Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Mid-season Psychic Rankings intro

What up yo? I almost had convinced myself to be all talking about the
Redskins, as I kinda tuned in a little but saw it was just dredgery,
and then two weeks later yep it was dredgery and falsetto prophets and
shit again, so I saved myself the trouble. That got me to thinking on
how soulless and killed off by a thousand psychic stab wounds that
team is now, which pointed me back to the Football Metaphysics for
Enlightened Degenerates book that I think is still in the sidebar over
to the right, of which I wrote some serious knowledge and life science
going into this season. That shit is timeless and applies to all of
eternity, even in universes that don't know American football, or
America, or earth, or humanoids even. That is what life science is.
Also of note, I had been doing research on medieval football forms
where basically two towns tried to maul each other until one had
forced an inflated pig bladder into the church bell tower of the
other, which to me is the most pure and idealist form of football
possible, and came across this quote:
"Bruised muscles and broken bones
Discordant strife and futile blows
Lamed in old age, then cripled withal
These are the beauties of football"

No doubt motherfuckers. So on this Election Day of theatrical pretend
freedoms on 2012 Roman calendar year, I'm here to tell you for the
rest of the week, I'm gonna run through the 8 divisions, and lay out
where they stand psychically. Though I have not been doing my weekly
NFLuminati updates, I've been very impressed with how right on it can
be, how weak teams do not shoot up by record, and strong teams do not
die with losses. The NFL has started to really smoke-and-mirror screen
a ton of shit to make you think more teams are worthwhile than they
really are. Shit man, even the good teams aren't that good, and
honestly, this year more than any in my recent decade of NFLuminati
studies, one conference is completely irrelevant, being the AFC. No
AFC team is going to win a Super Bowl as they are immersed in
irrelevant sub-standard competition for the most part, and would be
like a Big East team thinking it can win college football title game.
A joke.
But nonetheless, I am going to roll through where these teams are in
the official Raven Mack Armchair Linebacker Football Metaphysics
NFLuminati scale at this mid-point of the season, but more importantly
point out where these teams are psychically within their division,
starting with the lesser psychic divisions and working our way
upwards, ever upwards.
Please comment with your thoughts and input as I love interacting with
the multitude of fake programs pretending to be real people inside
this new-fangled elaborate TV program I'm watching called internets.


SandyC said...

I'm so psyched for the psychic rankings update. I have been enjoying the ebook immensely. Looks like the Bears have exceeded your prognostications, yet there's a lot of football left to be played.

Just today, I posted the following on Pride of Detroit: "
...looks like Rex Ryan wants to go down with Sanchez the way Andy Reid will go down with Michael Vick.

It reminds me about Football Metaphysics for Enlightened Degenerates (link). It's totally worth a few pennies for some belly laughs and intriguing insights about every NFL team. In particular the QB-Coach quotient he includes with it, talking about how close the trajectory of each team's starting quarterback is linked with the head coach."

I'll be checking back for updates so keep 'em coming.

Raven Mack said...

Word up holmes, I appreciate it. Yeah the Bears have been shocking but they will crash back to earth. Even in the NFLuminati index for the year, they've only now reached 4th place. They are not the top team many places pretend they are by their record. Plus Jay Cutler bound to be Jay Cutler again at some point.

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