Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Notre Dame Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick's Statement on Manti Te'o

(Thanks to the good people at for translating this from Lawyerese into plain English.)

Dope evening. Thanks ta all of y'all fo' joinin our asses on relatively short notice. We're here tonight, obviously, cuz of a article dat rocked up up in Deadspin earlier todizzle n' ta address tha subject matter of dat article.

My fuckin focus here tonight is ta rap ta you bout what tha fuck tha Universitizzle knew, when our crazy-ass asses knew it, n' what tha fuck decisions our crazy-ass asses done cooked up based on dat deetz. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Much of what tha fuck drove dat process n' em decisions relates up in part ta a gangbangin' fundamenstrual view of tha importizzle of student privacy, n' dat will likely play a role tonight also cuz, all up in tha end of tha day, dis is Mantiz rap ta tell n' our crazy-ass asses believe he should have tha muthafuckin right ta tell it, which he is goin ta do.

So there may be some thangs dis evenin which I defer ta his ass yo, but I will try ta be as responsive as I possibly can ta all of yo' thangs.

While our crazy-ass asses still don't give a fuck all of tha dimensionz of dis n' other than tha perpetrators, I can assure you dat no one knows all of tha dimensionz of dis there is certain thangs dat I feel Kool & Tha Gang our crazy-ass asses do know, nahmeean, biatch? Da first is dat dis was a straight-up elaborate, straight-up sophisticated hoax perpetrated fo' reasons our crazy-ass asses can't straight-up understand but had a cold-ass lil certain wackty at its core, based on tha exchanges dat our crazy-ass asses was able ta peep between a shitload of tha gangstas whoz ass perpetrated dat shit.

Manti was tha sucka of dat hoax. Manti is tha sucka of dat hoax, n' he will carry dat wit his ass fo' a while.

In nuff ways, Manti was tha slick mark cuz he be a playa whoz ass is so willin ta believe up in others n' so locked n loaded ta help that, as dis hoax played up up in a way dat called upon em tendenciez of Manti n' roped his ass mo' n' mo' tha fuck into tha trap yo. Dude was not a thug whoz ass would gots a second thought bout offerin his thugged-out assistizzle n' help up in engagin fully.

Finally n' reflectizzle of that, I wanna stress, as some muthafucka whoz ass has probably been as engaged up in dis as every last muthafuckin muthafucka up in tha past couple weeks, dat not a god damn thang bout what tha fuck I have hustled has shaken mah faith up in Manti Te'o one iota. Da same stupid-ass pimped out lil' man, pimped out student, n' pimped out athlete dat our crazy-ass asses done been so proud as a muthafucka ta have be a gangmember of our gang is tha same stupid-ass playa tonight, unchanged up in any way, except for, as he indicated up in a statement up in his bangin release, tha embarrassment associated wit havin been a sucka up in dis case.

On tha mornin of December 26th, straight-up early morning, Manti called his coaches ta inform em that, while he was up in attendizzle all up in tha ESPN awardz sheezy up in Orlando, he received a phone call from a number he recognized as havin been dat he associated wit Lennay Kekua. When he answered it, it was a thug whose voice sounded like tha same stupid-ass voice he had talked to, whoz ass busted some lyrics ta his ass dat her ass was, up in fact, not dead as fuckin fried chicken.

Manti was straight-up unnerved by that, as you might imagine. I will let his ass again rap bout dat n' his bangin erection ta dat shit. But he maintained dat secret vis a vis tha thugz of tha footbizzle gang until he called tha coaches on tha mornin of tha 26th. They promptly reached up ta mah crazy ass ta inform mah crazy asz of dis shockin piece of hype, n' I arranged ta hook up Manti upon his bangin return ta campus n' did so on tha afternoon of tha 27th.

