pulled a few weekends in the regional jail, and what always got me was how it's so segregated in there. And it has to be. If you roll in as a white dude, you gotta roll with other white dudes, or it's a dick up your ass in the showers on a Saturday night. In jail, you basically have to have people think you have alliances and shit. And there's a lot of black and white hostility in there. My second cousin is in Greensville right now, for killing some dude with a hammer all fucked up one night, and he's got all these white pride tattoos and shit, even though he was the one most likely to roll up to the party with a car full of black dudes back in the day. And black chicks. The way he talks, it's about to blow up every minute, the black dudes hate white guys. Which is weird to me, too, because they're all prisoners of some other dude sitting up on the hill banging that gavel. There probably will be a race war, and that dude up on the hill is gonna win, because he'll just be sitting up there watching all us chop each other up.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>When the shit hits the fan and the jackbooted ambassadors of the Bush Reich come to deal with our unpatriotic thoughts, where's the best place to go to hide out? </o:p>–<o:p> Irish Paul</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: I heard Montana is a good place. Wide open spaces, less-worrisome cops, plenty of places where you can hunker down and see whoever's coming in come in. Like those Freemen guys a few years back, they seemed like decent folk. I don't wanna pay taxes either, I'm just too caught up in all these bills and shit to bust a move like they did. One, I don't have a lot of land where I could hunker down in the middle of it. Two, shit, I'm caught up in the crap. Got a Visa card now, and plus still paying restitution on some shit every month, always dodging support with the ex, and now my new ol' lady is trying to talk me into one of those damned cell phones. I don't answer the fuckin' phone in my house; why would I want to wear a goddamnd phone?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why are white people so evil? – Suzy Mack</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Shit, I don't think it's white people. I don't know what it is. People have got their priorities all screwed up. Like when you think about this shit, gold is a shiny piece of shit. But people in history get all excited by it because of how we make value out of it. So some people kill some other people to get some damn shiny shit out the ground. Same thing with oil, black gold, Texas tea. We're gonna have wars over that shit, because we wouldn't give half a fuck if those Arabs were suicide bombing the fuck out of each other if they didn't have that oil. And that's the whole basis of how we live, little scraps of paper we put value on. Shit, you know how many fucked up looks I got when I bought my place. (Note: when Dr. Scientific bought his land, he had saved money from fixing up old cars and selling them, would put the money in mason jars and bury it at spots he memorized around junk cars. When he got ready to buy his property, he dug up like $20,000 worth of mason jars, went and bought the shop and house he's based at.) They wanted credit cards and papers to be filled out and lawyers and dudes in suits and all that shit. And here I was, with some dirty jars full of crumpled up money. People've got their priorities all screwed up. People down the road from me complain because I've got the junk cars around the shop and all, uptight fuckers, but they didn't complain when my electricity got cut off last winter and I was sitting in that dark-ass house. They don't stop by to say "hello", but they'll call the county and complain about the cars. I guess they're the type of white people you was talking about, hunh?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why do porn stars have the worst tattoos? </o:p>–<o:p> Charlee A</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Hahaha. I don't know, I never looked at the tattoos too much. They look like regular tattoos to me. I like tattoos on a chick, shows they got a wild side to 'em. Then again, the girls nowadays, you can't spit without hitting a belly button ring or a fuckin' sun tattooed on a girl's ass.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>I am in college now and my question is why does just about every one of my professors seem like the rookie kid on the job who you have to tell where Winthrop Square is about a thousand fucking times? </o:p>–<o:p> John the Package King</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Professors are, nine times out of ten, really nice dumbasses. There's an English professor from UVA who lives over on 620, he's actually kind of like you (Note: Dr. Scientific was talking about me, the wack-ass Confederate Mack), always asking a bunch of dumb questions. Hahaha. Anyways, most of them dudes seem like really nice guys, but they don't know a whole lot. I mean, they might have book sense, but they can never figure out how to pop the clutch on a car to start it. Shit, they usually won't drive a standard transmission.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>I was wondering why there is a large proportion of fat, overweight Eskimo women working at Taco Bell? I just don't get it. </o:p>–<o:p> Donutboy</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I don't know about no Eskimos, but I know that one in town has a bunch of fat Mexican women working there. I just figured they were new in the area, and didn't know nobody, and the men were probably laying brick or cutting grass or painting houses or some shit, so the women had to get a job, too. There ain't too many shitty jobs for broke-ass women. You either work at the store or you go to a fast food joint.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>When I was younger, me and my friends found that if you take the plastic shell part off a spark plug, then break it into tiny pieces, then take one of those pieces, hold it in your hand and blow on it, then throw it at a car window, it will shatter the window. Not shatter like glass all over the place, but it will put a tiny hole through the glass and shatter the rest without actually falling. So what the fuck is in the plastic shell of a spark plug and how does it do this? </o:p>–<o:p> Mike DIKK</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I never tried that, but I will tomorrow, to see what happens. I never heard of nothing like that, either, and I don't see what blowing on the damn thing would cause it to do. I figure it just hit the glass with a tiny piece of hard plastic, like a pussy bullet almost, so it just spiderwebs the window. I've seen people do that shit swatting a mosquito on the window with a ring on. Windshields are weird, with all that anti-shatter shit going on.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>I started taking headache powders a few years ago and I find they work shitloads better than regular aspirin. So why are they only popular in the south, while people in the north don't even know what they are? Do they only work on southerners or something? </o:p>–<o:p> Andrew Tsks</o:p><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Richard Petty. He was bad-ass, him and Cale Yarborough bumping and grinding all day long. You can't do shit like that now. You see how they had Tony Stewart on probation all year long, and Kevin Harvick got suspended, and he was doing the same thing Dale taught him and that all the guys used to do. Fuckin' Nascar is a bunch of pussies, all talking like girls like Jeff Gordon and shit. Richard Petty does those Goody's commercials on the radio. I use BCs. It always seemed like a couple lines of crank inside wax paper to me. Shit, we used to mix them with crank and snort that to make things last a little longer. They don't use that in the north? You'd figure people'd use them wherever they might have headaches and all. I've only been up through the north one time, and it was one big fuckin' headache dealing with those assholes, so I'd figure they'd have BCs in machines in the bathroom, right next to the ribbed rubbers.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Is the South gonna rise again? </o:p>–<o:p> The Bishop</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I hope not, because every time I turn around there's another suburb going up with fuckers from Pennsylvania and New York and shit moving down here. They've taken over the south, to where you can't get an egg biscuit at the store anymore, but they got those fuckin' croissant things. Looks like bread in the shape of a turd, with food in the middle of it. How am I supposed to eat that crap? And I don't have nothing against people for the most part, to each his own. But I don't like folks enforcing their bullshit on me, like the dude down the road calling the county on my junk cars. And those people from up north moving down here, they are first class assholes, trying to tell you you need a nicer grocery store or you can't go in their neighborhood without clearing it first or some dumb shit. Lake Monticello has those little barcode stickers to get through the damn electronic gate! And it's all people from up north living there, right here in Fluvanna County. And if the South rises, it's gonna be those people pretending to be from the South because they live here now. It used to be real laid back around here, nobody bothered nobody and everybody waved at each other. These motherfuckers will probably rise up and have a fuckin' Rebel Yell Bagel Shop in two years time. Goddamnit.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: What the fuck is the deal with Lynyrd Skynyrd? Have you seen them guys lately? – The Confederate Mack</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">"Forget your lust for the rich man's gold. All that you need is in your soul." Man, Ronnie Van Zant was the fuckin' man. They were first getting big back in my day, you know. "Down South Jukin'"? Cleaning the place up to get some honies over and get drunk? Man, don't you know it. I don't know. I saw them at the State Fair last year, and I don't know. We left to go look at the pigs. They just don't got it anymore. And I watched that thing on TV about them all fighting with each other. That Artimus Pyle guy is some fuckin' kung fu hippie now, and the rest of the guys hate him, and he hates them, and everybody hates everybody. Man, Ronnie Van Zant was the glue that held that thing together. Because those dudes carried on back in the day, like bonafide insane rock stars, throwing TVs out the window of the hotel and smashing up brand new cars and not even caring. But Ronnie kept everybody in line. They had a message. "Freebird" man. There's a reason that song is so fuckin' popular, it says some things that need to be said. Same with "Simple Man". Shit, that's pure preacher gospel right there. All their old shit is like that. And the dudes left, they're just living off that stuff from back then, getting fat, old, rich and being assholes to each other, while Ronnie Van Zant is sitting up in Heaven, waiting for 'em to croak so he can clock each one of them with a pool cue as they walk in one day.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why the fuck does my belly button stink like hell when I get home from work? </o:p>–<o:p> Harpo Garza</o:p><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">That's where your soul is, where you get gut feelings and all. Your natural feelings. It's where you get all stressed out at, too. It's also where the umbilical cord to your mama was, tying you to her and all. So I'd say, if you're belly button stinks like hell, you probably got a shitty job and your soul ain't happy. I've been there before. We all have.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why should or shouldn't I get my kid circumcised? </o:p>–<o:p> Big Jon Burr</o:p><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">It kind of freaks me out because back in my day, they just did that shit without asking, so everybody's dick looks like that. But now, they ask you. You know what? If I just had a baby boy pop out my ol' lady, and it's my boy and some dude rolls up asking if I want him to go to cutting at my boy who was just born, ain't no way I'd let him do it. No fuckin' way. Then again, I don't want him to have a fucked up looking dick either.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>When I was younger, I always thought older people were stupid for putting shit down I liked and saying shit was better back in their day. Now that I am older, I find myself saying the same stuff. Am I just getting old or does stuff really suck a lot more now? </o:p>–<o:p> Mike DIKK</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Stuff is always getting worse. Always. My mama told me the Rolling Stones were the devil's music and I thought she was crazy. Then I got older. Kids coming by the compound, my nephew, because they can stand there and drink a couple beers and smoke a joint and I won't hassle them as long as they're cool about it, and they listen to that rap shit. And I can't understand a fuckin' word of it. That was a few years back when Leroy came by listening to that shit. Now, all of them listen to that shit. And I just don't get it. But I don't say nothing, as long as they don't play it in my shop, because I remember my mama telling me how the Rolling Stones were the devil's music. But in my shop, you play my music. Or some shit I'll like. This one kid who came over with Leroy one time, he got all pissed off at me. He had that cornrowed gangster hair shit, but it was long. Well, this kid goes over the stereo and puts in some of that rap metal shit. Now, I liked some metal back in the days, not all that death and blood nonsense, but I dug some metal, if I could understand the words. This rap metal shit he put on was terrible. I told the kid to take it out, and he didn't. Then I told Leroy to go take it out and the kid was like, "No, hold up, I wanna hear this next song." So I went over the stereo and took the tape and dropped it on the floor and stomped on it with my boot, and said, "We ain't gonna listen to that shit anymore, not in my shop motherfucker." And I felt bad, because the kid looked like he was gonna shit his pants, standing there with his gangster hair and baggy pants and shit. I put on my Bob Seger live tape and gave the kid a beer. So yeah, things ain't as good now, but also when you get older, you've got less time for dumb shit.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why is it that one woman will seem sexier with ambition, while another woman with ambition may come off as a total bitch? – Frank Zappa Mask</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Pure sexual attraction. We're all animals, basically, and one chick could do the exact same thing as another chick, but the one with her tits just kind of showing out the top of her button down shirt will draw our attention. We think with our dicks. You could throw me down a mountain, and once I got to the bottom, all busted up, nothing would feel better than sex. Nothing. Women talk shit because they have a period and go through having children and all, but I think they underestimate what having a dick attached to you means. It's crazy. It's like having a little retarded kid on your body, who all of a sudden gets all excited and is jumping around and you have no idea why. It doesn't make sense. When we get teases of having sex, even if it's nothing a woman meant to do, like a pretty girl saying "hello" in the morning, or smiling at you, we think we might have sex and treat them better. But some women are uptight, and dress uptight, and you know that one, you're not gonna have sex with them, and two, you don't even wanna have sex with them, so fuck them. They're the bitches. The ugly ones we don't want to have sex with. Or the ones who won't fuck us.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>What is it about guys like me that can bang 3 or 4 chicks out of a group of 5 girl buddies? I mean, I don't have anything super special about me. I'm short, kinda slim, not the most attractive, or really have any money, and my ass is constantly playing wiping tricks on me, but I take care of myself and have an ego and come off naturally kinda arrogant. I tell all women that I'm Trophy Cock. I shouldn't get any ass at all. The real problem is down at the honkytonk on dollar drink night, these 5 chicks come in. One is a slut I was peer pressured into banging, then I did her roommate who dated my best buddy a while back, then we tag teamed her over a headstone in a cemetery one night and now refer to her as "ol' reliable". So I decide I'm gonna bang one of those girls and it's not gonna be ol' reliable. Ol' reliable's new roomie is this big-tittied boring hot chick (BTBHC) that the hard-up rednecks just cream over. She had a crush on me, but wouldn't act 'cause I banged her roomie when no other trim was available. Well, she has a buddy that hated me 'cause she has real fair skin and I called her Casper one night. So me and Casper get to talking, find out we're a great match even though she got drunk and did my friend Tony a couple months ago. So the other girls get pissed and tell her I'm off limits, ol' reliable put in dibs on me, even though she was sluttin' it up with some other dude. Yeah, so BTBHC forces Casper to take her home so we couldn't hook up. 30 minutes later I get a ring on the celly phone and we hook up anyways. I could really dig this Casper chick, but BTBHC is gonna be a big problem, do I solve this by telling her, "You want it, I got it, let's bang?" and try to do a three-way with two friends, or walk away wishing chick buddies approached sex like guy buddies do? Is this a lost cause? Should I concentrate on banging all five of them and call it a day? </o:p>–<o:p> Seeing All Red</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">What? I'd say you're fucked because you're thinking about that shit too much. And let me get this straight, this guy and his friend fucked the same chick at the same time? That's fuckin' queer. I wouldn't do that shit. You see, I'm all man. And if I'm naked, getting down and dirty with some chick, I don't want to see a naked dude, and definitely don't want to touch a naked dude. I'm not talking about sexual shit. I mean, I don't want to be naked in a bed with a girl, doing our thing, and have my naked knee touch a guy's naked foot. Nothing. I'd say, yeah, you're wasting your time. You're wasting your time worrying about some stupid shit, and you're probably hanging out with some stupid chicks. A pack of girlfriends will always be girlfriends. One of them is always the bad guy in the group at any given time, but they will always be like a gang. So get what you can before they figure you out and start talking shit about you all the time to each other.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: When you smell someone's fart, you're smelling gases from inside their body. That's pretty sexual, huh? – Andrewbulous</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I guess, if it's a chick. I mean, I guess it smells exciting in a way, but I ain't putting my fuckin' nose down there or anything. I ain't trying to get women to fart at me or some shit.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why the fuck do I cup my hands and smell my own farts? – Mike Porkchops</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">What the fuck kind of website do you have? What the fuck is all this faggot shit? You got one guy asking about farts being sexual, then the next guy asks why does he smell his farts. You ought to hook these dudes up. They sound like a bunch of fags to me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>White sugar? Evil product of The Man? Corruptor of the little chilluns and destroyer of dental work? Martyred-by-the-hippies-and-dieticians modern version of natural foodstuffs? Neutral substance, having no inherenet "goodness" or "badness" with both positive and negative aspects, to be used and/or abused like anything else (i.e. marijuana reefer, alcohol, video games, petrol)? </o:p>–<o:p> Reverend Axl Future</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I remember some dude in jail laying it out to me one time about sugar and shit. He was one of those weird dudes with a big tattoo of the pyramid with the eye from off of dollar bills across his chest, with wings wrapped in barbed wire. The way he explained it was, those old days when like England and Spain and China and all were sailing to find America, you know, we're always told it was for spices. But just like that song about girls being made of "sugar and spice, and everything nice," spices was just a way of covering up for the search for more sugar. Before they had refined sugar, there were kingdoms with strong-arm rulers who would lop your head off if you didn't follow their rules. But then refined sugar came along, and they gave it to the rich for a while, to build it up as a luxury in the minds of the people. Then they came out with the refined sugar in mass quantities for everyone. Pretty much anything that's refined, whether it's drugs, sugar, or some guy in one of those jackets with the funny elbow patch like Welcome Back Kotter, refined shit sucks. Either take it raw or don't take it at all, is what I say. Anyhow, when they found those islands, they found a shitload of sugarcane, too. So they tried to enslave the locals and make them work to produce all kinds of sugar for the new fiends back home. Didn't work, so they imported black folk. This is where they got the idea for slavery, out of the need to have fuckers work for free (this is why sugar is so cheap to this day). Anyways, the effects of sugar are that they weaken your ability to resist. Think about how high sugar diets make you fat and slow. This works mentally as well as physically. Thus, the Kingdoms, which were obviously just some fucker making you do what he said, gave way in a subtle switch to things like now, where we elect from a panel of the same type of fucker. It's just like a shitty King, except we think we have a choice, and we don't wanna resist cuz we're full of Kool-Aid and Reese's Cups. This dude in jail also told me something that freaked me out, too. Notice the strategic spreading out of candy-heavy holidays - Valentine's Day in Feb., Easter in April, ice cream man in the summertime, Halloween in October, and a stocking full of candy on Xmas. It's fucked-up, they get kids hooked on it by the time they're four, and it's all over from there. I only drink white liquor to avoid the sugars in brown liquor. Then again, I get my liquor from my cousin who makes it with potatoes anyways.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why do some days feel longer than others? – Angie Not-At-Work</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">It's all in the drugs you do. You could do crank all weekend long and it could feel like 3 hours, until you come down. The next day after coming down, usually Tuesday when you think you'd better not call in sick to work two days in a row again, that shit is long as hell, and you're sweating and sucking down iced tea and taking breaks left and right, and you look at the clock and it's not even 11 yet. Lots of folks drink coffee as their drug to get through the work week, and they'll come down off the coffee buzz and things will slow down. It's the same withdrawal, just a different level than a weekend of crank. Same as with, like when you kick it with some chick in a hotel room all weekend, and you start to feel all happy cuz she's knew to you and doesn't yet complain about the drinking and shit, and you're laying there watching the World's Strongest Man on the cable TV and stroking her hair while she sleeps and she looks beautiful, not just in a ready-to-fuck-her-again beautiful way, but more of a let's go out to breakfast in the morning sort of way. Then, when you send her home and you go home and yall are gonna get up again, but you're at home by yourself on Sunday night trying to wind down from the weekend, and you think about dumb shit like that mole on her left tittie and how she smiles with her mouth pouting and all, you're in withdrawal. Withdrawal sucks. I prefer to use it all up, whether it's drugs, alcohol, or loving a chick. Use it up till it is all gone or tired of you and ready to leave. Then you fill that space with something else. That way all days are about the same, just different.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Do cloned animals (and in the future, humans) have souls? </o:p>–<o:p> Southern Fried Brent</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I had a kid by this one chick that I was all in love with, and when she was pregnant, we stopped drinking and cussing around her belly, because we figured that the baby in there could vibe on that shit. We had a little girl, and she's just about the sweetest thing I've ever known. Even when she was little, she had that about her, long before her mom could teach her anything like how to be sweet. And it was all because of how we baked her in the oven, the oven being her mama's belly. This also explains why crack babies are fucked up and can't pay attention. From seeing this, I gotta think that cloned animals are gonna be screwed up in ways we can't really explain. I don't know if I'd call it soulless, because there's a difference between good/evil and soulless. Evil people are souls gone astray. And the soulless just kind of don't care one way or the other about anything. They're like androids in a 12-step program called life, they check off each one as they go and learn how to do things from magazines. Maybe these clones will just be more astray, and harder to pull in, cuz they wouldn't have the benefit of all that loving heat while they were baking in the oven. It'd be kind of like having a me who never got to sit on his uncle Ricky's knee and listen to him talk stories and learn. He'd just be some other me, running around, without bad tattoos.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>So, why, for real, did General Lee surrender to General Grant at Appomattox Court House so many years ago? I realize we were getting our asses kicked pretty badly, but really? Did it help black folks, or were they just pawns in the game? </o:p>–<o:p> St. John the Pabstist</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I grew up near that area, and here's the deal. High Bridge runs through Rice, which is near Saylor's Creek where the last battle was fought. The South was waiting for High Bridge to bring supplies. The Yankees took over both ends of the bridge and was gonna blow it up. The South ran, but they didn't have food, bullets, nothing really. The Yankees were catching up, and basically gonna murder them all, so Robert E. Lee let it be know they would surrender at Appomattox, since that was the closest courthouse they were near to, so that there wouldn't be an unfair bloodshed of the Yankees just shooting non-bullet having starving Southerners. A buddy of my uncle lived in a house near High Bridge that used to be a War of Northern Aggression Hospital, you had to ride along the railroad tracks to get to it. That was one creepy-ass place. I used to just play in the yard, I didn't like the house. As for blacks, yeah, it's obvious it helped black people immensely, because now they're mostly in jail instead of working real hard in a field where it's hot. They get to lift weights in jail, and fuck white guys up the ass. They couldn't do that when they were slaves.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Why do flies follow me on the way home from work when I walk along the pipeline? There must be about 30 flies on my back while I'm walking. I work in the butcher section of a supermarket. </o:p>–<o:p> Romo Gracie</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">You ever seen all the goddamned flies on a cow at a beef farm? Like hundreds and hundreds, and that big dumbass cow just stands there, flicking that weird brown tail around, acting like that helps. Well, the flies are sucking the blood out of the cow. I'm sure if flies have those weird thousand eyeball things on their little head, they got a pretty good nose, too. So they know what cow blood smells like. You work around that all day. That's why they're on your back. And there you go, walking along the pipeline, swatting at them with your weird arms, acting like that helps. We really ain't no better than any other animal. We just spend more time cooking other animals in oddball ways, using spices and fire and all sorts of unnecessary shit like that.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Why do all Armenian men seem vaguely homosexual? </o:p>–<o:p> Professor Todd K. Fabe</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Armenians suck, more than any other type of person on Earth. I worked for two Armenian boys who had a painting company for like a year. They sucked. I think they seem homosexual because in Armenia, the television shows are all disco-style American sitcoms, just made nowadays by Armenians. So they all think having their shirt unbuttoned and wearing some weird gold chain is cool. And they talk in lots of cliches that regular men gave up on like 20 years ago and fags use because fags are all into retro stuff, even the sayings and all.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Explain why it is that the doctors grab your nuts and have you cough for a physical? </o:p>–<o:p> Long-haired Bryon</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I never let them do that. A job that requires some dude grabbing my balls ain't no job for me. I don't even like my PO standing there while I piss during my visits so's I don't take out a little shampoo bottle that I heated up before I left the house, to use as my sample, and timing it so the temperature falls at just the right temperature so they think it's real.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>How come Italians assimilate into rural southern areas so well (compared to Yankee immigrants)? </o:p>–<o:p> Buck Necked</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I didn't know they did. I always looked at Italians as Yankees, just like regular Yankees and Puerto Ricans, too. They all have that weird curly black hair and get Tasmanian Devil tattoos and call coke "yay" and call stuff "wicked". And when they smoke those blunts, they still get all mean and yell "fuck" at people. When I smoke one of those blunts, it's just like a joint, I usually chill the fuck out and try to enjoy it. I'm not trying to start no fight with anybody. See, that's the problem with Yankees is they're always starting shit. And they don't know how to fuckin' be polite. They'll play poker on a Friday night, and go up like forty bucks, and there's still four other guys sitting there trying to win some money back, and the Yankee will just get up, with his beer still half-full, and leave for the night so he can win forty bucks. They just don't understand how things are.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Why can you close a bottle of Coke easily, but the next day your girlfriend can't get it open with a pair of pliers? </o:p>–<o:p> St. John the Pabstist</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Women are weak. And they talk too much.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Why do the trivial and often stupid whims of women control our every moment? </o:p>–<o:p> Ten Dollar Dave</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Because no matter how weak they are, and how much they talk, they've got that goddamned thing between their legs. And we want some of that. We want a lot of that. We want all of that we can get. My ol' lady asked me if we really thought about sex all the time, men, that is. And I told her that I could come home, flip the car over in the yard by accident, and have my legbone sticking out my skin like Joe Theismann, thrown fifty feet through the windshield, and if she came over wearing that blue tanktop she wears and leaned over to check on me, and I was scoping her titties, I'd be ready to fuck right there, as long as she didn't bump my legbone too much.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: What in the fuck compels people to pull on a door repeatedly after the initial pull revealed the fucking door was locked? Is it that they didnt pull hard enough the first time or do they think that bitch will magically open for them on the 5th or 6th yank? – Mr. Wrestling 69</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: As human beings, we've been so conditioned with all those bullshit "Dominion over the Earth" crap, that we think our brains are better than anything, even our own bodies. Your door example is just like watching some dude try to open a jar of pickles. They refuse to believe they can't make themselves open it, since it's just an object without a God-ordained brain like themself. And it's funny watching them struggle with the reality that they can't overrule everything. A good thing to do with a new guy on a paint crew is caulk, not white caulk but that clear thick silicone shit that dries in like 10 minutes, caulk his 5-way to the floor of the work van and laugh your ass off watching him from the top of the ladder. People think they're so smart.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why does the headstone for Elvis at Graceland spell is middle name Aron with only 1 "A" instead of 2 "A"s as it is in his legal middle name? – Zucheo Trashe</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Graceland is in Memphis, which is in Tennessee, which is full of ignorant fucks who get excited about Wal-Mart. They don't have time to check the spelling on tombstones because they might miss out on some super Dale Earnhardt memorabilia on the Nascar show on the Home Shopping Network.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Is there a such thing as ghosts? For real. - Mike DIKK</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Hell yeah, there's ghosts everywhere. But I used to date this crazy chick who's Grandma was some wild Navajo medicine woman or some shit, and this crazy chick explained it to me like this - ghosts are not the evil demons you see in bullshit Hollywood flicks all the time. They're just folks who died and didn't know they died because it was unexpected. This is why you tend to see ghosts at murder scenes and battlefields and mental hospitals and shit like that. They just weren't expecting to die. So their spirit kind of just hangs out. This chick told me all you have to do is say "It's time for you to move on" and they'll realize they're supposed to split and they'll head off to that great big Ghostland in the Sky. I didn't really believe her until I moved into this old house down some railroad tracks that was a Civil War hospital back in the day. I had stripped all the plaster off the walls and was trying to redo the place, but it felt creepy as shit. I burned some sage (another helpful trick from the crazy chick's Navajo grandma) and kept the lights on at night and all kinds of shit, but it still felt weird, and the mirrors I got from the fair when I worked there would all fall off the wall and shit all the time. Then I remembered what Dawn (that was the crazy chick) had told me, and I just would say "It's time for you to move on" whenver I felt all weirded out or the Diver Down mirror fell off the shelf. After a few weeks, the place seemed cool and nothing more happened. I accidentally burned the place down one night when I was doing angel dust, but that's another story altogether.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I want a gas mask in case we're attacked, but I'm broke. How can I make a gas mask from household products? - Piper</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Take some charcoal that you'd use for cooking out and all, put it in a pillowcase and smash it right good with a hammer. This will give you plenty of charcoal dust if you smash like say, 20 briquets. Then what you do is take you an old shampoo bottle and poke holes in the bottom of it with a the thickest sewing needle you can find in the house. Put about 3 inches worth of cotton balls in the shampoo bottle at the bottom, then pour about an inch or two of the charcoal dust in the bottle on top of that. Then what you do is cut off the top part of a 3-liter bottle of soda. Usually, all you can get in the 3-liter size is generic shit, but that's cool. I drink the hell out of Dr. Chek from Winn-Dixie, so it's cool. You cut the top off, then you caulk or superglue or epoxy the top of the shampoo bottle to the pour spout of the soda bottle, leaving the big end open. You can cut up a handkerchief to fit around the edge of the open part and duct tape it on there for a cushion. That part goes up against your mouth and nose, and I usually just tape it around my head with some duct tape. If you're trying to fight chemical fumes, you ain't gonna worry about some of your hair ripping out when you pull the duct tape back off. I'd suggest making like 4 or 5 of these things, so that you can run into the bathroom real quick and switch them when they stop working, which you'll be able to tell because you'll start smelling weird chemical shit like you were riding through Jersey.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I had a teacher in 7th grade who swore up and down that if you were trapped without water that you could drink you own urine, and it would continuously cycle through your body and eventually would be filtered so many times by your inner organs that it would eventually be 100% clean. This obviously bullshit....... isn't it? If it's true why don't we all drink our piss? - Harpo Garza</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I'm sick and tired of hearing people say teachers should get paid more and they are so important. You're average teacher is a stoner trying to ogle young kids. They will tell you all kinds of dumb shit just to see if you'll believe it. Don't give it another thought. If your intuition makes you think drinking your own piss is bullshit, then go with that. You're probably smarter than some pervert teaching 7th grade anyway.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Is it really better to burn out than to fade away? I mean, really, take someone like Stevie Wonder. Back in the 70s, he was putting out some kickass tunes. Next thing you know, he's dueting with Babyface. - Isaac Shepherd</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I don't know. I've always thought that burning out and fading away were pretty much the same thing, just burning out made you stupid in the brain and you would always tell the same story, while fading away meant you slowed down and kept your brain relatively intact, but were still a dumbass who didn't party anymore. I think it's better to just die while you're still cool. As for Stevie Wonder, I remember one time this college chick I was dating when I lived in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, we did acid together and listened to Stevie Wonder's Innervisions and got naked and just rubbed each other for like 6 hours. There was nothing sexual about it all, we were just fucked up and rubbing each other naked forever and listening to that record over and over. That's what Stevie Wonder makes me think of. And thinking of that makes me think about how I got that girl pregnant and instead of helping her out, I just moved down to Panama City, Florida, with my uncle. Now that was a party town.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Do you think anybody ever called Steve Miller "the gangster of love" or "the space cowboy" as he claims in his song "The Joker"? - Frisco Robby D</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">People really underestimate Steve Miller's importance and contributions to society. I know his Greatest Hits is kind of cliche to you younger folks, but Steve Miller, at one point, was the fuckin' shit. They had a live Steve Miller Band concert on syndicated TV back in the days, this was before Pay-Per-Views and all. Me and some buddies all got together and got high and drunk and hooked the stereo up to the TV and just vibed. You ever heard his old shit? You're goddamn right people called him the gangster of love and the space cowboy. Steve Miller is a fuckin' prophet that the man homogenized into a Greatest Hits CD to eternally push in the Columbia House 13 CDs for 2 bucks ads. Fuck that. Go dig out the full-length original LP sermons by Steve Miller and you'll realize that motherfucker is everything he says he is, and more. Steve Miller, motherfuckers. You best to understand it now.