Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Random Gibberish

I don't know why, but this picture made me wonder why Ernie Sims doesn't have a pet lion. I don't know, maybe after a hard day's work, the last thing Ernie wants is to be reminded of his association with the Lions. It's a sad thought, and . . . aw hell, I am depressed now.

As usual, there was a bunch of dumb bullshit that happened on Sunday that I wanted to mention but, for whatever reason, didn't in my initial post following the game.


This has nothing to do with the final score, the fact that the Lions lost, or anything that mundane. I mean, an 8 point loss at this point is hardly cause for embarrassment or great shame or anything like that. It would be like a kid who is renowned for shitting his pants in the middle of class just mildly pissing himself. It's still sad and pathetic and the end result is still him changing his drawers while everyone laughs at him, but hell, at least he didn't shit himself again.

Anyway, I apologize for that. That is nasty as hell and I don't know what caused me to head down that particular path, and so we'll just move on. Cool? Alright. What was really embarrassing was having Ford Field turned into an indoor version of Heinz Field. It was shameful as hell to hear the fans cheer whenever the Steelers did something right, and boo whenever a call went Detroit's way. I mean, what the fuck? Every time they showed a crowd shot there would be a bunch of degenerates from Pittsburgh, standing up and waving those infernal towels while a smattering of fearful dudes in blue jerseys huddled inside that mass of freaks. A terrible thing, just awful, and as Lions fans we should all be ashamed of ourselves for allowing that shit to happen. I haven't been to a game in a while, mostly because it is expensive as hell and because it is three hours away from where I am now. You bet your ass that is an excuse, and I know everyone has them, but Goddamn, our collective NAH NOT THIS WEEK attitude allowed those beasts to scurry over from western Pennsylvania with evil in their eyes and hatred in their hearts and overwhelm Ford Field. Okay, okay, maybe they were all good, nice folks, but fuck that, I will demonize the shit out of them both for morale and entertainment purposes.

They were like a bunch of Huns storming the western world. Sure, Rome isn't so grand anymore, but fuck, it's still Rome and we should at least be able to keep those degenerate barbarians at the gates. I have no idea what I'm babbling about here either, but I guess we're pretending that Detroit is somehow Rome. I am perilously close to extending this to even weirder places and suggesting that somehow, say, Cleveland is Constantinople, which would make a little more sense given the long standing history of bad blood between Pittsburgh and Cleveland, just like the Huns and the Eastern Roman Empire, but then again Cleveland doesn't exactly scream wealth and opulence either, and well . . . holy shit, I'm . . . I'm sorry, this has gotten entirely too nerdy and ridiculous and what the fuck were we even talking about before this gibberish began?

Oh, that's right, the Steelers fans invading Ford Field. Anyway, I was saddened to hear that there were no brawls incited by pissed off Lions fans but I suppose people are civilized these days and look down on that sort of nonsense. But this is how people are conquered, when they go soft, and, well, soon enough, Western Rome will fall and then it's several hundred years of darkness before Matthew Charlemagne Stafford picks up the pieces. I apologize for this whole weird and infernal string of ridiculous words.


The Lions lost, and for most of the game, it looked like the Steelers were on the verge of running away and hiding. But a look at the final numbers kind of tells a different story. Pittsburgh only outgained the Lions by 9 yards, 344-335. The Lions miraculously ended up with more rushing yards, 110-82, had more first downs, 21-18, had a much better third down conversion percentage, 61.1% to the Steelers' 37.5%, and held the ball for five more minutes than Pittsburgh. According to all of those, the Lions basically went toe to toe with the Steelers and almost came out on top. Well, holy shit.

Looking back, what swung this game in Pittsburgh's favor were the crucial mistakes. Sure, each team only had one turnover, both horrible interceptions - Culpepper's Yakety Sax moment that ended with Ryan Clark holding the ball and Roethlisberger's pick six to William James - but what's not shown in those numbers were all the times that Culpepper flat out dropped the ball on the ground, short circuiting drives, or took shitty sacks in key moments. Everyone remembers the three on the last drive, but, man, that shit was there all game long. Which kind of leads me into the next topic.


There seems to be a push by the retarded section of our fanbase to turn the team over to Culpepper because the Lions managed to not get completely smoked by the Steelers. I mean, come on, really? What the fuck? This is almost too stupid to discuss. First of all, how in the hell would this help the Lions for the future? You bench Stafford so, that, what, Culpepper could start the rest of the season and lead the Lions to a sparkling 5-11 record? Fuck right on off with that ridiculous bullshit. I mean, JESUS. I barely even know how to approach this whole thing it is so dumb. Are these people seriously suggesting that because the Lions LOST a game in which Culpepper started that they should bench the NUMBER ONE DRAFT PICK WHO THE LIONS MUST PAY ROUGHLY ELEVENTY BILLION DOLLARS? And furthermore, the number one draft pick who has, you know, actually looked pretty fucking good as a 21 year old rookie playing for a team that went 0-16 last season? Excuse me while I drink this bottle of bleach so that my vocal chords burn up and I can't scream at anyone about this.

Okay, anyway, this is dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb as fuck. HEY, LET'S START CULPEPPER THE REST OF THE YEAR. TO HELL WITH MATTHEW STAFFORD, DAUNTE THE GREAT LED A TEAM TO AN 8-8 RECORD FIVE YEARS AGO AND SURE HIS MISTAKES WERE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINNING AND LOSING TO THE STEELERS BUT WHAT THE HELL . . . I can no longer discuss this rationally. It has become far too stupid. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? Ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That is me drowning in the sea of retarded shit water which has overtaken this topic. I am both annoyed by the fact that this is a viewpoint that actually exists and because the extreme idiocy of it all has caused me to descend into this stupid world of all caps ranting and raving. It is the blog equivalent of shitty talk radio. I'm pretty sure someone is going to show up here any moment and start playing zoo animal sound effects. Good Lord.

Well, this post certainly put the gibberish in Random Gibberish, and I descended into ape like grunts and shit flinging, but I am a Lions fan, and these things happen. I would apologize for the whole damn thing, but well, we all know it will happen again. Oh well, c'est la vie I suppose, and, as always, vaya con dios my friends. See, I am classy, this post is tri-lingual.

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