I kicked it wit wit Manti fo' bout a hour n' 45 minutes n' axed his ass ta review every last muthafuckin detail of tha relationshizzle as he knew it wit dis biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Manti did so, was forthright, answered every last muthafuckin question, n' was eager ta share tha deetz wit mah dirty ass.

I kicked it wit wit his ass again tha next day, as I had put tha notes together from tha previous dayz meeting, ta just review again what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses had gone over ta make shizzle I had all tha details erect fo' realz. And, again, he was a gangbangin' full n' pimpin partner up in bustin shizzle dat tha deetz I collected was accurate.

I then took dat deetz n' shared it wit other leadaz up in tha universitizzle fo' a thugged-out deliberation as ta next steps, what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses should do. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some additionizzle thangz of Manti was then pimped, which he again promptly responded, n' a thugged-out decision was done cooked up ta engage up in a independent investigatizzle firm ta peep if they could determine what tha fuck was all up in tha nature of what tha fuck increasingly rocked up ta our asses ta be a sophisticated hoax.

While apprised by dat investigatizzle firm of they work along tha way, our crazy-ass asses received a gangbangin' final report from em on January 4th. I kicked it wit wit Brian n' Ottilia Te'o up in Miami on tha 5th ta share wit em tha essence of em findings. Our thugged-out asses left dat meetin wit a understandin dat they would be thinkin bout what tha fuck they had heard, engaged Mantiz future representation, which would be determined later up in tha week, up in consultation as ta how tha fuck ta dopest respond, n' keep tha universitizzle straight-up informed of they intentions n' work up in concert wit our asses when they was locked n loaded ta communicate tha story. 

It was mah understandin is mah understandin dat they was on a timetable ta release tha rap themselves next week when todizzlez rap broke.

With that, I welcome tha opportunitizzle ta take any thangs.

Q. Jack, it holla'd up in tha release dat authoritizzles is investigatin it fo' realz. Is there any aside from tha gangstas you mentioned, every last muthafuckin muthafucka else investigatin dis ta peep if any criminal action was done here?

JACK SWARBRICK: I can't rap what tha fuck Mantiz representatives have done up in dat regard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I know they intended ta pursue his crazy-ass muthafuckin rights fully fo' realz. As it relates ta tha university, our lone engagement n' referral was ta tha private firm ta do tha report fo' us.

Q. Yo ass talked a lil bout what tha fuck you talked ta his ass about. Can you say what tha fuck you've peeped and what tha fuck tha investigator saw dat would some gangstas obviously don't give a fuck tha whole rap n' is goin ta question whether Manti was behind tha hoax. What have you peeped dat would prove dat that would not be tha truth?

JACK SWARBRICK: Well, therez nuff muthafuckin thangs. One is I would refer all of you, if yo ass is not already familiar wit it, wit both tha documentary called "Catfish," tha MTV sheezy which be a thugged-out derivatizzle of dat documentary, n' tha sort of associated thangs yo dirty ass is gonna find online n' otherwise bout catfish and catfishing.

It be a scam I be probably revealin mah televizzle watchin habits yo, but it was covered by Dr. Phil extensively recently dat bigs up tha exact arc of this, n' itz perpetrated wit shockin frequency fo' mah crazy ass shockin as a olda playa whoz not as versed up in tha online ghetto n' it is just as dis one fo' realz. An initial casual engagement, a thugged-out pimpin relationshizzle online, a subsequent trauma traffic accident, illnizz n' then a thugged-out dirtnap.

As hard as it is fo' mah crazy ass ta git mah arms around this, therez apparently some shiznit up in bustin this, up in bein able ta do it successfully. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So dat was one dat our crazy-ass asses sort of found dis external guidebook, if you will, and platform fo' bustin this.

Two was tha internal consistencies, right, biatch? As our crazy-ass asses probe, ask thangs, wanted ta make shizzle it all lined up wit what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses knew independently, tha facts as our crazy-ass asses understood them, we're straight-up laid back wit tha consistency up in how tha fuck it all fit together.