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why are men attracted to large-breasted womenfolk? - Andrewbulous</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Large-breasted women indicate engorged breasts, full of titty milk for a baby. This suggest fertility. And this is what any man is looking for. He may deny it, but deep down in the pure animal nature of his soul, he wants a fertile woman to fill with a baby. Men have always dug the large-breasted women. Oddly enough, women, or probably doctors looking to make a buck, noticed this, and created the breast implant. This is an abomination against nature. You ever notice when you watch a porn flick, how breast implants are so obvious because they don't bounce? This is because they're not natural. Gravity doesn't want to fuck with them. They just sit there, like plastic blocks on a bitch's chest. Breast implants are evil, and a trick meant to confuse man's natural desires to make children and continue the race of mankind. The worst is you see some big-titted chick, and they're fake, and she's got some skinny little ass that would never be able to handle a baby. C-sections are like breast implants, abominations. If you can't squeeze it out between your thighs, then you weren't meant to have a kid. It's the law of natural selection. I read about that shit in the ol' lady's Reader's Digest last month. And then somebody told me they heard this company just made something called a Wonderbum, which squeezes a chick's ass into fleshy cheeks and separates them, to create the illusion of a fat-ass on a shitty-assed woman. Fuck all this. Mankind will die quickly because we're breeding too many humans that would've quickly died out in a more natural world. By them living, the chances of them spreading their disease to us increases by a shitload. People don't understand that death is a self-defense mechanism for us humans as a whole. By allowing the weak to live through medicine and shit, we allow their diseases to infest the rest of us.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Why does my dog always stink, even right after a bath? - Clever Star</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Some dogs aren't meant to smell good. They're meant to go live out in the country and let them out and never let them back in unless it's gonna get below freezing overnight, and even then you only let them in the kitchen.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">What's the best remedy for a hang over? Or better yet, how can you avoid a hang over? - The JZA</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Usually, a hang over is a headache, which is your mind. Mind over matter is the answer. Tell your mind not to hurt, not after it hurts, but before you drink. It's like raising a kid, getting drunk is. If you tell it from the get-go it's gonna be good and have a good time and not start hurting you for no reason, it won't. But if you just let it do whatever it wants to do, then it will fuck you up in the long run. As for remedying a hangover, the best thing I've found is tomato juice. If regular tomato juice doesn't work, try adding vodka to it. Drink like two of those, but don't put no fuckin' celery stick in it like rich folks at the type of country club Jerry Clower would make fun of. After two of those, if your head still hurts a little, start mixing beer with the tomato juice. If your head is hurting a lot after drinking on a regular basis, then you can just start mixing your beer with tomato juice when you drink in the first place instead of waiting till the morning. Some people call it "sending a boy to do a man's job," but I find it very beneficial and pleasing. Add a little garlic powder to it, too; that shit tastes awesome.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">My dad asked me to go along with him and my mom to witness him take a lie detector test. He says it is going to be conducted by the same outfit that gives lie detector tests to people who want to be a police officer, supposedly very rigorous and accurate. What I want to know is, how accurate are these things? And then what do I do if the accuracy points toward guilt? - Stationary Tornado</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Lie detectors are a tool of the man to put people in jail. They have never been accurate. Look at his eyes. This is the window to the Soul, and will reveal all truths. He may be able to coat those eyes with lies for your mother, since she's probably someone he wants to beat but can't because of stupid man-made laws. But he won't be able to hide the truth in his eyes from you, his son. Unless you're some kind of faggot who's disappointed him. Then he might just lump you in with your mom as someone he wants to beat but can't because of man-made laws. If that's the case, I'd suggest telling him to put some pennies under his tongue because you heard that helps screw up the lie detector test. Or chew up a stick of gum with the foil still on it. I'm not sure if either of these actually work, because I usually run from the cops until I wreck, but it will certainly be funny to you to watch your old man do dumb shit to try and pass a lie detector test. And if he's guilty, fuck it, we're all guilty. He's your fuckin' dad.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why do guys always have sex on their minds and just wanna squeeze the mammaries? - Old Milwaukee Mike</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Because sex is good. You could be happily married to the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life, and you'd still want to bone some half-ugly chick at work because she wore leather pants. It's because we are men and we want every little kid on Earth to look half like us. Conquering the World through genetics. The best thing we could do against these damn towelheads is just send a pack of dudes over there and fuck the shit out of all those damn women running around with nothing but their eyes showing. I heard that those chicks wear like go-go shorts and fishnets and shit under those clothes. We go over there and lick the clit and give 'em all a good fucking, and those Arab fuckers won't have a homeland to try and attain anymore. Shit, they throw acid in chicks' faces. I'd just hit 'em from behind while reaching around and flicking they're clit with forefinger. Or leaning back and sticking the tip of my thumb up their ass. Which do you think they'd like, burning acid in the face or a sexy tattoed thumb up their ass? You're goddamned right.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: My old lady wants to get me a cell phone. And unless I can hit Stan Lane in the head with it to win the Southern tag straps, I don’t want it. So how do I get her not to get me one without pissing her off? (Note: she ain’t Southern, so she don’t listen to me too well.) – from Big Stoner Creek<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Explain to her that, one, cellphones use microwave rays that cause brain cancer; and, two, if you two were to ever be forced to take the law into your own hands for anything, and happened to have to talk to anybody about anything regarding the lawlessness on the phone, the authorities don’t need a permit from a corrupt judge to tap your lines on a cell phone. It’s radio waves, therefore public domain. This dude I know has a high frequency scanner and can pick up cell phone conversations and he lives in a medium-sized city. So he tapes phone sex conversations because there’s like 5 chumps in the tenement building he lives who call those numbers all the time, and they have cell phones only since they use their phone line for downloading porn on the internet. He makes Best of Phone Sex tapes for some of us. They’re kind of like amateur porn, you wish it was you doing it instead, but there’s enough moaning and shit to help you masturbate.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why are yawns so goddamned contagious? – from Brent<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Very simple. Your brain needs oxygen to keep working and shit. When you’re tired, your brain is lacking in oxygen, and the brain cells start to slack off. A yawn is a natural reaction where the mind subconsciously makes the mouth suck in some air for the brain cells. It keeps you awake better. However, as a subconscious reaction to fatigue, if you are near someone who yawns, your brain might subconsciously discover that its brain cells are needing some oxygen too, so you’ll yawn as well. This is why when you choke some bitch who wronged you on some crank sometimes, and you don’t let go fast enough, she gets brain damage. Those brain cells need oxygen, but you cut off just enough to kill part of her brain. It’s kind of neat when you think about it.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: How do we go to sleep? I mean, what mechanism switches us from awake to asleep? – from Andrewbulous<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Oddly enough, it’s not related at all to the question above. Everything is two things – that yin and yang shit I got tattooed on my chest. We’ve got good days and bad days, good thoughts and bad thoughts, not necessarily opposing crap, but together make up everything. Some older biker dude explained the whole Jackie Chan yin/yang thing to me in jail one time. Anyways, your waking mind is all a dream anyway, but we accept it as reality because we go to school during our waking mind, so they train us to think that this is the correct mind. This is all so we work hard and produce manufactured goods that we somehow warp ourselves into thinking we need a whole lot, thus keeping us busy all the time (at least 40 hours a week), and in debt trying to get more dumb shit, so that those in power can keep on molesting children and making new rules to make sure they still have more points than us at the end of the game. When you sleep, you’re complementary mind kicks in and that’s why you have weird ass dreams about shit like Vikings drinking cough syrup and hippie girls taking their skirts off. But you see, those are delusional realites because we occupy our waking mind with bullshit all the time. It’s like when you do crank for like 6 days straight, with no sleep. After the first day or so, you’re really tired, you can feel it underneath the high. You know you should sleep and your body needs it, but it just can’t. Eventually, like into the third or fourth day, you start really thinking weird shit, weirder than your normal, “Man, I’d like to fuck my uncle’s new girlfriend” type shit. Really oddball Fred Flintstone with that little alien guy talking to him shit. That’s when the two complementary mind states meld into one. This is good. Fuck the so-called real world, with all the thankless work for low wages and bullshit material objects giving our minds hard-ons. Bling-Bling of the brain. Fuck that. You stay awake, whether you do drugs that make you stay awake or you cultivate that shell-shocked veteran mentality, you do yourself and society a service. Status quo’s “delusions” are revolutionary mentality kicking in and swinging the pendulum of yin/yang balance back towards the perfect median. Right now they’ve got the shit held all the way to the left yang position, where when you think crazy thoughts, you go get a prescription of xanax or prozac or something to keep yourself in mall mode. So what I’m saying, in regards to the question, is fuck sleep. Sleep is the cousin of death.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: What is the relationship between rednecks and wiggers? How did it happen? – from Boomer<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: This is something close to my heart and soul. I’ve got some young nephews who come round the shop now and then, and they’re always blasting that goddamned rap music. But they’re racist as shit, too. Now, I’ve been to jail enough to know you get along by not forcing the issue. I don’t have any problems with black folks, but I don’t necessarily bust up in the middle of a pack of black guys and make partners for a Spades game on Saturday night. Anyways, black folks play with that weird shit where the 2 of Spades is high trump. I’m from the Big and Little Joker school myself. But anyways, these nephews of mine, they play Ja Rule and Lil Wayne all fuckin’ day long, but they’ll be sitting on the old bench seats outside the shop and start talking “nigger this” and “nigger that”. They’re more racist than any Aryan I was in jail with, even the guy who gave me my Speedy Gonzales tattoo who was in jail for running over 3 black teenagers. That guy at least got ripped off on some weed. My nephews have no reason to be so full of hatred. Anyways, rednecks have always been around. My uncle was a redneck, and he listened to bullshit music I hated. I’d be trying to throw Van Halen II in the tape deck, and he’d bitch and moan and want to play Butterfield Blues Band or some shit. But from Creedence to L.A. Guns is not a long road to travel. My uncle could tolerate the shit I wanted to listen to, or played when he was in my Vega riding to the liquor store to get me and my buddies a couple bottles of Citron Vodka and Jim Beam travelers. And he’d impart his knowledge on me, in between slugs. I remember when I was real young, not even old enough to drive, and he told me, “ya know, women think they have something on us ‘cause they got that thing between their legs.” And I was young, and thinking “yeah, fuck that.” Then he swerved me by adding, “And the damnedest thing about it is they do.” As I got older, his words like that made more and more sense. Every good Southern boy has a crazy uncle who helped make him good, no matter what color that Southern boy is. Anyways, with my nephews, everything changed. There was a rift. I am not gonna ride in their low rider Nissan for 12 miles to the liquor store while they’re bumping Eightball & MGD. Therefore, they don’t get to hear the “women think they have something on us…” bit. They miss out on the continuation of our culture. That’s why these little wigger fuckers run around drinking those Smirnoff drinks and fruity shit like that made for chicks to get drunk on (that’s why they come in 4-packs). So the wigger is basically a directionless redneck. He has no work ethic ‘cause, as a crazy uncle, I ain’t hiring one of my dumbass nephews to help me paint cars here at the shop, because all they’ll do is smoke weed behind the shop and sit out front, which is cool by me, but they’ll expect to get paid for their whole time here. No work ethic. And the wigger lacks the basic respect code older rednecks have. Not because he refuses it so much as he never got it taught to him. Sometimes, I think it’s my duty to teach these youngsters the ways of the World and why shit like David Allan Coe is good even though it ain’t as cool as Guns’n’Roses; but then they say something dumb like, “Yo, I’m gonna bling-bling my ride with the waxer. Cool?” And I get pissed off and don’t wanna tell them shit.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why do some "men" like to have relations with ladies with skinny asses? I mean, what's the point? – from Reverend Axl Future<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">At first thought, you could just say "different strokes for different folks". And that is true, but on a much more sinister level. You see, first the media-manipulated brainwashing of the American male to think a gangly slender woman as attractive was the first step. Any poor white fucker, poor Mexican, or poor black guy will tell you, a fat ass is a good ass. Not Jenny Craig fat, but willing to sop up some gravy with a buttermilk biscuit fat. The kind of ass that jiggles in rap videos made in the South. There is a deep-rooted animal instinct involved here. A fatter ass means wider hips, which also means more able to birth offspring. Skinny asses are fragile and more likely to struggle with childbirth, thus skinny assed women are closer to worthless in man's primitive sense. This media manipulation has gone even further, with the common sexual attraction to artifical breast implants. It's gotten so bad that some men prefer large "firm" fake breasts to real, bouncy titties. First off, it's a step in the right direction, as large breasts are indicative of being engorged with milk, which means the mother is breastfeeding, again a sign of fertility. However, large rigid, unmoving implants can look exactly the same in a male body as a female body. It's all part of the homosexualization of the middle class. First we accept, then we encourage it. Eventually, the middle class buffer between poor and rich is removed through lack of procreation, and the poor work like slaves for the rich who no longer need money because they don't have to do shit anyway. I tolerate homosexuality, because sometimes people don't know any better, or as a child, they experienced fucked-up shit. Or they naturally feel inclined to be so, which perhaps is a sign of how chemicals have influenced our mental structure. But I don't encourage homosexuality. I would however, 99 times out of 100, enjoy the company of a gay man more than a skinny-assed woman. Jail will do that to you sometimes.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why do they sell egg rolls at all country convenience stores? Who the fuck is making these egg rolls? – from 1000 Aliases<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: All part of the commodification of America. First off, there is a difference between a country store and a convenience store. Country stores have macaroni and cheese and chicken gizzards and fried chicken where you can taste the flour the lady behind the counter battered the chicken in. Convenience stores have frozen food they fried in oil. As rural America becomes more polluted with Food Lions and Wal-Marts, they want things faster and faster. They want ATMs at the gas station. They want a Burger King downtown in their shitty little towns. Thus, country stores, run by mom and pop, are starting to get run by the kids as mom and pop drop dead from cancer and the crippling side effects of a long hard rural life in America. The kids are brainwashed by Garth Brooks CDs and decide change the "kitchen" at the family store into a "deli" with sandwiches and fried foods all made from bags of frozen stuff they got at the Food Lion. Egg rolls is one aspect of this. No self-respecting rural woman in America knows what's in an egg roll, much less how to make one. It is Chun King, plain and simple. Same with the chicken fingers. It makes me sad. Mostly because of the potato wedges. There was a time when the potato wedges were actually wedges of real potatoes that some old lady cut up and shook inside a plastic bag with pepper and flour and cornmeal and a little bit of cayenne, then fried up. Now, they're processed pieces of shit from a plastic bag. That's why they taste like shit, even with hot sauce.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: How do people fall in love? – from Mike Dikk<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">For women, usually you are in the middle of one of your wild unexplainable illogical mood fluctuations, when it goes from bad to good in the company of a cute guy. You mistakenly attach the improvement of your emotions with that guy, and thus you are in love. For men, pussy is always fun. But sometimes, the body with that pussy feels all nice to lay next to in the bed, even when you're not drunk and having sex. And then that body will get up in the morning and be making some potatoes and eggs, blasting Al Green real loud, or maybe Van Morrison, and it's all over. You're in love with the rest of the stuff with the pussy.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: How do you feel about the death penalty? – from Angie Not-At-Work<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: I'm all about killing things that deserve it - a dog that kills chickens, a guy that molests children, politicians. But a government doesn't really do itself any good by killing its own citizens. It breeds contempt and there's always too much room for error. The recent McVeigh execution was a nice smokescreen though. It was the first federal execution in almost twenty years, and one that a majority of the public had been convinced was a good idea. The next federal execution? Sometime next week. The floodgates have been opened. Which was the point. Now not only do renegade Republican states like Texas and Virginia get to kill people, so does the Federal Government as well. So, I'm all for the death penalty if all people get to use it. But if only some people, like the ones in Power, get to use it, it's unjust. Like when you were a kid and your grandma got you and your cousin one of those powder sugar things with the stick you'd lick and put in it to get it covered with colored sugar. They had three to a pack, and your grandma would give your cousin two because she was nine months older than you. That shit was unfair. Thus you make it fair by putting the death penalty on your cousin's pet turtle with the nail polish heart on its shell, by doing a BMX smash off a plywood ramp stuck on a cinderblock. Or at least it seemed fair. Until you realize your grandma was at the clothesline watching. And then she made you go cut a switch to get your ass whipped with. There is a Universal Law, a Karma, a what goes around comes around, that is the Grandma hanging up dungarees on the edges of the Universe. And the American Government can do it's little death penalty all it wants and think there will be no repercussions because it is the highest authority. But one day, it'll have to go cut a switch to get it's own ass whipped with.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: If everyone moved to one side of the earth, would it go off-balance? Could we chrome the moon to make it daylight all the time? – from Johnny Rocket<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: What the fuck are you talking about? Off-balance? Chrome the moon? Look, I suggest you put down the sci-fi novella and take a few deep breaths, go sit on the porch and drink a beer. Look up at the sky, or if you live in a city with pollution in the air and can't see the sky, look at the biggest tree within eyesight. And think about how fun it would be to be laying back in the middle of some field looking up at that sky (or at that tree) and screwing some hot-ass chick. Not masturbatory excitement fantasy type stuff, just a little simple one with the sky having sex outdoors feeling a breast grabbing an ass looking at the moon cool breeze in the air happy perfection. Hopefully, after meditating on this for a few minutes you'll realize chroming the moon is an idiotic and unnecessary thing. There's plenty to do here.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Are ZZ Top and Stevie Ray Vaughan direct descendants of Our Lord And Saviour, Jesus Christ? – from Minister Paul<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: No. First off, I'm not even sure if Stevie Ray Vaughan is actually good outside of a dingy bar. If you vaccuum the floor and wash all the dishes in the sink and throw out the old beer cans, then play Stevie Ray really loud, you'll see that he kinda sucks. ZZ Top, however, though not direct descendents of the magician you mention, are spiritual in nature. When they have abused drugs heavily to achieve insight into the simple humid nature of Southern life, they tapped a basic understanding of Things that few could hope to achieve on an LP. But the lure of Video Glamour in the '80s prostituted their soul and made them goofy fodder for Puttin' On The Hits. But everything comes around; and their most recent records sound as if Billy Gibbons is not afraid to injest heavy sedatives and alcohol and dream up dirty, shitty, blues. Most white men can understand how to listen to the blues, but mistakenly mimic black man blues in a lame attempt to get laid by 34-year-old women who call blue jeans "dungarees".</span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"> A white man has to play white man blues, dirty hard-working sweating-in-the-sun driving a shitty Chevrolet about to break down and leaking transmission fluid all over the damn road blues. Billy Gibbons is the King of this.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: How come gravity doesn't work right in space? – from King Bladewick<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Space is devoid of order, pure chaos, where anything can suddenly happen and everything is beautiful. Gravity holds you down, thus it is called the Law of Gravity. Space is not about Laws; therefore Gravity is confined to planets. It's interesting to note, that of the two planets humans have walked on top of (if the lunar landing didn't occur in a Hollywood studio, as many believe it to have), Earth has the strongest gravity. Earth is the ghetto of the Universe.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: How does booze get you drunk? – from Make It All Go Away<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Alcohol gets you drunk because alcohol makes your brain molecules bounce around. All drugs do that. Like when you do inhalants – that’s your actual brain cells dying in a batch all at once; that’s why it feels so numbing, but also goes away after a couple of minutes of empty humming in your head. Regarding alcohol, it’s an odd brain molecule fuck-upper, as it varies so much from type to type. Beer makes a patch of brain cells bounce back and forth, methodically. Each additional beer makes more brain cells do this, thus your motor skills slow down. Another example is vodka. As a white liquor, it makes your brain cells bounce back and forth violently, more so than brown liquor. This is why you are more apt to say dumb shit and get in fight when drinking vodka or gin, your brain molecules are bouncing around inside your skull more violently. My personal favorite alcohol, wine, spreads its influence over more individual brain molecules than any other type of alcohol, which is what creates that all-over body buzz feel you get with wine. This also explains why your head hurts so much the next morning, as more brain cells have to get acclimated to normal chill position again. It’s easier for guys to be alcoholics than girls, because we think about sex all the damned time. When you think about sex, your brain cells start multiplying because they’re thinking about procreation. So you can kill all the brain cells you want drinking, huffing gas, smoking reefer, whatever; as long as you think about having sex, it’s okay.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Is it natural to shave your balls? And if so, should you use your girlfriend’s razor and your roommate’s shaving cream? – from Ten Dollar Dave<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: It feels good to touch yourself when you have shaved your balls. However, as the little hairs start to grow back out, they itch tremendously, and you know as well as I do that you can’t really scratch your balls everywhere you go. Additionally, it sort of feels like sandpaper on a chick when little hairs are starting to sprout out of your genitals, thus they don’t enjoy sex as much. If you had a coochie, would you want somebody rubbing sandpaper all over it. But to answer your question completely, shaving any part of your body is not natural, male or female; but if you feel the need, then fuck your girlfriend and roommate. Proper attention to your balls are more important than their bullshit materialism.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: If you’re constipated, should you drink your own urine? I heard that’s what you do. I also heard some people drink their own urine every morning. – from Ten Dollar Dave<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Piss comes out your body because you do not need it. If you needed to use it, it wouldn’t be piss.<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Is it natural to have an aversion to fuckin’ stinky hippies and their offspring? – from Ten Dollar Dave<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Hate is not natural at all, son. Neither is love. Both are emotional attachments man has created because he thinks too goddamned much about things. Sex is natural. Therefore stinky hippies having offspring are better than you (unless you are making offspring as well, then you are equals).<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: If Jesus, Superman, and David Allan Coe fought, who would win? – from Reverend Axl Future<o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Well, that’s easy. Jesus and Superman are fictional characters, so there’s no way they could win a fight with an actual tangible human being. However, if you expand this question to include the followers of each, then it gets trickier. Superman fans wouldn’t stand a chance, because they’re either kids or grown men who are soft like kids. This would leave the battle between the followers of Jesus and the followers of David Allan Coe. David Allan Coe’s followers are much more skilled in the art of hand-to-hand combat, and more psychologically prepared to use items found in their natural habitat, like ash trays and 2x4s, as weapons. So they would initially beat down the followers of Jesus, who aren’t as good at brawling. However, Jesus’ followers have more clout with authority figures, and pretty quickly it would be against the law to move about society looking like you might follow David Allan Coe. So you’d go to jail.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why the hell are we still doing the practice of Daylights Savings Time bullshit? I lived in perfect peace for 12 years in Arizona, never changed the clock once, and life was just fine. Didn't the Morons-That-Be start this during a war or some other "sounds good idea" years ago? </o:p>– Zucheo</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">They started that, I think one of the Roosevelts, during World War II. Or maybe it was one. All I know is, they do it to keep people working hard. Back then, all the American men were off fighting people in other continents, and only the ladies and Mexicans were left here to work. Well, normally, Mexicans are a hard-working bunch. You know that dude Javier down the road who runs that bricklaying thing? That fucker and his boys, all Mexicans, are hard-working as shit. I saw them on a site, and those dudes were tossing up bricks like 20 feet in the air, and one dude would toss two bricks up, another would catch them, hand them to a third dude on the scaffold, who threw them in place where the fourth dude was doing the mortar. It was crazy. A group like that on both sides, rolling through a job. Anyways, usually Mexicans will work hard as fuck, but when they were left as our workforce with nothing but white pussy around them, well, it got them all slack. They wanted to play guitar and drink and try and fuck all these white ladies. So they started the Daylights Savings Time thing to make it daylight during normal business hours all day long, since the sun was coming up too late in the morning during spring and summer. This way, those fuckers would feel like they should be out of bed, because they were part-animal, and only used sunlight as their alarm clock. Over the years, I think they just kept it so that people would work hard all day long. You feel better when the sun's up; that's why there's so many fuckin' alcoholic Eskimos. It sucks they don't let us have the fuckin' sunshine for ourselves instead of all day long when we're all supposed to be at work, though, don't it?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p>Why are there no black people in China? </o:p>– Harpo Garza</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: Black people don't like pain. My cousin used to drive a rig, Carolina to California, two runs a week, back and forth, and he kept a rockwiler in the cab, but no gun. We asked him, why the dog? He said for all the crackheads and shit he'd run into pulling into downtown industrial California every week, I think Fresno. Well, he said when he used to carry a gun, the crackheads wouldn't give a shit, they'd still be like "Fuck you white man, gimme your shit," because they didn't care about dying. But when he got that dog, they'd run as soon as he opened the door, because they didn't wanna get bit and all chewed up and live to feel the pain. So black folks don't like pain. And they all used to watch kung fu movies when they were big, so they think China is full of people like Bruce Lee and that Kung Fu dude who was always walking around in the wild west and shit. They don't wanna get their ass kicked, so they don't go to China.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why do middle class white people grow "purple cone flower" and regular people just grow echinacea? </o:p>– Suzy Mack</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">My grandma used to have echinacea growing all through the backyard. She'd take that and make us kids go pick some ginseng and brew up this thick thick echinacea and ginseng tea, that everyday with lunch, she'd mix a shot of that in with our iced tea. I don't know if it helped or not, but it was good. I guess middle class people don't like calling things by their normal names and like to feel all smart and shit, so instead of echinacea, they call it purple cone flower. There's nothing worse than somebody educated beyond their intelligence. Jerry Clower said that. Does Raven still have my Jerry Clower tapes?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>What does it take to get a small-time evil wrestling promoter to replace the plywood in the fucking ring? A guy stepped in a hole he couldn't see through the canvas the other night and fucked his ankle up. Ain't the first time such has happened, either. </o:p>– Wild Irish Rosie</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">I'm sure some of the newer wrestlers have to tear the ring down and all. Well, a couple of the older dudes should start a bonfire out back, and when they tear the ring down, just throw the fuckin' plywood on the bonfire. He'll get some more then.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why do dogs turn their heads to the side when you talk to them? </o:p>– Angie Not-At-Work</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Dogs judge by smell, that's why when you roll up on a strange dog at somebody's house, you should hold your hand out for him to sniff. Unless he's on a chain, then he probably bites, so just stay out of chain's length of that bastard. But when you talk to a dog, they don't know what the fuck you're saying except a few socialized things. That's why they can learn stuff like "sit" and "git it boy" and "load up" and things like that. But sound's not their thing. You know how when you're sitting on a stump in the backyard at night drinking a beer and the dogs are right there with you, and you won't hear a thing, but all of a sudden the dogs will take off into the woods? It's because they got supersonic smelling. So when you're talking to them, they're trying real hard to maybe recognize the couple of words they associate with things they've been conditioned to know. If you could just shoot a specific smell at them, they wouldn't turn their heads sideways; they'd know right away what the fuck you were talking about.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>What is it about North Carolina that makes it so goddamn much more preferable than 99% of the other states in the Union? </o:p>– Acehole<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Ahh, North Carolina. I would've lived in North Carolina, but I got some stupid bitch pregnant in Virginia first. Fourteen years later, she left me. So here I am in shitty ass Virginia, with all these yankee fuckers moving down here, opening up coffee shops where they got flavors and shit, and just generally being assholes. The thing I hate most about yankees is how they think it's cool to haggle over the price of stuff. When I do something, I give you the fair price, the cheapest I feel comfortable doing it. I ain't trying to rip nobody off. But they want to haggle and talk you down. That's why you don't see any fuckin' cars with NY or NJ plates in my shop, ever. You tell them what something costs and they stand there with their eyes focused, and they think, and then ask "how about whatever something that's lower?" And I go, "NO! Fuck you, you yankee fuck! Get the fuck off my property before I tell Doodle to get my pistol out the toolbox." They suck. Anyways, about North Carolina, it's perfect. You've got the beautiful mountains on one end, and the end of the Earth ocean on the other. Sure, the Outer Banks has gotten kinda crowded, but you can still go further down the island to Rodanthe or Buxton and have a good time. And the cities are all decent-sized enough where there's plenty of people, but not no goddamned skyscrapers all over the place. Nothing worse than a city thinking if it builds big building all over the downtown it's gonna end up being the new New York City one day. Why would you wanna be that? That's like your kid coming home saying "I wanna be that bald faggot on the Home and Garden channel that staples curtains to the wall and calls it fancy." Fuck all that. Plus, dirt tracks, drag strips, chicken joints, barbecue, titty bars with the tinted windows, wrestling, weird churches in abandoned strip malls where some longhaired dude who you smoked a joint with the night before is the preacher...it's all in abundance in North Carolina. I grew up in Virginia, and have lived in Virginia for 85% of my life, and from where I sit, North Carolina is just like Virginia, but without all the dumb shits who moved here from up north.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>I've learned a lot from reading your column on the Confederate Mack web site; considerably more than I learned in the 5 years I spent at college. I wanted to know if you've got any home remedies for the flu or cold. Personally, whenever I get sick I start drinking vodka and beer till I pass out. Two shots of vodka for each beer. I maybe drink a beer about every hour or so. Also, I don't take anything for the fever (I don't believe in any of that bullshit doctors say or that is advertised on television). I'll maybe stay sick like two days, as opposed to the people I work with staying sick for like a week. Anyway, maybe you've got some suggestions for improving my remedy. One other thing, I used to tell my co-workers how I get over being sick when they asked me. They never believed me. So, now I just lie and say I go to the doctor or whatever, because that's what they want to hear. What's your opinion on telling people what they want to hear, even though it's not going to help them? </o:p>– Little Timmy Hales</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Well, what I do when I start getting sick is chop up like a whole bulb of garlic into pill-sized pieces. Then pour you a big glass of orange juice, or water. And take five or six little chunks of garlic, swallow it whole like pills with the juice or water, and do that till its all gone. My grandma also taught us kids that when you peel garlic, you have to let it set out for like ten minutes to keep its healthy shit inside. So you peel it, let it sit there, then cut it up and eat it raw. That does the trick for me. As for telling people what they want to hear, even if it's stupid, that goes a long ways in life. Folks don't like to hear what you got to say; they want to hear what they hope you're gonna say. If you don't feel like being bothered with people, tell them whatever their stupid little greedy eyes seem to be seeking.