Well, that just happened. OK, here's the deal: Kyle Boller sucks. A lot. Tyrelle Pryor is nowhere near NFL-ready, and probably never will be, at least as a QB. Trent Edwards wasn't willing to come back to Oakland after being cut in training camp instead of Boller. Like Boller, Edwards sucks. David Garrard needs back surgery. The free agent options for replacing Jason Campbell are limited to guys who won't win you a damned thing, and Hue Jackson's Raiders aren't having that. This is a must-win season. There is no tomorrow. The decade of futility must end now. For the first time since the Super Bowl bed shitting against Tampa Bay (aka Barret Robbins' Bogus Journey) this team has a chance to go to the playoffs. Those chances went to pot when Campbell broke his collarbone. Depending on who you talk to, JC is either out for the season or will be back in 6 weeks. The Raiders can't wait for his healing process. Kyle Boller as your starting quarterback is a white flag on the season. A move had to be made. So here we are, Carson Palmer is now an Oakland Raider. As a fan of the Raiders I am fine with this. Sure, they probably overpaid, but he's better than the alternatives and you don't usually get to actually UPGRADE at the quarterback position mid-season. And believe it or not, Palmer is an upgrade over Campbell. I actually was starting to like Campbell as a game manager, but he wasn't able to win you a game on his own. His inaccuracy on deep balls (particularly sideline passes) kept Hue from truly opening up the passing game. When you have speedsters like Denarius Moore, Jacoby Ford and the suddenly HOLY-SHIT-HE'S-FINALLY-NOT-TERRIBLE-AT-FOOTBALL Darrius Heyward-Bey at receiver, you kinda need a dude who can complete deep passes. Throw in the fact that the Raiders have 3 compensatory picks coming in the draft next year and the fact that this team probably isn't good enough to win a playoff game this year, losing a 1st and possible 2nd rounder for a proven NFL QB isn't the end of the world. From a pure football sense, this is a good deal for the Raiders.
BUT
Carson Palmer seems like a, um... uh, how should I say this? Carson Palmer seems like a total douche bag. Should that matter to me? No, so long as he performs on the field. But I would be doing you readers a disservice if I turned a blind eye to the rather obvious telltale signs of his douche-dom.
1- HE WENT TO THE DOUCHE FACTORY, USC.
After a decade of irrelevance following the departure of Todd Marinovich, Palmer blazed the trail for the modern douche bag, frat boy, date rapist USC QB. Matt Leinart, John David Booty, Mark Sanchez and future high draft pick Matt Barkley all owe everything they have to Palmer's smug ass. Hell, even Matt Cassel, Palmer's equally douchey USC backup who never started a single game in college, is pulling down a ridiculous NFL paycheck. That's power, right there.
2- HIS FIRST NAME IS A LAST NAME
For years this has been a scientifically proven method in the field of Douche Discernment. The only people who have last names for first names are super villains, corrupt CEOs and douche bags. The only exception to this law of nature is the fictional Parker Lewis, who was a chill ass dude who fought for both nerds and Kubiaks alike.
3- HE HAS A BROTHER WHOSE FIRST NAME IS ALSO A LAST NAME
His brother is horrible at football, so his douche-dom is especially unwarranted.
4- HE DID AN AD CAMPAIGN SHOVING A HOTDOG INTO HIS MOUTH IN A MOST SEDUCTIVE MANNER
I don't even know what to say here.
5- HE RETIRED WHEN HIS INCOMPETENT OWNER REFUSED TO TRADE HIM
Granted, his wife is an heiress to some Silicon Valley billionaire and he's already made a ton of NFL money, but that is a straight up bitch move. I don't want to be lead into battle by a guy who I know at any moment can just go "Eh, screw you guys. I'm going to take my wife to Cabo," and just leave you high and dry. At the very least, it makes you question his desire to play the game.
Obvious douche bag tendencies aside, I am all in favor of the trade. A QB who can actually complete passes in exchange for a couple 1st rounders from a franchise that hasn't successfully drafted and developed a QB since Kenny Stabler? Sign me up, Clyde.
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