Thirdly, our investigators all up in they work was able ta discover online chatter among tha perpetrators dat is sort of tha illest proof of this, tha joy they was taking, tha sort of casualnizz wit which among themselves they was referrin ta what tha fuck they had accomplished n' what tha fuck they had done.

Q. There was some reports earlier up in tha year when dis was goin on dat Manti n' Kekua had kicked it wit n' spent time together up in Hawaii. Did he explain how tha fuck em came ta be?

JACK SWARBRICK: Dude did, and, again, I be goin ta let Manti tell tha rap cuz he deserves dat right. What I will rap , dis was exclusively a online relationship.

Q. Do you know yet when n' where he might be available ta tell that, when he plans ta come up n' tell dat story?

JACK SWARBRICK: I don't. I be under tha impression sometime tomorrow he is ghon be yo, but I be sorry, I don't give a fuck tha details yet.

Q fo' realz. And last one, did anybody all up in tha school and wit tha footbizzle crew, afta Kekuaz supposed dirtnap, try ta reach up ta her gang n' extend condolences up in any way from tha university?

JACK SWARBRICK: Not from tha university. Da Te'o gang n' Manti his dirty ass did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be not aware now, some muthafucka up in tha footbizzle program may have. I be not aware I did not, n' I be not aware of every last muthafuckin muthafucka else dat did.

Again, given tha elaboratenizz of this, there was a place ta bust flowers, n' dat was there was no detail of tha hoax left undone up in that.

Q. By yo' raps wit Manti, when then did they meet, biatch? How tha fuck long had dis been goin on?

JACK SWARBRICK: I don't remember tha exact length of time yo, but it had it fuckin started wit a online reachin up ta his ass dat he responded to.

Q. I guess tha reason I axed is Brian Te'o had mentioned a up in thug meetin ta mah crazy ass n' nuff muthafuckin up in thug meetings. This had been all tha way back ta 2009. Do yo' timeline go back dat far, n' how tha fuck do you explain, again, tha differences up in dat rap wit what tha fuck yo ass is characterizin as purely a online situation?

JACK SWARBRICK: I be thinkin tha timetable do line up, Eric. I aint gots mah notes up in front of mah crazy ass yo, but I be thinkin thatz right.

Yo ass know, I think, as Manti drops some lyrics ta tha story, yo dirty ass is gonna peep tha same stupid-ass muthafuckin thang I saw, dat it do straight-up line up. I will forecast it only up in two ways. One is, when I first talked ta Manti on tha 27th bout dis n' our crazy-ass asses went all up in it n' I axed his ass ta take mah crazy ass ta tha beginning, he fuckin started by sayin our crazy-ass asses kicked it wit on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I holla'd, what tha fuck do you mean you kicked it wit on, biatch? It was a online meetin yo. Dude used tha verb "we met," n' he was referrin ta a online meetin yo. Dude responded ta a online inquiry. That was tha straight-up original gangsta time he kicked it wit her muthafuckin ass.

And as part of tha hoax, nuff muthafuckin meetings was set up where Lennay never flossed, includin some up in Hawaii.

Q fo' realz. And did he rap on some funky-ass brutha dat was involved up in tha hoax, a supposed brutha dat was involved up in tha hoax?

JACK SWARBRICK: There is a remarkable number of charactas involved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses don't give a fuck how tha fuck nuff gangstas they represent. There is male n' female characters, bruthas, cousins, mutha, n' our crazy-ass asses don't give a fuck if itz two gangstas playin multiple charactas and multiple gangstas.

But, again, it goes ta tha sophistication of this, dat there is all these sort of independent pieces dat reinforce elementz of tha rap all tha way through. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some Muthafucka else called brutha, cousin, et cetera.

Q fo' realz. And tha tip off up in his crazy-ass mind was tha phone call, tha one dat came from her number, what tha fuck was her number, dat was when he became suspicious n' not before then?