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>I know this girl who's 18 year old, and already engaged to be married. No kids, and her fiance is in another state. Is it wrong for me to try and bone her? </o:p>–<o:p> Famous Mortimer</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">If she's got a man, that's wrong to bone her, and he ought to kick your ass for even asking. But if her man is in another state and she wants it, he obviously ain't much of a man. So he probably can't kick your ass. Just remember, things come around. I used to run around on my ol' lady all the time, didn't even plan it most of the time. It would just happen that way. Well, after 14 years, once I had settled into us being us, she took off with another motherfucker. Sometimes life is peaches and cream, but more often than not, life is some little kid telling everybody what you got them for Christmas the week before Christmas.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: Why do I call my girlfriend a slut for her past ways, and then get all turned on when I make her talk about fucking other guys? – Mike Porkchops</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Sounds to me like somebody's got some problems. You know, I used to love those letters in Penthouse, that was my favorite thing. That, and that Indian chick, I can't remember her name, but she did the advice column thing. She was hot. Well, I can't even look at the letters in Penthouse anymore because it's all sick twisted shit where some dude is watching his wife fuck seventeen black dudes at a bar behind a curtain or some shit like that. What the fuck is exciting about that? And it's always about some giant dick involved. Now, I've never been ashamed of my dick, and most of the women I've been with have at least pretended to enjoy it. And if they were pretending, that's their own loss, 'cause I would've kept trying if they didn't like it. But these letters always have some dude with a dick the size of somebody's forearm and as big around as a beercan. Why would you want a beercan forearm stuck up your coochie if you're a chick? And up the ass? It's disgusting. You calling her a slut is stupid. First off, she shouldn't be talking about that shit. You keep the old stuff quiet. Pretend she's sweet, even if she ain't. And if the truth comes out, fuckin' leave her before she leaves you. As for getting turned on by her talking about it, that's probably why she talks about it. You've been reading too many of them letters in the new Penthouses. That weird shit's rotting your mind. I used to date this hippie chick back in the late '70s, and we would go to the X-rated theater every now and then down in Roanoke. And we'd pull over on the way home and screw like teenagers. But do you think she talked about how cool it would be to be with John Holmes or me having a bigger dick or any shit like that? Hell fuckin' no. Sure, she probably had her eyes closed and was imagining some other shit than my drunk-ass on top of her in the back of a Vega Stationwagon, but then again, I was pretending she was Seka. People nowadays want to do shit all the time, instead of pretend. There's a good reason you have the power to imagine a lot of things; it's because it's like the monkey's paw. The grass always looks greener, then you jump the fence and there's cow shit all over the place, and you jump back over to your original side of the fence, but everybody can smell all that shit all over your boots. Sometimes, it saves you a lot of trouble and heartache to just pretend in your mind and not try and live out some things.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">QUESTION: </span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p><o:p>Why is baseball so fuckin' popular? </o:p>– The Confederate Mack</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">ANSWER: <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #ccffcc; font-size: 14pt;">Because there used to be baseball in every little town, grown men playing it on the weekends. And kids everywhere, to this day, play baseball. It used to be great because you had a team and you knew all the players. They got a player and he was great and you thought, "Damn, this motherfucker's gonna make our team great for the next ten years!" Now, they jump teams every other year. My favorite team has always been the Orioles, because we got them on the AM radio. And I couldn't name more than one player on their team. Only one I know is that Sidney Ponsoon dude because his name is so funny. Shit, even Cal Ripken is gone. It was like a fresh young wife when a team got a player. Sure, maybe once in a while a guy would go to a different team in a trade, but it was a big deal to have a major starting player jump teams, like a divorce. Now, they're all sluts, playing for 7 different teams a year. Not only does it suck because you don't know who the hell's on your team, but you don't know who the fuck's on the other team. And the money they make? It's ridiculous. Here's some guy from Puerto Rico who I've never heard of before playing, out of nowhere, for the Orioles, and making more in a year than me and all my brothers and sisters have earned in our lives. Ridiculous. I think what they ought to do is figure out what a batter and a pitcher make per pitch or at-bat, and say the pitcher gives up a home run, whatever fan in the stands catches that home run ball gets whatever that pitcher would've made for that pitch. That'd probably be like a couple thousand dollars for every home run. That would kick ass to catch a home run ball and get a few thousand bucks for it. Folks would give a shit then, because they'd be in on the hustle with the baseball players again. Or if a guy got the last out of the game with the winning run on base and it was a home game, he'd buy everybody still there a beer or a hot dog for the ride home. That's the problem. Baseball's become a bunch of rich assholes acting like they're doing something great and they deserve all kinds of money and respect for doing it. Fuck that nonsense! They're playing baseball. We all played baseball at one point or another. Hell, Junior down the road starts bushhogging that field beside his house every Friday after the Fourth of July so that anybody who wants to can play ball on Saturday afternoon. It's a good time; not as good as horseshoes, but pretty damned good. If you think you deserve anything other than a "you lucky bastard" for getting millions of dollars to play baseball, you probably ought to get your ass kicked.</span></div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-4154040680533493952013-03-20T09:16:00.002-04:002013-04-03T09:58:36.462-04:00Mimi na Brown<br />
Mke wangu na mimi, sisi wote walikuwa wetu mbwa husika kabla ya sisi akawa masharti kisheria wenyewe. Kwa kweli, katika moja ya "tarehe" yetu ya kwanza ilikuwa baada ya chama fulani, kuchukua kile akabaki ya lita nusu ya studio Jack Daniels kijani na kuhusu mfuko dime ya shake, sisi kuwazingira mbwa wote wetu, na "zilizokopwa" minivan rafiki kwenda Montana, moja kwa moja ghafla kutoroka kutoka Richmond, Virginia, kubwa katika juu yetu, isipokuwa mke wangu-kuwa kupita nje, na mimi hatimaye alifanya pia, nyuma ya K-Mart mahali fulani karibu West Virginia line serikali.<br />
Mara sisi kweli walikuwa ndoa na kuishi pamoja, mbwa mbio pamoja kwa miaka, na kuifanya kwa karibu miaka kumi ziada, kabla ya wao wawili walikufa katika mbwa kutisha njia katika nchi daima kufa - kupata hit na malori unmufflered au mauled na mafahali huru shimo au daima kitu ukali ghafla, ndani ya wiki kadhaa ya kila mmoja. Hivyo sisi pengine inaonekana kidogo sana kwa urahisi kwa ajili ya mbwa mpya kuchukua nafasi hawa zamani.<br />
moja ya kwanza kuja pamoja ilikuwa ndogo, bunduki-aibu, waliopotea uwindaji mbwa ambaye alikuja cowering kutoka Woods, kutikisa mkia wake, kutafuta chakula. Mimi si kweli wanataka yake, lakini mke na watoto, hata ingawa yeye 'd kamwe kupata karibu kutosha kwa ajili ya wewe pet yake, alikuwa wakashikamana na hound hii. Kwamba akawa wetu mpya kwanza mbwa - Burdock. Unaweza vigumu milele msimguse, na kama alivyofanya ilikuwa ni kwa sababu wewe cornered yake na yeye d cower chini kwenye tumbo yake, kufanya chini ya kichwa chake mwili wake wakati bado kutikisa mkia wake - classic wamekimbia kupigwa kupotea.<br />
Sisi alipewa mbwa yetu ya pili ya jozi mpya kutoka kwa dada yangu mdogo, ambaye bado aliishi katika wigo wa kukatisha nyumbani ambapo mimi ikakua, ambapo viwanda na madirisha plywood na folks 'favorite shughuli za burudani ni kupima mipaka ya maisha kwa njia ya uzembe kujiua. Hii inaweza kuhusisha mashine madawa ya kulevya, au chochote kingine ni conveniently kutosha katika mkono. Dada yangu mdogo alikuwa Gotten ilimalizika katika mbinu, na kuacha nyumba tu kwenda kazi yake kama Waitress, wake na mpenzi wake kujichimbia katika nyumba zao pango-kama njia ya kando ya barabara ya nyuma, zaidi ya mipaka yao indulging kuvuta nyuma. Aligeuka mpenzi wake alikuwa pia kuanza dabbling katika matumizi ufa pia, na wakati wote pamoja, walikuwa sehemu hii maabara / sehemu chow, big manjano goof ya mbwa aitwaye Buddy ambao kimsingi walikaa minyororo juu katika mlango wa mbele ili kuwatisheni mbali wanachama wote zaidi thievish ya folks nyeusi ambaye aliishi karibu. Moja usiku, wakati wa kuendesha gari nyumbani kutoka kitu au nyingine, dada yangu imeshuka sigara wake katika gari, na mpenzi wake uliofanyika gurudumu wakati yeye fiska kwa ajili yake. Aliamua ni vyema slam gurudumu ya kushoto na smash yao ndani ya mti tangu yeye d - bila kujua kwake - wamekuwa kuiba maelfu ya dola kutokana na kazi yake ya kusaidia kuweka juu na ladha yake kwa miamba ufa. gari imeteketea, kuharibiwa nusu ya kile dada yangu inayomilikiwa, na yeye mbio mbali katika Woods na kutoweka. Walipofika huko, Cops alielezea wao alikuwa tayari kuangalia kwa ajili yake, na watuhumiwa yeye wrecked gari kwa makusudi. Hiyo ilikuwa amka dada yangu juu ya wito, na yeye kuhamia nyumbani kwa kupata mwenyewe pamoja. Hivyo sisi alichukua katika Buddy.<br />
Buddy alikuwa na kwamba ajabu survivor aura juu yake. Wakati katika transit katika nyuma ya pick-up, wakati wao walikuwa wakitembea kwa madawa ya kulevya pango lao, Buddy njiwa nje, hobbling mbali ndani ya maili Woods mbali ambapo wao d kushoto na walipokuwa wanakwenda. Wao waliangalia na kuangalia kwa ajili yake, lakini kamwe kupatikana kwake. Wiki tatu baadaye, akafika kiwete chini ya barabara, goofy kama milele, na yeye alikuwa namna fulani alifanya hivyo kwa nyumbani yake mpya. Mpenzi dada yangu alikuwa na kupatikana kwake miaka michache iliyopita kutokana na uzoefu mengine vile vile mangled, hivyo Buddy ilikuwa kituko huweza kuingia ya wanyama, zaidi kuliko feral pet-kama, ingawa kirafiki.<br />
Buddy na Burdock - jozi wetu mpya wa mbwa - wao kamwe kabisa kazi nje. Wao mbio barabara kuzunguka mashamba tuliishi karibu sana, akawatoa mizoga kulungu nyumbani, atarudi na scrapes kutoka vyuma chakavu, na tu kuwa jumla kero. Wao hofu watoto wetu nusu ya wakati, na wakati wao dragged katika kulungu unskinned mtoto, mimi barabara walikuwa si tu kutafuta mabaki ya uwindaji redneck katika Woods, lakini kwa kweli mbio chini dhaifu kulungu juu yao wenyewe. Mimi kamwe kuona mantiki ya kuwa na mbwa katika mazingira ya kijijini na kutunza yao minyororo au penned juu, hivyo nikajaribu kutoa mafunzo yao, mbwa wakubwa hao. Hakuna bahati ingawa. Buddy'd Chase kila pikipiki au lori dampo kwamba alimfukuza zamani, na Burdock tanga nyumbani na takataka au critters katika kinywa yake wakati nusu. Mimi walisubiri kwa siku wakati baadhi barabara nyuma moto shuti crotch roketi yake kufutika kwa sababu mbwa njiwa kutoka nyasi ndefu katika shimoni, kujaribu bite katika tairi yake ya nyuma.<br />
Mimi alijaribu nusu kwa ukamilifu ili kupata mahali fulani kwa ajili ya mbwa kwenda, kuuliza kuzunguka na wito makazi ya mitaa, ambayo mara zote KADI zaidi ya uwezo. Lakini Pigo la mwisho lilikuja wakati mimi got nyumbani kutoka kazi siku moja, na mke wangu alikuwa chini katika uwanja, hollering kwa ajili yangu. Tulikuwa na mbuzi watatu - mama na watoto wawili - na sisi kamwe got kuzunguka kwa kukamua kama sisi ilivyopangwa. Lakini ningependa kuwa masharti yao. Mbuzi ni ajabu viumbe, na mengi ya furaha na roughhouse karibu na, ingawa wao itabidi video goti yako kutoka nyuma kama linebacker katikati kutoka siku chapeo ngozi. Kupanda juu metalhead mwenyewe, ilionekana kuwa kamilifu haya albamu viumbe cover-kama, na mimi milele alitaka jina yao mambo kama Kutoka au Kreator au Cirith Ungol au nyingine jina bendi kutoka doodles yangu ujana wa mifupa thrashing hatua mbele ya elfu Impaled, Waliikatakata miili kwenye karatasi daftari maana kwa ajili ya matatizo math. Kuwa na mabinti wawili na mke ingawa, mbuzi kuishia na majina kama karoti au wakati Gingerbread au Lavender wote.<br />
Naam, mbwa, ambayo inaonekana waliowapata zaidi kuliko feral sisi barabara, cornered mbuzi wetu kongwe katika malisho na mauled nzuri yake. Mke wangu wakapigana nao mbali na alikuwa ameshika yao katika ghuba, wamesimama juu ya mbuzi protectively kufa, wakishika zetu mbili mwenye umri wa miaka juu ya moja hip, ambao kwa miezi baadaye bila kuuliza katika majadiliano ya kuvunjwa mtoto, "Mbuzi kuumiza? Mbuzi kufa? "<br />
I grabbed mbwa wote na kuzitupa katika hutches sungura wanandoa nimeona wakati dampo moja, akashuka huwa na mbuzi. Alikuwa kutokwa na damu sana na alikuwa matumbo dragging pamoja chini yake. Ningependa daima imekuwa moja ya kulisha na kucheza na mbuzi, na mimi nimepata benchi uzito huko nje kwa kalamu zao, hivyo ningependa kupata uzito wa juu na kuinua na kukaa juu crate maziwa na tu hutegemea nje katika makali ya uwanja huu na mbuzi muda mwingi basi wakawa masharti yangu, mbuzi kuwa pretty kijamii viumbe. Mbuzi Hii perked juu wakati nilipofika hapo, hivyo badala ya kufa kama yeye anapaswa tumefanya, yeye wobbled juu ya miguu yake gnarled-up, kuangalia saa yangu kama, "Wewe gonna kutatua tatizo hili?" Lakini kulikuwa na si kitu chochote ninachoweza , na sikuwa na fedha za kutosha kwa ajili ya bili ya simu na bima ya gari, kiasi kidogo kitu kama kupata timid, wanyama-upendo, Pseudo-daktari kwa fedha zaidi yangu kutenda kama mbuzi yangu ilikuwa babu yangu na kushona juu yake na kazi juu yake na kelele kwamba wote.<br />
Baada ya saa kuhusu na kuingia giza, ilikuwa dhahiri mbuzi alikuwa si kwenda na kwenda juu yake mwenyewe, hivyo mimi akatupa kitambaa juu ya kichwa chake. Alikuwa pretty dhaifu kutoka kupoteza damu, na mimi akiegemea kichwa cha ngumu yake, suffocating yake, kumaliza off nini mbwa alikuwa ilianza. rafiki sisi kuitwa ambaye ana mifugo aliniambia njia ya haraka ilikuwa watakata makoo yao au risasi yao, lakini mimi si kuweka bunduki na hakuweza kabisa kujenga mwenyewe hadi kutumia kisu yangu Marine kwa kipande mzee familia mbuzi.<br />
tatizo sasa alikuwa mbwa alikuwa na kwenda pamoja. Kupanda juu, tulikuwa na mauaji mbwa kupotea mara kwa mara, wakati tunatarajia kuangalia karibu na kutambua kulikuwa saba nusu-mwitu, mange-ridden wanyama mbio karibu yadi wakati wote; na baba yangu na rafiki yake ingekuwa kujiondoa bastola na risasi yao yote chini wakati muhimu wa kung'olea ng'ombe. Lakini kama nilivyosema, mimi si kuweka bunduki, hivyo kisu alikuwa chaguo tu, na kwamba bado walionekana pretty twisted kwangu. Mimi alichukua mbwa ndogo ndogo - Burdock - kwa kamba kuzunguka shingo yake looped kwa risasi, kama mbwa wala walivaa collar, na alichukua nyuma yake katika Woods nyuma ya nyumba. Mimi mawazo kuhusu jinsi rahisi katika sulubu umekuwa hulisonga nje mbuzi, hivyo mimi kimakosa wanaamini mwenyewe ningeweza tu kuwanyonga hii kidogo kupotea uwindaji mbwa, bila ya kuwa na kutumia kisu ningependa kuletwa na mimi. Mimi minskat kamba ngumu, akauzungushia nne au mara tano kuzunguka ngumi yangu moja na vunjwa, kusukuma dhidi ya nyuma ya shingo ya mbwa na upande mwingine, straddling Mutt katika Woods lami nyeusi. Lakini hakuna jambo jinsi ngumu mimi alifanya hili, mbwa hafi. Ningependa basi juu, na kusikiliza na kuona nini kinaendelea katika giza chini yangu, na mbwa ingekuwa whimper kwa upole, bado inajitahidi kutikisa mkia wake.<br />
Hapa nilikuwa, grown, elimu mtu, ameketi juu ya mbwa ambaye ni maisha yote alikuwa na Downs kuwapiga imekuwa na unyanyasaji, kujaribu kuwanyonga yake mbali. Nilihisi kama baadhi degenerate mauaji Hooker, mambo yote akaniweka mno katika kuwasiliana na baadhi ya primal inataka kuzikwa ndani yetu sisi sote. Hatimaye, baada ya dakika kumi za mateso hii, wakati mimi barabara kulikuwa hakuna kurudi nyuma tangu ningependa pengine ubongo kuharibiwa mbwa, hivyo hapakuwa na kuruhusu kamba huru na kuwa na Wobble yake ya kuzunguka kama halfwit, nilikuwa na watakata yake koo. Sasa nimepata iliyokatwa katika kulungu kabla ya kwamba wamekuwa wafu kwa muda mfupi tayari, lakini kamwe kukata shingo ya mnyama aliye hai. Wamekaa katika giza zito juu ya kisiki, kutaka kuhakikisha mbwa amekufa, kusikia sauti ya damu kusukumia kwa njia ya kufyeka gaping nilikuwa kuweka hela shingo yake ... ilikuwa mbaya sounding kelele ningependa kusikia, etched haki ndani ya moyo wangu. Hakukuwa na njia ya mimi kufanya hivyo kwa mbwa nyingine kubwa zaidi, moja sawa kwamba alikuwa minyororo hadi nje ya nyumba dada yangu kwa miaka. Sijui, labda mimi nina dhaifu mno au pia kihisia, lakini mimi sitaki kuanza kufanya mazoezi wala hata moja zaidi ya kumbukumbu ya kufanya mambo kama hayo kwa mbwa.<br />
Mimi akachukua kamba umwagaji damu kusababisha mbali ya Burdock, kuzikwa kwake, akarudi hutches sungura, na slipped ni kwenye Buddy. Mimi kumburuta hadi kwenye gari langu, na alimfukuza makazi milele yameshajaa kwamba alikuwa milele yameshajaa katikati ya usiku, looping risasi kwa mlango wa mbele kwa wao kupata asubuhi. Inawezekana kuwa haki katika macho yao, lakini wao d pengine akili kuwa chini kuliko mimi kumuua kwa blade mguu-muda mrefu.<br />
tukio zima, ingawa shughuli ya kawaida umri wa shule ya shamba, knocked yangu yasiyo ya umri wa shule, mashirika yasiyo ya kilimo punda nje ya whack. creepy degenerate mauaji Hooker sambamba naendelea bouncing karibu katika kichwa changu, na mimi tu hakuwa na haki ya kujisikia, chafu juu ya tatizo zima, ingawa wote ningependa kufanyika ilikuwa ni nini nilikuwa na kufanya.<br />
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Anyways, mimi alikuwa kujenga myself up kwa miezi kwa ajili ya safari ya barabara uchangamfu nje vijijini Illinois kuona hii mara moja-a-mwaka, kampuni kubwa ya uharibifu derby kuitwa Maungano Ghasia, pamoja na mfuko wa fedha $ 10,000. Ni moja kubwa kuna, na mia kadhaa ya magari, na mimi na usafiri wangu buddy aitwaye Brown walikuwa hyped. Mimi nilikuwa na matumaini ya safari hiyo, Mabedui barabara bure ya wajibu, hata kama tu kwa muda wa siku nne au tano, ili Unioshe ya hatia yangu.<br />
Ningependa kamwe kuwa nje kwa Midwest kabla. sprawl kutokuwa na inaonekana sterilized wa Chicago creeped yangu nje. Mama yangu alikuwa kweli alizaliwa huko, na ilikuwa ajabu kufikiria mimi naweza tumekuwa kikaingia kukiwa kwamba badala ya vijijini Virginia. Kabla na baada ya Chicago juu ya safari kwa kupitia, Midwest tu tweaked mimi na Brown nje, ila flatland, milele.<br />
Inavyoonekana, uharibifu derbies ni kubwa ya muda katika sehemu hiyo ya nchi. Kurudi nyumbani, wapate kuwa na tano au sita katika jimbo zima mwaka mzima, kwa kawaida katika maonyesho ya kata. Huko nje, demo derbies ni kubwa mambo, na crews ya guys kweli kuunda timu ya madereva na kusafiri pamoja wanandoa wa mataifa katika mwelekeo wowote kwenda kwa nyara kubwa na ahadi ya chini mdogo kulipa awamu ya pili. kufanya-up ya nchi ina kuwa na kitu cha kufanya na hayo, kwa sababu kurudi nyumbani na yote vilima na milima na curves na hori, wewe d kuwa ngumu-pressed kuendesha gari kwa nusu saa bila kuona bouquet plastiki kwenye walinzi reli au msalaba wa mbao katika shimoni ambapo mtu alikufa katika ikaanguka gari. Nje katika Midwest, barabara ni sawa na hivyo ardhi ili gorofa, ni got kuwa kweli kwa ikaanguka gari mbaya ya kutosha atavunjavunja mwenyewe, hivyo derby demo anatoa guys hawa, ambao wote walionekana kuwa pretty vijana, nafasi ya mtihani maisha ya mipaka kwa njia ya uzembe, kama nyumbani folks nyuma.<br />
siku ya kwanza ya derby kuanzia nje, ilikuwa drizzling na baridi, safi tu duni ya hewa, ambayo pia alifanya mashimo derby matope na polepole. arobaini gari kufurika joto kwa $ 2500 tulikuwa kuangalia alichukua karibu masaa matatu kumaliza up. tukio nzima ilikuwa wazi kwenda kuchukua milele. Ilikuwa kubwa starehe kwa wakati wa kuangalia jinsi magari inaweza kuwa hivyo mangled, fenders crumpled, tie fimbo kuvunjwa, gari moja hata baada ya gurudumu yake akageuka sideways ili moja ya tairi akaweka bapa kwenye ardhi kama frisbee, lakini Detroit yake injini zamani bado driva kupitia, na kulazimisha chuma smashed kuweza kuzunguka zaidi kuliko milele lazima. Lakini uharibifu derbies kuishia mengi kama pornography katika kuwa mtu yeyote mwenye akili timamu haina haja ya kukaa pale na kuangalia ni masaa nane sawa, kuna kuwa hakuna kilele mwisho zilizopatikana kutokana na anasa zaidi-sensual vile. Hii Ghasia Maungano alikuwa katika Ogle Jina Fairgrounds katika Nowhere, Illinois, familia nzima hunched pamoja ndani ya bima ya grandstands drizzle ya bure. Sad magunia kama sisi walimzunguka jockeying kwa nafasi Visual dhidi matusi halisi inayopakana eneo derby, kupata akanyesha juu ya matope na splattered saa yetu kutoka magari crashing. Mimi na Brown alifanya shimo kuacha nje ya gari ya kuvuta bia wanandoa nje baridi juu ya kiti cha nyuma, na wamekaa katika gari, katika shamba hilo mvua, huzuni flatland, tuliamua kusahau hayo. Tunatarajia kwenda nyuma ya hoteli na kupata mema na kulewa na kurudi kesho kwa siku ya pili wakati hopefully hali ya hewa itakuwa bora.<br />
On njia ya kurudi hoteli yetu, sisi kusimamishwa saa dive barabara inayoitwa Oasis Labon kwa bia au tatu. Ilikuwa mahali faraja - biker-style rednecks wamekaa kuzunguka katika jackets satin kunywa Kale Sinema makopo mrefu. Mimi kuweka "Longhaired Redneck" juu ya jukebox, na sisi kunywa wanandoa, beseni Vibe mitaa. Guys haya yote na wasichana inaonekana kama aina ya folks ambao wameweza mbio na wazazi wangu, isipokuwa wote wote aliyesema funny, kwa lafudhi ya kwamba wasingalikuwa Ulaya uliookwa nje yake na humidity ya Kusini. Jukebox Labon alikuwa na kitu lakini nchi Outlaw na kusini mwa jabali, kamili ya nchi twang yangu. eneo nzima ilikuwa amusing, na kama tunatarajia kukaa, mmoja wa guys hawa hatimaye ingekuwa wameweza kuongea takataka kwetu sisi, kwa kuwa sisi walikuwa wageni. Lakini kwa wakati huo, mimi tu ukaangaza yangu chipped-jino tabasamu, mafichoni mwitu dimple ndani ya ndevu unkempt, got grin kujua kutoka Waitress kusikitisha wakati sisi makazi up, na mimi na Brown kurudi hoteli.<br />
Siku iliyofuata ilikuwa inanyesha hata ngumu, na sisi alifanya uamuzi wa betabeta nyuma kuelekea nyumbani, hivyo hatukuwa na gari zima saa kumi na mbili juu ya Jumatatu. Na wengi wa Midwest bado hakuwa liking yetu. Tulikuwa na furaha mara kwa mara - wanaoendesha kupitia chunk Rico ya kusini upande Chicago ambapo folks alionekana bado kuelewa umuhimu wa kuwekewa nyuma. Sisi kuishia kupata nafuu katika chumba Dayton, Ohio, akizungukwa na faraja underclass ya ghetto, kamili na magari bass-thumping akipita sasa na baadaye, dingy buffets Kichina, viungo check-cashing na kama. Methed-nje vifaranga walikuwa wakitembea kwa njia ya kura ya maegesho ya hoteli, wawili kati yao hata kuambukizwa mimi kufungua mlango kusimama pale na kunywa bia, na kujaribu kuzungumza njia zao katika kuja katika kusubiri kwa ajili ya safari, ambayo katika uwezekano wote wanaotaka ' ve kuishia kuwa popote sisi akawafukuza. Kusahau kelele kwamba wote. Najua vifaranga tweaker, na wao kamwe kuangalia mazuri kama wao wenyewe kumbuka kuangalia, na ni karibu daima kamwe thamani shida.<br />
Siku ya pili, baada ya kile kilichoonekana kama milele kuendesha gari pamoja South 35 kupitia Ohio, sisi kuanza kuona dalili za kina kwa nchi, badala ya kuwa ni mhuri ndani ya muda mrefu mashamba, mraba. vichochoro nne ya 35 kupitia Ohio dhiki kwa mbili mara moja sisi walivuka katika West Virginia, ardhi kuanza kupanda na kuanguka, na ikaanza kuangalia kama nyumbani tena. Mimi na Brown alianza unclench. Wakati mwingine, safari ya barabara ni nzuri kwa ajili ya kitu zaidi ya kuwakumbusha ya nini upendo kuhusu ambapo kuishia katika maisha. Piedmont Virginia imekuwa ni nyumbani wangu wangu wote maisha, nje ya forays kifupi katika mwelekeo mmoja au mwingine, na wakati wowote mimi kuishia kupata nyuma kuelekea kuwa sehemu ya nchi, iwe ndani ya gari langu mwenyewe au mtu mwingine au juu ya basi Greyhound, anahisi kama nyumbani zaidi na zaidi kila wakati. Kuzimu, mimi nina kuongeza yangu mwenyewe watoto huko sasa.<br />
Kuhusu saa kando ya barabara inazidi mbaya mbili-mstari katika West Virginia nusu, sisi kupita uongofu van vunjwa juu kwenye kiraka cha changarawe pamoja upande wa barabara, pamoja na mwanamke frizzle-haired frantically akipunga mikono yake. Kulikuwa na magari kadhaa mbele yetu na wanandoa nyuma, na ndio mbele agizo juu ya trucking. Mimi na Brown aliamua kurejea nyuma karibu kuona nini kinachoendelea, gari nyuma yetu honking saa yetu kwa kupunguza chini ya kikomo kasi, kwa ajili ya kutafuta doa kugeuka. Tulipofika nyuma ambapo ilikuwa van, trekta na tela alikuwa tayari vunjwa juu, dereva mbio nyuma kwa kasi van kamili. Mimi vunjwa nyuma tu kama yeye kufikiwa ndani ya nyuma ya gari, na mwili kijana vijana walianguka nje, kichwa kwanza, ndani ya changarawe, miguu bado kukwama ndani ya van. Mimi mbio juu na kuulizwa kama mtu yeyote ametuita 911. dereva wa lori alisema mimi rig wake, kwa kunyakua kiini yake ya simu. Baada ya upigaji, mimi kupita simu mbali na mwanamke na hofu, kuwa na wazo asipajue kuzimu sisi. kid, kuangalia kama kumi na tano au hivyo, na kwa makovu kukata alama yote juu ya ndani ya forearms yake tayari, alikuwa amefungwa kwa namna fulani ukanda kiti shingoni katika jaribio la kujiua wakati hakuna mtu kulipa kipaumbele kwake katika nyuma ya van benchi kiti. Alikuwa anayepoteza, hakuna mtama, povu kinywani, macho yake wazi na inang'ara juu kama mbuzi wangu ambacho inaonekana wakati mimi akachukua kitambaa mbali baada ya choking yake. dakika muda mrefu baada ya dereva wa lori waliyokata ukanda kutoka shingoni kijana, alianza gurgling na gasping kidogo, na Pulse akaja nyuma. Yeye bado alikuwa hai. Kulikuwa na nene, zambarau pete kote koo wake kutoka ambapo yeye d amefungwa mwenyewe juu. Kama akapata fahamu, maneno ya kwanza yeye kuzisonga nje walikuwa, "Mimi ni wafu?" Tulimwambia hakuna, alifanya naye alikuwa amelala huko bado, na kuipangusa maji juu ya kichwa chake. Tukirudi nyuma sasa, alianza kituko nje, kuuliza kuhusu mama yake na kuhusu kile kilichotokea na jinsi yeye hakuwa na maana ya kufanya hivyo. Niliinama tena na kumwambia utulivu chini, msiwe na wasiwasi juu hakuna wa haki yote sasa. Bado kuwekewa changarawe, miguu Hung juu katika van, mangled-kuangalia na sobbing lightly, aliuliza, "Mimi ni kwenda kuwa haki ya wote?"<br />
frizzle-haired aliyejawa mwanamke ambaye d imekuwa kuendesha uhakika, "Wewe ni kwenda kuwa faini tu. Malaika hawa kusimamishwa na kusaidiwa wewe ". Aliiangalia saa yangu na Brown na dereva wa lori. "Kila asubuhi, mimi kuomba kwa ajili ya malaika, na walikuja leo." Na yeye hugged sisi wote, na kuwaokoa kujitolea kikosi ilionyesha juu, hivyo mimi na Brown akalipa nje haraka na bila majina.<br />
Na hata kama mimi si kuhisi kama mimi sana, kwamba tukio walionekana kuwa na righted mimi baada ya bending juu ya juu ya backside mbwa kufa katika giza nyuma ya nyumba yangu usiku mbuzi got kuuawa. Mimi wala kuhisi kama kulikuwa na kitu chochote maalum kuhusu mimi na Brown kuacha, wala mimi najisikia kama alivyofanya mwenyewe yoyote karmic nzuri kando ya barabara ya kuwa nje, kutupa kwa mkono ndogo kuweka baadhi kid kusikitisha kutokana na mauaji ya mwenyewe. Lakini mimi kuhisi kama mimi got mwenyewe juu ya keel hata mara ya pili. maneno matupu zamani anasema maisha ya kamari, na clichés huwa na bado kuwa na kidogo ya ukweli mafichoni ndani; lakini katika gambles zaidi, kuna mengi zaidi kuliko kupoteza kushinda kinachoendelea, ili kuhakikisha nyumba huja kutoka juu. Najisikia kama kama naweza kucheza njia yangu kwa njia kelele kuitwa maisha haya yote, na kukabiliana na mikono mbaya anahisi kama mimi nina kushughulikiwa, kuja kutoka nilikotoka na kufikiri njia Nadhani, kama naweza kuja nje hata, basi mimi nina kufanya pretty damned mema.<br />
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miezi michache baadaye, mimi kurudi makazi ndani ya wanyama, kuangalia kwa baadhi ya kittens kupata kama mshangao kwa binti zangu, na juu ya bodi kavu kufuta na mlango wa mbele katika kutembea, ilikuwa "Buddy antog" yameandikwa juu yake. Sasa, Buddy wetu alikuwa hakuna tag jina, hivyo hakuweza kuwa naye. Lakini pia kujua historia yake ya dodging kifo yote kumzunguka, ambaye anajua, inaweza kuwa. Na angeweza kuwa kuchimba, yake chafu ya njano pua ndani ya takataka ya mtu nyuma yadi unaweza hivi sasa.<br />
Pia, kubwa ya uharibifu derby kinachotokea katika Virginia kinachoendelea wiki ijayo katika mitaa kata ya haki, nafasi sawa mimi kwenda kuangalia jamii kufuatilia uchafu mara kwa mara. Utakuwa mzuri kwa kuangalia magari kuharibu kila mmoja katika mazingira ya starehe ambapo watu kuwa sawa mbaya lafudhi kwamba mimi kufanya, na mimi bado unaweza kuona kwamba familiar bluu ridge skyline pamoja makali yake yote.Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-7423580792293569512013-03-20T09:15:00.002-04:002013-03-20T09:15:13.143-04:00Я и БраунаМоя жена и я, мы оба наших собак, прежде чем мы стали придает юридическую себя. В самом деле, на одной из наших первых "даты" был после некоторого участнику, принимая то, что осталось пол-литра Jack Daniels этикетки зеленого и о копейки мешок трясти, мы собрали обе наши собаки, и «позаимствовал» минивэна друга, чтобы отправиться в Монтану, прямой внезапного побега из Ричмонда, штат Вирджиния, нажав на нас, кроме моей жены будет принят, и я, наконец, тоже, за K-Mart где-то в районе линии государства Западной Вирджинии.<br />
После того как мы на самом деле были женаты и живут вместе, собаки бежали вместе в течение многих лет, что делает его почти десять лет за штуку, прежде чем они оба погибли в трагической собак путей в стране всегда умирают - получить удар по unmufflered грузов и помятый свободные питбулей или всегда что-то яростно внезапно, в течение нескольких недель друг от друга. Таким образом, мы, вероятно, выглядел немного слишком легко для новой собаки, чтобы заменить эти старые.<br />
Первый из них, чтобы прийти была небольшая, пистолет-застенчивый, потерял охотничью собаку пришедших съежившись от леса, виляя хвостом, в поисках пищи. Я действительно не хотел ее, но жена и дети, хотя она никогда не подобраться достаточно близко для вас, чтобы погладить ее, если бы присоединились к этой собаке. Это стало нашей первой новой собаки - Лопух. Вы вряд ли когда-нибудь прикоснуться к ней, и если вы сделали это, потому что вы загнали в угол ее, и она приседать вниз на живот, держа ее голову под ее телом в то же время виляя хвостом - классический беглых проторенной бездомных.<br />
Мы приобрели нашу вторую собаку новая пара с моей младшей сестрой, которая все еще жила в безнадежном базу дом, где я вырос, где есть заводы фанеры окна и люди любимый досуг проверяют пределы жизни через суицидальные безрассудства. Это может включать машины, наркотики, или то, что достаточно удобно в руке. Моя младшая сестра получил завернутый в метамфетамин, выходя из дома только пойти к ней работу официанткой, она и ее бойфренд скрывался в пещере, как тракте дома по проселочной дороге, предаваясь за их пределы отступить. Оказалось, ее бойфренд также начали вмешиваются в трещину использования, а также, и все это время вместе, они были частью этой лаборатории / часть чау, большой желтый лох из собаки по кличке друзей, которые в основном остался прикован на входную дверь так, чтобы напугать Себя все более воровской членов черные люди, которые жили поблизости. Однажды ночью, когда ехал домой от чего-то или иначе, моя сестра уронила сигарету в автомобиле, и ее бойфренд провели колесо, пока она ловили для него. Он решил, что лучше, чтобы хлопнуть колесо влево и разбить их в дерево пор, как он - без ее ведома - воровал тысяч долларов от своей работы, чтобы помочь сохранить с его вкусом к трещины скал. Автомобиль сгорел, уничтожил половину того, что моя сестра собственности, и он убежал в лес и пропал. Когда они добрались туда, полицейские объяснили они уже ищет для него, и подозревал, что он разрушил машину на цель. Это было после моей сестры звонок, и она вернулась домой, чтобы получить себя в руки. Таким образом, мы взяли в друзей.<br />
Друзей была странная аура, что оставшийся в живых о нем. В то время как в пути в задней части пикапа, когда они двигались к своей пещере наркотиков, Бадди голубя, ковыляя прочь в лесу милях от места, где они оставили и куда они идут. Они смотрели и искали его, но не нашел его. Три недели спустя, он пришел прихрамывая по дороге, тупой как никогда, и он каким-то образом добрался до своего нового дома. Мой друг сестра нашла его на несколько лет раньше от некоторых других аналогичных искаженное опыт, так друзей было непроницаемым урод животных, более диким, чем животное-как, хотя доброжелательный.<br />
Бадди и лопуха - наша новая пара собак - они никогда не разработана. Они бежали дороги вокруг фермы мы жили рядом слишком много, волоча туши оленя домой, возвращаясь с царапины от отходов, и просто быть общие неприятности. Они боятся наши дети половину времени, и когда они тащили в непотрошеных оленей ребенок, я понял, что они не просто найти остатки быдло охоты в лесу, но на самом деле бежал слабые олени сами по себе. Я никогда не видел логики в том, чтобы собаки в сельской местности и держать их приковали или написал, так что я старался, чтобы обучить их, пожилых собак, которых они были. Не повезло же. Buddy'd погони каждого мотоцикла или самосвала, что проехал мимо, и лопуха бродил домой с мусором или тварей в рот половину времени. Я ждал того дня, когда некоторые проселочной дороге горячий удар по его промежности ракеты уничтожены, потому что собаки нырнули из высокой травы в кювет, пытаясь укусить его заднее колесо.<br />
Я пытался без особого энтузиазма, чтобы найти где-нибудь для собак, чтобы пойти, просят вокруг и вызывая местный приют, который всегда был забронирован за пределы емкости. Но последней каплей, когда я вернулся домой с работы в один день, и моя жена была внизу в поле, крича на меня. У нас было три козы - мама и двое детей, - и мы не удосужился доения как мы планировали. Но я привязался к ним. Козы странных существ, и весело скандал вокруг, хотя они будут обрезать колено сзади, как средний полузащитник из дней кожаный шлем. Выросший металлист себя, казалось, идеально иметь эти обложки альбома-подобных существ, и я всегда хотел их называть вещи, как Исход или Kreator или Кирит Унгол или какое-либо другое имя группы из моей юношеской каракули скелетов обмолота этапов перед тысячу посадить на кол, обезглавленные тела на ноутбуке бумаги, предназначенные для математических задач. Наличие двух дочерей и жену, хотя, коз закончился с такими именами, как морковь или пряник или лаванды все время.<br />
Ну, собак, которых, видимо, стал более диким, чем мы поняли, загнан в угол наших старых коз на пастбище и помятый ее хорошо. Моя жена боролась их и держал их в страхе, стоящих защитно над умирающим козы, держа наши-летний на одном бедре, которая в течение нескольких месяцев после спрашивал на ломаном разговор ребенка, "Коза больно? Коза умереть? "<br />
Я схватил обеих собак и бросили их в пару крольчатники я нашел на свалке один раз, и пошел, как правило, козы. Она была сильное кровотечение и был внутренности тащит под ней. Я всегда был один, чтобы кормить и играть с козами, и у меня есть скамья, там их пера, так что я хотел бы получить высокое и поднимать тяжести и сидеть на молоко ящик и просто болтаются в края этой области с козами много времени, так что они привязались ко мне, коз быть очень социальные существа. Это коза оживился, когда я туда попал, так что вместо смерти, как она должна была сделать, она болталась на ней корявыми-до ног, глядя на меня: "Ты собираешься это исправить?" Но не было ничего, что я мог сделать , и у меня не было достаточно денег для телефонных счетов и страхования автомобиля, а тем более что-то вроде получения робкий, любящий животных, псевдо-врач завышенную мне действовать, как мой козел был мой дед и шить на нее и работают на нее и все, что шум.<br />
Примерно через час, и это становится темно, было очевидно, что коза была не собирается идти на ее собственную, так что я бросил полотенце на голову. Она была очень слаба от потери крови, и я наклонился на нее жесткий, удушающий ее прикончить, что собаки начали. Мы называли друг, кто имеет домашних животных сказала мне, что самый быстрый способ был перерезать им горло или стрелять в них, но я не держу оружие и не мог построить себе до используя мой морской нож, чтобы разрезать старшая коза семьи.<br />
В настоящее время проблема была собаки должны были пойти как хорошо. Вырастая, мы должны были бродячие собаки убийства, время от времени, когда мы оглянуться вокруг и понимаю, было около семи полудиких, чесотка охваченном звери бегают по двору все время, и мой папа и его приятель бы вытащить пистолетами и стрелять их всех, когда это необходимо для разжижения стадо. Но, как я уже сказал, я не держать оружие, так что нож был единственный выбор, и что до сих пор казалось довольно скручены в меня. Я взял меньше собака - Лопух - со скакалкой петлей на шее для ведущего, так как ни собака носила ошейник, и взял ее обратно в лес за домом. Я думал о том, как легко в физических усилий это было выдавить козы, поэтому я ошибочно убедил себя, я мог бы просто задушить эту маленькую бездомную собаку охоте, без использования ножа я привез с собой. Я затянул веревку трудно, завернул его четыре или пять раз вокруг моей один кулак и потянул, упираясь задней части шеи собаки с другой стороны, расположенной на дурака в кромешной темноте леса. Но независимо от того, как сильно я сделал это, собака не умрет. Я позволю, и слушать, чтобы увидеть, что происходит в темноте подо мной, и собака будет скулить покорно, по-прежнему пытается вилять хвостом.<br />
Здесь я был, взрослый, образованный человек, сидя на верхней части собаки, кто всю жизнь был бить падения и злоупотребления, пытаясь задушить ее. Я чувствовал, что некоторые вырожденные убить проститутку, все дело поставив меня слишком в контакт с некоторыми первичной призывает похоронен внутри всех нас. Наконец, примерно через десять минут этой пытки, когда я понял, что пути назад нет, так как я бы, вероятно, поврежден мозг собаки, чтобы не было позволяя веревку свободно, а ее колебания вокруг, как на слабоумного, я должен был перерезать ей горла. Теперь я нарезал на оленя до этого был мертв в течение короткого времени уже, но никогда не перерезал горло живых животных. Сидя там в тяжелых темных на пенек, желая убедиться, что собака была мертва, услышав звуки перекачки крови через зияющие черта я положил ей на шею ... это было худшее звучание шума я слышал, выгравированы права в моем сердце. Был не так, что я мог сделать, что для других крупных собак, тот самый, что был прикован за пределами дома моей сестры в течение многих лет. Я не знаю, может быть, я слишком слабая или слишком эмоциональным, но я не хочу, чтобы начать зарабатывать практике, ни даже больше памяти, делать такие вещи с собакой.<br />
Я взял веревку кровавые увести из лопуха, похоронили ее, вернулся в кроличьи клетки, и надел его на друзей. Я потащил его к себе в машину, и поехали в вечно переполненных приюте, который был вечно переполненный в середине ночи, циклы приводят к воротам для них, чтобы найти утром. Это не возможно, был прав в своих глазах, но они, наверное, важно, что меньше, чем мне убить его с ног длиной лезвия.<br />
Весь инцидент, хотя нормальная старая ферма деятельности школы, сбил моего не старой школы, не по-хозяйски задницу в неисправном состоянии. Жуткие убийства вырожденных проститутка параллельных хранится подпрыгивая в моей голове, и я просто не чувствует себя хорошо, грязные по всему, испытание, даже если все, что я сделал, было то, что я должен был сделать.<br />
