Matt Forte - This dude is pretty much Chicago Bear Jesus right now. Of course, when you read that, you might think I mean it in a positive sense. Like maybe he is a precious gift from God, sent to perform miracles and be the savior of the franchise and lead it into the promised land or something. Well, it's not that he doesn't seem to be trying to do that sort of thing, but in the grand scheme of things, unfortunately, shit ain't like that. You see, when I compare Matt Forte to Jesus, I mean it in more of a Passion of the Christ way. Like he was sent to the Chicago Bears to take a merciless, savage, never-ending beating to atone for the transgressions of a Chicago Bears franchise that simply can't be bothered to make even the most transparent of attempts to build an offensive line. To pay the price for an offensive philosophy that somehow revolves around putting second-rate cornerbacks on the field on offense and proclaiming them full-fledged wide receivers. To be flogged, scourged, flayed, pelted with bricks, and gnawed on by monitor lizards to cleanse the wretched stink of sin from a team who deems it necessary to keep four running backs on the roster, but to only ever use one of them. Seriously, the dude is good. Really good. But here's the thing: He got the ball one way or another 379 times last year. For better or for worse, he was the only thing they had going on offense. He led the team in receptions, and the next-highest rusher on the team only got the ball 34 times. They are going to ride this man into the ground until he is a hollowed-out husk of what he once was, and like Neal Anderson who came before him, he will be out of the league before he reaches the age of thirty. Jesus Christ.Kevin Jones - If there were really a just and loving god, he would have given his son a break every so often by running Jones from time to time. I mean, before he got injured a few times, he was one of the only actual good players the Lions had in the last decade for so, and now that he's back at full hit points, he's a potential 1,000-yard back in his own right. But no, that would make too much sense. They stuck to a strict regimen of piling the entire offense on Matt Forte's back, and by the end of the year, Jones had fallen to fourth-string status and was being deactivated on game day, because the other two guys could play special teams way better than Jones could. I'm sure he'll make some other team very happy someday.
Adrian Peterson - Man, this guy is pretty much the Little Engine That Couldn't. He tries his ass off, and he runs the ball with the same furious hatred that the Minnesota version of his name has, yet he's still never been much more than a special teams guy with good hands who occasionally gets to be a below-average backup running back. I guess it didn't matter, because once again, a firm decision was made to keep the ball out of the hands of all non-Fortes, but still. On the other hand, he look disturbingly similar to Whoopi Goldberg sometimes, and that frightens and dismays me.Garrett Wolfe - Now, here's one that pisses me off. They draft a guy on the first day of the draft, make bold claims about all the crazy shit they're gonna do now that they have this little shifty-ass, pint-sized, impoverished man's Barry Sanders on their team, have him be impressive as hell in preseason games, and then make him spend his first year running up the middle against the Williams Wall and his second year with security guards posted on him to make sure he never sees the field on offense under any circumstance. Now, I know the dude's never gonna be a featured back in this league, seeing as he's roughly the size of an average cheerleader, but this little fucker can make things happen. But thanks to a Forte-only policy, he's another dude who's had to turn into Special Teams Napoleon to keep a roster spot. More on that later.
Jason McKie - As the starting fullback, he sure does... Something. Huh. I'm not sure what he does. He's not much to speak of as a blocker, he rarely gets targeted in the passing game, and his running style mostly revolves around goal line one-yard losses. But man, this guy sure can occupy space and contain mass!
Jason Davis - When McKie went down with an injury, this guy came in and played fullback for a few games. He's a lot like an NFL fullback, except not as much so. According to Wikipedia, photos from his wedding made it into an issue of Jet magazine, so that's something, I guess.
It's kind of hard to give an overall assessment of the situation without just repeating the part about Matt Forte. But yeah, that guy rules, but they really need to start spreading the carries around, before he burns out or gets crippled or something. Or they could, like... You know... Draft some offensive linemen and/or wide receivers, so they don't have to put all their weight on one guy's back. But let's not get crazy here, you know?
Overall Grade: A-
Next: Wide Receivers/Tight Ends
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