JACK SWARBRICK: Well, mo' than suspicious, he became startled, shocked and, yes, thatz right. That was straight-up tha straight-up original gangsta time.

Again, it goes ta mah comments bout Manti n' his character yo, but every last muthafuckin single muthafuckin thang bout dis until dat dizzle up in tha straight-up original gangsta week of September was real ta Manti. There was no suspicion dat it wasn't, no belief dat it might not be.

And so tha pain was real. Da grief was real. Da affection was real fo' realz. And thatz tha nature of dis sad, wack game.

Q. Was there afta hearin tha rap n' knowin dat some muthafucka might, up in our bidnizz might smoke up bout it, did you encourage his ass n' say, hey, look, our crazy-ass asses should probably be tha ones ta tell tha rap first?

JACK SWARBRICK: No fo' realz. And I be glad you axed dat cuz I'd like ta touch on a cold-ass lil couple elementz of dat shit. There was a straight-up vigorous rap internally bout what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses do. What tha fuck iz mah obligation at dis point, biatch? It was governed by a gangbangin' few thangs. One is our crazy-ass asses didn't give a fuck a lot. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So until tha investigators had done they work, I didn't give a fuck our crazy-ass asses was rappin' on some ho whoz ass faked her dirtnap, a ho whoz ass didn't exist. Our thugged-out asses just didn't have any of dat deetz.

Our thugged-out asses had no idea as ta motive, n' dat was straight-up significant ta us. We're up in a unique bidnizz here. Was there some muthafucka tryin ta create a NCAA violation all up in tha core of this, biatch? Was there some muthafucka tryin ta impact tha outcome of footbizzle game by manipulatin tha emotionz of a key playa, biatch? Was there a extortion request coming?

When you match tha sort of lack of detail our crazy-ass asses still lacked until our crazy-ass asses gots some help investigatin it wit tha risk involved up in a shitload of these possible scenarios, it was clear ta mah crazy ass that, until our crazy-ass asses knew more, our crazy-ass asses had ta just continue ta work ta try ta gather tha facts.

Secondly n' blinginly n' I referenced it before dis aint different fo' us, notwithstandin dat it played up up in a straight-up hood way, dis aint different fo' our asses than tha circumstizzlez dat impact a shitload of our students up in a host of ways fo' realz. And our crazy-ass asses believe straight-up straight fuckin up in maintainin they muthafuckin right ta Kool & Tha Gangialitizzle as students at dis university.

So from tha outset, our crazy-ass asses established a parameter dat dis was Mantiz rap ta tell. Our thugged-out asses wanted ta know it would be busted some lyrics ta. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses wanted ta know all up in tha appropriate time when it would be busted some lyrics ta yo, but dat it was his cold-ass ta tell.

Q. Not ta belabor tha point yo, but just so dat I be clear, is it yo' understandin then dat Manti n' dis biatch have never physically kicked it wit grill ta face?


Q. Okay. Given yo' knowledge of tha law, what tha fuck sort of crime has been committed here, would you say, and can you say?

JACK SWARBRICK: I be not allowed ta practice law anymore. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I will avoid a legal interpretation of this. Let mah crazy ass say up in response ta that, though, dat question had tha potential ta be central ta how tha fuck you manage dis once it surfaced cuz a cold-ass lil clear case of illegalitizzle would done been extortion, n' one straight-up legitimate response, I think, dat Te'o might have opted fo' here was ta let dis play up n' peep if dat came when he signed a cold-ass lil contract and had some resources. They opted not ta do dat yo, but em is tha sortz of thangs dat impacted tha thankin relatizzle ta timin n' how tha fuck you deal wit dis story.

On its face, I be bout ta let some muthafucka else whoz still practicin law ta interpret whether anythang has been done ta date constitutes criminal conduct. I haven't pursued dat question.