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В любом случае, я строил себе в течение нескольких месяцев для поездки дорогу весне из сельских Иллинойс, чтобы увидеть это один раз в год, гигантские дерби снос называется Metal Mayhem, с $ 10.000 кошелек. Это один из самых больших есть, с пару сотен машин, и меня, и моих путешествиях приятель имени Брауна были раздутыми. Я надеялся, что эта поездка, блуждая дорога освобождается от ответственности, даже если только в течение четырех или пяти дней, может мыть мне о моей вине.<br />
Я никогда не был, чтобы на Среднем Западе и раньше. Бесконечные разрастание и стерилизовать взгляды Чикаго ползал меня. Моя мать была на самом деле родился там, и это было странно представить себе, я мог бы была выведена на фоне том, что вместо сельской Вирджинии. До и после Чикаго на поездку через, на Среднем Западе просто оптимальной меня и Брауна из ничего, кроме равнины, навсегда.<br />
Видимо, снос дерби большие времени в этой части страны. Вернувшись домой, они могут иметь пять или шесть в целом состоянии в течение всего года, как правило, на ярмарках округа. Там, демо-дерби большие дела, и экипажи парни на самом деле формировать команды водителей и путешествовать вместе несколько государств в любом направлении, чтобы пойти на большие трофеи и обещание платить меньше скудной-офф. Состав земли должен иметь что-то с ним делать, потому что дома все холмы и горы, и кривые и ручьев, вы бы с трудом решился ехать полчаса, не видя пластиковых букет на ограждение или деревянный крест в кювет, где кто-то погиб в автомобильной аварии. Ушел на Среднем Западе, дороги так прямо и земля настолько плоским, он должен быть действительно сорвать автомобиль достаточно плохо, чтобы калечить себя, так демо-дерби дает этим ребятам, которые все, казалось, было довольно молодой, шанс Тест жизнь пределах через безрассудство, так же, как домой люди.<br />
В первый день дерби начинали, моросил дождь и холодно, просто чисто несчастный погода, которая также сделала дерби грязной ямы и медленно. Сорок тепла переполнения автомобиль за $ 2500 мы наблюдали потребовалось почти три часа, чтобы закончить. Все мероприятие было очевидно, будет длиться вечно. Это было большое удовольствие на некоторое время наблюдал, как автомобиль может стать настолько искажены, крылья рухнул, тяг сломана, один автомобиль, даже не имея своего колесо повернулся боком, так что одно колесо плашмя на землю, как летающую тарелку, но его старый двигатель Detroit прежнему питания путем, заставляя разбитых металла передвигаться дальше, чем это когда-либо должно. Но снос дерби в конечном итоге много, как порнографию в том, что любой здравомыслящий человек не должен сидеть там и смотреть его восемь часов подряд, так как нет никакой конечной кульминации, которые можно получить из таких чувственных излишество. Это Metal Mayhem была в Ogle Окружная ярмарка в никуда, штат Иллинойс, целыми семьями сгорбившись вместе внутри крышки дождем без трибун. Sad мешков, как мы стояли вокруг, борьба за визуальное позиционирование по отношению к конкретным перила граничащие области дерби, получая шел дождь и грязь брызнула на нас с грохот машин. Я и Браун сделал пит-стоп в машину, чтобы вытащить пару пива из холодильника на заднем сиденье, и, сидя в машине, в тот дождливый, несчастный поле равнине, мы решили забыть. Мы вернулись в отель и получить хороший и пьяный и приходите завтра на второй день, когда, надеюсь, погода будет лучше.<br />
На обратном пути в наш отель, мы остановились в придорожном погружении называется Oasis Лабон для пива или три. Это было утешительно место - байкер-стиле быдло сидит в атласных куртках питьевой Старый стиль высоких банок. Я поставил «длинноволосого Redneck" на музыкальном автомате, и мы выпили пару, впитывая в местной атмосферой. Все эти парни и девушки выглядели как тип людей, которые бы уже побежал с моими родителями, за исключением всех все они говорили смешно, с акцентом, который не имел Европе запеченная из ее южных влажности. Музыкальный автомат Лабон не имел ничего, но страна вне закона и южного рока, полный моей родины протяжный звук. Вся сцена была забавной, и если бы мы остались, один из этих парней в конечном итоге будет уже говорили мусор на нас, пока мы были чужими. Но на тот момент, я просто мелькнула моя сколы зуба улыбка, ямочка диких скрывается внутри неопрятной бородой, получила зная, улыбка с печальным официанткой в то время как мы поселились, и меня, и Браун вернулись в отель.<br />
На следующий день шел дождь еще сильнее, и мы приняли решение блуждать обратно к дому, так что мы не должны ездить все двенадцать часов в понедельник. И большинство из Среднем Западе еще не было в нашей симпатии. У нас были случайные радости - езда по Испанец кусок южной стороне Чикаго, где люди оказались еще понимают важность прокладки обратно. Мы закончили тем, что получили дешевый номер в Дейтоне, штат Огайо, в окружении низшего удобства гетто, в комплекте с бас-стук транспортных средств, проходящих по настоящее время, а затем, грязно китайских буфетов, при регистрации по обналичиванию суставов и тому подобное. Methed выезда цыплят шли через парковку отеля, два из них даже ловить меня открыть дверь, чтобы стоять там и пить пиво, и пытаются говорить на их пути в ближайшие ждать поездки, которая по всей вероятности, будет " ве закончил тем, что везде, где мы вынудили их. Забудьте все, что шум. Я знаю, твикер цыплят, и они никогда не выглядят так хорошо, как они помнят себя смотреть, и это почти всегда никогда не стоит свеч.<br />
На следующий день, после того, что казалось, навсегда, проезжая по 35 South через Огайо, мы начали видеть признаки глубины земли, а после его штамп в длину, площадь полей. Четыре полосы 35 через Огайо сузился до двух раз мы перешли в Западной Вирджинии, земля начала подниматься и опускаться, и он начал искать, как домой. Я и Браун начал разжимать. Иногда, дорожной поездке хорошо для не более чем напоминать вам о том, что вам нравится, где вы оказались в жизнь. Пьемонт Вирджиния был моим домом всю мою жизнь, за пределами краткие вылазки в ту или иную сторону, и когда я в конечном итоге возвращается к той части страны, будь то в моем собственном автомобиле или чужое, или на Greyhound автобус, он чувствует, как дом все больше и больше каждый раз. Черт, я поднимаю мои собственные дети сейчас там.<br />
Примерно через полчаса по более грубой двухполосной дороги в Западной Вирджинии, мы прошли преобразования Ван остановился на участок гравия вдоль обочины дороги, с Frizzle черноволосая женщина отчаянно размахивая руками. Были пару машин перед нами, и несколько позади, и те, перед хранится на грузоперевозки. Я и Браун решил повернуть назад, чтобы посмотреть, что происходит, автомобиль позади сигналят у нас для замедления ниже ограничения скорости, в поисках места, чтобы развернуться. Когда мы добрались туда, где Ван был, тягач и прицеп уже остановился, водитель бег назад на ван полной скорости. Я остановился позади так же, как он достиг в заднюю часть фургона, и тело подростка упал головой вперед, в гравий, ноги застряли внутри фургона. Я подбежал и спросил, если кто-нибудь позвонил 911. Водитель грузовика указал мне на его установки, чтобы захватить его сотовый телефон. После набора номера, я прошел при выключенном телефоне с неистовой женщиной, не зная, знает где, черт возьми, мы были. Ребенок, глядя на пятнадцать или около того, и с разрезом шрамы марки на всем протяжении внутренней предплечий уже как-то завернул ремня на шее в попытке покончить жизнь самоубийством в то время как никто не обращал на него внимания в спину фургона сиденья. Он был безжизненным, ни пульса, с пеной у рта, глаза открыты и потускнели, как моя коза выглядела, когда я взял полотенце после удушья ее. Долгую минуту после того, как водитель грузовика перерезал ремень с шеи мальчика, он начал бульканье и задыхаясь немного, и пульс вернулся. Он был еще жив. Существовал толстые, фиолетовые кольца вокруг его горла, откуда он связали себя. Когда он пришел в сознание, первые слова он выдавил было, "Я умер?" Мы сказали ему, нет, сделали его лежал неподвижно, и вытер воду на голову. Возвращаясь теперь, он начал волноваться, спрашивать о его маме и о том, что произошло и как он не хотел этого делать. Я наклонился и сказал ему, чтобы успокоиться, не беспокойтесь ни один из всего, что прямо сейчас. Тем не менее лежал на гравии, ногами повесили в фургоне, искажаются перспективных и рыдая легко, он спросил: "Я собираюсь быть все в порядке?"<br />
Завивать волосы неистовой женщины, которая бы была движущей заверил: "Вы будете просто отлично. Эти ангелы остановился и помог вам. "Она посмотрела на меня и Брауна и водитель грузовика. "Каждое утро я молюсь за ангелами, и они пришли сегодня." И она обняла всех нас, и отряд добровольцев спасательной показал вверх, так меня и Брауна очистили быстро и анонимно.<br />
И хотя я не чувствую, что я много сделал, что инцидент, казалось, исправил меня после того, склонившись над верхней части задней умирают собаки в темноте позади моего дома, что ночью козы были убиты. Я не чувствую, как там было ничего особенного обо мне и Браун остановки, и я не чувствую, что я сделал себе любые кармические хорошего по этому иностранные дороге, бросали в маленькой рукой, чтобы сохранить некоторые печальные ребенка от убийства самого себя. Но я чувствую, как я выбрался на ровный киль снова. Старое клише говорит, что жизнь в азартные игры, и клише, как правило, еще есть немного правды скрывается внутри, но в большинстве азартных игр, есть много более убыточной, чем выиграть дело, чтобы гарантировать дом выходит на первое место. Я чувствую, что если я могу играть мой путь через весь этот шум называется жизнью, и иметь дело с плохими руками он чувствует, как я рассматривались, исходя из, откуда я родом и думаю, как я думаю, если я могу выйти даже, Затем я делаю чертовски хороша.<br />
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Пару месяцев спустя, я вернулся в местном приюте для животных, глядя на некоторые котят, чтобы получить в качестве сюрприза для моих дочерей, и на сухой доске стирания у входной двери, ходить в, он "Buddy принято", написанные на ней. Теперь наши друзья не имели имен тегов, так что не было его. Но и зная его истории уклонение все смерти, которые окружали его, кто знает, может быть. И он может быть рыть его грязной, желтой мордой в спину мусор дворе кто-то может прямо сейчас.<br />
Кроме того, крупнейший Demolition Derby, что происходит в Вирджинии собирается на следующей неделе в местной ярмарке, то же самое место, я иду, чтобы посмотреть рас грунтовой дороге время от времени. Это будет приятно смотреть, автомобили уничтожают друг друга в удобное окрестностей, где люди имеют те же плохие акцентом, что я делаю, и я все еще могу видеть, что знакомый синий горизонт хребта вдоль края все это.Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-72820392527744781142013-02-14T09:40:00.000-05:002013-02-14T09:40:50.494-05:003 Soccer Games of the Day for TodayThree things of note regarding the soccerballs today. The African version of the UEFA Champions League begins it's first preliminary round today, so that gives us great things like...<br />
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<i>(this is literally Lesotho Correctional Services' home pitch, capacity 3000 in case you were wondering; I would assume that's standing room only)</i></div>
<b>#1: DYNAMOS F.C. vs. LESOTHO CORRECTIONAL SERVICES</b><br />
This preliminary round of the CAF Champions League is your normal home-and-away tie, with aggregate winners moving on to the official First Round of 32 teams. Dynamos aka the Glamour Boys is a team from Zimbabwe. But the real interesting thing to me is that there is a team called Lesotho Correctional Services, which makes me assume this is either a team of prison guards or of prisoners, which then leads to the whole possibility of famous footballers being wrongly imprisoned just to perform on the LCS team for a corrupt warden. I am going to assume that's what is going on here.<br />
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<a href="http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/incoming/article883388.ece/ALTERNATES/gallery-large/Corinthians-Palmeiras-fan+trouble+cropped" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="161" src="http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/incoming/article883388.ece/ALTERNATES/gallery-large/Corinthians-Palmeiras-fan+trouble+cropped" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>(just another day of chillingly battling riot police for Palmeiras fans)</i></div>
<b>#2: SPORTING CRISTAL vs. PALMEIRAS</b><br />
Meanwhile, back down in South America, one of Peru's top teams (Sporting Cristal) is going up against one of Brazil's most popular teams (Palmeiras) in Peru. I would very much like to disappear from this bullshit country called America and do life research on psychotropical drugs in South America while also maintaining a writing presence covering the human aspect of football on that continent. All sugar mama benefactors apply to my email address. I am pretty talented at oral linguistics.<br />
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<i>(just your standard rooster on a soccer ball with a knight holding a bloody sword team logo tattoo)</i></div>
<b>#3: TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR vs. LYON</b><br />
In case you didn't know, the UEFA Europa League is like a second-tier to UEFA club championships, below the Champions League, so sort of like the American NIT tournament, major leagues are not stoked to go there but then maybe win a couple and then are like, "Oh okay, we'll see what we can do here." And then smaller leagues (countries in this case) are super-stoked to have a chance to beat up on bigger league teams, albeit on a smaller scale than the Champions League. This game is not like that because they've gotten to the knockout round of 32, which is a home-and-away, and EPL heavyweight Tottenham Hotspur aka the snarky hipster's team of choice (for those too cool for cool ass Arsenal) going up against a stupid French team. Fuck French teams. I like the Spurs because they have Clint Dempsey and I read an interview one time where he talked about listening to DJ Screw a lot. That's really all I need, to think some football dude from Texas is riding around on the wrong side of the road in London, bumping some Screw tapes, drinking codeine or whatever European codeine is, I guess for-real absinthe or something.<br />
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In yesterday's games of note; Atletico Mineiro beat Sao Paulo, 2 to 1; Manchester United and Real Madrid drew 1/1; and Shakthar Donetsk and Borussia Dortmund drew 2/2.<br />
TWO DAYS IN A ROW I HAVE DONE THIS NOW!<br />
<br />Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-27795800980655151222013-02-13T10:42:00.000-05:002013-02-13T10:42:04.934-05:003 Soccer Games of the Day for TodayHey I know let's make this a football blog like world football for drug-addled degenerate Americans, won't that be fun? Might that last a week? Here are your games of the day assholes...<br />
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<i>(world superstar Ronaldhino, who now plays for Atletico Mineiro)</i></div>
<b>#1: ATLETICO MINEIRO vs. SAO PAULO</b> - Copa Libertadores is the South American club competition, which just started it's second stage - the group stage. Atletico Mineiro and Sao Paulo are two Brazilian clubs that got drawn in to the same group for this round, and if the internet has taught me anything about Brazil and soccer, you can expect women with large asses having sex in public places, and everybody might get stabbed or shot or stabbed with old rusty guns with the barrels filed down into gun-knives. Should be great.<br />
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<i>(lolol Wayne Rooney plus the word gash)</i></div>
<b>#2: MANCHESTER UNITED vs. REAL MADRID</b> - Oh wait, this is the internet in America, so you're probably a white asshole, right? You probably are like, "Champions League" all the time, and perhaps even one of those snarky internet assholes who considers yourself a Premier League fan. Well, yes your stupid Euro-Aryan Champions League started teh first leg of it's 16 round, and stupid fuckface Man U with stupid super fuckface die now shithead Wayne Rooney is playing against Real Madrid. That's probably the game that'll be on American TV. I don't know man, seems like rich white people bullshit to me, and mostly what I love about soccer is broke motherfuckers being involved. Although I coach youth soccer and had a British kid a few years back who scored his first goal ever and he did the Wayne Rooney celebration and it was a special moment for him, for me, for his parents, we were all very proud. I don't think Wayne Rooney is proud of anything any more - he just exists as the vortex of soul sucking in objects.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB6OSqCBL3liTtXJDRFYxJ0Y-cnCSscVkB3F80zeTtez_iEL8eNj4fmRZrX6mR27HcWMDn4Dh60raw1yIuRKgjb9cnqqhIEuAJ-lZr2N1I_iwV3sh-LPjXgyT_fhyF07POlzMKsvYiigLo/s1600/-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB6OSqCBL3liTtXJDRFYxJ0Y-cnCSscVkB3F80zeTtez_iEL8eNj4fmRZrX6mR27HcWMDn4Dh60raw1yIuRKgjb9cnqqhIEuAJ-lZr2N1I_iwV3sh-LPjXgyT_fhyF07POlzMKsvYiigLo/s320/-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>(just some chill ass Ukrainians, nah mean?)</i></div>
<b>#3: SHAKHTAR DONETSK vs. BORUSSIA DORTMUND</b> - This is your alternative Champions League game of note today, because Shaktar Donetsk is Ukrainian, they are the Miners, and their team crest has mining implements on it, chill ass Halloween colors, and says "WAXTAP" which on this Ass Wednesday, after having thought about Brazilian women, seems highly sexualized to me. So hopefully I will have sex, with a human, today, at some point.Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-26029252417548045032013-02-11T10:51:00.000-05:002013-02-11T10:51:10.827-05:00Congratulations Nigeria Super Eagles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The Nigeria Super Eagles who were being bombarded with self-hatred by fucking Nigerians all over the world in the early stages of the Africa Cup ended up coming out on top, beating the Burkina Faso Burkinafasos, 1 to 0, somewhere in South Africa, which is like the one white country in Africa everybody feels okay to go to, even though the whites don't run shit any more. It is the first time Nigeria won the major international competition based on the motherland of humanity's land mass since 1994, long before Hollywood sold red t-shirts to commemorate AIDS. As a man who has always wanted to sell off all his American stuff, live in an old army transport vehicle while travelling the countryside in the United Kingdom, until he became afoul of the law there not used to his new world freedom sensibilities, and ended up running a small militia of metaphysicist Yorubans steeped in Rene Guenon's writings, I am happy for Nigeria.<iframe bordercolor="#000000" frameborder="0" height="200" hspace="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://ad.doubleclick.net/adi/N7433.148119.BLOGGEREN/B6676330.1033;sz=200x200;ord=[timestamp]?;lid=41000613802463762;pid=UBM9780595319497;usg=AFHzDLsiaRI7091ktkImwRCgsF3Q2Aix6A;adurl=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.cdsbooksdvds.com%252Fproduct.jhtm%253Fsku%253DUBM9780595319497;pubid=620513;imgsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fc383375.r75.cf1.rackcdn.com%2F9780595319497.jpg;width=133;height=200" vspace="0" width="200"></iframe><iframe bordercolor="#000000" frameborder="0" height="200" hspace="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://ad.doubleclick.net/adi/N7433.148119.BLOGGEREN/B6696696.341;sz=200x200;ord=[timestamp]?;lid=41000613802463524;pid=27315370;usg=AFHzDLs8HmD9HtNgQPVHozJlQNOqb_udkw;adurl=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.cafepress.com%252Fmf%252F8123649%252Fi-love-nigeria_baseball-jersey%253Fcmp%253Dpfc--f--us--102--27315370%2526sourcecode%253Daffiliate%2526pid%253D6673073%2526utm_cp_signal%253D20%2526productid%253D27315370;pubid=620513;imgsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.cafepress.com%2Fproduct%2F27315370_480x480_f.jpg;width=200;height=200" vspace="0" width="200"></iframe><iframe bordercolor="#000000" frameborder="0" height="200" hspace="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://ad.doubleclick.net/adi/N7433.148119.BLOGGEREN/B6676330.1035;sz=200x200;ord=[timestamp]?;lid=41000613802463762;pid=UBM9780595459216;usg=AFHzDLuXww2JSx-ePhuqK7q_pnfMyecPaQ;adurl=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.cdsbooksdvds.com%252Fproduct.jhtm%253Fsku%253DUBM9780595459216;pubid=620513;imgsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fc383089.r89.cf1.rackcdn.com%2F9780595459216.jpg;width=133;height=200" vspace="0" width="200"></iframe>Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-90283481307880189992013-01-24T14:45:00.000-05:002013-01-24T14:45:21.488-05:002013 All-Armchair Linebacker Team (numbers 23 through 33)<br />
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Look, I don’t feel like writing this shit today. So here’s
what we’ll do. Go buy yourself a twenty bag and roll up two big blunts. Then
start smoking the first one. I’m going to tell you some music stuff to look up
on youtube for these players on the All-ACLB team, one rap-type shit and one
rock-type shit for each…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#23: Arian Foster (RB, Houston Texans)</b> – Maybe the most
metaphysical fucker in the NFL. Look up Wise Intelligent’s “Illuminati” video.
Yeah I could probably put links but fuck it, I want you to wormhole yourself
here. As for rock, I guess it would have to be kinda wacky, and might as well
represent Texas, so look you up some Roky Erickson. Old Roky with 13th Floor
Elevators is cool, but maybe you’ll get the Roky documentary there too, which
would be nice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#24: Marshawn Lynch (RB, Seattle Seahawks) </b>– Beast Mode,
from the Bay Area. Fuck rock on this one, just put “classic E-40” in the
googlebox, but somewhere in there mix in “Life is Too Short” by Too Short, for
clarity.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#25: Richard Sherman (CB, Seattle Seahawks)</b> – Intelligent
shit-talking, aka the NFL embodiment of back-packer rap and nerd metal, and
abusing Adderall. Might seem like a Danny Brown choice, but I think Danny Brown
wallows in the darkness too easily. Go for the official video for “Pineal Gland”
by Ab-Soul, and see if “Book of Soul” is there while you’re at it. As for rock,
early Mastodon, definitely.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#26: Atari Bigby (S, San Diego Chargers)</b> – Simply here
because of his name, as I hate all Chargers, forever. But San Diego is at the
border with Mexico and we probably could use a break. Scope you out some cumbia
rebajada as done by Sonidero Duenez, which is like the screwed and chopped
music done in Monterrey in the late ‘60s. You’ll be glad you did. Or maybe you
won’t because you’re an uptight bitch who didn’t actually get high at the
beginning of this article like I told you. In that case, your lack of enjoyment
is due to your own not following the goddamn formula laid out for you. So fuck
you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#27: Rashean Mathis (CB, Jacksonville Jaguars)</b> – Florida
mini-dreads means Gunplay. Look up that “The Hard Way” song, as that’ll get you
hyped the fuck up again. A good rock match for this is Pentagram’s “Forever My
Queen”. I mean, they don’t really match but when it’s cold outside and you are
high and it’s nearly a full moon and you want to get your crazed mind of a
Charles Simic lunatic snowflake on, Gunplay and Pentagram are a good combo,
both in terms of music as well as actual things you are utilizing for leisure.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#28: Tom Zbikowski (S, Indianapolis Colts) </b>– Haha, I don’t
even know why I included him. Probably to be contrarian towards Adrian
Peterson, whose bug eyes freak me out. Whiteboy safety returning punts in white
people Colts uniforms pure Indiana style is funny. Do you have Audacity for
mixing tracks? You should get Audacity, and put some Scott Biram on there
first, maybe “Reefer Load” or 18-Wheeler Fever” but then mix the sound on that
one down to about 33%. Then put “Kush Clouds” by Freddie Gibbs over top, or
fuck that, put “G.I. Pride” by Gibbs, going more old school (as old school as
Gangsta Gibbs can get) and put that over top the Biram, so that then you can
play it and it is Freddie Gibbs but with Scott Biram blurring up the
background. There, you have Indiana drug music. You’re welcome.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#29: Earl Thomas (S, Seattle Seahawks)</b> – Why are there so
many fucking Seahawks on this thing? What the fuck man? I hate the Seahawks. Oh
well, go listen to “Drop” by Earl Sweatshirt, and then Steve Earle’s version of
“Mr. Mudd & Mr. Gold”. Actually that Steve Earle song is dope as fuck; it’s
why I have a Jack of Diamonds tattooed on my dick. Jack of Diamonds is a hard
card to play.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#30: LaRon Landry (S, New York Jets)</b> – Haha, LaRon. No rap,
no rock, just R&B music late at night doing push-ups by yourself. But you
are already high, right? Okay, go get OG Ron C’s chopped not slopped version of
Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange called Channel Purple. By the time you get through
“Pyramids” and “Pink Matter” you ought to be halfway done on that second joint,
and wishing you had dipped it in embalming fluid first.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#31: Cortland Finnegan (CB, St. Louis Rams)</b> – Pure
shit-talker. Pure Shit Talker. Listen to three Action Bronson songs (make one
of them “Barry Horowitz” though), and then “The Black Mass” by Pagan Altar just
to cleanse your aural palette and you’re almost done here.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#32: Jacquizz Rogers (RB, Atlanta Falcons)</b> – Haha, what a
funny name. Makes me think of Jacuzzi rooms in the hotel, getting ass back in
the day. Oh man, to rent the Jacuzzi room at the Comfort Inn for the weekend,
getting fucked up as shit, those were good times. Oddly enough I find my sexual
stamina is more long-lasting now that I don’t drink alcohol. I get in this
weird mode where I’m dialed in and start having this weird brain sweat thing
going on and I literally can just do it forever, focused on my 3rd eye. I’m
interested in the changes in the brain chemistry during sex, and what drives
men to want to ejaculate in order to release those dopamines, because with the philosophy
of Chinaman old crazy dudes who just have sex with no orgasm gaining Qi force,
there’s something to it. I can feel it in my own life; I have found this to be
true. I’d like to know the chemical causes of this. How do we increase those
pre-orgasm chemistries naturally without getting the release of orgasmic
dopamine, and how does that stimulate Qi? No songs this time, sorry, we were
thinking instead. Maybe watch five minutes of a Sun-Ra documentary while you
think about it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#33: Jewel Hampton (RB, San Francisco 49ers)</b> – Don’t even
know who this dude is but his name is Jewel Hampton. You can just keep watching
the Sun-Ra documentary. It’ll be good for you.<o:p></o:p></div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-91825795609404418552013-01-23T15:05:00.000-05:002013-01-23T15:05:26.259-05:002013 All-Armchair Linebacker Team (numbers 2 through 22)<br />
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In case you missed yesterday’s first part to this 2013
All-Armchair Linebacker team, well then you’re fucked. You’ll never catch up at
this point. Anyways, today we go through numbers 12 to 22. These are the
higher-profile QBs where one number was not enough, or misfit kickers or
punters, or WRs who at first barely make a football team as a special teams guy
with a second-hand number in training camp, but then it sticks. These are also
the early 20s numbers, star numbers for players better than an under-20 number
would warrant, but need to be first in line on the regular, non-pussy
specialist dude roster. So let’s get to it…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#12: Tom Brady (QB, New England Patriots)</b> – You know what? A
really strange thing happened to me after that Patriots/Ravens game the other
day, as I had been rooting against Belichick/Brady like anybody else with any
human decency. But then there was Ray Lewis trying to take off his shoulder
pads with 2 minutes left in the game so he could show off his stupid fucking
Jesus shirt, and somebody is like, “No no no no” to him because you know, the
game’s not over. So he lurks around, then gets himself unstrapped really
quickly after the game so he can very melodramatically crouch down in the
center of the field and gibber-pray some bullshit, with no teammates around at
all, surrounded by media cameras, with his stupid tank top message on. And I
realized, here I was rooting against Tom Brady this whole time, thinking he was
a total douchebag, when in actuality the real total douche of the NFL was on
the other side, in the form of Ray Lewis. All too often the Ray Lewis opinion
is either, “He’s great” or “He stabbed people so I am uncomfortable with him.”
Neither of these really address the issue of what a melodramatic queen type he
truly is, and how he’s easily – EASILY – the biggest douchebag in the NFL. Why
do I say all this as I talk about Tom Brady on the All-ACLB team? Because it’s
my way of explaining that yes Tom Brady is handsome by magazine advertisement
standards, and yes he is rich, and yes he has won three Super Bowls already.
And yes, he was George Bush’s guest a bunch of times. But how is he really that
bad? Like what are the genuine displays of outright douchery he has committed
lately. Now I understand this might just mean he has excellent handlers and PR
people, but still, being handled properly and relating to the public well is
not necessarily a horrible thing, now is it?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#13: T.Y. Hilton (WR, Indianapolis Colts)</b> – Mostly I like
him because his name sounds like an actor on one of those WB network urban
sitcoms. Sometimes I can’t sleep and I am sitting around late doing nothing
naked on the couch high on hydrocodone, and I end up watching those shows –
like Sisters or Meet the Pains (or whatever) where that one dude wears the most
garish clothes possible. I’m not even sure most white people know these things
exist. But also, racial composition is not scientific at all, and actually a
political tool, so ultimately it doesn’t matter if white people know it exists,
because “white people” themselves don’t truly exist, at least not
scientifically.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#14: Zoltan Mesko (P, New England Patriots)</b> – If you are
named Zoltan, you will be on the All ACLB team. That’s been the new rule ever
since Mack Strong retired.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#15: Tim Tebow (QB, New York Jets)</b> – The whole Sanchez/Rex
Ryan thing I wrote about yesterday is even more bizarre when you add in Tim
Tebow to the whole thing. I know locker room codes are not broken, and the NFL
is very strict in enforcing its kayfabe policies of not revealing bullshit to
the rubes/marks at large (meaning you and me), but man, I bet the story beneath
the underbelly of the 2012 New York Jets
is quite an amazing story.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#16: Josh Cribbs (WR, Cleveland Browns)</b> – Gangsta Cribbs,
who did not have the same explosion as return specialist this year, nor was he
utilized as much in the wildcat formation being the Browns have Brandon Weeden
now. But Gangsta Cribbs is Gangsta Cribbs, and he always came with the fury.
For me, Cribbs is the perfect example of how the NFL exploits people, as he was
the only thing worth seeing in a Browns uniform for a number of years, and they
never gave him the money he wanted, even when he held out, and now his value
has gone down so he couldn’t get it if they wanted to give it to him, and he’ll
be out of the league in a couple of years, having generated millions, and made
thousands. I know you heartless fuckers raised on the machine emotions of the
Lords of Capital always go, “Whoa man, these guys get paid a lot of money to
play this game… If they are broken, crippled, and impoverished in five years, it’s not my problem.” One should not
revel in the ignorance of others, and one should definitely not pretend to
themselves that by continuously supporting an exploitative business that preys
on the environmentally conditioned ignorance of others, that they are not part
of the problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#17: Austin Collie (WR, Indianapolis Colts)</b> – I like to call
him Mr. Concussion. This dude sneezes and he’s got neurocognitive specialists
giving him tests on the sideline. I have to admit I’m a little bummed there’s
already been three Colts on this team. I kinda hate the Colts. Still though, it’s
pretty hard to resist the chance to make an Austin Collie concussion joke.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#18: Randall Cobb (WR, Green Bay Packers)</b> – I run a
fantastical league where return yards on special teams scores points, so that
period this year when the Packers had no RB, and Cobb was the only receiver who
could catch passes, and he was also their return man, it was a glorious period.
Thus, he is now here. Because of fake football games with nerds using math.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#19: John Skelton (QB, Arizona Cardinals)</b> – Is there
anything more perfectly misfitted than a cast-off Cardinals QB named Skelton
wearing the #19? I mean, Harry Crews or Cormac McCarthy couldn’t have dreamed
up something like that. So sad and so real.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#20: Ed Reed (S, Baltimore Ravens)</b> – Ed Reed is the
greatest. You can tell by looking into his sad ancient hobo hermit poet eyes.
It really just drives home what a douche Ray Lewis is when you look over and Ed
Reed is just being totally chill about everything, always.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#21: Charles Woodson (S, Green Bay Packers)</b> – Similar things
– though not quite as strongly – can be said for Charles Woodson. He is a rock,
and keeps fighting around injuries galore, although he’s already made the
downgrade from CB to safety, so there’s not much further into the grey areas of
active NFL rosters he can really go. But we love Charles Woodson at Armchair
Linebacker, as he was always the superior Woodson (fuck you Rod, and I guess
Darren as well, though I don’t think other than that one Super Bowl game where
Neil O’Donnell was paid to lose it by the Mafia anybody really thought Darren
Woodson was good).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>#22: Jerron McMillian (CB, Green Bay Packers)</b> – Makes the
team simply because he is the only NFL player active with my last name, spelled
as I spell it, which is a rare spelling only utilized by true Super
Destructors. I am of course of the metaphysical variety of Super Destructor,
and the last name is pronounced “MACK-mill-in” because the extra a in the last
syllable shoots into the first syllable because I am motherfucking magical like
that, and more powerful than the painful conventions of the English language. I
am New Writing, in human form.<o:p></o:p></div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-65460480996452841822013-01-22T11:16:00.000-05:002013-01-22T11:16:17.000-05:002013 All-Armchair Linebacker Team (numbers 1 through 11)<br />
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Let me make this clear – this is the 2013 All-Armchair
Linebacker team of people. I am not sure where Neil is, as he has not been at
the ACLB Clubhouse the past couple weeks, after I gave him some cursed
turtlehead knife from a Portuguese bruxa. We usually try to meet every other
week in Louisville, Kentucky, at a studio space our immense profits from
Armchair Linebacker allows us to rent in the downtown arts district, where we
chat about our editorial direction. Neil hasn’t showed up the past three times
though. Whatever. Thus, he’s not helping with this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also I think picking teams based on position alone is for
assholes. If you want to read some bullshit like that, go google Peter King and
get your asshole reading done elsewhere. This list is done by numbers, one
player per number, so our team has 99 players and like 10 kickers. Fuck you if
that’s a problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our first listing goes from 1 through 11 – the primadonnas
of the NFL – kicking specialists and sheltered QBs and the occasional weirdo WR
with a super low number (though none made our All-ACLB team in these numbers).
These are the little twerps of our football team, thus they have little twerp
numbers, and are the guys most likely to be good at really complicated
five-part sudoku puzzles. Or backgammon. Man, is there any game more asshole-y
than backgammon? Anyways, here’s the 2013 All-ACLB team, Part 1 of 9…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#1: Pat McAfee (P, Indianapolis Colts)</b> – Don’t know shit
about this guy, like at all, and I hate the Colts, but I can’t help but imagine
weird ass drunken rich guy Jim Irsay is somehow friends with that weird ass
drug-addled rich dude who started the actual McAfee virus software that was in
Central America doing brain drugs and killing some other dude and being a
nutball, so I sort of imagine Pat McAfee is probably about as good as 142 other
punters on this earth (as they are all about the same after the best five), but
because his uncle is the crazy software guy, and that guy used to go on
hash/16-year-old boy indulgence vacations with Irsay a few years back, Irsay
got him to be his punter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#2: Kai Forbath (K, Washington Redskins)</b> – California kid
called Kai who kicks with a shoe three-sizes too small… not normally what I’d
be proud of, but he’s the first good kicker the Redskins have had in 20 years,
even though half the guys who used to kick for the Redskins all kick elsewhere
now. Naturally easy nickname of “Cobra” Kai as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#3: Russell Wilson (QB, Seattle Seahawks)</b> – Look, I don’t
like Russell Wilson, mostly because he sounds and looks like Tiger Woods, and
who the fuck likes Tiger Woods? That’s like liking feudalism. But there’s not a
lot of great shit going on with the #3 in the NFL right now, and the kid had a
good rookie season, so I’ll give him some shine.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#4: Jason Hanson (K, Detroit Lions)</b> – Has been playing since
before anybody outside of defense contractors knew what the internet was.
Oldest man in football probably, and one day will be forced to retire, thus
causing the Lions to lose the one piece that tied together the three times they
were almost good as a franchise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#5: Chris Kluwe (P, Minnesota Vikings)</b> – Very popular
amongst the internet for being an internet douche type that likes comic book
shit and is okay with gays. Sometimes it is lost on us nowadays that just
because you like comic books and are okay with gays, it does not mean you are a
cool person. There are plenty of dumbasses who like comic books and are okay
with gays. You should stop using the logical fallacy of thinking because
somebody is the opposite of something stupid, they are not stupid. Everybody is
stupid.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#6: Mark Sanchez (QB, New York Jets)</b> – Oh man, there is so
much to say here about Mark Sanchez. First, the butt fumble thing is an amazing
work of chaos that we are all so blessed to have happen in the internet age
when wacky gifs can live forever (relatively speaking). If that had happened in
1971, which it might have, we wouldn’t know, much less catch many lulz over.
