Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Confusion (A Bye Week)

Oh so guess what guys, The Bears had a bye week this week which was good since I was on vacation anyway, but I wasn't really on vacation but I'll get to that later. I don't even know if I should bother writing anything for this week since my contract clearly states that I'm only required to write one post per Bears game, but I don't want to get lazy.

Where should I start? Oh, the lady from my last blog post (Jennifer Love Hewitt) contacted me after she read my blog about her. She said I was cute and funny and I didn't have to avoid my subway stop anymore, but we probably shouldn't ever talk to each other in real life. She sent me a picture of what her ass looked like in underpants. She didn't ask for anything in return, but I wrote her a song. I'd love to show you the lyrics, but they feature her real name and then a lot of blue material.

I am still sticking to my strict no beer/no fried chicken regimen though. I've taken up drinking wine, which turns out, has a lot of downsides. First off, you can't find a straw long enough to stick in the bottle, and when you go to a bar, you cannot order a pitcher of wine, no matter how hard you try. Some bars have this thing called Sangria, which is a mexican wine, but people always say to never drink the water in Mexico, so why the hell am I gonna take a chance with their rotten fruit?

The fried chicken is a little harder to avoid. I've taken up going to places that have absolutely no fried chicken options. This means I've been spending a lot of time at Burger King. I know, they have chicken nuggets whatever but those things are gross, so there's no temptation there. I saw this very...normal looking cute girl at Burger King the other day. She looked too old to be working at the BK and definitely too happy. Perhaps she was just dumb. I contemplated trying to free her from the shackles of her common life, but the fact that she was probably 16 and just tall for her age was too much to overcome.

So yeah, this vacation thing. I went, then the ex wife did a lot of crying and whining about whatever it is women whine about all the time and I waited until she feel asleep and left. So I got to watch football, but then there was no Bears game so it was just like I was wasting my time. Especially because I went to an establishment that shows every NFL game ever and I chose to focus on the Browns/Bills game which may have been the single worst NFL football game I've ever seen in my life. I almost had to drink some beers, but luckily I've had a week of learning how to not drink beer. Earlier in the week, I bought a bunch of weed with fancy names and just kind of mashed it all together in hopes of forming super weed. I think it worked guys! Now when I go out to a place that prominently serves beers, I just get zombified before I leave and then I can't even think about beer. This is probably why I was so focused on the Browns/Bills game though. I am a bit under the influence right now I must admit, so if this gets all rambly you can just skip ahead to the guy who talks about the Lions (the one other guy on this blog I think).

So I watched this dumb game and then I went to go see the Rangers play some other hockey team at MSG. We had some real swanky seats because that's how we roll guys. Hockey is an amazing sport. They have the hottest female fans (that attend games) out of any sport hands down, and they also have the most male fans who are bald and fat and have Scott Ian goatees. I really need to get into hockey because I'm gonna be fat and bald soon (let's face it right?). It doesn't seem like a weed and wine friendly sport though. I'm not sure what there stance on fried chicken is.

Well I forgot my whole point of this thing, so let's just end it here. Next week, the Bears play the Falcons for real and I will watch it. Maybe.