Q yo. Has there been a way fo' you guys, fo' you n' tha gangstas you've been dealin with, ta just comprehend what tha fuck dis be all about, biatch? It aint nuthin but bizarre.

JACK SWARBRICK: As a parent of four children, itz been a straight-up frightenin experience. For gangstas mah age, dis is unfathomable. Versionz of dis up in different forms our crazy-ass asses would understand yo, but tha sort of online hood media, virtual nature of this, itz hard fo' our asses hard fo' mah dirty ass. I should drop a rhyme fo' mah dirty ass ta git mah arms around.

Our thugged-out asses know, fo' example, dat these perpetrators didn't limit themselves ta Manti up in tha targets. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So mah first erection, frankly, was as a gangbangin' father. Yo ass know, tha way up in which lil' gangstas, students and student athletes, mah children, is at risk up in dis environment ta thangs like dis cuz you just don't give a fuck whoz ass yo ass is dealin with.

Q. Yo ass holla'd dis be a online relationship, yet Manti has talked bout bustin lyrics wit a thug he thought was Lennay. Did a person, up in effect, take her posizzle n' rap ta Manti as if her ass was his stupid-ass ho?

JACK SWARBRICK: Yeah, n' props fo' erectin dat shit. Online n' telephonic. There was lengthy, long telephone conversations. There was chillin wit tha phone on connected ta each other. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So all of em thangs.

Da issue of whoz ass it is, whoz playin what tha fuck role, whatz real n' whatz not here be a mo' complex question than I can git into.

Q. Yo ass mentioned dat tha perpetrators, Manti wasn't tha only one he targeted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Other gangstas at Notre Dame and other a funky-ass bigger scheme?

JACK SWARBRICK: I be not aware of every last muthafuckin muthafucka else at Notre Dame.

Q fo' realz. And tha Deadspin report holla'd dat Manti had a relationshizzle wit whoz ass they thought tha perpetrator was, whether it was a cold-ass lil cousin and a gangbangin' gang playa. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Was dat true, n' do you know if dat played tha fuck into tha motizzle at all?

JACK SWARBRICK: That characterization do not square wit mah deetz yo, but I be bout ta let tha Te'os address dat shit.

Q fo' realz. And then last one fo' mah dirty ass. Da dizzle of tha Nationizzle Championshizzle game, when you pimps had knowledge of this, there was a pregame special on tha shizzle mornin sheezy bout his story. Did yo dirty ass pimps know they was plannin on bustin that, biatch? Did yo dirty ass do anythang ta try ta rap em outta that, biatch? Or how tha fuck did you handle dat situation?

JACK SWARBRICK: Where did it air?

Q. I be thinkin it was a CBS mornin show.

JACK SWARBRICK: I be not familiar wit dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I guess tha quick answer is, since I didn't give a fuck it, our crazy-ass asses didn't our crazy-ass asses was straight-up consciouz of tha fact dat our crazy-ass asses didn't give a fuck what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses didn't give a fuck fo' realz. And so our crazy-ass asses recognized tha challengez of dat shit. If Manti gots a question up in a media session bout that, how tha fuck do you respond ta that, biatch? Our thugged-out asses recognized tha challenge of that, n' our crazy-ass asses weighed em bullshiznit against tha on tha other hand, these other issues dat affectin timing.

I be bout ta say one thang. When tha investigation concluded n' when our crazy-ass asses gots tha straight-up original gangsta report from tha investigators, tha one muthafuckin thang our crazy-ass asses was certain of was dat dis was comin out. There was too much online chatter bout dat shit. There was not a intention, a funky-ass belief, anythang dat dis rap would not git busted some lyrics ta. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It was clear it would. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Our thugged-out asses had hoped tha straight-up original gangsta thug ta tell it was goin ta be Manti, and, again, tha expectation was it was goin ta happen next week.

Dude didn't git dat opportunitizzle without some muthafucka else havin busted some lyrics ta tha rap yo, but he'll at least have a opportunitizzle ta rap bout it up in tha future.