But beyond this, the entire Mark Sanchez story is interesting to me, as you
have this magazine advertisement handsome kid from SoCal, going into the
largest metro market in America, wooing everybody with his good looks – a natural
pussymonger if there ever was one, in the Joe Namath tradition. Now usually the
professional athlete of this stature takes years to slowly deteriorate and be
forced, against his will, to take on a normal man’s life. Except with Sanchez,
his lack of successes has caused this to be foisted upon him even earlier. He
is essentially the most handsome failure of America, even more handsome but
more of a failure than even Matt Leinart before him. And yet there is coach Rex
Ryan on Caribbean vacation sporting a shitty tattoo of his wife in a Sanchez
jersey. That would be weird under normal circumstances (if such a thing can
occur in normal circumstances) but given the fact Ryan’s wife has been outed before
as star of homemade foot fetish videos, and Ryan himself an alleged prevert, it
all the more remarkable. “Why?” you may ask. Well because through rampant
surfing through tumblrs, I can tell you foot fetishists tend to skew towards
liking to be humiliated, and there is a strong cross-section of this
demographic that also enjoys playing the cuckold, which is a medieval term for “haha,
somebody else is fucking your ol’ lady while you watch.” So for Coach Ryan to
have his star handsome QB’s jersey on his poorly tattooed wife in a sultry
pose, it suggests things very Craigslist No-Strings-Attached folder-like. And
of course, that makes perfect sense for the New York Jets, and their degenerate
fanbase. Of course now the Sanchez era may be over, and he will just be a high
profile back-up somewhere like San Francisco or Carolina or something, but man,
it was really the most perfect thing ever while it was rolling along.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#7: Ben Roethlisberger (QB, Pittsburgh Steelers)</b> – Fuck the
haters, Big Ben is the best. Giant, halfwit QBs who probably hang out on the
Sons of Anarchy set in the off-season will always be the best. Kenny Stabler
taught me that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#8: Adam Podlesh (P, Chicago Bears)</b> – Nothing remarkable
about Adam Podlesh, other than he is the Bears player in the #8 jersey,
formerly made infamous by Rex Grossman, who is perhaps the worst QB who ever
made it to a Super Bowl. Have you ever thought about the fact the only Super
Bowl Peyton Manning ever won was against Rex Grossman? Doesn’t seem quite so
Hall of Fame-worthy, does it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#9: Tony Romo (QB, Dallas Cowboys)</b> – There is nothing more
perfect than watching Tony Romo fuck up the end of a game and/or season in the
haphazard, confused twinkle-eyed ways that only Tony Romo can. For that reason
alone, there is no way he would not be on our All-ACLB team, because we are
about the beauty of suffering more than probably anything else.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#10: Robert Griffin III (QB, Washington Redskins)</b> – Briefly
made the Redskins seem like they might right their immense wrongs, until their
immensely wrong ways swallowed RG3 whole and snapped his knee sideways. Every
Redskins fan blog should just have an animated gif of RG3’s knee bending
sideways in the hardscrabble surface of FedEx Field as its banner, because
nothing more perfectly sums up the Dan Snyder era of Redskinsdom than that
moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>#11: Sebastian Janikowski (K, Oakland Raiders)</b> – Throwback
kicker in that he is a rudeboy Polock with a beer belly, and yet still awesome
as fuck. If you wanted somebody to speak to your corporate sponsors, he’d be
the last choice amongst all NFL kickers, but if you wanted somebody to attempt
a 65-yard field goal at the end of a meaningless first half of a meaningless week
13 game against the Chiefs, there’s nobody better.<o:p></o:p></div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-2303861466661039812013-01-21T21:52:00.000-05:002013-01-21T21:53:39.091-05:00S14: Best African Cup of Nations Teams Over the Past 10 Competitions<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>[a <a href="http://www.rojonekku.com/" target="_blank">ROJONEKKU</a> simul-post]</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hey, guess what? This past weekend the 2013 African Cup of Nations kicked off in South Africa, and that is a thing I am casually interested in. Being this is a website inside of the American internet, where sort of interesting content is very often created by people casually interested in a thing, I figured what the fuck man, let me waste some time probably better spent on other things, and compile a list of the national football teams, African style, old sporting 14 list style, dork style, pure internet styles galore. So what I did was I broke open an Excel spreadsheet and calculated some functions and sorted some datas and went through the past ten African Cups, giving teams different points for how far they went each cup, and then powerfying them according to which one was most recent and which one was most farthest, and I came up with this totally scientific as fuck list of the Top 14 National Teams in the African Cup’s past ten tournaments, and will use this as a way to talk to you about what this team’s chances or whatever are for this African Cup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You might be like, “Whoa whoa whoa… what the fuck is the African Cup of Nations?” Well, remember that shit about the UEFA Cup that was all over the ESPNs last fall, in Poland and the Ukraine, what which had white peoples from everywhere all talking about that shit, and people you never even knew were from Europe originally in your local locale started talking about shit like Wayne Rooney or Portugal or racism in the Ukraine or the local Irish pub that serves Guinness on tap? This is the African version. It was supposed to be in Libya, but then Libya came apart at the political seams in 2011 and traded spots with South Africa, who was gonna host this shit in 2017, so Libya will be all better by then I’m sure and be able to host the African Cup of Nations. There’s always some sort of craziness with the African Cup, like a country’s team is abducted or absolved or killed in a plane crash or there’s a civil war or something. So let’s travel through this wonderful continent that was the mother of all humanity...<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#1: EGYPT aka The Pharaohs</strong> – Not even competing in this one; ranked 54th in the World by the FIFA. Egypt has won more African Cups than anybody – 7 – and even set a record in the early 2000s by winning or tying 19 straight games. They won this bama in 2006, 2008, and 2010. But during World Cup qualifying in 2010, they lost a controversial play-in game with Algeria, and the national team has pretty much gone into disarray ever since then, not qualifying for the 2012 CAN (aka African Cup) or this one in 2013 (which switched to odd years to avoid World Cup crossover). To their credit, they have two wins in their first two games of African group qualifying for the 2014 World Cup, and I am sure the fine folks of Egypt would rather have the nation’s third appearance in the World Cup than anything else, especially post-Mubarak era.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#2: CAMEROON aka The Indomitable Lions</strong> – Also not in the field of this 2013 CAN, and ranked 67th in the World by the FIFA. Cameroon is tied for second-most CAN titles having won four, just like Ghana. They’ve actually made the knockout phase (final eight) of the African Cup seven times in a row, before not qualifying in 2012. The early 2000s saw Cameroon as one of the Third World’s best football teams, almost cracking the FIFA top 10, and they’ve qualified for six of the past eight World Cups. They also are notable for controversial uniforms, as they had sleeveless bamas in Africa in 2002, which the World Cup wouldn’t let them wear. And then in 2004, Puma designed one-piece outfits for Cameroon (lolol) which FIFA declared illegal, even though there was no official wording saying shirts and shorts needed to be separate articles of clothing. As many things football-related end up doing, it went through international court systems, and Cameroon agreed to wear two-piece uniforms, and the FIFA gave them back their qualifying points that had been stolen by white men from Europe.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#3: NIGERIA aka The Super Eagles</strong> – In Group C of the African Cup, ranked 52nd by the FIFA. The 1990s saw one of the African continent’s best national team runs ever as Nigeria not only qualified but won their group in both the 1994 and 1998 World Cup, failing to win their first knock-out game in both however. Still though, those runs gave African teams confidence in their hyper-speed style of play. Nigeria, as you can see by their FIFA ranking, is not as great as it was when it was considered one of the best 5 teams on the Earth. Nigeria won the CAN twice, but not since 1994 when they were truly the Super Eagles, but has finished 2nd or 3rd four of the past six African Cups. They were, however, tied by lowly Burkina Faso in their first game this African Cup, which inspired <a href="http://youtu.be/HfWHregaR6A" target="_blank">THIS</a> amazing celebration by the Burkina Faso goalkeep.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#4: COTE D’IVOIRE aka Les Elephants</strong> – In Group D aka the African group of death, ranked 14th by FIFA. Cote d’Ivoire, led by good ol’Didier Drogba, is the darling of the African continent currently, with the highest FIFA ranking of any nation. (Algeria, also in Group D, is the second-highest ranked team according to FIFA nerdery.) The thing is though, until the rise of Drogba, Cote d’Ivoire has little international presence. They’ve qualified for the past two World Cups, but not made it out of the group stage. In the African Cup, they had a run in the early ‘90s where they won in ’92 and finished third in ’94, but that’s their high. They’ve finished fourth in ’08, and lost the championship in ’06 and ’12, but have yet to win the Cup during the Drogba era. This might be their last chance to do so, as he is already transitioning into circus show stage of his career, playing in China for big money against lesser competition.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#5: GHANA aka The Black Stars</strong> – In Group B, ranked 26th in the World by the FIFA football ranking organization that is totally corrupt. Look, I will be honest, Ghana is my favorite team from the whole world, as the entire history of gaining independence before any other African colonial country, slapping a black star on their flag, and becoming proud soccer players, is a story that is unparalleled in Africa. Add to this weird Ghanaian movie house homemade movie posters, and a country that produces the best hip hop on the continent (fuck you Nigeria), and Ghana is the place I often convince my ol’lady we should relocate to before America completely disintegrates into financial chaos and cultural Armageddon. They’re tied for second with 4 African Cup titles, but haven’t won it all since 1982. In 2010, the Black Stars became only the third African team in historical foreverness to make it to the World Cup quarterfinals, losing in that round to Uruguay in a heart-breaking game I watched on a laptop sitting on the hood of a 1972 Pontiac Catalina (for real –word to the Fresh Dipped). Had they won, they’d have been the first African team to make the semifinals, ever. Here’s hoping to 2014 in Brazil! And here’s<a href="http://youtu.be/S99GWr5S2f0" target="_blank">A SONG</a> to hype you up about it!<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#6: TUNISIA aka the Eagles of Carthage</strong> – Trapped in Group D, and ranked 53rd worldwide by the FIFA. Tunisia won this is 2004, but has drawn a group that features the two best current teams from the African continent. They’ll kick off group play tomorrow in a border bash against Algeria. They’ve qualified for four World Cups, including three in a row from 1998 through 2006, but are most famous amongst African football historians for being the first African nation to win a game in the World Cup, beating Mexico 3 to 1 in 1978. Ultimately, African football history on the international stage has been a slow-growth process of post-Colonial independence, as displayed through the prism of sports. This also is why I always root for African teams in the World Cup. Fuck the first world.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#7: ZAMBIA aka The Copper Bullets</strong> – In Group C, also the defending champions of the African Cup, and ranked 39th in the World. They’ve qualified for five World Cups, with very limited success there, and been a top team in African from time to time, but never won the African Cup until last year. Thus, there has been a cash bounty placed on them repeating as champions, as it is a proud moment for Zambians. I mean, sometimes I have to mail in these blurbs because I don’t feel like writing anything, so I just say really normal shit like that. It sucks, but luckily I don’t know any Zambians who will be insulted by it. I guess maybe that’s not lucky I don’t know Zambians, as perhaps my life would be more enriched with their influence.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#8: MALI aka Les Aigles which means Les Eagles</strong> – In Group B, ranked 25th by the FIFA. As of writing this, the first six games of this year’s African Cup have resulted in five draws, with Mali’s win over Niger (aka the N-country for poor spellers) being the only outright victory. Mali is the top-ranked team in this year’s competition that has never won an African Cup, and much like throughout their history, they are currently experiencing chaos and unrest at home. In fact, Mali has had to withdraw or didn’t even bother to enter qualifying for every World Cup up until 2002. Even then, in 2006, when they lost a qualifying game against Togo on a last second goal, riots broke out afterwards. So they’ve never won the African Cup and never even made the World Cup, and still are ranked 25th in the World right now. If you are a fan of chaos, I suggest you pull for Les Aigles.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#9: SENEGAL aka the Lions of Teranga</strong> – Unqualified for this African Cup, ranked 79th internationally by the FIFA. Senegal’s high watermark of historical footballdom came in 2002 when they made the quarterfinals of the World Cup. They’ve never won the African Cup, though they did finish 2nd in that 2002 year of greatness, and finished 3rd multiple times, as recently as 2006. But they’re not even in the field this odd-ass year.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#10: SOUTH AFRICA aka The Stupid South Africans</strong> – The host country and in weak-ass Group A, ranked 85th in the World. You may remember that South Africa hosted the last World Cup, which had those vuvuzelas making noise all over the place. I can only assume that shit is going on again at the African Cup. I fully support the use of cheap plastic horns; fuck the haters. That being said, I never cared much culturally for South Africa, even after apartheid ended, because I don’t know, it seems like the one African country that would be next to Florida on an imaginary map’s geopolitical reconfiguration of the Earth’s nations. That means it’s not so desirable. (Apologies to all Floridians and South Africans who are cool peeps though; keep it real y’all.) And actually their nickname is Bafana Bafana, which is Afrikaaner for “the Stupid South Africans” I think.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#11: MOROCCO aka The Lions of the Atlas</strong> – Another quality Group A team, and ranked 74th internation-style by FIFA. I don’t know, I’m getting kinda bored of this, and thinking about Morocco makes me wish I could smoke some hash, so I’m going to take my writing tincture and zone out to some Wino acoustic troubadour metal goodness for a little while.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#12: ALGERIA aka the Green Desert Foxes</strong> – In Group D, ranked 22nd in the World. Most of what I know about Algeria and Algerians was taught to me by an Egyptian co-worker right after Algeria beat Egypt in World Cup qualifying in 2010 and the two countries almost went to war. Algerians are dirty, smelly people, and carry giant swords around and kill people for no good reason, and are a country of thugs and murderers who wouldn’t respect the word of The Prophet if it was given to them right before their eyes. And really, they stink.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#13: ANGOLA aka The Sable Antelopes</strong> – In Group A, and ranked 78th by the FIFA. Look, all I know is Angola has the best flag in the whole wide world, because they are one of the last Communist countries left, and their flag features the traditional hammer and sickle image re-imagined with half a cog and a machete. I would love to have one of these. If you are reading this right now (which I doubt anybody is) and you were to buy me a full-sized Angolan flag and send it to my PO Box, you would be my most favorite person for at least three weeks. At least. That is not me begging either, because if I was going to beg for a flag I would beg for the old style Rwandan flag, pre-genocide style, which had the traditional African red and green and yellow with a basic black R right in the middle. That shit is tight as fuck.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>#14: GUINEA aka the National Elephants</strong> – Not even in this bitch, ranked 61st by FIFA. They’ve never qualified for the World Cup, and were even banned from international competition at one point in the early 2000s due to government interference. They were runner-up in the 1976 African Cup, but have never made it beyond the quarterfinals other than that. And yet they consistently appear in the tournament, maintaining mid-card status in African football team. And with that vague wrestling-reference, I am out of this bitch. WATCH AFRICAN CUP GAMES ON WHATEVER ESPN IS ON THE INTERWEBS, OR BETTER YET GO TO SOME FOREIGN ASS WEBSITES AND DO SO, BECAUSE HONESTLY IF AFRICAN HISTORY HAS TAUGHT US ANYTHING IT SHOULD BE FUCK AMERICA.</span>Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-44387677490048758152013-01-21T16:38:00.000-05:002013-01-21T16:38:08.709-05:00The New Journalism Presents the Transcript of Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream Speech. <i>(As usual, thanks to gizoogle.net for breaking this down into real talk. Also, this may either be the best thing I've ever done or the worst thing. Maybe both.)</i><br />
<br />
I be aiiight ta join wit you todizzle up in what tha fuck will go down
up in history as tha top billin demonstration fo' freedom up in tha
history of our nation.
<br />
<br />
Five score muthafuckin years ago, a pimped out American, up in whose
symbolic shadow our crazy-ass asses stand todizzle, signed tha
Emancipation Proclamation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
This momentous decree came as a pimped out beacon light of hope ta
mazillionz of Negro slaves whoz ass had been seared up in tha flamez of
witherin injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak ta end tha long night
of they captivity.<br />
<br />
But one hundred muthafuckin years later, tha Negro still aint free.
One hundred muthafuckin years later, tha thuglife of tha Negro is still
sadly crippled by tha manaclez of segregation n' tha chainz of
discrimination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. One hundred
muthafuckin years later, tha Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty
up in tha midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred
muthafuckin years later, tha Negro is still languishin up in tha cornerz
of American society n' findz his dirty ass a exile up in his own land.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! So our crazy-ass asses have come here
todizzle ta dramatize a muthafuckaful condition.<br />
<br />
In a sense our crazy-ass asses have come ta our nationz capital ta
chedda a cold-ass lil check. When tha architectz of our rehood
freestyled tha magnificent lyricz of tha Constipation n' tha Declaration
of Independence, they was signin a promissory note ta which every last
muthafuckin American was ta fall heir. This note was a promise dat all
men, yes, black pimps as well as white men, would be guaranteed tha
unalienable muthafuckin rightz of life, liberty, n' tha pursuit of
happiness.<br />
<br />
It be obvious todizzle dat Tha Ghetto has defaulted on dis
promissory note insofar as her playa hataz of color is concerned. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Instead of honorin dis sacred obligation, Tha
Ghetto has given tha Negro gangstas a funky-ass bad check, a cold-ass
lil check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But our
crazy-ass asses refuse ta believe dat tha bank of justice is bankrupt.
Our thugged-out asses refuse ta believe dat there is insufficient fundz
up in tha pimped out vaultz of opportunitizzle of dis nation. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin
ass. So our crazy-ass asses have come ta chedda dis check -- a cold-ass
lil check dat will give our asses upon demand tha richez of freedom n'
tha securitizzle of justice. Our thugged-out asses have also come ta dis
hallowed spot ta remind Tha Ghetto of tha fierce urgency of now,
nahmeean, biatch? This is no time ta engage up in tha luxury of defin
off and ta take tha tranquilizin sticky-icky-icky of gradualism. Now is
tha time ta make real tha promisez of democracy. Now is tha time ta rise
from tha dark n' desolate valley of segregation ta tha sunlit path of
racial justice. Now is tha time ta lift our hood from tha quick sandz of
racial injustice ta tha solid rock of bruthahood. Y'all KNOW dat shit,
muthafucka! Now is tha time ta make justice a realitizzle fo' all of
Doggz children.<br />
<br />
It would be fatal fo' tha hood ta overlook tha urgency of tha moment.
This swelterin summer of tha Negroz legitimate discontent aint gonna
pass until there be a invigoratin autumn of freedom n' equality.
Nineteen sixty-three aint a end yo, but a funky-ass beginning. Those
whoz ass hope dat tha Negro needed ta blow off screw n' will now be
content will gots a rude awakenin if tha hood returns ta bidnizz as
usual. There is ghon be neither rest nor tranquilitizzle up in Tha
Ghetto until tha Negro is granted his playa hatershizzle rights. Da
whirlwindz of revolt will continue ta shake tha foundationz of our hood
until tha bright dizzle of justice emerges.<br />
<br />
But there is somethang dat I must say ta mah gangstas whoz ass stand
on tha warm threshold which leadz tha fuck into tha palace of justice.
In tha procesz of bustin our rightful place our crazy-ass asses must not
be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let our asses not seek ta satisfy our
thirst fo' freedom by drankin from tha cup of bitternizz n' hatred.<br />
<br />
Our thugged-out asses must forever conduct our struggle on tha high
plane of dignitizzle n' discipline. Our thugged-out asses must not allow
our creatizzle protest ta degenerate tha fuck into physical violence
fo' realz. Again n' again our crazy-ass asses must rise ta tha majestic
heightz of meetin physical force wit ass force. Da marvelous freshly
smoked up militancy which has engulfed tha Negro hood must not lead our
asses ta a thugged-out distrust of all peckerwoods, fo' nuff of our
white bruthas, as evidenced by they presence here todizzle, have come ta
realize dat they destiny is tied up wit our destiny. They have come ta
realize dat they freedom is inextricably bound ta our freedom. Our
thugged-out asses cannot strutt alone.<br />
<br />
As our crazy-ass asses strutt, our crazy-ass asses must make tha
pledge dat our crazy-ass asses shall<br />
always march ahead. Y'all KNOW dat
shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses cannot turn back. There is em
whoz ass is askin tha devoteez of civil rights, "When will you be
satisfied?" Our thugged-out asses can never be satisfied as long as tha
Negro is tha sucka of tha unspeakable horrorz of five-o brutality. Our
thugged-out asses can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy
wit tha fatigue of travel, cannot bust lodgin up in tha motelz of tha
highways n' tha hotelz of tha ghettos. Our thugged-out asses cannot be
satisfied as long as tha Negroz basic mobilitizzle is from a smalla
ghetto ta a larger one. Our thugged-out asses can never be satisfied as
long as our lil pimps is stripped of they selfhood n' robbed of they
dignitizzle by signs statin "For Whites Only". Our thugged-out asses
cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro up in Mississippi cannot vote n' a
Negro up in New York believes he has not a god damn thang fo' which ta
vote. Fuck dat shit, no, our crazy-ass asses is not satisfied, n' our
crazy-ass asses aint gonna be satisfied until justice rolls down like
watas n' righteousnizz like a mighty stream.<br />
<br />
I be not unmindful dat a shitload of y'all have come here outta
pimped out trials n' tribulations. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Some of y'all have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Right back up in
yo muthafuckin ass. Some of y'all have come from areas where yo' quest
fo' freedom left you battered by tha stormz of persecution n' staggered
by tha windz of five-o brutality. Yo ass done been tha veteranz of
creatizzle suffering. Continue ta work wit tha faith dat unearned
sufferin is redemptive.<br />
<br />
Go back ta Mississippi, go back ta Alabama, go back ta Downtown
Carolina, go back ta Georgia, go back ta Louisiana, go back ta tha slums
n' ghettoz of our northern ghettos, knowin dat somehow dis situation
can n' is ghon be chizzled. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Let our
asses not wallow up in tha valley of despair.<br />
<br />
I say ta you todizzle, mah playas, so even though our crazy-ass asses
grill tha bullshiznit of todizzle n' tomorrow, I still gots a
thugged-out dream. It be a thugged-out trip deeply rooted up in tha
American dream.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat one dizzle dis hood will rise up n'
live up tha true meanin of its creed: "Our thugged-out asses hold these
truths ta be self-evident: dat all pimps is pimped equal."<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat one dizzle on tha red hillz of Georgia
tha lil playaz of forma slaves n' tha lil playaz of forma slave ballaz
is ghon be able ta sit down together all up in tha table of bruthahood.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat one dizzle even tha state of
Mississippi, a state swelterin wit tha heat of injustice, swelterin wit
tha heat of oppression, is ghon be transformed tha fuck into a oasiz of
freedom n' justice.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat mah four lil lil pimps will one dizzle
live up in a hood where they aint gonna be judged by tha color of they
skin but by tha content of they character.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip todizzle.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat one day, down up in Alabama, wit its
vicious racists, wit its governor havin his fuckin lips drippin wit tha
lyricz of interposizzle n' nullification; one dizzle muthafuckin right
there up in Alabama, lil black boys n' black hoes is ghon be able ta
join handz wit lil white boys n' white hoes as sistas n' bruthas.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip todizzle.<br />
<br />
I gots a thugged-out trip dat one dizzle every last muthafuckin
valley shall be exalted, every last muthafuckin hill n' mountain shall
be done cooked up low, tha rough places is ghon be done cooked up plain,
n' tha crooked places is ghon be done cooked up straight, n' tha glory
of tha Lord shall be revealed, n' all flesh shall peep it together.<br />
<br />
This is our hope. This is tha faith dat I go back ta tha Downtown
with. With dis faith our crazy-ass asses is ghon be able ta hew outta
tha mountain of despair a stone of hope. With dis faith our crazy-ass
asses is ghon be able ta transform tha janglin discordz of our hood tha
fuck into a funky-ass dope symphony of bruthahood. Y'all KNOW dat shit,
muthafucka! With dis faith our crazy-ass asses is ghon be able ta work
together, ta pray together, ta struggle together, ta go ta jail
together, ta stand up fo' freedom together, knowin dat our crazy-ass
asses is ghon be free one day.<br />
<br />
This is ghon be tha dizzle when all of Doggz lil pimps is ghon be
able ta rap wit a freshly smoked up meaning, "My fuckin ghetto, 'tiz of
thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where mah fathers
died, land of tha pilgrimz pride, from every last muthafuckin
mountainside, let freedom ring."<br />
<br />
And if Tha Ghetto is ta be a pimped out hood dis must become true.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So let freedom rang from tha
prodigious hilltopz of New Hampshire. Let freedom rang from tha mighty
mountainz of New York. Let freedom rang from tha heightenin Allegheniez
of Pennsylvania!<br />
<br />
Let freedom rang from tha snowcapped Rockiez of Colorado!<br />
<br />
Let freedom rang from tha curvaceous slopez of California!<br />
<br />
But not only that; let freedom rang from Stone Mountain of Georgia!<br />
<br />
Let freedom rang from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!<br />
<br />
Let freedom rang from every last muthafuckin hill n' molehill of
Mississippi. From every last muthafuckin mountainside, let freedom ring.<br />
<br />
And when dis happens, when our crazy-ass asses allow freedom ta ring,
when our crazy-ass asses let it rang from every last muthafuckin hood
n' every last muthafuckin hamlet, from every last muthafuckin state n'
every last muthafuckin hood, our crazy-ass asses is ghon be able ta
speed up dat dizzle when all of Doggz children, black pimps n' white
men, Jews n' Gentiles, Protestants n' Catholics, is ghon be able ta join
handz n' rap up in tha lyricz of tha oldschool Negro spiritual, "Jacked
at last, muthafucka! free at last, muthafucka! give props ta Dogg
Almighty, our crazy-ass asses is free at last!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-72042211178994009542013-01-21T15:05:00.001-05:002013-01-21T15:06:24.762-05:00The New Journalism Presents the Transcript of President Obama's Inaugural Address (<i>As always, thanks to gizoogle.net for cleaning this up into plain language the people can understand.)</i><br />
<br />
Vice Prezzy Biden, Mista Muthafuckin Chief Justice, Memberz of tha
United Hoodz Congress, distinguished guests, n' fellow playa haters:<br />
<br />
Each time our crazy-ass asses gather ta inaugurate a prez, our
crazy-ass asses bear witnizz ta tha endurin strength of our
Constipation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Our
thugged-out asses affirm tha promise of our democracy. Our thugged-out
asses recall dat what tha fuck bindz dis hood together aint tha flavaz
of our skin and tha tenetz of our faith and tha originz of our names.
What makes our asses exceptionizzle what tha fuck makes our asses
American is our allegiizzle ta a idea, articulated up in a
thugged-out declaration done cooked up mo' than two centuries ago:<br />
<br />
“Our thugged-out asses hold these truths ta be self-evident, dat all
pimps is pimped equal, dat they is endowed by they Creator wit certain
unalienable rights, dat among these is Life, Liberty, n' tha pursuit of
Happiness.”<br />
<br />
Todizzle our crazy-ass asses continue a never-endin journey, ta
bridge tha meanin of em lyrics wit tha realitizzlez of our time. For
history drops some lyrics ta our asses dat while these truths may be
self-evident, they have never been self-executing; dat while freedom be a
gift from Dogg, it must be secured by His gangstas here on Earth. Da
patriotz of 1776 did not fight ta replace tha tyranny of a mackdaddy wit
tha privilegez of a gangbangin' few and tha rule of a mob. They gave
ta our asses a Republic, a posse of, n' by, n' fo' tha gangstas,
entrustin each generation ta keep safe our foundin creed.<br />
<br />
For mo' than two hundred years, our crazy-ass asses have.<br />
<br />
Through blood drawn by lash n' blood drawn by sword, our crazy-ass
asses hustled dat no union dropped on tha principlez of liberty n'
equalitizzle could survive half-slave n' half-free. Our thugged-out
asses done cooked up ourselves anew, n' vowed ta move forward together.<br />
<br />
Together, our crazy-ass asses determined dat a modern economizzle
requires railroadz n' highways ta speed travel n' commerce; schools n'
colleges ta train our workers.<br />
<br />
Together, our crazy-ass asses discovered dat a gangbangin' free
market only thrives when there is rulez ta ensure competizzle n' fair
play.<br />
<br />
Together, our crazy-ass asses resolved dat a pimped out hood must
care fo' tha vulnerable, n' protect its gangstas from life’s worst
hazardz n' misfortune.<br />
<br />
Through it all, our crazy-ass asses have never relinquished our
skepticizzle of central authority, nor have our crazy-ass asses
succumbed ta tha fiction dat all society’s ills can be cured all up in
posse alone. Our celebration of initiatizzle n' enterprise; our
insistence on hard work n' underground responsibility, is constants up
in our character.<br />
<br />
But our crazy-ass asses have always understood dat when times
chizzle, so must we; dat fidelitizzle ta our foundin principlez requires
freshly smoked up responses ta freshly smoked up challenges; dat
preservin our individual freedoms ultimately requires collectizzle
action. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. For tha American
gangstas can no mo' hook up tha demandz of todizzle’s ghetto by actin
alone than American soldiers could have kicked it wit tha forcez of
fascizzle and communizzle wit muskets n' militias. No single thug can
train all tha math n' science mackdaddys we’ll need ta equip our lil
pimps fo' tha future, and build tha roadz n' networks n' research labs
dat will brang freshly smoked up thangs n' bidnizzes ta our shores.
Now, mo' than ever, our crazy-ass asses must do these thangs together,
as one nation, n' one gangstas.<br />
<br />
This generation of Americans has been tested by crises dat steeled
our resolve n' proved our resilience. A decade of war is now ending.
An economic recovery has begun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch. America’s possibilitizzles is limitless, fo' our crazy-ass
asses possess all tha qualitizzles dat dis ghetto without boundaries
demands: youth n' drive; diversitizzle n' openness; a endless
capacitizzle fo' risk n' a gift fo' reinvention. I aint talkin' bout
chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin fellow Americans, our crazy-ass
asses is done cooked up fo' dis moment, n' our crazy-ass asses will
seize it so long as our crazy-ass asses seize it together.<br />
<br />
For we, tha gangstas, understand dat our ghetto cannot succeed when a
shrinkin few do straight-up well n' a growin nuff barely make dat shit.
Our thugged-out asses believe dat America’s prosperitizzle must rest
upon tha broad shouldaz of a risin middle class. Our thugged-out asses
know dat Tha Ghetto thrives when every last muthafuckin thug can find
independence n' pride up in they work; when tha wagez of honest labor
liberate crews from tha brink of bullshit. Our thugged-out asses is
true ta our creed when a lil ho born tha fuck into tha bleakest poverty
knows dat her ass has tha same stupid-ass chizzle ta succeed as anybody
else, cuz her ass be a American, her ass is free, n' her ass is equal,
not just up in tha eyez of Dogg but also up in our own.<br />
<br />
Our thugged-out asses understand dat outworn programs is inadequate
ta tha needz of our time. Our thugged-out asses must harnizz freshly
smoked up ideas n' technologizzle ta remake our posse, revamp our tax
code, reform our schools, n' empower our playa hatas wit tha game they
need ta work harder, learn more, n' reach higher. But while tha means
will chizzle, our purpose endures: a hood dat rewardz tha effort n'
determination of every last muthafuckin single American. I aint talkin'
bout chicken n' gravy biatch. That is what tha fuck dis moment
requires. That is what tha fuck will give real meanin ta our creed.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! <br />
<br />
We, tha gangstas, still believe dat every last muthafuckin playa
hater deserves a funky-ass basic measure of securitizzle n' dignity.
Our thugged-out asses must make tha hard chizzlez ta reduce tha cost of
game care n' tha size of our deficit. But our crazy-ass asses reject
tha belief dat Tha Ghetto must chizzle between carin fo' tha generation
dat built dis ghetto n' investin up in tha generation dat will build its
future. For our crazy-ass asses remember tha lessonz of our past, when
twilight muthafuckin years was spent up in poverty, n' muthafathaz of a
cold-ass lil lil pimp wit a thugged-out disabilitizzle had nowhere ta
turn. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Our thugged-out
asses do not believe dat up in dis ghetto, freedom is reserved fo' tha
lucky, and happinizz fo' tha few. Our thugged-out asses recognize dat
no matter how tha fuck responsibly our crazy-ass asses live our lives,
any one of us, at any time, may grill a thang loss, and a sudden
illness, and a home swept away up in a terrible storm. Da commitments
our crazy-ass asses make ta each other all up in Medicare, n'
Medicaid, n' Social Securitizzle these thangs do not sap our
initiative; they strengthen us. They do not make our asses a hood of
takers; they free our asses ta take tha risks dat make dis ghetto pimped
out.<br />
<br />
We, tha gangstas, still believe dat our obligations as Americans is
not just ta ourselves yo, but ta all posterity. Our thugged-out asses
will respond ta tha threat of climate chizzle, knowin dat tha failure ta
do so would betray our lil pimps n' future generations. Some may still
deny tha overwhelmin judgment of science yo, but none can avoid tha
devastatin impact of ragin fires, n' cripplin drought, n' mo' bangin
storms. Da path towardz sustainable juice sources is ghon be long n'
sometimes difficult. But Tha Ghetto cannot resist dis transition; our
crazy-ass asses must lead dat shit. Our thugged-out asses cannot cede
ta other nations tha technologizzle dat will juice freshly smoked up
thangs n' freshly smoked up industries our crazy-ass asses must claim
its promise. That is how tha fuck our crazy-ass asses will maintain
our economic vitalitizzle n' our nationistic treasure our forests n'
waterways; our croplandz n' snowcapped peaks. That is how tha fuck our
crazy-ass asses will preserve our hood, commanded ta our care by Dogg.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That’s what tha fuck will lend meanin
ta tha creed our fathers once declared.<br />
<br />
We, tha gangstas, still believe dat endurin securitizzle n' lastin
peace do not require perpetual war. Our brave pimps n' dem hoes up in
uniform, tempered by tha flamez of battle, is unmatched up in skill n'
courage. Our playa haters, seared by tha memory of em our crazy-ass
asses have lost, know too well tha price dat is paid fo' liberty. Da
knowledge of they sacrifice will keep our asses forever vigilant against
em whoz ass would do our asses harm. But our crazy-ass asses is also
heirs ta em whoz ass won tha peace n' not just tha war, whoz ass turned
sworn enemies tha fuck into tha surest of playas, n' our crazy-ass asses
must carry em lessons tha fuck into dis time as well.<br />
<br />
Our thugged-out asses will defend our gangstas n' uphold our values
all up in strength of arms n' rule of law. Our thugged-out asses will
sheezy tha courage ta try n' resolve our differences wit other nations
peacefully not cuz our crazy-ass asses is naïve bout tha dangers our
crazy-ass asses grill yo, but cuz engagement can mo' durably lift
suspicion n' fear. Tha Ghetto will remain tha anchor of phat alliizzlez
up in every last muthafuckin corner of tha globe; n' our crazy-ass
asses will renew em institutions dat extend our capacitizzle ta manage
crisis abroad, fo' no one has a pimped outer stake up in a peaceful
ghetto than its most bangin nation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch. Our thugged-out asses will support democracy from Asia ta
Africa; from tha Americas ta tha Middle Eastside, cuz our interests n'
our conscience compel our asses ta act on behalf of em whoz ass long fo'
freedom. And our crazy-ass asses must be a source of hope ta tha poor,
tha sick, tha marginalized, tha suckaz of prejudice not outta mere
charitizzle yo, but cuz peace up in our time requires tha constant
advizzle of em principlez dat our common creed raps about: tolerizzle
n' opportunity; human dignitizzle n' justice.<br />
<br />
We, tha gangstas, declare todizzle dat da most thugged-out evident of
truths dat all of our asses is pimped equal is tha star dat
guides our asses still; just as it guided our forebears all up in Seneca
Falls, n' Selma, n' Stonewall; just as it guided all em pimps n' women,
sung n' unsung, whoz ass left footprints along dis pimped out Mall, ta
hear a preacher say dat our crazy-ass asses cannot strutt alone; ta hear
a Mack proclaim dat our individual freedom is inextricably bound ta tha
freedom of every last muthafuckin ass on Earth.<br />
<br />
It be now our generation’s task ta carry on what tha fuck em pioneers
fuckin started. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. For our
journey aint complete until our wives, our muthas, n' daughtas cangit a
livin equal ta they efforts. Our journey aint complete until our gay
bruthas n' sistas is treated like every last muthafuckin muthafucka else
under tha law fo' if our crazy-ass asses is truly pimped equal, then
surely tha ludd our crazy-ass asses commit ta one another must be equal
as well. Our journey aint complete until no playa hater is forced ta
wait fo' hours ta exercise tha muthafuckin right ta vote. Our journey
aint complete until our crazy-ass asses find a funky-ass mo' betta way
ta welcome tha striving, hopeful immigrants whoz ass still peep Tha
Ghetto as a land of opportunity; until bright lil' students n' engineers
is enlisted up in our workforce rather than expelled from our ghetto.
Our journey aint complete until all our children, from tha streetz of
Detroit ta tha hillz of Appalachia ta tha on tha down-low lanez of
Newtown, know dat they is cared for, n' cherished, n' always safe from
harm.<br />
<br />
That is our generation’s task ta make these lyrics, these rights,
these values of Life, n' Liberty, n' tha Pursuit of Happinizz real
fo' every last muthafuckin American. I aint talkin' bout chicken n'
gravy biatch. Bein true ta our foundin documents do not require our
asses ta smoke on every last muthafuckin contour of life; it do not mean
our crazy-ass asses will all define liberty up in exactly tha same
stupid-ass way, and follow tha same stupid-ass precise path ta
happiness. Progress do not compel our asses ta settle centuries-long
debates bout tha role of posse fo' all time but it do require our
asses ta act up in our time.<br />
<br />
For now decisions is upon us, n' our crazy-ass asses cannot afford
delay. Our thugged-out asses cannot mistake absolutizzle fo' principle,
and substitute spectacle fo' polistics, and treat name-callin as
reasoned debate. Our thugged-out asses must act, knowin dat our work is
ghon be imperfect. Our thugged-out asses must act, knowin dat
todizzle’s victories is ghon be only partial, n' dat it is ghon be up ta
em whoz ass stand here up in four years, n' forty years, n' four
hundred muthafuckin years hence ta advizzle tha timeless spirit once
conferred ta our asses up in a spare Philadelphia hall.<br />
<br />
My fuckin fellow Americans, tha oath I have sworn before you
todizzle, like tha one recited by others whoz ass serve up in dis
Capitol, was a oath ta Dogg n' ghetto, not jam and faction n' our
crazy-ass asses must faithfully execute dat pledge durin tha duration of
our service. But tha lyrics I was rappin todizzle is not so different
from tha oath dat is taken each time a soldier signs up fo' duty, and a
immigrant realizes her dream. My fuckin oath aint so different from tha
pledge our crazy-ass asses all make ta tha flag dat waves above n' dat
fills our hearts wit pride.<br />
<br />
They is tha lyricz of playa haters, n' they represent our top billin hope.<br />
<br />
Yo ass n' I, as playa haters, have tha juice ta set dis ghetto’s course.<br />
<br />
Yo ass n' I, as playa haters, have tha obligation ta shape tha
debatez of our time not only wit tha votes our crazy-ass asses cast
yo, but wit tha voices our crazy-ass asses lift up in defense of our
most ancient values n' endurin ideals.<br />
<br />
Let each of our asses now embrace, wit solemn duty n' phat joy, what
tha fuck is our lastin birthright. With common effort n' common
purpose, wit boner n' dedication, let our asses answer tha call of
history, n' carry tha fuck into a uncertain future dat precious light of
freedom.<br />
<br />
Nuff props, Dogg Bless you, n' may Dude forever bless these United Hoodz of America.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-83507021825109216892013-01-19T21:47:00.001-05:002013-01-19T21:47:07.249-05:00The New Journalism Presents a Transcript of Bill Maher's Thoughts on Guns and Civil Liberties <i>(As always, thanks to Gizoogle.net for breaking this down for the common man.)</i><br />
<br />
Someone has ta tell Americaz glock nuts ta quit
wettin they Army surplus baggy-ass pants bout losin tha Second
Amendment. It aint nuthin but not yo' Second Amendment muthafuckin
rights dat is under attack; itz all tha other ones.
<br />
<br />
It used ta be dat law enforcement couldn't search you without
probable cause yo, but now we're becomin a quasi-five-o state where one
minute yo ass is home on tha fuckin' down-lowly readin <i>50 Shadez of Gay</i>, n' suddenly therez a SWAT crew up in yo' livin room wavin guns. And yo ass is going, "Fuck dat shit, no, Katt Williams lives <i>next</i> door!"<br />
<br />
Now, last month, while no one was takin <i>every muthafucka's</i>
glocks from anybody, tha Senate voted overwhelmingly ta reauthorize a
program where they can collect data on any American playa hater n' hold
onto it forever. They can peep yo' e-mails, yo' texts, yo' Skypes, n'
not a peep up tha crowd thatz always biiiatchin bout what tha fuck tha
framers intended. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! In fact, tha answer
from almost everyone seems ta be, "Oh what tha fuck tha hell, tha
airport screeners have already peeped mah ass anyway."<br />
<br />
Da Facebizzle generation, especially, don't seem ta care dat Big
Brutha knows everythang bout you �" what tha fuck books you read, what
tha fuck pornos you watch, yo' Match.com account, yo' <i>other</i>
Match.com account when yo ass is feelin a lil freaky n' wanna hook up
tha sort of biatch yo' regular Match.com account wouldn't approve of.<br />
<br />
Call mah crazy ass oldschool school yo, but I don't want tha fedz
Googlin what tha fuck I be Googling. It aint nuthin but bad enough when
Netflix pries tha fuck into mah private life. "Yo ass watched <i>Da Walkin Dead</i> n' <i>Zombieland</i>. Yo ass might also like dis rap battle wit Jizzy McCain."<br />
<br />
(<i>crew laughter</i>)<br />
<br />
I don't want tha posse bustin that, muthafucka! "Yo ass downlizzleed
dis article favorin tha legalization of da sticky-icky-icky. Yo ass
might also like bein incarcerated."<br />
<br />
Yo ass know, they always say these programs is just ta catch
terrorists. Da next muthafuckin thang you know, they be rockin em ta
shut down tha pot dispensaries. And dat place was muthafuckin right on
mah way home, muthafucka! Now I gotta go ta Valley Village!<br />
<br />
Doesn't every last muthafuckin muthafucka care dat dis is tha freshly
smoked up normal, biatch? I guess not, cuz glock nuts couldn't give a
fuckin shit, n' neither do liberals. When Bush did warrantless
wiretapping, oh, he was wipin his thugged-out ass wit tha Constipation. I
aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But when Obizzay do it, oh
well, whatever helps Jizzica Chastain find bin Laden, we're phat wit
that.<br />
<br />
(<i>smatterin of crew applause</i>)<br />
<br />
Yeah, both partizzles compete mightily ta step tha fuck up ta be tha
pimped outer champion of our freedoms yo, but tha only muthafuckin thang
dat still has bipartisan support up in Washington aint givin a shizzle
bout privacy.<br />
<br />
And when you rap ta tha NRA types, as I like ta do down at mah local
moose lodge, they muthafuckin believe dat what tha fuck protects they
muthafuckin rights aint laws, and courts, itz dat they gots a gun. I
aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They be thinkin thatz what
tha fuck keeps tha posse from goin too far. Without guns, Obizzay would
become a emperor n' force everyone ta gay marry yo, but he can't cuz a
playa up in Kentucky named Skeeter has a .22.<br />
<br />
(<i>crew applause</i>)<br />
<br />
Except that, you know, while you pimps was buyin glocks ta protect
yo' other guns, sittin' up on tha porch there, waitin' fo' Obizzayz
Negro Army ta come confiscate yo' weapons n' go all <i>Django Unchained</i>
on yo' ass �" thatz when our crazy-ass asses lost all tha shiznit up in
tha Bizzle of Rights, bout trials n' juries n' warrants.<br />
<br />
Yo ass see, tha Redcoats �" they never wanted yo' gun. I aint talkin'
bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They wanted yo' liberty. And thatz why
tha Foundin Fathers holla'd you could have tha gun, dumbass, muthafucka!
And now tha only muthafuckin right our crazy-ass asses have left is
tha guns, n' left not a god damn thang left ta bust tha glocks ta
protect, muthafucka! We're like a strip club wit a mazillion bouncers
n' no strippers!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-28521583456245699962013-01-18T23:08:00.001-05:002013-01-18T23:08:57.841-05:00The New Journalism Presents the Transcript of Lance Armstrong's Interview With Oprah<div class="firstPar">
(<i>Yet again, thanks to gizoogle.net for translating this from bullshit to the realest of real talk.)</i><br />
<br />
Oprah Winfrey: Did yo dirty ass eva take banned substizzlez ta enhizzle yo' cyclin
performizzle, biatch?
</div>
<div class="secondPar">
<br />
Lizzle Armstrong: "Yes yes y'all."
</div>
<div class="thirdPar">
<br />
OW: Was one of em banned substizzlez EPO, biatch?
</div>
<div class="fourthPar">
<br />
LA: "Yes yes y'all."
</div>
<div class="fifthPar">
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass eva blood dope and bust blood transfusions ta enhizzle yo' cyclin
performizzle, biatch?
</div>
<div class="related_links_inline" id="tmg-related-links">
<span class="relContDate"><br /></span>
</div>
<div class="body">
LA: "Yes yes y'all."
<br />
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass eva bust any other banned substizzlez like fuckin testosterone,
cortisone and Human Growth Hormone, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Yes yes y'all."
<br />
<br />
OW: In all seven of yo' Tour de Frizzle victories, did you eva take banned
substizzlez and blood dope, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Yes yes y'all."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was it humanly possible ta win tha Tour de Frizzle without doping, seven
times, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Not up in mah opinion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
That generation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I didn't
invent tha culture yo, but
I didn't try ta quit tha culture."
<br />
<br />
OW: For 13 muthafuckin years you didn't just deny it, you brazenly n' defiantly denied
everythang you just admitted just now, nahmeean, biatch? Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So why now admit it, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "That is tha dopest question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch. It aint nuthin but da most thugged-out logical question. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I don't
know dat I gots a pimped out answer. I will start mah answer by sayin
dat dis
is too late. It aint nuthin but too late fo' probably most gangstas,
n' thatz mah fault. I
viewed dis situation as one big-ass lie dat I repeated a shitload of
times, n' as
you holla'd, it wasn't as if I just holla'd no n' I moved off dat
shit."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass was defiant, you called other gangstas liars.
<br />
<br />
LA: "I understand dat fo' realz. And while I lived all up in dis process,
especially tha last two years, one year, six months, two, three months, I
know tha truth. Da truth aint what tha fuck was up there. Da truth aint what tha fuck I
holla'd, n' now itz gone - dis rap was so slick fo' so long fo' realz. And I mean
that, as I try ta take mah dirty ass outta tha situation n' I peep dat shit. Yo ass
overcome tha disease, you win tha Tour de Frizzle seven times. Yo ass gots a
aiiight marriage, you have children. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, itz just dis mythic slick
story, n' it wasn't true."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was it hard ta live up ta dat picture dat was pimped, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Impossible. Certainly I be a gangbangin' flawed character, as I well know, n' I
couldn't do that."
<br />
<br />
OW: But didn't you help paint dat picture, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Of course, I did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And a shitload
of gangstas did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! All tha fault n' all
tha
blame here falls on mah dirty ass. But behind dat picture n' behind
dat rap is
momentum. Whether itz hustlas and whether itz tha media, it just gets
going.
And I lost mah dirty ass up in all of dat shit. I be shizzle there
would be other gangstas dat
couldn't handle it yo, but I certainly couldn't handle it, n' I was
used ta
controllin everythang up in mah life. I controlled every last
muthafuckin outcome up in mah life."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass holla'd ta mah crazy ass earlier you don't be thinkin it was possible ta win without
doping, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Not up in dat generation, n' I be not here ta rap bout others up in
dat generation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint
nuthin but been well-documented. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I
didn't invent tha culture yo, but
I didn't try ta quit tha culture, n' thatz mah mistake, n' thatz what
tha fuck I
have ta be sorry for, n' thatz what tha fuck somethang n' tha shiznit
is now payin
tha price cuz of dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I
be sorry fo' dat shit. I didn't have access ta
anythang else dat no muthafucka else did."
<br />
<br />
OW: Usada issued a 164-page report. CEO Travis Tygart holla'd you n' US Postal
crew pulled off da most thugged-out sophisticated, professionizzle n' successful dopin
programme shiznit has eva seen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Was it, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. It definitely was professional, n' it was definitely smart, if
you can call it dat yo, but it was straight-up conservative, straight-up risk-averse, straight-up
aware of what tha fuck mattered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! One race mattered fo' mah dirty ass. But ta say dat that
program was bigger than tha Eastside German dopin program up in tha '70s n' '80s, biatch?
Thatz not true."
<br />
<br />
OW: What was tha culture, biatch? Can you explain tha culture ta us, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I don't wanna accuse anybody else. I don't wanna rap bout
anybody else. I done cooked up mah decisions. They is mah mistakes, n' I be chillin
here todizzle ta acknowledge dat n' ta say I be sorry fo' dat shit. Da culture
was what tha fuck it was."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was all y'all bustin it, biatch? Thatz what tha fuck we've heard.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Was all y'all bustin it, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I didn't give a fuck all y'all. I didn't live n' train wit all y'all. I
didn't race wit all y'all. I can't say dat shit. There is ghon be gangstas dat say
dat shit. There is ghon be gangstas dat say, 'OK, there is 200 pimps on tha tour, I
can rap five pimps dat didn't, n' em is tha five heroes', n'
they be right."
<br />
<br />
OW: How tha fuck was you able ta do it, biatch? Walk mah crazy ass all up in dat shit. Pill deliveries, blood up in
secret refrigerators… how tha fuck did it work, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I viewed it as straight-up simple. There was thangs dat was
oxygen-supplyin sticky-icky-ickys dat was beneficial fo' cycling. My fuckin cocktail was
EPO yo, but not a lot, transfusions n' testosterone.
<br />
"I thought, surely I be hustlin low [on testosterone followin tha cizzla
battle] but therez no true justification."
<br />
<br />
OW: Were you afraid of gettin caught, biatch? In 1999 there was not even a test fo'
EPO...
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. Testin has evolved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Back then they didn't come ta yo' doggy den
n' there was no testin outta competizzle n' fo' most of mah game there
wasn't dat much out-of-competizzle testin so yo ass is not goin ta git
caught cuz you clean up fo' tha races.
<br />
"It aint nuthin but a question of scheduling. That soundz weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be no hustla of tha UCI
but tha introduction of tha biological passhiznit [in 2008] worked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
<br />
"I be payin tha price n' I deserve this. Thatz aiiight. I deserve dat shit.
<br />
"My fuckin ruthless desire ta win at all costs served mah crazy ass well on tha bike but
tha level it went to, fo' whatever reason, be a gangbangin' flaw. That desire, dat
attitude, dat arrogizzle."
<br />
<br />
OW: When you placed third up in 2009, you did not dope, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Da last time I crossed dat line was 2005."
<br />
<br />
OW: Do dat include blood transfusions, biatch? No dopin and blood transfusions up in
2009… 2010, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Absolutely not."
<br />
<br />
OW: Were you tha one up in charge, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I was tha top rider, tha leader of tha crew."
<br />
<br />
OW: If some muthafucka was not bustin somethang ta yo' satisfaction could you git em
fired, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. I guess I could have but I never did. Y'all KNOW dat shit,
muthafucka! I was tha leader of tha
crew n' tha leader leadz by example. There was never a thugged-out
direct order. That
never happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses
was all grown pimps n' done cooked up our chizzles. There was
crew-mates whoz ass didn't dope."
<br />
<br />
OW: One forma crew-mate, Christian Vande Velde, busted some lyrics ta Usada you threatened ta
kick his ass off tha crew if he didn't shape up n' conform ta tha dopin
programme, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Thatz not true. There was a level of expectation. I aint talkin'
bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Our thugged-out asses expected pimps
ta be fit ta be able ta compete. I be not da most thugged-out
believable playa up in tha
ghetto muthafuckin right now, nahmeean, biatch? If I do it I be leadin
by example so thatz a problem.
<br />
"I view one as a verbal directizzle n' dat didn't exist. I take dat shit. Da
leader of tha crew, tha playa dat mah crew-mates looked up to, I accept dat
100%. I care a shitload bout Christian but when you go on ta other crews n'
sheezy tha same stupid-ass behaviour..."
<br />
<br />
OW: Were you a funky-ass bully, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Yes, I was a funky-ass bully. I was a funky-ass bully up in tha sense dat I tried ta
control tha narratizzle n' if I didn't like what tha fuck some muthafucka holla'd I turned on
them."
<br />
<br />
OW: Is dat yo' nature - when some muthafucka says somethang you don't like, you go
on attack, biatch? Have you been like dat yo' entire thuglife - 10-years-old,
12-years-old n' 14-years-old, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "My fuckin entire life. Before mah diagnosis I was a cold-ass lil competitor but not a
fierce competitor. When I was diagnosed, dat turned mah crazy ass tha fuck into a gangbangin' fighter. That
was phat. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I took dat ruthless win-at-all-costs attitude tha fuck into cyclin which
was bad."
<br />
<br />
OW: How tha fuck blingin was ballin ta you n' would you do anythang ta win at all
costs, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "It was win at all costs. When I was diagnosed (with cizzler) I would
do anythang ta survive. I took dat attitude - win at all costs - ta
cycling. Thatz bad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was takin sticky-icky-ickys before dat but I wasn't a funky-ass bully."
<br />
<br />
OW: To keep on ballin it meant you had ta keep takin banned substizzlez ta do
it, biatch? Is you sayin thatz how tha fuck common it was, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Yes, n' I be not shizzle dat dis be a acceptable answer yo, but thatz
like sayin our crazy-ass asses have ta have air up in our tyres and our crazy-ass asses have ta have gin n juice up in our
fortys. That was, up in mah view, part of tha thang."
<br />
<br />
OW: When you peep dat do you feel embarrassed, shame, humble, tell mah crazy ass what tha fuck
you feel, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "This is tha second time up in mah thuglife when I can't control tha outcome.
Da first was tha disease. Da scary muthafuckin thang is, ballin seven Tour de
Frizzles, I knew I was goin ta win."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was there happinizz up in ballin when you knew you was takin these banned
substizzles, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "There was mo' happinizz up in tha process, up in tha build, up in tha
preparation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da ballin was almost phoned in."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was it a funky-ass big-ass deal ta you, did it feel wrong, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Scary."
<br />
<br />
OW: It did not even feel wrong, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. Even scarier."
<br />
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass feel bad bout it, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. Da scariest."
<br />
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass feel up in any way dat you was cheatin, biatch? Yo ass did not feel you was
cheatin takin banned sticky-icky-ickys, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "At tha time, no. I kept hearin I be a thugged-out sticky-icky-icky cheat, I be a cold-ass lil cheat, I be a
cheater. I went up in n' just looked up tha definizzle of cheat n' tha
definizzle of cheat is ta bust a advantage on a rival and foe dat they
don't have. I didn't view it dat way. I viewed it as a level playin field."
<br />
<br />
OW: But you knew dat you was held ta a higher standard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! You're Lizzle
Armstrong.
<br />
<br />
LA: "I knew that, n' of course hindsight is perfect. I know it a
thousand times mo' now, nahmeean, biatch? I didn't give a fuck what
tha fuck I had. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Look all up in tha
fallout."
<br />
<br />
OW: What do you mean by you 'didn't give a fuck', biatch? I don't be thinkin gangstas will
understand what tha fuck yo ass is saying. When you n' I kicked it wit a week ago you didn't
be thinkin it was dat big, biatch? How tha fuck could you not, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I peep tha anger up in gangstas, betrayal, itz all there.
Muthafuckas whoz ass
believed up in mah crazy ass n' supported mah crazy ass n' they have
every last muthafuckin muthafuckin right ta feel betrayed
n' itz mah fault n' I be bout ta spend tha rest of mah thuglife tryin
togit back
trust n' apologise ta gangstas."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass never offered it [performizzle-enhancin sticky-icky-ickys] ta em [crew-mates],
suggested they peep Dr Michele Ferrari, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "There is gangstas up in dis story, they is phat gangstas, we've all done cooked up
mistakes, they is not toxic n' evil. I viewed Dr Michele Ferrari as a phat
playa n' I still do."
<br />
<br />
OW: Was he tha leader n' mastermind behind tha crewz dopin programme, biatch? How tha fuck
would you characterise his crazy-ass muthafuckin influence on tha crew, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No. I be not laid back rappin' bout other gangstas. It aint nuthin but all up
there."
<br />
<br />
OW: Dizzy Walsh of tha Sundizzle Times up in London holla'd yo' relationshizzle wit
Ferrari immediately dialled suspicion on yo thugged-out ass. Can you peep dat relationshizzle
was reckless, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "There was nuff other reckless thangs. That would be a straight-up
phat way ta characterise dat period of mah life."
<br />
<br />
OW: What bout tha rap [masseuse] Emma O'Reilly drops some lyrics ta bout cortisone n'
you havin cortisone backdated - is dat true, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "That was true."
<br />
<br />
OW: What do you wanna say bout Emma O'Reilly, biatch? Yo ass sued her, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Emma O'Reilly is one of these gangstas I have ta apologise to. Our thugged-out asses ran
over her, our crazy-ass asses bullied her muthafuckin ass."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass sued her, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "To be honest, Oprah, our crazy-ass asses sued all kindsa muthafuckin gangstas I don't even [know]. I be
shizzle our crazy-ass asses did."
<br />
<br />
OW: When gangstas was sayin thangs - Walsh, O'Reilly, Betsy Andreu [ho of
forma crew-mate Frankie Andreu] n' nuff others - you would then go on tha
battle fo' them, suin n' know they was spittin some lyrics ta tha truth. What tha fuck iz that, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "When I hear dat there is gangstas whoz ass will never believe mah crazy ass I
understand dat shit. One of tha stepz of dis process is ta say sorry. I was
wrong, you was right."
<br />
<br />
OW: Have you called Betsy Andreu, biatch? Did her ass take yo' call, biatch? Was her ass spittin some lyrics ta tha
truth bout tha Indiana hospizitizzle, overhearin you up in 1996, biatch? Was Betsy lying, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I be not goin ta take dat on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch. I be layin down on dat one. I be
goin ta put dat one down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch axed me, n' I axed her not
ta rap bout
dat shit."
<br />
<br />
OW: Is it well wit two of yo slick ass, biatch? Have you done cooked up peace, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Fuck dat shit, cuz they've been hurt too badly, n' a 40-minute [phone]
conversation aint enough."
<br />
<br />
OW: [With] Emma you implied tha 'whore' word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! How tha fuck do you feel bout dat
todizzle, biatch? Were you tryin ta put her down, biatch? Shut her up, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I don't feel phat. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was just on
tha attack. Da territory was bein
threatened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da crew was bein
threatened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was on tha attack."
<br />
<br />
OW: This is tha clip I just cannot reconcile [ballin rap afta seventh
Tour de Frizzle win]… What was you tryin ta accomplish there, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I've done cooked up some mistakes up in mah thuglife n' dat was a mistake (standin
on podium afta ballin 2005 Tour de Frizzle n' sayin "believe up in
miracles").
<br />
<br />
OW: Were you particularly tryin ta rub it up in tha facez of em whoz ass came up
against you n' say they was lyin - was you addressin them, biatch? What was
you sayin dat for, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "That was tha straight-up original gangsta year they gave tha mic ta tha winner of tha Tour
n' I was wonderin what tha fuck I was goin ta say. That just came out. Lookin
back at it now, it looks ridiculous."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass holla'd dozenz of times up in rap battlez you never failed a test. Do you
gots a thugged-out different answer todizzle, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "No I didn't fail a test. Retroactively, I failed one. Da hundredz
of tests I took, I passed them. There was retroactizzle shiznit later on."
<br />
<br />
OW: What bout tha Tour de Suisse [in 2001], biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "That rap aint true. There was no positizzle test. No payin off of
tha lab. Da UCI did not make dat go away. I be no hustla of tha UCI.
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass done cooked up a thugged-out donation ta tha UCI n' holla'd dat donation was bout helpin
anti-dopin efforts. Obviously it was not. Why did you make dat donation, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "It was not up in exchange fo' help. They called n' holla'd they
didn't
gots a shitload of scrilla - I did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!
They axed if I would cook up a thugged-out donation so I did."
<br />
<br />
OW: Many gangstas feel tha real tippin point was [forma crew-mate] Floyd
Landisz decision ta come forward n' confess, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "My fuckin comeback didn't sit well wit Floyd."
<br />
<br />
OW: Do you remember where you was when you heard Floyd, a gangbangin' forma crew-mate
n' protege, was goin ta talk, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I was up in a hotel room (upon hearin Landis would reveal detailz of
Armstrongz doping). Floyd was bustin text lyrics bout his crazy-ass muthafuckin rap battle. I
finally holla'd 'do what tha fuck you have ta do' yo. Dude went ta tha Wall Street Journal
wit tha story."
<br />
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass rebuff him, would you say you rebuffed Floyd, biatch? Did yo dirty ass rebuff his ass
afta he was stripped of his Tour win, did you just blow his ass off, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Up ta dat point I supported his ass when he tested positive. I tried ta
keep his ass on mah crew cuz he knew what tha fuck others didn't. I didn't shun his muthafuckin ass."
<br />
<br />
OW: So dat was tha tippin point fo' realz. And yo' comeback was also a tippin point.
Do you regret comin back, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I do. Our thugged-out asses wouldn't be chillin here if I didn't come back."
<br />
<br />
OW: Yo ass would have gotten away wit it, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "Impossible ta say, there would done been mo' betta chizzlez but I didn't."
<br />
<br />
OW: Did yo dirty ass not always be thinkin dis dizzle was coming, biatch? Did yo dirty ass not be thinkin you would
be found up at some point, especially as all kindsa muthafuckin gangstas knew, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I just assumed tha stories would continue fo' a long-ass time. We're
chillin here cuz there was a two-year criminal federal investigation."
<br />
<br />
OW: When tha Department of Justice dropped tha case, did you be thinkin 'now
finally itz over, done, victory', biatch? Yo ass thought you was outta tha woods;
tha wolves had left tha door, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I thought I was outta tha woodz fo' realz. And em was some straight-up wolves."
<br />
<br />
OW: What was tha erection when you hustled Usada was goin ta pick up tha case
n' pursue tha case against yo slick ass, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "My fuckin erection was ta fight back. I'd do anythang ta go back ta dat
day. I wouldn't fight. I wouldn't sue them. I'd listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I'd say guys,
granted I was treated differently ta other guys. Treated differently up in dat
I wasn't approached all up in tha same stupid-ass time as other riders.
<br />
"They gathered all of tha evidence n' they came ta mah crazy ass n' holla'd what tha fuck is
you goin ta do, biatch? Goin back I'd say 'give mah crazy ass three days. Let mah crazy ass call mah
family, mah mutha, sponsors, foundation' n' I wish I could do dat but I
can't."
<br />
<br />
OW: Will you co-operate wit Usada ta help clear up tha shiznit of cycling, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "I ludd cyclin n' I say dat knowin dat gangstas peep mah crazy ass as some muthafucka
whoz ass disrespected tha sport, tha colour yellow. If our crazy-ass asses can, n' I stand on no
moral platform here, if there was truth n' reconciliation commission - n'
I can't call fo' dat - if they have it n' I be invited I be bout ta be first playa
all up in tha door."
<br />
<br />
OW: When you heard dat [forma crew-mate] George Hincapie had been called ta
reprazent by Usada, did you feel dat was tha last card up in dis deck, tha last
straw, biatch?
<br />
<br />
LA: "My fuckin fate was sealed [by George]. If George didn't say it then gangstas
would say 'I be stickin wit Lizzle'. George is da most thugged-out credible voice up in
all of this. We're still pimped out playas. I don't fault George. George knows
dis rap mo' betta than anybody."
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-27796236827846028162013-01-18T13:38:00.000-05:002013-01-18T13:38:15.476-05:00Skewers of beef-Siberian.<br />
<i>(this is the google translation of a Russian webpage that has been dropping people off at <a href="http://www.rojonekku.com/" target="_blank">my website</a> lately - I have no idea why or how or what, probably something fucked up and nefarious involved; also let's all pray for anything other than a Brady/Ryan Super Bowl as that would be painful painful painful white as fuck painful oh god fuck painful, though white America would love it thus ratings would be high because white America is high just not on cool things like Knowledge of Self or weed or anything just high on stupid TV or stupid internet or... oh wait)</i><br />
<br />
This recipe allows you to bring up to the required softness even very cruel meat. Thawed meat cut into chunks slightly more matchbox. At the bottom of the pan pour a layer of peas. Top cover with a layer of laurel. Put a layer of sliced onion rings on top - a layer of meat, salt, pepper and red pepper, again put a layer of onions, etc. The last layer should go bow. He put a layer on top of a bay leaf. Cover with a layer of tomato paste, thick as a finger, and pour vinegar. All this is covered with an inverted bowl and place on top of the yoke of about 10 kg. Stand the day. A day to drain, throw the top layer and shift Lavrushka meat into another bowl, removing the remaining Lavrushka and bell pepper. In the meat squeezed lemon, add the dry white wine. After 2 hours you are allowed.<br />
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-47667342235631016072013-01-17T18:52:00.002-05:002013-01-17T18:52:43.721-05:00Manti Te'o Sports Illustrated Transcript<strong> (<i>Again, thanks to the fine folks at gizoogle.net for translating this from bullshit to Real Talk)</i></strong><br />
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>On April 28 [my ho] gots up in a funky-ass bad
accident n' was hit by a thugged-out faded driver. Ever since April 28
shez been up in tha hospizitizzle. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch recovered from tha accident but our crazy-ass asses was always
wonderin why some days her ass would be bustin well n' tha next dizzle
her ass would be down up in tha dumps n' complainin bout pain up in her
back. It was then dat our crazy-ass asses found up her ass had leukemia.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Sorry ta cut you off, just tryin ta git tha timetable right.
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong> It was tha beginnin of July. Right back up in yo
muthafuckin ass. Biatch n' I, man, our crazy-ass asses had dis
relationshizzle where it was just amazing. With all dat time on her
handz up in tha hospizitizzle, her ass was never thankin bout her
muthafuckin ass n' what tha fuck was hurtin here. Right back up in yo
muthafuckin ass. Biatch was always thankin bout others. Right back up in
yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch went on n' freestyled a letter ta mah crazy
ass before every last muthafuckin game. Things dat her ass would want
mah crazy ass ta know, nahmeean, biatch? Right back up in yo muthafuckin
ass. So yeah.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Did her ass bust em ta yo slick ass?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch had em all on her iPizzy n' her gang found
[them] yo. Her family, what tha fuck they would do is they would read
it ta mah dirty ass fo' realz. And then they'll bust it ta mah crazy ass
up in a picture.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Yo ass called em one dizzle leadin tha fuck into each game?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Yeah, I be bout ta call n' check up on em n' peep
how tha fuck they be bustin, peep how tha fuck thangs is going. Just
like I check up in on mah gang at home.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What dizzle dis week did they read you tha letter?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Friday. I checked up in on Friday.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck did you hook up her?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Our thugged-out asses kicked it wit just, ummmm,
just her ass knew mah cousin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch fo' realz. And kind of saw mah crazy ass there so. Just kind of
regular.<strong> </strong>
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck long was you pimpin, biatch? I know dat can be a cold-ass lil fucked up question.
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Oct. 15 was tha straight-up
legit date. Of last year. I've known her fo' four years. Right back up
in yo muthafuckin ass. So we've been playas.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>So you dated fo' on some year.
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Yeah.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Just wanna make shizzle I have her name right.
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Lennay Kekua.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck do you want her ta be remembered?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Lennay was so special yo. Her relationshizzle wit
tha heavenly daddy was so strong. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Shez so humble, hard makin moves fo' realz. And her main muthafuckin
thang was her gang yo. Her gang was everythang ta her muthafuckin ass
fo' realz. As long as her ass took care of her gang fo' realz. And as
long as her ass knew dat her relationshizzle wit our heavenly daddy was
strong, her ass had faith dat everyone would work out. With her it was
just always gangbangin Dogg n' her family. I was just blessed ta be part
of that.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck oldschool was her ass when her ass passed?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch was 22.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Biatch has a Hawaiian soundin name. Is her ass from there?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Her real name is muthafuckin Melelengei yo, but her playaz couldn't say dat so they just called her Lennay.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What did her ass do?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch muthafuckin just graduated from Stanford.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch hit dat shizzle at Clarkz
Construction Company, I think. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch replaced her dad afta her dad passed.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>When did her dad pass?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>In October. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch took dat mantle fo' his muthafuckin ass.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Does tha gang own a cold-ass lil construction bidnizz?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>No. But they be part of tha whole administration,
tha higher-ups. Their gang hit dat shizzle straight-up hard n' hit dat
shizzle they way up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shez
straight-up smart, straight-up smart-ass n' straight-up intellectual.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch hit dat shizzle there but
her main trip was ta work wit kids. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch traveled all around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch
taught at elementary schools. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch flew ta New Zealand ta just work wit kids. Thatz what tha fuck
her ass loved ta do, work wit children.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What did her ass study?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch graduated up in 2011 and 2010. 2011.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What was her major?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Her major was up in English n' somethang. I be bout ta double check.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>I can call Stanford n' check. They have ta have some record and note dat her ass passed.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>So long distizzle relationship?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch was supposed ta come [to git on over ta
mah crazy ass at Notre Dame]. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch was just cleared ta come ta tha Wake Forest game, mah ballin'
game. It was mainly just on tha phone, every last muthafuckin day.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Yo Crazy-Ass dad busted some lyrics ta mah crazy
ass dat he called you at 7 a.m. on tha dizzle her ass died. Y'all KNOW
dat shit, muthafucka! Dude holla'd when he raised up he had texts from
Lennay. I be trippin. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Walk mah crazy
ass all up in dat day.
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Biatch was muthafuckin gettin
mo' betta ta tha point where her ass was cleared ta fly n' was busted
home. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was bustin better.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I raised up up in tha mornin n'
mah muthafathas woke mah crazy ass up n' they busted some lyrics ta mah
crazy ass bout mah grandma fo' realz. And mah ho was just some
muthafucka whoz ass was so gangbangin n' carin n' cares fo' others.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch straight-up loves mah
muthafathas n' mah muthafathas ludd her muthafuckin ass. Right back up
in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch called n' her ass offered her condolences
on behalf of her n' her gang n' her ass was spittin some lyrics ta em
dat her ass loves his ass n' how tha fuck they be thankin n' prayin fo'
us.
<br />
And then I remember I went ta class n' went ta workouts n' afta
workouts, muthafuckin right before I was bout ta come tha fuck into
meetings, I gots a text message from her phone but it was her brutha.
Every time her brutha texts mah crazy ass he just says, "Bro." I was
like, "Why is her brutha textin me?" Then I git a phone call from her
olda bruthaz phone yo. Dude straight just bustin up fo' realz. And
immediately I felt like, "Oh mah Gosh, what tha fuck just happened." And
then he busted some lyrics ta me, "Shez gone bro."
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck did it happen?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>It was just so sudden. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I don't give a fuck tha detailz of
dat shit. It was just a surprise.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What was her olda bruthaz name?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Koa.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What did he have ta tell yo slick ass?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>I kind of felt it yo. Dude was just bustin up
like a biatch n' bustin up like a biatch n' bustin up. I just had ta
calm his ass down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I was
like, "Yo ass have ta drop a rhyme clearly, I need ta know what tha fuck
be happenin." Thatz when he busted some lyrics ta me, Lala is gone.
Thatz what tha fuck they call her muthafuckin ass. They call her Lala.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck did you feel up in tha locker room when you gots tha news?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>I just felt dat it just turned black. Things gots
dark. I have never felt dat way before fo' realz. And I don't give a
fuck. I couldn't control anythang. I was just, pure, just I don't even
know tha feeling. I can't even describe dat shit. I just broke down.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Why did you go ta practice afta you found up tha news?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>I knew fo' mah crazy ass dat mah ho n' mah gang
would want mah crazy ass ta be up there. They wouldn't want mah crazy
ass ta be sulkin over thangs. I knew fo' me, tha dopest way ta sheezy em
dat I loved em was ta play tha dopest game of mah thuglife on Saturday.
In order ta do that, I needed ta be up there practicin no matter what
tha fuck I was goin through. I needed ta just suck it up n' git up there
n' git mah work done n' be locked n loaded ta represent em tha dopest
way I know how tha fuck on Saturday. When I gots up there, it was hard.
Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But I just brought mah crew up. Coach
brought mah crew up yo. Dude had em come up n' explain ta em what tha
fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I busted some lyrics ta
em I ludd each n' every last muthafuckin one of yo thugged-out ass. I
lost mah grandmutha tha night before n' found up dis mornin dat I just
lost mah ho six hours later. Never up in mah thuglife has gang been
pushed ta tha forefront. My fuckin goal is now, n' has been yo, but
therez mo' ta it now, nahmeean, biatch? Just ta make shizzle I peep mah
gang n' loved ones again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I
busted some lyrics ta them, dis is mah family. Yo ass pimps is mah
family. I gots a straight-up boner fo' each n' every last muthafuckin
one of yo thugged-out ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stick
together fo' realz. And I busted some lyrics ta them, mah ho always
busted some lyrics ta me, "Send roses while they still can smell them,
tell em they ludd you (sic) while they still can hear dat shit." I
busted some lyrics ta em ta make shizzle you rap r gang thugz you ludd
em every last muthafuckin single day.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Yo ass gots a weddin rang on?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>It aint nuthin but mah church ring. I wear it ta remember her muthafuckin ass. To remember mah ho.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Did her ass give it ta yo slick ass?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>It aint nuthin but a CTR ring.
It standz fo' chizzle tha right. I always wore dat shit. I had ta switch
it from mah muthafuckin right ta mah left.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What tha fuck iz it done cooked up of?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Steel. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some sort of steel.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Coach Kelly holla'd he was mo' worried bout you dis week than last week?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>It was harder than it was tha previous week. I
was rolling. Da feelin of it settlin up in that, shez not physically
here no mo'. Put yo muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel this!Yo ass just
can't call her muthafuckin ass. I talked ta mah ho every last
muthafuckin single day. I slept on tha phone wit her every last
muthafuckin single day. When her ass was goin though chemo, her ass
would have all these pains n' tha doctors was sayin they was tryin ta
give her medicine ta make her chill. Right back up in yo muthafuckin
ass. Biatch still couldn't chill. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch would say, "Just call mah pimp n' have his ass on tha phone wit
me, n' I can chill." I slept on tha phone wit her every last muthafuckin
single night.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Yo ass would literally chill wit yo' phone on wit her on it?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>With her on dat shit.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>When you woke up?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Shez be on dat shit.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>What would tha phone say?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Like eight hours. Lucky her ass had AT&T so it was all free and mah gang would bust a cap up in mah dirty ass.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>When did you start rappin' ta her all night?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>When her ass gots up in her accident?
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>So startin up in April?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Yeah n' you know, her ass was up in a cold-ass lil coma. I would try, n' you know, nahmeean?