Q. Did he explain at all why he waited 2 1/2, 3 weeks ta tell tha coaches afta he had tha suspicion afta he gots dat phone call?

JACK SWARBRICK: Dude wanted ta rap ta his thugged-out lil' muthafathas, n' he wanted ta rap ta em up in person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude went home fo' Chrizzle break. Thatz Manti. Thatz tha lil hustla he is yo. Dude wanted ta have dat conversation wit his thugged-out lil' muthafathas grill ta grill yo. Dude wanted ta consult wit them, wanted ta git they lyrics, n' it was on tha basiz of dat conversation, afta havin concluded it, dat he called us.

Q. Jack, did Manti receive any other communications followin tha incident all up in tha ESPN awardz sheezy from tha gangstas involved up in this?

JACK SWARBRICK: Yes, they continued ta be persistent. It wasn't a single contact.

Q fo' realz. And when did dat stop?

JACK SWARBRICK: I be sorry. I don't give a fuck exactly. It dissipated up in time, up in part cuz he wasn't respondin yo, but I don't give a fuck exactly when.

Q fo' realz. And tha last question fo' mah dirty ass. Do tha Te'o gang n' Notre Dame intend ta publish any part of tha report, tha findings up in tha future?

JACK SWARBRICK: Our thugged-out asses do not.

Q. Jack, you mentioned tha partizzles bein persistent wit Manti. Did yo dirty ass git some mo' insight tha fuck into what tha fuck they motives were, n' what tha fuck did you discover all up in dat continued contact?

JACK SWARBRICK: Well, they was everythang here had a story. It wasn't there was another rap ta explain what tha fuck had happened n' ta restart tha relationshizzle fo' realz. And I be not goin ta go tha fuck into detailz of that, Manti can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But tha next phase of tha hoax was played out.

Herez why our crazy-ass asses did what tha fuck our crazy-ass asses did, n' now here our crazy-ass asses is back. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still up in character.

Q. To be clear, when they tried ta restart tha relationshizzle afta Lennay admitted dat she, up in fact, had not took a dirt nap

JACK SWARBRICK: Yes yes y'all.

Q. When you rap bout tha online chatter dat yo' investigators discovered, what tha fuck did you discover bout tha motizzle at dat point, biatch? Yo ass mentioned sport. Was dat it, biatch? Was there any other motizzle dat came ta light?

JACK SWARBRICK: Well, all dat comes all up in it aint nuthin but a sort of casual wackty. They're enjoyin tha joke. Da shockingly casual comments bout what tha fuck they was bustin n' how tha fuck they was bustin dat shit.

Q fo' realz. And up in yo' investigation internally, did you find dat Lennay had had contact wit any other thugz of tha crew, biatch? Did yo dirty ass drop a rhyme ta tha thugz of tha crew bout what tha fuck they recalled bout dis conversation, and is it strictly you only talked ta Manti?


Q yo. Dude was at a awardz show, tha one up in Orlando, ESPN, right?

JACK SWARBRICK: Yes yes y'all.

Q. Da investigators, Notre Dame investigators, and whoz ass was these investigators?

JACK SWARBRICK: Fuck dat shit, they be private. They was independent, private investigators whoz ass had a special expertise up in dis sort of thang, whoz ass had experience of trackin online activity. I be not goin ta identify tha company. It aint nuthin but a nationistic company, independent.

Q. Did just ta clarify, did tha crew know at any point, biatch? Da playas is just findin up todizzle, like every last muthafuckin muthafucka else?

JACK SWARBRICK: Yes yes y'all. I mean, tha two coaches knew. I knew fo' realz. And Manti had taken a cold-ass lil couple crewmates tha fuck into his confidence.

Q fo' realz. Is you able ta tell our asses which coaches he talked to?

JACK SWARBRICK: Diaco n' Kelly. For em dat don't follow us, thatz tha defensive coordinator n' tha head coach.

Q. Da perpetrator, up in tha voice calls, you holla'd they would chill wit tha phone up ta they ear n' what tha fuck not. Do our crazy-ass asses know where her ass is, biatch? I assume investigators have had ta make contact wit a apologizzle forthcomin up in tha future. Will our crazy-ass asses eva hear from her, tha one dat provided tha voice?

JACK SWARBRICK: I don't give a fuck tha lyrics ta dat shit. Yo ass wind up wit online footprints up in dis case, n' at dat point, our crazy-ass asses didn't once our crazy-ass asses was satisfied our crazy-ass asses understood tha dimensionz of this, our crazy-ass asses shared tha deetz wit tha Te'os n' left it ta em n' tha gangstas they'll be hittin dat shizzle wit ta decizzle what tha fuck next steps ta take.

Q fo' realz. And lastly, whatz tha universityz response to, say, tha 20 some year oldschool hustlas whoz ass have experience wit dis n' say, if you haven't muthafuckin kicked it wit her up in person, it seems slightly deceivin on his thugged-out lil' part ta brang such attention ta dat shit.

JACK SWARBRICK: Then you don't give a fuck Manti is mah answer. Manti lives his thuglife on his sleeve, n' he is up there fo' realz. As I holla'd earlier n' I don't be thinkin dis was a accident they understood, given tha nature, tha extraordinary nature of dis man, tha mo' shizzle her ass was up in hoopty accident, diagnosiz of leukemia, failin game tha mo' engaged he would become, tha mo' focused he would become, n' tha mo' dedicated he would become, n' thatz exactly what tha fuck happened here.

And fo' em whoz ass is suspicious dat that can happen up in sort of a virtual environment, I be thinkin there is a shitload of examplez up there dat suggest otherwise. I mean, dis documentary chroniclez one of em yo, but as we've gotten tha fuck into this, I've been surprised ta learn tha frequency wit which it exists n' tha cautionary tale it affordz ta em same stupid-ass lil' gangstas. Da gangstas whoz ass is ghon be least skeptical of dis is tha gangstas whoz ass live they thuglife up in tha hood media as a blingin component of dat shit.

Skepticizzle probably increases wit age yo, but itz harder fo' em of our asses whoz ass aren't straight-up engaged up in dat medium ta understand how tha fuck it can be used ta dis effect.

Q. Jack, what tha fuck did you pimps advise Manti ta say had he gotten a question directly afta bout Lennay, biatch? I know he gots one question yo, but it was kind of within tha context of another question, n' he was able ta avoid dat shit. But what tha fuck did you pimps advise him?

JACK SWARBRICK: Our thugged-out asses encouraged his ass ta try ta focus forward n' focus on tha game n' not draw attention backward, if he could. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! It was dat simple. It wasn't straight-up complex fo' realz. Again, our crazy-ass asses understood tha challenge of dat yo, but tha weighin of em competin interests up in a way dat our crazy-ass asses felt was tha muthafuckin right balizzle.

Q. One mo'. Put yo muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel this!Do you be thinkin dis affected his thugged-out lil' play dat night?

JACK SWARBRICK: I don't wanna say dat shit. I will only rap dat startin wit mah interaction on tha 27th n' beginnin todizzle, itz affected Manti as a thug significantly.

Therez a shitload of tragedy here. Therez a shitload of sorrow here. But tha muthafuckin thang I be most fucked up of, fucked up bout is sorry. That tha single most trustin human bein I've eva kicked it wit will never be able ta trust up in tha same stupid-ass way again up in his fuckin life. Thatz a incredible tragedy.

Q. Yo ass holla'd nuff muthafuckin gangstas a gangbangin' few times. Do you gots a funky-ass ballpark of just how tha fuck nuff gangstas?