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Hit by a thugged-out faded driver. What was her injuries?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>I don't give a fuck. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had a shitload of different injuries.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck long was her ass hospizitizzleized?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Biatch was up in dat hospizitizzle fo' bout two months.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Fuck dat shit, did her ass git out?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Biatch didn't git out. Right back up in yo
muthafuckin ass. Biatch went from there. Remember her ass gots up in tha
accident n' her ass was up in a cold-ass lil coma. Our thugged-out
asses lost her, muthafuckin, twice. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Biatch flatlined twice. They revived her twice. It was just a trippy
situation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It was a
thugged-out dizzle I was flyin home from Downtown Bend ta go home fo'
summer break. It was May. Mid-May. That was tha dizzle where they
holla'd, "Bro, we're goin ta pull dat shit. We're goin ta pull tha
plug." I remember havin dis feelin like everythang is goin ta be OK.
They was spittin some lyrics ta me, "Say yo' phatbyes." From April 28 ta
around mid-May, I was always rappin' ta mah ho whoz ass was on a
machine.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Biatch couldn't communicate?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>No. Right back up in yo
muthafuckin ass. Biatch could only breathe. One of tha miraculous thangs
was when I talked ta her n' her ass would hear mah voice her breathang
would pick up. Like quickly, n' then her ass would start bustin up. But
her breathang would quicken, n' her ass would start bustin up. Right
back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So her brutha was up in tha room wit tha
nurse. They was monitorin her muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo
muthafuckin ass. Biatch holla'd, "Who is her ass on tha phone with?" Her
pimp. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch was like, "Thatz amazing.
Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch don't do dat wit anybody
else." So dat happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And then her
ass flatlined n' our crazy-ass asses was losin her muthafuckin ass.
<br />
Da dizzle I went home, dat was tha dizzle they was goin ta pull dat
shit. They was sayin they phatbyes n' all dat shit. I holla'd,
"Muthafucka, I be never goin ta say phatbye ta yo thugged-out ass. If
you straight-up wanna go, her ass straight-up missed her dad, so I
holla'd, "If you wanna go, be wit dad, go. Just know dat I ludd you
hella, straight-up much." I had dis straight-up positizzle feelin dat
everythang was goin ta be OK. I landed up in Hawaii. By tha time I
holla'd mah phatbyes. Not mah phatbyes, mah I ludd you, I be bout ta
peep you later, dat kind of thang, I jumped on tha airplane ta go ta
Hawaii. They was scheduled ta pull tha plug while I was up in tha air.
<br />
So muthafuckin right when I landed, I was expectin ta git a voicemail
sayin shez gone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I landed n' I
had a voicemail from her brutha saying, "Brutha, call mah crazy ass back
muthafuckin right now, nahmeean?" So you can imagine whatz goin all up
in mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was like, "What be I
goin ta do, biatch? How tha fuck be I goin ta take this?'"And so I
called his ass back, tha doctor came up in n' he saw somethang n' he
wants ta try some treatment on her ta peep if it works. From there her
ass slowly started ta git better. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass.
Slowly. Eventually her ass came outta her coma n' her ass started havin
memory problems n' her ass couldn't remember cuz of tha accident. Thatz
how tha fuck much damage her ass had ta her frontal lobe. Right back up
in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had memory problems. I was muthafuckin tha
straight-up original gangsta thug dat her ass talked to. Right back up
in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was breathang, breathang. When I talked ta
her, I would say, "Muthafucka, do you know whoz ass dis is?" I knew her
ass knew whoz ass it was cuz her breathang would pick up. I was like,
"Relax, chill. Breathe slowly. Breathe slowly." And then, dat was when
her ass first started ta drop a rhyme was dat conversation. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I was like, "Muthafucka, I ludd yo
thugged-out ass. I gots a straight-up boner fo' yo thugged-out ass."
Straight-up slightly her ass holla'd, "I ludd yo thugged-out ass."
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Was dat muthafuckin right when you gots back?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Then her ass started ta make progress.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>This is unbelievable.
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>As her ass started ta make progress. Right back
up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch had her phat days fo' realz. And then
tha next dizzle she'd say, "Muthafucka mah back is sore. I can't feel
dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang is wrong. I
don't give a fuck whatz wrong. My fuckin chest is burning." And shiznit
like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all. They holla'd dat they took her
up in n' ran some blood tests n' thatz when they found leukemia. From
dat hospizitizzle her ass was treated fo' cizzla n' then her ass went ta
St. Jude's. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was up in St.
Judez n' then her ass went ta another hospizitizzle.
<br />
<div class="cnnInlineRight">
<br /></div>
<strong>SI:</strong> Yo Crazy-Ass hoz funeral was yesterday?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>I talked ta [her gang yesterday]. I cried. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I cried at 12 noon yesterdizzle fo' realz. At
9 a.m. California time.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Biatch was buried up in California?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Biatch was always up in California yo. Her gang is from Hawaii but they live up in California.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Where did you hook up her up in California?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Biatch muthafuckin came ta one of tha game. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch saw mah crazy ass at one of tha game.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>October 15, I assume is USC?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>That was up in November. But her
ass saw mah crazy ass all up in tha USC game of mah sophomore year. Our
thugged-out asses was still just playas, our crazy-ass asses was
acquaintizzles.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Where did her ass live then?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Carson.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Da funeral steez was up in Carson, biatch? At 9 a.m., a cold-ass lil closed casket?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Yes yes y'all. Da gang was spittin some lyrics ta
me, what tha fuck tha plans was n' at 9 they closed tha casket n'
shiznit like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Where was you at noon yesterday?
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>It was kind of muthafuckin slick timing. I was
gettin mah reps n' up in mah mind I holla'd, "What time is it, biatch?
What time is it?" It was slick timing. Right when coach was like,"All
right, second crew git it," I turned ta his ass n' was like, "Coach what
tha fuck time is it?" Dude holla'd, "It aint nuthin but 12:01." As I
strutted back ta tha (inaudible) I just cried.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>I just wanna make sure. Lennay had a iPizzy. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch freestyled a seriez of 12 lettas ta
you every last muthafuckin Fridizzle before a game. Who read these ta yo
slick ass?
<br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong><strong> </strong>Her brutha and her sister. Noa is her twin brutha.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>How tha fuck long was each letter?
<br />
<strong>T</strong><strong>E</strong><strong>'O: </strong>It was on some page.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>That is ghon be one of tha thangs you look forward to.
<br />
<strong>TE'O: </strong>Her lyrics run all up in mah head. Y'all KNOW dat
shit, muthafucka! One of tha lyrics up in her letter was, "Muthafucka,
afta every last muthafuckin quarter, instead of lookin around, close yo'
eyes n' give props ta tha Heavenly Father fo' another quarter n' focus
yo ass. Just focus on tha here n' now, nahmeean?"
<br />
<em> </em><br />
<em>Editorz note: On Nov. 30, Thamel did a gangbangin' follow-up rap
battle wit Te'o fo' SI Presentz bowl issue yo. Dude reiterated tha rap
bout tha iPizzy lettas n' how tha fuck one of tha siblings would read
tha letter of tha week up loud ta them. Da supposed gang went all up in
enough painstakin detail ta say dat her brutha spelled his name Noa. </em>
<br />
<strong> </strong><br />
<strong>TE'O:</strong> "Da last letter I received was afta tha Stanford
game n' her ass freestyled one mo' fo' tha ballin' game. They (one of
tha siblings) would read it fo' mah crazy ass before tha game n' bust it
ta mah crazy ass so I can read dat shit."
<br />
<h3>
TEAMMATE CIERRE WOOD</h3>
<strong>SI: </strong>So Manti stood up up in front of tha crew?
<br />
<strong>WOO</strong><strong>D</strong><strong>: </strong>Dude stood up
up in front of tha crew n' busted some lyrics ta our asses what tha fuck
happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It was on tha field. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude busted some lyrics ta us, "I ludd you
guys." Our thugged-out asses gots his back. Our thugged-out asses always
had his back, we've always had his back since he came in. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And thatz not goin ta
chizzle.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Yo ass pimps is there fo' his muthafuckin ass yo. How?
<br />
<strong>WOOD: </strong>I mean, everyone was textin n' callin his
muthafuckin ass. I be pretty shizzle he didn't want a shitload of
gangstas at his condo. If I come up mah door n' turn muthafuckin right I
be at his fuckin lil' door. I was over there chillin wit his ass n'
rappin' ta him, spittin some lyrics ta his ass everythang would be OK. I
couldn't imagine if anythang like dat happened ta mah girl. It was
straight-up, straight-up tough on his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude had all
his bruthas there ta keep his head up n' keep his ass focused.
<br />
<strong>SI: </strong>Tell mah crazy ass bout tha scene.
<br />
<strong>WOOD: </strong>Da whole time, I be just chillin there asking,
"Would I be able ta do it?" I don't be thinkin I would have, knowin how
tha fuck much I ludd mah girl. I would be so distraught bout dat shit. I
would be so down up in tha dumps I wouldn't know what tha fuck ta do
yo. Dude held his dirty ass together n' our crazy-ass asses gave his ass
all tha time dat he needed ta git up what tha fuck he wanted ta say,
what tha fuck he needed ta say yo. Dude left it like dat n' like dis n'
like dat y'all. It was all up in tha circle. I don't give a fuck how tha
fuck long it was.
<br />
<h3>
DALTON HILLIARD, A HIGH SCHOOL TEAMMATE WHO PLAYED AT UCLA</h3>
<strong>SI: </strong>Tell mah crazy ass bout Lennay.
<br />
<strong>HILLIARD</strong><strong>:</strong><strong> </strong>Biatch was a
straight-up supportive, gangbangin horny individual. Right back up in
yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was all bout Dogg n' prayer n' bein able ta
have faith. Me n' her never kicked it wit up in person. I aint talkin'
bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But I felt like dis was a testament ta
whoz ass her ass was. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch would
still text n' tweet mah crazy ass before mah game. Dope luck brutha.
Dope thang up there todizzle.
<br />
Da fact dat her ass would do dat fo' some muthafucka her ass never met.
Da fact dat [Manti] n' I is such pimped out playaz n' bruthas. Who her
ass was n' be as a person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Pleasure fo' mah crazy ass ta know her muthafuckin ass. Right back up in
yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch done cooked up mah dopest playa such a
aiiight man, itz somethang dat done cooked up mah crazy ass a aiiight
playa as well.
<br />
<h3>
FATHER PAUL DOYLE, RECTOR OF MANTI'S DORM, DILLON HALL</h3>
I was surprised ta hear bout it on tha news. No one had called me, n' I
be tha crew chaplain fo' Doggz sakes. It was a surprise ta mah dirty
ass. Yo ass aint gots ta put dat up in tha article. I was at practice
two days last week. They typically practice 20 ta 24 periodz a
thugged-out day. I stay fo' five n' stand there n' watch. Last few weeks
I have stood on tha defensive field.
<br />
Dude bigged up mah dirty ass. I don't wanna be a thugged-out
distraction. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude waved
ta mah crazy ass n' he did last week. I had no idea what tha fuck he was
carryin wit his ass all up in tha time.
<br />
I had tha other chaplain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch
yo. Dude didn't give a fuck bout it either yo. Dude holla'd I be watchin
tha same stupid-ass thang. To lose em two gangstas. I be thinkin I had
kicked it wit tha ho. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be thinkin her
ass had been here visitin tha year before yo. Dude might have even axed
mah crazy ass ta pray fo' a game condizzle dat her ass had. Y'all KNOW
dat shit, muthafucka! That soundz vaguely familiar yo, but I know her
ass was a funky-ass dope person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy
biatch. I had no idea it was thuglife threatenin fo' realz. And then
shez gone.
<br />
Our thugged-out asses prayed fo' em Sundizzle night by name, as our
crazy-ass asses do every last muthafuckin muthafucka dat loses a
cold-ass lil close relative. Of course Manti wasn't there. I be goin ta
give his ass a cold-ass lil card sayin tha pimpz of Dillon Hall is
prayin fo' Mrs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Santiago n' fo'
Lennay.
<br />
<h3>
MARK THESING, TEAM CHAPLIN FOR ROAD GAMES</h3>
I checked wit (Jack Klunder), Director of Footbizzle Operations n' our
crazy-ass asses was rappin back n' forth. Thursdizzle night. Friday. Our
thugged-out asses done cooked up special mention of dat durin tha mass.
Unfortunately, I've been wit tha crew a fuckin shitload of times wit
dirtnaps fo' realz. As a matter of fact, therez been three other
incidents.
<br />
Anytime at Notre Dame, our crazy-ass asses brang dat ta faith, our
crazy-ass asses brang dat ta prayer. I be thinkin it was blingin ta
Manti n' ta his cold-ass crewmates n' bein there n' recognizin dat dis
is somethang dat our crazy-ass asses gots a higher juice fo' ta deal wit
these issues.
<br />
<h3>
BOB DIACO, NOTRE DAME DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR</h3>
I was basically wit his ass when he gots tha call bout his stupid-ass
ho. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude was distraught, as you would
imagine fo' realz. And a hour later he was at practice distraught. But
you know, he compartmentalized what tha fuck he needed ta yo. Dude
wasn't focused on his dirty ass yo. Dude was focused on his dirty ass n'
was focused on what tha fuck em gangstas would want his ass ta do up in
dat moment n' he was focused on his cold-ass crewmates n' up in
general.
<br />
"Everyone dat I ludd here is over there. I be goin ta be wit them."
Thatz what tha fuck he holla'd ta tha crew. Basically, he explained tha
tragedy dat happened n' explained dat why he was here n' why he was
blingin dat he was wit them.
<br />
Everyone loves Manti. Whatever he needs. Everyone be all in. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but tha culture of
dis crew. Everyone be all in.
<br />
<h3>
BRIAN KELLY, NOTRE DAME HEAD COACH </h3>
Like no circumstizzlez dat I can remember up in 22 muthafuckin years dat
a lil' playa has been hit wit incredible shizzle just before practice
fo' realz. And when I smoke up bout it, n' I come outta tha meetin room,
therez 10 playas around him, chillin wit his muthafuckin ass. Right
back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Supportin his muthafuckin ass. I axed all
tha playas ta go back ta they meetings n' I sat wit his ass n' Robby
Toma, his close playa. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out
asses spent a lil time n' I brought his ass up here ta mah crib. Take
yo' time ta rap ta yo' gang up in here by yo ass yo. Dude did dat fo'
bout a hour. I came back up in n' busted some lyrics ta his ass ta take
tha dizzle n' hang up in here n' take a nap.
<br />
I need ta be around tha gangstas I wanna be around. Y'all KNOW dat shit,
muthafucka! I need ta be at practice. If thatz how tha fuck you feel,
you need ta rap ta tha crew n' tell em why yo ass is up here. Yo ass
need ta tell em why yo ass is here. Our thugged-out asses stretched n'
broke em down n' brought em together n' Manti busted some lyrics ta tha
crew why he was up there n' how tha fuck blingin all of em were.
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-22148652378489221942013-01-16T23:05:00.004-05:002013-01-16T23:08:23.925-05:00Notre Dame Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick's Statement on Manti Te'o<span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">(<i>Thanks to the good people at <span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://gizoogle.net/">Gizoogle.net</a> for translating this <span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">from <span style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lawyerese into plain English.)</span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #050505;">Dope evening. Thanks
ta all of y'all fo' joinin our asses on relatively short notice. We're
here tonight, obviously, cuz of a article dat rocked up up in Deadspin
earlier todizzle n' ta address tha subject matter of dat article.
<br />
<br />My fuckin focus here tonight is ta rap ta you bout what tha fuck tha
Universitizzle knew, when our crazy-ass asses knew it, n' what tha fuck
decisions our crazy-ass asses done cooked up based on dat deetz. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Much of what tha fuck drove dat
process n' em decisions relates up in part ta a gangbangin'
fundamenstrual view of tha importizzle of student privacy, n' dat will
likely play a role tonight also cuz, all up in tha end of tha day, dis
is Mantiz rap ta tell n' our crazy-ass asses believe he should have tha
muthafuckin right ta tell it, which he is goin ta do.
<br />
<br />So there may be some thangs dis evenin which I defer ta his ass yo,
but I will try ta be as responsive as I possibly can ta all of yo'
thangs.
<br />
<br />While our crazy-ass asses still don't give a fuck all of tha
dimensionz of dis n' other than tha perpetrators, I can assure you dat
no one knows all of tha dimensionz of dis there is certain thangs dat I
feel Kool & Tha Gang our crazy-ass asses do know, nahmeean, biatch?
Da first is dat dis was a straight-up elaborate, straight-up
sophisticated hoax perpetrated fo' reasons our crazy-ass asses can't
straight-up understand but had a cold-ass lil certain wackty at its
core, based on tha exchanges dat our crazy-ass asses was able ta peep
between a shitload of tha gangstas whoz ass perpetrated dat shit.
<br />
<br />Manti was tha sucka of dat hoax. Manti is tha sucka of dat hoax, n' he will carry dat wit his ass fo' a while.
<br />
<br />In nuff ways, Manti was tha slick mark cuz he be a playa whoz ass is
so willin ta believe up in others n' so locked n loaded ta help that,
as dis hoax played up up in a way dat called upon em tendenciez of Manti
n' roped his ass mo' n' mo' tha fuck into tha trap yo. Dude was not a
thug whoz ass would gots a second thought bout offerin his thugged-out
assistizzle n' help up in engagin fully.
<br />
<br />Finally n' reflectizzle of that, I wanna stress, as some muthafucka
whoz ass has probably been as engaged up in dis as every last
muthafuckin muthafucka up in tha past couple weeks, dat not a god damn
thang bout what tha fuck I have hustled has shaken mah faith up in Manti
Te'o one iota. Da same stupid-ass pimped out lil' man, pimped out
student, n' pimped out athlete dat our crazy-ass asses done been so
proud as a muthafucka ta have be a gangmember of our gang is tha same
stupid-ass playa tonight, unchanged up in any way, except for, as he
indicated up in a statement up in his bangin release, tha embarrassment
associated wit havin been a sucka up in dis case.
<br />
<br />On tha mornin of December 26th, straight-up early morning, Manti
called his coaches ta inform em that, while he was up in attendizzle all
up in tha ESPN awardz sheezy up in Orlando, he received a phone call
from a number he recognized as havin been dat he associated wit Lennay
Kekua. When he answered it, it was a thug whose voice sounded like tha
same stupid-ass voice he had talked to, whoz ass busted some lyrics ta
his ass dat her ass was, up in fact, not dead as fuckin fried chicken.
<br />
<br />Manti was straight-up unnerved by that, as you might imagine. I will
let his ass again rap bout dat n' his bangin erection ta dat shit. But
he maintained dat secret vis a vis tha thugz of tha footbizzle gang
until he called tha coaches on tha mornin of tha 26th. They promptly
reached up ta mah crazy ass ta inform mah crazy asz of dis shockin piece
of hype, n' I arranged ta hook up Manti upon his bangin return ta
campus n' did so on tha afternoon of tha 27th.
<br />
<br />I kicked it wit wit Manti fo' bout a hour n' 45 minutes n' axed his
ass ta review every last muthafuckin detail of tha relationshizzle as he
knew it wit dis biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
Manti did so, was forthright, answered every last muthafuckin question,
n' was eager ta share tha deetz wit mah dirty ass.
<br />
<br />I kicked it wit wit his ass again tha next day, as I had put tha
notes together from tha previous dayz meeting, ta just review again what
tha fuck our crazy-ass asses had gone over ta make shizzle I had all
tha details erect fo' realz. And, again, he was a gangbangin' full n'
pimpin partner up in bustin shizzle dat tha deetz I collected was
accurate.
<br />
<br />I then took dat deetz n' shared it wit other leadaz up in tha
universitizzle fo' a thugged-out deliberation as ta next steps, what tha
fuck our crazy-ass asses should do. Right back up in yo muthafuckin
ass. Some additionizzle thangz of Manti was then pimped, which he again
promptly responded, n' a thugged-out decision was done cooked up ta
engage up in a independent investigatizzle firm ta peep if they could
determine what tha fuck was all up in tha nature of what tha fuck
increasingly rocked up ta our asses ta be a sophisticated hoax.
<br />
<br />While apprised by dat investigatizzle firm of they work along tha
way, our crazy-ass asses received a gangbangin' final report from em on
January 4th. I kicked it wit wit Brian n' Ottilia Te'o up in Miami on
tha 5th ta share wit em tha essence of em findings. Our thugged-out
asses left dat meetin wit a understandin dat they would be thinkin bout
what tha fuck they had heard, engaged Mantiz future representation,
which would be determined later up in tha week, up in consultation as ta
how tha fuck ta dopest respond, n' keep tha universitizzle straight-up
informed of they intentions n' work up in concert wit our asses when
they was locked n loaded ta communicate tha story. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #050505;">It was mah understandin is mah understandin dat they was on a
timetable ta release tha rap themselves next week when todizzlez rap
broke.<br /><br /> With that, I welcome tha opportunitizzle ta take any thangs.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Jack, it holla'd up in tha release dat authoritizzles is
investigatin it fo' realz. Is there any aside from tha gangstas you
mentioned, every last muthafuckin muthafucka else investigatin dis ta
peep if any criminal action was done here?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
I can't rap what tha fuck Mantiz representatives have done up in dat
regard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I know they intended ta pursue
his crazy-ass muthafuckin rights fully fo' realz. As it relates ta tha
university, our lone engagement n' referral was ta tha private firm ta
do tha report fo' us.<br /><br /><em> Q. Yo ass talked a lil bout what tha
fuck you talked ta his ass about. Can you say what tha fuck you've
peeped and what tha fuck tha investigator saw dat would some gangstas
obviously don't give a fuck tha whole rap n' is goin ta question whether
Manti was behind tha hoax. What have you peeped dat would prove dat
that would not be tha truth?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
Well, therez nuff muthafuckin thangs. One is I would refer all of you,
if yo ass is not already familiar wit it, wit both tha documentary
called "Catfish," tha MTV sheezy which be a thugged-out derivatizzle of
dat documentary, n' tha sort of associated thangs yo dirty ass is gonna
find online n' otherwise bout catfish and catfishing.<br /><br /> It be a
scam I be probably revealin mah televizzle watchin habits yo, but it was
covered by Dr. Phil extensively recently dat bigs up tha exact arc of
this, n' itz perpetrated wit shockin frequency fo' mah crazy ass shockin
as a olda playa whoz not as versed up in tha online ghetto n' it is
just as dis one fo' realz. An initial casual engagement, a thugged-out
pimpin relationshizzle online, a subsequent trauma traffic accident,
illnizz n' then a thugged-out dirtnap.<br /><br /> As hard as it is fo' mah
crazy ass ta git mah arms around this, therez apparently some shiznit up
in bustin this, up in bein able ta do it successfully. Right back up in
yo muthafuckin ass. So dat was one dat our crazy-ass asses sort of
found dis external guidebook, if you will, and platform fo' bustin this.<br /><br />
Two was tha internal consistencies, right, biatch? As our crazy-ass
asses probe, ask thangs, wanted ta make shizzle it all lined up wit what
tha fuck our crazy-ass asses knew independently, tha facts as our
crazy-ass asses understood them, we're straight-up laid back wit tha
consistency up in how tha fuck it all fit together.<br /><br /> Thirdly, our
investigators all up in they work was able ta discover online chatter
among tha perpetrators dat is sort of tha illest proof of this, tha joy
they was taking, tha sort of casualnizz wit which among themselves they
was referrin ta what tha fuck they had accomplished n' what tha fuck
they had done.<br /><br /><em> Q. There was some reports earlier up in tha
year when dis was goin on dat Manti n' Kekua had kicked it wit n' spent
time together up in Hawaii. Did he explain how tha fuck em came ta be?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Dude
did, and, again, I be goin ta let Manti tell tha rap cuz he deserves
dat right. What I will rap , dis was exclusively a online relationship.<br /><br /><em> Q. Do you know yet when n' where he might be available ta tell that, when he plans ta come up n' tell dat story?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>I don't. I be under tha impression sometime tomorrow he is ghon be yo, but I be sorry, I don't give a fuck tha details yet.<br /><br /><em>
Q fo' realz. And last one, did anybody all up in tha school and wit tha
footbizzle crew, afta Kekuaz supposed dirtnap, try ta reach up ta her
gang n' extend condolences up in any way from tha university?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Not
from tha university. Da Te'o gang n' Manti his dirty ass did. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be not aware now, some muthafucka up in tha
footbizzle program may have. I be not aware I did not, n' I be not
aware of every last muthafuckin muthafucka else dat did.<br /><br /> Again,
given tha elaboratenizz of this, there was a place ta bust flowers, n'
dat was there was no detail of tha hoax left undone up in that.<br /><br /><em> Q. By yo' raps wit Manti, when then did they meet, biatch? How tha fuck long had dis been goin on?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
I don't remember tha exact length of time yo, but it had it fuckin
started wit a online reachin up ta his ass dat he responded to.<br /><br /><em>
Q. I guess tha reason I axed is Brian Te'o had mentioned a up in thug
meetin ta mah crazy ass n' nuff muthafuckin up in thug meetings. This
had been all tha way back ta 2009. Do yo' timeline go back dat far, n'
how tha fuck do you explain, again, tha differences up in dat rap wit
what tha fuck yo ass is characterizin as purely a online situation?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>I
be thinkin tha timetable do line up, Eric. I aint gots mah notes up in
front of mah crazy ass yo, but I be thinkin thatz right.<br /><br /> Yo ass
know, I think, as Manti drops some lyrics ta tha story, yo dirty ass is
gonna peep tha same stupid-ass muthafuckin thang I saw, dat it do
straight-up line up. I will forecast it only up in two ways. One is,
when I first talked ta Manti on tha 27th bout dis n' our crazy-ass asses
went all up in it n' I axed his ass ta take mah crazy ass ta tha
beginning, he fuckin started by sayin our crazy-ass asses kicked it wit
on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I holla'd, what tha
fuck do you mean you kicked it wit on, biatch? It was a online meetin
yo. Dude used tha verb "we met," n' he was referrin ta a online meetin
yo. Dude responded ta a online inquiry. That was tha straight-up
original gangsta time he kicked it wit her muthafuckin ass.<br /><br /> And as part of tha hoax, nuff muthafuckin meetings was set up where Lennay never flossed, includin some up in Hawaii.<br /><br /><em>
Q fo' realz. And did he rap on some funky-ass brutha dat was involved
up in tha hoax, a supposed brutha dat was involved up in tha hoax?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>There
is a remarkable number of charactas involved. Y'all KNOW dat shit,
muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses don't give a fuck how tha fuck nuff
gangstas they represent. There is male n' female characters, bruthas,
cousins, mutha, n' our crazy-ass asses don't give a fuck if itz two
gangstas playin multiple charactas and multiple gangstas.<br /><br /> But,
again, it goes ta tha sophistication of this, dat there is all these
sort of independent pieces dat reinforce elementz of tha rap all tha way
through. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some Muthafucka else
called brutha, cousin, et cetera.<br /><br /><em> Q fo' realz. And tha tip
off up in his crazy-ass mind was tha phone call, tha one dat came from
her number, what tha fuck was her number, dat was when he became
suspicious n' not before then?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Well,
mo' than suspicious, he became startled, shocked and, yes, thatz right.
That was straight-up tha straight-up original gangsta time.<br /><br />
Again, it goes ta mah comments bout Manti n' his character yo, but every
last muthafuckin single muthafuckin thang bout dis until dat dizzle up
in tha straight-up original gangsta week of September was real ta Manti.
There was no suspicion dat it wasn't, no belief dat it might not be.<br /><br /> And so tha pain was real. Da grief was real. Da affection was real fo' realz. And thatz tha nature of dis sad, wack game.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Was there afta hearin tha rap n' knowin dat some muthafucka might,
up in our bidnizz might smoke up bout it, did you encourage his ass n'
say, hey, look, our crazy-ass asses should probably be tha ones ta tell
tha rap first?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> No fo'
realz. And I be glad you axed dat cuz I'd like ta touch on a cold-ass
lil couple elementz of dat shit. There was a straight-up vigorous rap
internally bout what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses do. What tha fuck iz
mah obligation at dis point, biatch? It was governed by a gangbangin'
few thangs. One is our crazy-ass asses didn't give a fuck a lot. Right
back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So until tha investigators had done they
work, I didn't give a fuck our crazy-ass asses was rappin' on some ho
whoz ass faked her dirtnap, a ho whoz ass didn't exist. Our thugged-out
asses just didn't have any of dat deetz.<br /><br /> Our thugged-out asses
had no idea as ta motive, n' dat was straight-up significant ta us.
We're up in a unique bidnizz here. Was there some muthafucka tryin ta
create a NCAA violation all up in tha core of this, biatch? Was there
some muthafucka tryin ta impact tha outcome of footbizzle game by
manipulatin tha emotionz of a key playa, biatch? Was there a extortion
request coming?<br /><br /> When you match tha sort of lack of detail our
crazy-ass asses still lacked until our crazy-ass asses gots some help
investigatin it wit tha risk involved up in a shitload of these possible
scenarios, it was clear ta mah crazy ass that, until our crazy-ass
asses knew more, our crazy-ass asses had ta just continue ta work ta try
ta gather tha facts.<br /><br /> Secondly n' blinginly n' I referenced it
before dis aint different fo' us, notwithstandin dat it played up up in a
straight-up hood way, dis aint different fo' our asses than tha
circumstizzlez dat impact a shitload of our students up in a host of
ways fo' realz. And our crazy-ass asses believe straight-up straight
fuckin up in maintainin they muthafuckin right ta Kool & Tha
Gangialitizzle as students at dis university.<br /><br /> So from tha
outset, our crazy-ass asses established a parameter dat dis was Mantiz
rap ta tell. Our thugged-out asses wanted ta know it would be busted
some lyrics ta. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses
wanted ta know all up in tha appropriate time when it would be busted
some lyrics ta yo, but dat it was his cold-ass ta tell.<br /><br /><em> Q.
Not ta belabor tha point yo, but just so dat I be clear, is it yo'
understandin then dat Manti n' dis biatch have never physically kicked
it wit grill ta face?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Correct.<br /><br /><em> Q. Okay. Given yo' knowledge of tha law, what tha fuck sort of crime has been committed here, would you say, and can you say?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>I
be not allowed ta practice law anymore. Right back up in yo muthafuckin
ass. So I will avoid a legal interpretation of this. Let mah crazy ass
say up in response ta that, though, dat question had tha potential ta be
central ta how tha fuck you manage dis once it surfaced cuz a cold-ass
lil clear case of illegalitizzle would done been extortion, n' one
straight-up legitimate response, I think, dat Te'o might have opted fo'
here was ta let dis play up n' peep if dat came when he signed a
cold-ass lil contract and had some resources. They opted not ta do dat
yo, but em is tha sortz of thangs dat impacted tha thankin relatizzle ta
timin n' how tha fuck you deal wit dis story.<br /><br /> On its face, I be
bout ta let some muthafucka else whoz still practicin law ta interpret
whether anythang has been done ta date constitutes criminal conduct. I
haven't pursued dat question.<br /><br /><em> Q yo. Has there been a way fo'
you guys, fo' you n' tha gangstas you've been dealin with, ta just
comprehend what tha fuck dis be all about, biatch? It aint nuthin but
bizarre.</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> As a parent of
four children, itz been a straight-up frightenin experience. For
gangstas mah age, dis is unfathomable. Versionz of dis up in different
forms our crazy-ass asses would understand yo, but tha sort of online
hood media, virtual nature of this, itz hard fo' our asses hard fo' mah
dirty ass. I should drop a rhyme fo' mah dirty ass ta git mah arms
around.<br /><br /> Our thugged-out asses know, fo' example, dat these
perpetrators didn't limit themselves ta Manti up in tha targets. Right
back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So mah first erection, frankly, was as a
gangbangin' father. Yo ass know, tha way up in which lil' gangstas,
students and student athletes, mah children, is at risk up in dis
environment ta thangs like dis cuz you just don't give a fuck whoz ass
yo ass is dealin with.<br /><br /><em> Q. Yo ass holla'd dis be a online
relationship, yet Manti has talked bout bustin lyrics wit a thug he
thought was Lennay. Did a person, up in effect, take her posizzle n' rap
ta Manti as if her ass was his stupid-ass ho?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Yeah,
n' props fo' erectin dat shit. Online n' telephonic. There was lengthy,
long telephone conversations. There was chillin wit tha phone on
connected ta each other. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So all of
em thangs.<br /><br /> Da issue of whoz ass it is, whoz playin what tha fuck
role, whatz real n' whatz not here be a mo' complex question than I can
git into.<br /><br /><em> Q. Yo ass mentioned dat tha perpetrators, Manti
wasn't tha only one he targeted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Other
gangstas at Notre Dame and other a funky-ass bigger scheme?</em><br /><br /><strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> I be not aware of every last muthafuckin muthafucka else at Notre Dame.<br /><br /><em>
Q fo' realz. And tha Deadspin report holla'd dat Manti had a
relationshizzle wit whoz ass they thought tha perpetrator was, whether
it was a cold-ass lil cousin and a gangbangin' gang playa. Y'all KNOW
dat shit, muthafucka! Was dat true, n' do you know if dat played tha
fuck into tha motizzle at all?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>That characterization do not square wit mah deetz yo, but I be bout ta let tha Te'os address dat shit.<br /><br /><em>
Q fo' realz. And then last one fo' mah dirty ass. Da dizzle of tha
Nationizzle Championshizzle game, when you pimps had knowledge of this,
there was a pregame special on tha shizzle mornin sheezy bout his story.
Did yo dirty ass pimps know they was plannin on bustin that, biatch?
Did yo dirty ass do anythang ta try ta rap em outta that, biatch? Or how
tha fuck did you handle dat situation?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Where did it air?<br /><br /><em> Q. I be thinkin it was a CBS mornin show.</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>I
be not familiar wit dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I
guess tha quick answer is, since I didn't give a fuck it, our crazy-ass
asses didn't our crazy-ass asses was straight-up consciouz of tha fact
dat our crazy-ass asses didn't give a fuck what tha fuck our crazy-ass
asses didn't give a fuck fo' realz. And so our crazy-ass asses
recognized tha challengez of dat shit. If Manti gots a question up in a
media session bout that, how tha fuck do you respond ta that, biatch?
Our thugged-out asses recognized tha challenge of that, n' our crazy-ass
asses weighed em bullshiznit against tha on tha other hand, these other
issues dat affectin timing.<br /><br /> I be bout ta say one thang. When
tha investigation concluded n' when our crazy-ass asses gots tha
straight-up original gangsta report from tha investigators, tha one
muthafuckin thang our crazy-ass asses was certain of was dat dis was
comin out. There was too much online chatter bout dat shit. There was
not a intention, a funky-ass belief, anythang dat dis rap would not git
busted some lyrics ta. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It was clear it
would. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses had hoped
tha straight-up original gangsta thug ta tell it was goin ta be Manti,
and, again, tha expectation was it was goin ta happen next week.<br /><br />
Dude didn't git dat opportunitizzle without some muthafucka else havin
busted some lyrics ta tha rap yo, but he'll at least have a
opportunitizzle ta rap bout it up in tha future.<br /><br /><em> Q. Did he
explain at all why he waited 2 1/2, 3 weeks ta tell tha coaches afta he
had tha suspicion afta he gots dat phone call?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Dude
wanted ta rap ta his thugged-out lil' muthafathas, n' he wanted ta rap
ta em up in person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude
went home fo' Chrizzle break. Thatz Manti. Thatz tha lil hustla he is
yo. Dude wanted ta have dat conversation wit his thugged-out lil'
muthafathas grill ta grill yo. Dude wanted ta consult wit them, wanted
ta git they lyrics, n' it was on tha basiz of dat conversation, afta
havin concluded it, dat he called us.<br /><br /><em> Q. Jack, did Manti
receive any other communications followin tha incident all up in tha
ESPN awardz sheezy from tha gangstas involved up in this?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Yes, they continued ta be persistent. It wasn't a single contact.<br /><br /><em> Q fo' realz. And when did dat stop?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
I be sorry. I don't give a fuck exactly. It dissipated up in time, up
in part cuz he wasn't respondin yo, but I don't give a fuck exactly
when.<br /><br /><em> Q fo' realz. And tha last question fo' mah dirty ass.
Do tha Te'o gang n' Notre Dame intend ta publish any part of tha report,
tha findings up in tha future?</em><br /><br /><strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Our thugged-out asses do not.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Jack, you mentioned tha partizzles bein persistent wit Manti. Did yo
dirty ass git some mo' insight tha fuck into what tha fuck they motives
were, n' what tha fuck did you discover all up in dat continued
contact?</em><br /><br /><strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Well, they was
everythang here had a story. It wasn't there was another rap ta explain
what tha fuck had happened n' ta restart tha relationshizzle fo' realz.
And I be not goin ta go tha fuck into detailz of that, Manti can. I aint
talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But tha next phase of tha hoax
was played out.<br /><br /> Herez why our crazy-ass asses did what tha fuck
our crazy-ass asses did, n' now here our crazy-ass asses is back. Right
back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still up in character.<br /><br /><em> Q. To
be clear, when they tried ta restart tha relationshizzle afta Lennay
admitted dat she, up in fact, had not took a dirt nap </em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Yes yes y'all.<br /><br /><em>
Q. When you rap bout tha online chatter dat yo' investigators
discovered, what tha fuck did you discover bout tha motizzle at dat
point, biatch? Yo ass mentioned sport. Was dat it, biatch? Was there any
other motizzle dat came ta light?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Well,
all dat comes all up in it aint nuthin but a sort of casual wackty.
They're enjoyin tha joke. Da shockingly casual comments bout what tha
fuck they was bustin n' how tha fuck they was bustin dat shit.<br /><br /><em>
Q fo' realz. And up in yo' investigation internally, did you find dat
Lennay had had contact wit any other thugz of tha crew, biatch? Did yo
dirty ass drop a rhyme ta tha thugz of tha crew bout what tha fuck they
recalled bout dis conversation, and is it strictly you only talked ta
Manti?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Manti.<br /><br /><em> Q yo. Dude was at a awardz show, tha one up in Orlando, ESPN, right?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Yes yes y'all.<br /><br /><em> Q. Da investigators, Notre Dame investigators, and whoz ass was these investigators?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Fuck
dat shit, they be private. They was independent, private investigators
whoz ass had a special expertise up in dis sort of thang, whoz ass had
experience of trackin online activity. I be not goin ta identify tha
company. It aint nuthin but a nationistic company, independent.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Did just ta clarify, did tha crew know at any point, biatch? Da
playas is just findin up todizzle, like every last muthafuckin
muthafucka else?</em><br /><br /> <strong>JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Yes yes
y'all. I mean, tha two coaches knew. I knew fo' realz. And Manti had
taken a cold-ass lil couple crewmates tha fuck into his confidence.<br /><br /><em> Q fo' realz. Is you able ta tell our asses which coaches he talked to?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Diaco n' Kelly. For em dat don't follow us, thatz tha defensive coordinator n' tha head coach.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Da perpetrator, up in tha voice calls, you holla'd they would chill
wit tha phone up ta they ear n' what tha fuck not. Do our crazy-ass
asses know where her ass is, biatch? I assume investigators have had ta
make contact wit a apologizzle forthcomin up in tha future. Will our
crazy-ass asses eva hear from her, tha one dat provided tha voice?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
I don't give a fuck tha lyrics ta dat shit. Yo ass wind up wit online
footprints up in dis case, n' at dat point, our crazy-ass asses didn't
once our crazy-ass asses was satisfied our crazy-ass asses understood
tha dimensionz of this, our crazy-ass asses shared tha deetz wit tha
Te'os n' left it ta em n' tha gangstas they'll be hittin dat shizzle wit
ta decizzle what tha fuck next steps ta take.<br /><br /><em> Q fo' realz.
And lastly, whatz tha universityz response to, say, tha 20 some year
oldschool hustlas whoz ass have experience wit dis n' say, if you
haven't muthafuckin kicked it wit her up in person, it seems slightly
deceivin on his thugged-out lil' part ta brang such attention ta dat
shit.</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Then you don't give
a fuck Manti is mah answer. Manti lives his thuglife on his sleeve, n'
he is up there fo' realz. As I holla'd earlier n' I don't be thinkin dis
was a accident they understood, given tha nature, tha extraordinary
nature of dis man, tha mo' shizzle her ass was up in hoopty accident,
diagnosiz of leukemia, failin game tha mo' engaged he would become, tha
mo' focused he would become, n' tha mo' dedicated he would become, n'
thatz exactly what tha fuck happened here.<br /><br /> And fo' em whoz ass
is suspicious dat that can happen up in sort of a virtual environment, I
be thinkin there is a shitload of examplez up there dat suggest
otherwise. I mean, dis documentary chroniclez one of em yo, but as we've
gotten tha fuck into this, I've been surprised ta learn tha frequency
wit which it exists n' tha cautionary tale it affordz ta em same
stupid-ass lil' gangstas. Da gangstas whoz ass is ghon be least
skeptical of dis is tha gangstas whoz ass live they thuglife up in tha
hood media as a blingin component of dat shit.<br /><br /> Skepticizzle
probably increases wit age yo, but itz harder fo' em of our asses whoz
ass aren't straight-up engaged up in dat medium ta understand how tha
fuck it can be used ta dis effect.<br /><br /><em> Q. Jack, what tha fuck
did you pimps advise Manti ta say had he gotten a question directly afta
bout Lennay, biatch? I know he gots one question yo, but it was kind of
within tha context of another question, n' he was able ta avoid dat
shit. But what tha fuck did you pimps advise him?</em><br /><br /><strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
Our thugged-out asses encouraged his ass ta try ta focus forward n'
focus on tha game n' not draw attention backward, if he could. Y'all
KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It was dat simple. It wasn't straight-up
complex fo' realz. Again, our crazy-ass asses understood tha challenge
of dat yo, but tha weighin of em competin interests up in a way dat our
crazy-ass asses felt was tha muthafuckin right balizzle.<br /><br /><em> Q. One mo'. Put yo muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel this!Do you be thinkin dis affected his thugged-out lil' play dat night?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
I don't wanna say dat shit. I will only rap dat startin wit mah
interaction on tha 27th n' beginnin todizzle, itz affected Manti as a
thug significantly.<br /><br /> Therez a shitload of tragedy here. Therez a
shitload of sorrow here. But tha muthafuckin thang I be most fucked up
of, fucked up bout is sorry. That tha single most trustin human bein
I've eva kicked it wit will never be able ta trust up in tha same
stupid-ass way again up in his fuckin life. Thatz a incredible tragedy.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Yo ass holla'd nuff muthafuckin gangstas a gangbangin' few times. Do
you gots a funky-ass ballpark of just how tha fuck nuff gangstas?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
Our thugged-out asses don't cuz our crazy-ass asses have no idea of all
tha charactas here, how tha fuck nuff was one thug playin multiple
roles. Our thugged-out asses just aint gots any way ta know dat
muthafuckin right now, nahmeean?<br /><br /><em> Q. Did Notre Dame notify any law enforcement agency and tha enforcement arm of tha NCAA?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
Fuck dat shit, therez no factual predicate fo' a NCAA violation our
crazy-ass asses could find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That, of
course, was one of our blingin focuses early on. I aint talkin' bout
chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And, no, our crazy-ass asses did not
refer dis ta criminal authorities. Our thugged-out asses shared, as I
holla'd, all of our deetz wit tha Te'os, whoz ass up in turn shared it
wit they representatives ta consider it further.<br /><br /><em> Q. Well,
thankin bout all up in tha straight-up least some muthafucka was dissin a
star playa fo' tha university, n' potentially there could done been a
extortion component of it you holla'd you didn't give a fuck all up in
tha beginnin of it why didn't Notre Dame contact law enforcement?</em><br /><br /><strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong>
Well, cuz our crazy-ass asses believed dat was tha victimz decision ta
make, n' Manti was tha sucka here fo' realz. And he n' his wild lil'
family, up in consultation wit whomever they chizzle ta consult with,
had dat decision ta make. Our thugged-out asses was not tha victim.
We've been impacted yo, but I don't wanna confuse dis at all. Manti Te'o
was tha sucka of dis scam.<br /><br /><em> Q. Was there a thugged-out rap bout contactin law enforcement?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> Yes, there was a thugged-out rap of anythang any response dat might be appropriate.<br /><br /><em> Q. Do you still be thinkin dat was tha muthafuckin right decision based on whatz happened ta dis point?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK:</strong> I do.<br /><br /><em> Q. Thank yo thugged-out ass.</em><br /><br /><em>
Q yo. Hi, Jack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry ta have ta
have dis press conference tonight yo, but at any point durin any
investigation, was there anythang uncovered where there may be at some
point any extortion and scrilla axed from Manti and tha university?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Nothang
up in our investigation revealed a ask which had been made. We're
sensitizzle ta tha fact dat one might be forthcomin up in tha future, n'
thatz one of tha thangs dat impacted considerationz of how tha fuck ta
proceed.<br /><br /><em> Q. Two thangs muthafuckin. One, I wish I could say
it, I know there done been reports dat Manti holla'd he had a initial
grill ta grill meetin wit his stupid-ass ho at Stanford at some point.
Whatz goin on wit that?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Again,
I be bout ta let Manti provide tha details yo, but as I holla'd earlier
up in dis press conference, when Manti took mah crazy ass all up in tha
entire rap from start ta finish, when he first busted lyrics bout tha
contact, he used tha verb met. For him, tha fact dat they connected
online, dat they kicked it wit online, was consistent wit rockin dat
verb. Not one dat I might have chosen yo, but it was fo' his muthafuckin
ass.<br /><br /> And tha timin was consistent wit tha playin of dat game.<br /><br /><em>
Q. Okay. Da other one is given dat Manti thought there was a actual ho
n' dat her ass had took a dirt nap n' then some muthafucka called n'
holla'd dat it was her, I be still havin a hard time reconcilin why he
wouldn't have gone ta authoritizzles when there was a possible dirtnap
and there had ta be some confusion as ta what tha fuck was goin on at
dat point?</em><br /><br /> <strong> JACK SWARBRICK: </strong>Therez fuckin
shitloadz of confusion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.
There didn't step tha fuck up ta be a thugged-out dirtnap. Da evidence
was a lil bit ta tha contrary.<br /><br /> Our thugged-out asses axed tha
thangz of gangstas involved up in tha consideration of what tha fuck tha
dopest steps were. Was there apparent criminal activitizzle here,
biatch? At dat point, it was hard ta identify any fo' realz. A wack,
wack hoax yo, but unfortunately, wack hoaxes don't necessarily
accelerate tha criminal activity.<br /><br /><strong> JOHN HEISLER:</strong>
Thanks straight-up much. Our thugged-out asses appreciate yo' bein wit
us. Our thugged-out asses bout ta gots a transcript of dis dat we'll
make available ta you within tha hour. Thanks.
</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-47472328237929861572013-01-16T15:12:00.001-05:002013-01-16T15:12:52.915-05:00"James"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>(part of an ongoing series of speaking in tongues the devil can't understand aka WE ARE LIVING IN THE DAYS OF BABBLE and you're smartfone is the tower)</i></div>
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You have noted the statements said playing in the backyard of his uncle, well, he also called David "Father", and because his father died before he was old enough to know him. As a way to play with these magnets, Jacob found that mission or purpose in life. So he said to David, and said: "Dad, I know you know that." David replied: "Jacob: What is it that you know that I know that?" Jacob's response was: "I'm going to do when I'm with a man," that is, when he finished with the study of genetics. David said: "James, you do not know if you're a person other than the original one already here on earth, you will make the devil himself?" Jacob replied: "But I know you know that." Continuity of Jacob says he knows that his uncle can not get the impression that Jacob's uncle did not know the mission or purpose on earth. And when talking about today, I would not be surprised if a few devil is not a book, because if they put on a birth control in Liberia, which makes other people than we originally, of course it was "did not say the name of charity, but do not be afraid We have the power needed to do the hard work, Brother James reached the age of 12, in other words, it is the knowledge of how he would plant and complete all the universities across the Holy Land, and start walking on the currency black people satisfied his doctrine is based. lies and subterfuge, Genesis 27:35 and Numbers about how he, Jacob, his father's business, competitive, and early 27:36 immigrants will take moths of law. stage of this discovery was to rule over the entire planet, the children of Jacob for 6000 by replacing it. brother, if our history checkYakub close enough, we will to find that he has distinguished his work by replacing Elijah Muhammad said, "Our brothers and sisters in black followed Jacob know that he meant depriving them of their dignity. birth to their right, their clothes (brain average) and I had no idea that he, Jacob, I would deny they expose themselves or their clothing to cover nakedness.</div>
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Oh, if I follow the steps of the children of Jacob's day was given, is looking comparable to his works, we all that he and scientists do not go back there, done here today can find, the only difference is the names medical terms or technical change more calls or more scientific terms, which in turn is a form of the highest teachings of tricknology words, etc..</div>
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To see whether children of Jacob to compare the works of Ben, we know that he was stripped of the brothers and sisters of the "holy garments" clothes that cover their bodies holy / black. We now see that our clothes on our sisters, our clothes on their backs. You see, my brethren, when your sister or brother has his or her own clothing saints, all the others I actually use them to deceive others. This is Mr. James can not be, because if it was it took him 600 years to come up with its own culture, the brother and sister immorality allowed him to get more children to attract. He made them, they wear cloth only expose themselves, more than half of their bodies exposed to the naked eye. Remember, it was the essence of an experiment that will pass me. So today and for the past four hundred and 10 years, we see the children of Jacob, are experimenting with even more subtle way to their father.</div>
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A good place to start would be "Liberia" review. We know that mr. Jacob has a strict control of his birth to the beginning of civilization through the brown babies in black, brown-red, red-yellow. Now remember this is just the main solutions were nine colors brighter as a result.</div>
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Many places in the Bible that this change people gathered without any hesitation. Example, the history 17:26, show mr. Jacob probably not plant his people (white person) in black, bone Allah created all the peoples of the blood. Course countries These are brown, red and yellow sides 5 is not really a nation, but "race", a group of people racing animal 400,000,000 times the same verse that shows that the most honorable Elijah Muhammad said, Jacob vaccinated cast sentenced or limited today!. exists beyond the boundaries of their life on our planet was 6000. and we show that about 50 annual delay, and only Allah knows best! a few days he will be allowed to engage in this desert (mentioned in the Bible throws). Verse 42 in same chapter further proof that it was lighter than babies who are divorced dark, it says: "When the controller was bad = light (remember the lighter that was actually weakened them), he (James) put their (ie, not dark) .. Labin was poor, and strong Jacob (Jacob) that can be easily understood that James was a black jet will hold;. means as if there is any doubt that we have an understanding of the Bible ", we can see where it was expected that we blacks our two nations seeds (Genesis 25:23 the womb). In the same verse, it also shows that the one people shall be stronger of the two, and for that matter, any other. Verse 23 is still a young lad older immigrants, we indicate that we are older, have not since the beginning of our history recorded here or there, but we know that a boy change is young and he is only six days! A brother, mr. James has an idea about the demons of his parents created light and dark baby, as in Genesis 25:25.</div>
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Mr. Jacob to 150 years old, we would expect the Bible to tell exactly, but I think Genesis 5:03 comes close enough, his version of who she is.</div>
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"Jacob goes through the teaching of the Holy Land</div>
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After moving about education and socialization of the Holy Land breed of "holy people" for so long a rumor about him and his teachings, one way or another he was jailed. Of course, that does not stop his teachings became famous words, supporters on the floor. Jacob, the God of his people, who are eager for a change, they were not satisfied and industrious teachings of Jacob, and his prison, or they could not and did not stop his ideology. While Jacob was in jail he continued his teachings, the word came to captain, then consult the Sultan, and give him tell; someone other than the original person who was on the ground, and he (James ) is caused unrest in jail (I hope you see Muslims told us, too). So the Sultan a wise man consulted Mr. James. , He asked to import the prisoner, "called James?" Jacob was a big black brother dare he (James) came forward and said: "I will call" smart Sultan said, "As salaam alaikum," he said. Jacob's response was "Wa alaikum Salam!"</div>
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Rally on the plan to make an original people who lived people on earth to ask. Jacob said: "Yes, I'm going to do." Then the Sultan said, "You know we can not be like that here in the Holy Land", then Jacob told him if he would give him and his followers land and supplies them to the last eight, went away. It is indicated in Genesis 30:26 (Jacob asked his followers). Genesis 30:28 can give us an idea of what the wise saying Sultan Yakoub, such as: "How much do you need, etc.?" Genesis 30:32 Jacob show Mr Sultan said he would take them all the discontent if he (the Sultan) with the necessary equipment. These versions or deep, but our goal is just to give you a little insight can the mosque show you all the things needed. Allah is with us, we, long ago, to be able to eat from the table of the driveway without interference the oppressors of truth and justice!</div>
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A brother, knowledge, only like Mr. Jacob said Sultan skilled in the same area, it would exempt him from all his problems if he was willing to give him and his followers with land, etc., I ask you, is not honored Elijah Muhammad said that the government give us the land and the provision of 20 years and we do not leave him, and therefore dismissed it for lack of satisfaction that he himself (cursed?) Of course, you realize that we, the followers of the Lamb is happy!</div>
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Elijah Muhammad's most respected is something very, very much. It depends on how closely we look.</div>
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Now we know that he is not going Jacoby, the implant, the supplantation, or to make hybrids. We see what I did with Jacob few degrees of knowledge to do evil. Now, how much more can and will do better lamb with better knowledge and wisdom? Dude, we all think we are, the depth of our thinking depends on how or call our mentality. If we have deep enough and pure enough to think, we find the lamb, not tricks, power crosses, but by knowledge of self, God and Satan. We were before we heard and start to live the teachings of the driveway? Not even our distant associates to see the change in the difference after we receive the Almighty Allah through the teachings of the ramp's? Physical change. Now I must talk about our spiritual change? Jacob people in physical or spiritual birth control, and the most honorable Elijah Muhammad spiritual and physical knowledge of the self. , honorable most of Elijah Muhammad said that we should not make any excuses for some of us noticed that we show that we have as sheep in the midst of a live sex deviant. then he tells us to separate ourselves, and when we mentally and physically cut off, I do not believe to tell me how to get our clothes back, and go all the way back home (jet black).</div>
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Hip to see but few understand and acknowledge that it should be for the best, because we do not have to cover our clothing and apparel knowledge. TIS is indeed a shame to see it (welcome) to be so rebellious against their true identity.</div>
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"Jacob on the island of Patmos"</div>
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Upon arrival on the island of Patmos, Mr. James sure he was there vision of 01:19 or Pelan, located in the Aegean Sea, he started his reign, or a team led by the doctor, a priest, sister and cremator (as in Exodus 1:15 - nurse). Exodus 1:9-10 shows Jacob talking with his other team members, and wonder what we can remember when the Pharaoh of this day the same thing about us, the tribe of Shabazz. Remember the "Hitler" Herbert Hoover, when he was in office?</div>
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The role of the doctor for blood tests of people who wanted to marry, and 2 blacks were to be married, he would pass them without question, but as a black person and a sister of light skin try married, he (doctor) I would go behind the screen, repeat They were defects in the blood (lying snake). Now, in the case of these couples decide to live together, or move it, mr. Jacob made a fuss, he just slaughtered. Today, wonder why, before we can get a marriage license (our queen to marry, by the way), we get "blood test" happy? Believe me, accursed Shaitan very obedient Jacoby father! . . . That he is doing the work Letty. Instead go behind the curtain of the day, the doctor what we call "lab", and after a certain number of different shades of the past, or after a certain quota of the year, he says is a lie to try to blend with a brother and sister marry legally read.</div>
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Of course, it does not work like it did in the time of Jacob, the son is not allowed to open operations like his father, because he was fighting against his nature, he would be an adulterer. After a man or a woman commits adultery or fornication for two thousand years, there's no point thinking they would be against such in the past year 4050.</div>
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The priest's work was now, married, consultant, lying, etc., few, and spread the teachings of Jacob. He did not try to follow the teachings of his father to this day, an attempt to deceive even the chosen - chosen of Allah, go ahead and behind the subject really trying to change the truth lie? All praise be to Allah, the only works in our poor, when it's not really worthy of Allah.</div>
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James told the nurse that she was a sharp instrument, which is the soft part of the dark black head boys to hold. She was to help deliver the baby - he called her midwife (Exodus 01:16). Original is a nurse north still fear Allah, he said. James and ask him, ask him if the child's family as he continues to be easy or dark teenager? She did it because she did not have the idea of killing the brothers and sisters want. See followers of Jacob were very well disciplined and he was such a master of lies and deception, his sister convinced when he told her to tell his parents of the younger brother are blessed to Mecca will be taken so that the seed to come will be blessed, and that the apparent relief is the duty of the murder. It was, instead of sticking of sacred black mold brother of the head, take it to the cremator, burning the child without a doubt.</div>
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Approximately 600 years after Mr. Jacob formed a team and began his civilization, sleep 9000 in our calendar, its scientists were successful transplant pale skin, show no weakness in life bacterium, pink eyes, they were thick hair wool, languages thick, large nose look like albinos of the day. Tie it can be seen as the devil shows an albino and aversion nest, especially when an albino knowledge of himself, then, that they can manage gloved hand.</div>
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By doing so, mr. James can control how many black babies born a year or two, or even how I would be born per hour, day or week or month. Colour separation from each other is shown in Genesis 30:40. That book (v. 37), it seems that he began working with Brown, red and yellow to make the "white" (Caucasian) shows that the poles (sperm) through these things, he said. James with the devil. Today, his children are still trying to make people, they opened up all kinds of balls, the United States has BREEDED as a visit like James Island PELAN those who followed him.</div>
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If we expect our documents, listen to the radio, or those who can not watch TV, we can see the children of Jacob is trying to promote birth control system.</div>
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Days past, when our ancestors were brought for the first time to the Dominican Republic, the slave master wanted strong backs and weak minds. We naturally strong, so he does not need to be especially where it comes from, because he had a brother, a sister, etc.; baby will still be strong enough to work, but it is easy to see how he perhaps lacking mental abilities.</div>
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Just as Jacob held some black, brown, red and yellow babies are born, his island, his children followed measure up trying to keep tabs on what we called Negroes (holy members of black people from the tribe of Allah, the God Shabazz) was born per hour, day, week, month, year. Jacob wanted sperm bacteria, lighter, and his children even worse than what they want to give blacks have to be born to keep their audience and kill the background of a thousand. They want to provide children more uniform to be born by the ignorance of our people will come integration aware. But a limit to how much they should not. It is also consistent with their father Jacob, the character of the title of the devil, murderer from the beginning.</div>
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In other words, even starting this birth control system, where they arrived 400 years ago, but now are trying to sell to the public, they have to kill some sacred black children. Between their religious beliefs, they claim, or they must practice the teachings of their father contraception or not.</div>
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They are angry with each other and with the Almighty God (Allah) against all the injustice done to their pieces!</div>
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Before Mr. Jacob died, he pulled the cards the way back to Israel with him the sacred. After scientists with his men, an annual ten solutions (if they have more than one solution, their already were working sores. We show how weak and sick, as) arrived.</div>
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They built rafts and sail back to Israel, the Holy Land. With their entry, they stoned by the sacred black children who have never seen the likes of such people in the past. And the elders, men of wisdom and knowledge, knew that these people are complex, so they issued a decree throughout the Holy Land holy book black people do not like the people that the civilization of Jacob. Sultans sages, or Imans, I had a meeting with some of his men's track and tell them they are going to be allowed to go to sanctify Israel, or remain, and they will be free to any conditions they any confusion or unrest among the people began to go, and they can be intimate with families or eat any offenses (holy land) than cows in the middle of the garden (who was the brother and sisters of the black). By having a brother or sister Black, Jacob's men broke God's divine law of Allah. As we know, one of the main reasons of the will of the implant was the discontent among us, or b to remove. And see that they were just six months, I do not see a need to take the evil among us if we're going to let him right back down through integration.</div>
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Genesis 01:05 smart Sultan told them to go to Israel, which they hallow as their black brothers and sisters holy surely die. We know that our black seeds are dominant and kill everything it comes in contact with.</div>
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Yes, my brother, within six months after these demons Jacob in the Holy Land implanted all kinds of confusion started, the brothers started fighting with each other and nurses in a similar way. Jacob's men were brothers and sisters are black saints and tell each other their bad word, they began to steal, something not seen in the Holy Land. One of the main disadvantages, as it is today (greed), and want material things.</div>
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We, the people of the original, the "best" Of course I have to be the best of gold, silver, diamonds, etc., and these people was transplanted will never see it, and inherently evil, they can not give to lust so They started our gold and silver cups, plates and many other things for us was acceptable to steal.</div>
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They will tell my brother, another brother do such crimes, and therefore all kinds of fermentation begins. The word to the Sultan of this turmoil when he was in the country investigation of these demons Jacob was transplanted and found that it caused all the trouble, so he consulted Imans several local directors, and they decided to expel them from the Holy Land. So this afternoon (00:00 minutes) sacred black brothers were the camels with our favorite weapons drawn, the sword, and Job 30:5 says, these people of the holy people across the Arabian Desert in a distance of 2200 kilometers ward valleys, caves or holes and rocks of the earth Europe (Job 30:6).</div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-72228285027752561442013-01-15T10:12:00.000-05:002013-01-15T10:21:17.867-05:00Kenny Stabler<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/372/100/stablerbelitnikoff_display_image.jpg?1283320686" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="263" src="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/372/100/stablerbelitnikoff_display_image.jpg?1283320686" width="350" /></a></div>
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1975 Kenny Stabler had a hard time because as the rest of the World span around him, he was stuck being 1975 Kenny Stabler. Even natural Kenny Stabler grew and changed and became a living breathing Kenny Rogers DUI poster, and all the World was 1986 and then 1992 and then 1999 and then some 2003 and 4 and now 2013, but 1975 Kenny Stabler was still just 1975 Kenny Stabler, being awesome sure, but how awesome is awesome if there's not the right stuff to be awesome with? 1975 Kenny Stabler was lacking in love he realized.</div>
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He often 1975 walked around the various streets at night and during days, and would predator drone in on women from the mental perspective to see if they might be his love. None ever were, and a couple even ordered restraint by him legal-wise aka playing lawyerball. But then one day 1975 Kenny Stabler saw the girl, well first he saw her ass and it was glorious like it was made of pure solid gold but the gold was melted by the Sun itself and then the molten gold was poured into the black yoga stretch pants before 1975 Kenny Stabler's very eyes, solidifying into something so solid and beautiful that 1975 Kenny Stabler followed it for three blocks out of his way before realizing what had even transpired. The solid gold ass was attached to a well-rounded individual of a woman, almost Renaissance-istic maybe even, and the woman went into a tea house, because where 1975 Kenny Stabler was at the people drank tea not coffee, as he enjoyed the comforts of foreign lands like completely foreign because he felt so foreign in his own lands being a 1975 man in different yeared world, even though they spake the same language, so he figured it easier after time to just go full-on foreign where his 1975 ways would not seem so unnatural.</div>
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The woman ordered a funny worded tea and 1975 Kenny Stabler slid right up beside her as she pulled out her satchel of rubiks and he said in mental telepathy while looking into her soul eyes, "I'll pay for this." A little part of the solid gold in the front parts of her dungarees started to melt, and they became a thing on that higher plain immediately, like a log cabin made of psychic love, and started to chink the logs with mud conversation to get to know each other.</div>
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Her name was NDAA, and she was a paralegal security consultant for the Globochem company from Mr. Show. Her schooling was made of AR-15s and Bushmaster 223s, but her heart was made of four-leaf clovers and buttercuppy meadows. 1975 Kenny Stabler said, "NDAA, I know some sort of metaphor could be made by our words inside this robot machine network, but I don't care about that. All I know is you make me feel in a way I have not felt since the actual 1975 I was born from. Let's not let this writing make any veiled points about anything geopolitical or cultural or really anything. Let's just run away together."</div>
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NDAA smiled at 1975 Kenny Stabler, and then they ran away, and I couldn't see what happened for the rest of the story.</div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-1635819893742470232013-01-15T01:16:00.001-05:002013-01-15T01:16:36.011-05:00Good"Neil, I'm not sure what you guys are doing."<br />
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Good.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-36808205700180066242013-01-15T00:50:00.001-05:002013-01-15T00:57:30.415-05:00The Stilus Novus<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sq"><span class="hps">Shkrimi</span> <span class="hps">Ri</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="af"><span class="">Nuwe</span> <span class="hps">Skryfwerk</span></span><br />
Yeni Yazi<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps">новае</span> <span class="hps">напісанне</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bn"><span class="hps">গেম</span> <span class="hps">লেখা</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bg"><span class="">Нов</span> <span class="hps">писане</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bg"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="zh-CN"><span class="">新的文字</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bg"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="zh-CN"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hr"><span class="hps">Novi</span> <span class="hps">Pisanje</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="be"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="bg"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="zh-CN"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hr"><span class="hps">Ny Skrivning </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span> <br />
Uus Kirjutamine<br />
Bagong Pagsusulat<br />
Uusi Kirjoittaminen<br />
Escrita Novo<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps">ახალი</span> <span class="hps">წერა</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps">Νέα</span> <span class="hps">γραφής</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps">નવું</span> <span class="hps">લેખન</span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"> </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class="">नए लेखन</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps">Új</span> <span class="hps">Írás</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps">Baru</span> <span class="hps">Menulis</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps">Scríbhneoireacht</span> <span class="hps">Nua</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class="">新しい書き込み</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps">ಹೊಸ</span> <span class="hps">ಬರವಣಿಗೆ</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps">새로운</span> <span class="hps">쓰기</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class="hps">ລາຍລັກອັກສອນ</span><span class="">ໃຫມ່</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps">Jauns</span> <span class="hps">Rakstīšana</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps">нови</span> <span class="hps">пишување</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ms"><span class="">Penulisan</span> <span class="hps">Baru</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ro"><span class="hps">Nouă</span> <span class="hps">de Scriere</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps">Новое</span> <span class="hps">написание</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sr"><span class="hps">Нови</span> <span class="hps">Писање</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ru"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sr"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sw"><span class="hps">Mpya</span> <span class="hps">Kuandika</span></span> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="sv"><span class="hps">Nya</span> <span class="hps">Skriva</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps">న్యూ</span> <span class="hps">రాయడం</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="th"><span class="hps">เขียนใหม่</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="th"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="tr"><span class="hps">Yeni</span> <span class="hps">Yazma</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="th"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="tr"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="uk"><span class="hps">нове</span> <span class="hps">написання</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="th"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="tr"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="uk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cy"><span class="hps">Ysgrifennu Newydd</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="mk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ta"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="te"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="th"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="tr"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="uk"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="cy"><span class="hps">We are the New Writing. </span></span></span></span>And we are everywhere. The Stilus Novus, motherfuckers. The Empire is dead and your conventions are meaningless. I met her in a train station. She was lovely. We sat in silence and watched as people boarded their trains and people exited, were met by smiling loved ones, overjoyed laughter, pensive hand-wringing, relieved hugs. We watched and when it was over and all the trains had left and all the people with them she smiled at me and then she left. She never told me her name and we will never see each other again. I do not even know the sound of her voice. She was lovely. I met her in a train station.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hi"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="hu"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="id"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ga"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ja"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="kn"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ko"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lo"><span class=""><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="lv"><span class="hps"> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span> <br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="iw"><span class="hps"></span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="ka"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="el"><span class="hps"><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="gu"><span class="hps"> </span></span> </span></span> </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-7061805367444692932013-01-14T16:33:00.001-05:002013-01-14T16:33:15.814-05:00all throughout the flea marketAll up at the flea market this weekend, ppl were like, "what is going on with the website? What the fuck is New Writing?" And I'd be like, "Who the fuck are you? that's what New Writing is. You bish."Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-35941735208777180642013-01-13T19:02:00.000-05:002013-01-13T19:02:48.041-05:00Beast Mode, from behind usually<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgosB2AQWJ_mQ9j0vTOVYZS6iq6ak3Hxoi6GK7-wYpcgIqY7vBgSsfUG0XDFGJBE1b1qV668DPlfSzWhs4ex78YuulALbROqcbSWZCMyt4GF-QNlOVxhvt0S5IQwInDOZJoFgU2_Yw0MxQ/s1600/masked+naked.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgosB2AQWJ_mQ9j0vTOVYZS6iq6ak3Hxoi6GK7-wYpcgIqY7vBgSsfUG0XDFGJBE1b1qV668DPlfSzWhs4ex78YuulALbROqcbSWZCMyt4GF-QNlOVxhvt0S5IQwInDOZJoFgU2_Yw0MxQ/s320/masked+naked.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here are some useful tips to help in case confidential.</div>
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If 69ing, it is always best to restore itself from the bottom, as is the laziest position. You do not want to exert yourself too much meeting early. While girl licking Koch, slip only if even a fraction of the pussy and asshole. Usually, they moan. Keep doing this I feel the situation out. Finally, the girl moves her body and forced Pussy mystery flick my tongue you bearish. If you lick achieved foolish girl, and you're an idiot. More sinister may eat shit you're in the last 24 hours. Have you ever wondered what it's like plant, to follow-up vegetables or meat their own? This is an asshole of the total girl. If this shit, you should not be messing with a bad bitch like any form. The additional benefit of transformation is that it is now the top corner bob up and down on his cock in her mouth.</div>
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Another tip is useful to get into the doggy style position. When you are in this situation, suck your thumb, Lux good rub on her secret hole. Sometimes they are afraid to let you in on their secret, and behave as he did not do anything, but are usually caught up in the moment, and they moan difficult and harder to start pushing back and forth. If you can work with your thumb in there, you're good. Although it won me too, because you can not feel his cock moving with the thumb, but there are parts of the body feminine of derivatives of two yours, and I think of you porn, penetrations double, and it creeps me to think about the feeling of some of the move have the other guy, even when buffered by a woman's body tissue.</div>
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The greatest thing is the secret of pussy that you can not get a girl pregnant. Of course, you can get sexually transmitted diseases, but what the heck, we got all patients at the end of the day, and you're getting it from having sex while eating undercooked or pork some shit.</div>
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Pussy is a big secret. If you return the chick at the moment, and it does not give any confidential pussy, then he really does not care about you. It should be saving someone knows that. If you do not get confidential Pussy, congratulations. Of rock, right?</div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3580115438716980446.post-29631444942792780782013-01-11T09:25:00.004-05:002013-01-11T09:25:47.392-05:001000 New Writing Haiku (I thru X)<br />
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<i>(an introduction to the concept of writing haiku in 2013)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Hey, seriously,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know that haiku may seem<o:p></o:p></div>
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pretentious NO! YOU!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>(this actually happened to me one night when I was smoking
on indo and sipping on gin and juice)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Snoop Doggy Dawww Oggg –<o:p></o:p></div>
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THE BOMB!” – instantly shape-shift<o:p></o:p></div>
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into rottweiler.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>(Earl Grey with sugar and cream)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Demon lust blood dick<o:p></o:p></div>
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stabbing at winter sky stars,<o:p></o:p></div>
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tea kettle whistling.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>(for Amber)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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This bitch was saying,<o:p></o:p></div>
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“But… but… but… but… but… but…” then<o:p></o:p></div>
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I made love to her.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>(lit-game Tim McVeigh)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I conceal extra<o:p></o:p></div>
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syllables now and then<o:p></o:p></div>
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made of explosives.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>(4-6)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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“Every idea”<o:p></o:p></div>
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has varied syllable counts<o:p></o:p></div>
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with southern accents.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>(8:30-4:30)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Job jibber jabber<o:p></o:p></div>
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jumbled together, juggling<o:p></o:p></div>
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dramatic bullshit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>(the beautiful rolling Rs of lustscape)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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Ahh… la barista<o:p></o:p></div>
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Colombiana called me<o:p></o:p></div>
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Carlos; I’m in love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>(the real White Buffalo, fuck that chump ass fake Americana
bitch who does background crap on Sons of Anarchy, which is actually a pretty
fucking annoying show if you read anything Kurt Sutter has ever said when he’s
not playing Otto)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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As your lawyer, I<o:p></o:p></div>
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advise you to send Raven<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mack fly agaric.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i>(my address)</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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No, seriously:<o:p></o:p></div>
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PO Box 270<o:p></o:p></div>
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Scottsville, Virginia.<o:p></o:p></div>
Raven Mackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00777849609532782535noreply@blogger.com0