JACK SWARBRICK: Our thugged-out asses don't cuz our crazy-ass asses have no idea of all tha charactas here, how tha fuck nuff was one thug playin multiple roles. Our thugged-out asses just aint gots any way ta know dat muthafuckin right now, nahmeean?

Q. Did Notre Dame notify any law enforcement agency and tha enforcement arm of tha NCAA?

JACK SWARBRICK: Fuck dat shit, therez no factual predicate fo' a NCAA violation our crazy-ass asses could find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That, of course, was one of our blingin focuses early on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And, no, our crazy-ass asses did not refer dis ta criminal authorities. Our thugged-out asses shared, as I holla'd, all of our deetz wit tha Te'os, whoz ass up in turn shared it wit they representatives ta consider it further.

Q. Well, thankin bout all up in tha straight-up least some muthafucka was dissin a star playa fo' tha university, n' potentially there could done been a extortion component of it you holla'd you didn't give a fuck all up in tha beginnin of it why didn't Notre Dame contact law enforcement?

JACK SWARBRICK: Well, cuz our crazy-ass asses believed dat was tha victimz decision ta make, n' Manti was tha sucka here fo' realz. And he n' his wild lil' family, up in consultation wit whomever they chizzle ta consult with, had dat decision ta make. Our thugged-out asses was not tha victim. We've been impacted yo, but I don't wanna confuse dis at all. Manti Te'o was tha sucka of dis scam.

Q. Was there a thugged-out rap bout contactin law enforcement?

JACK SWARBRICK: Yes, there was a thugged-out rap of anythang any response dat might be appropriate.

Q. Do you still be thinkin dat was tha muthafuckin right decision based on whatz happened ta dis point?


Q. Thank yo thugged-out ass.

Q yo. Hi, Jack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry ta have ta have dis press conference tonight yo, but at any point durin any investigation, was there anythang uncovered where there may be at some point any extortion and scrilla axed from Manti and tha university?

JACK SWARBRICK: Nothang up in our investigation revealed a ask which had been made. We're sensitizzle ta tha fact dat one might be forthcomin up in tha future, n' thatz one of tha thangs dat impacted considerationz of how tha fuck ta proceed.

Q. Two thangs muthafuckin. One, I wish I could say it, I know there done been reports dat Manti holla'd he had a initial grill ta grill meetin wit his stupid-ass ho at Stanford at some point. Whatz goin on wit that?

JACK SWARBRICK: Again, I be bout ta let Manti provide tha details yo, but as I holla'd earlier up in dis press conference, when Manti took mah crazy ass all up in tha entire rap from start ta finish, when he first busted lyrics bout tha contact, he used tha verb met. For him, tha fact dat they connected online, dat they kicked it wit online, was consistent wit rockin dat verb. Not one dat I might have chosen yo, but it was fo' his muthafuckin ass.

And tha timin was consistent wit tha playin of dat game.

Q. Okay. Da other one is given dat Manti thought there was a actual ho n' dat her ass had took a dirt nap n' then some muthafucka called n' holla'd dat it was her, I be still havin a hard time reconcilin why he wouldn't have gone ta authoritizzles when there was a possible dirtnap and there had ta be some confusion as ta what tha fuck was goin on at dat point?

JACK SWARBRICK: Therez fuckin shitloadz of confusion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There didn't step tha fuck up ta be a thugged-out dirtnap. Da evidence was a lil bit ta tha contrary.

Our thugged-out asses axed tha thangz of gangstas involved up in tha consideration of what tha fuck tha dopest steps were. Was there apparent criminal activitizzle here, biatch? At dat point, it was hard ta identify any fo' realz. A wack, wack hoax yo, but unfortunately, wack hoaxes don't necessarily accelerate tha criminal activity.

JOHN HEISLER: Thanks straight-up much. Our thugged-out asses appreciate yo' bein wit us. Our thugged-out asses bout ta gots a transcript of dis dat we'll make available ta you within tha hour. Thanks. 


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