Week 5: Game Notes.

Yeah, keep smiling, asshole.

This is my running notes/wordpad file for this week's game, in full and only slightly cleaned up. Have done this for three weeks, this is my first time actually posting them, so you can all watch my gradual descent as this game wound on to its excrutiating conclusion.



This is the first time the 49ers have been the Sunday Night Football On NBC game since Sunday Night Football On NBC Started. Just another indicated about how (artificially) high expectations were this year. UGH.

Like how NBC gives me the warning about Faith Hill right before going to commercial, so I have plenty of time to hit my mute button. If only Alex would get this much time to throw the ball.

I wonder how many times Cris Collinsworth will bitterly refer to Super Bowls 16 and/or 23. ERIC WRIGHT AND RONNIE LOTT SAY HELLO, CRIS! Tee Hee.

QUARTER THE FIRST, in which I'm still feeling good after the results of earlier games

Ted Ginn plays for the first time since Week 1, gets a really good return out about midfield. Two straight runs for Frank Gore = 3rd and inches. Hey, lots of runs to Gore, lots of screens to Gore. Think the Eagles might figure out that keying on Gore is a good idea pretty soon. Nice longish pass to Ziegler. Westbrook finally in, automatically gets the ball on a short run. NICE third down pass to Crabtree, Westbrook in for 2 straight plays for the first time, ball DOESN'T go to him when he's in for the first time. 1st and Goal. TD PASS TO CRABS on 2nd and Goal. Collinsworth already said he has "sticky hands" twice on this drive, once per catch. That's gonna be your meme tonight, ain't it Cris? 7:07 Drive, nice start.

Eagle DL is "Doubtful." Eagles first run is 9 yards, Shawntae Spencer gets blowed up, Sigh. WIDE open TE #87 for a 20 yard pass, ugh. Bootleg to the opposite side fooled everyone. DeSean runs the wildcat well. Pass, 1st and goal at the 4. Collinsworth says "yeah that's the way Montana used to run the west coast offense" in reference to KEVIN FUCKING KOLB. You did not just equate Kolb to Montana in Montana's house, you of ALL people should know better Cris. Bitter much? TD run called back on a hold. Lawson just misses a sack, Kolb slowly runs FOREVER, TE #87 (Brent Celek?) open AGAIN and muscles in for a TD. UGH.

2:23 left, 1drive each, 7-7.

Ho hum, Frank Gore up the middle, Frank Gore to the right, to the surprise of maybe 2 people who've never watched american football before, but not to the Eagles. 3rd and 8, Alex actually nifty dodge of a blitz and hits Crabs medium length over the middle. Gore FUMBLES, the ball floats merrily and obviously straight up and across the screen, Eagles recover in a scrum. Eagles complete medium length pass to ANOTHER wide open receiver to end the quarter

QUARTER THE SECOND, in which I start to get frustrated

Eagles move down the field with inpunity until Justin Smith finally gets a sack. Screen pass complete but for not enough, Eagles bring on the Field Goal Unit. Of course Akers is good.

Ball knocked off the tee again; just another reminder that This Is Candlestick. Average return by Ginn, first play is SURPRISE~! an inside run by Gore. Candlestick Crowd expresses restlessness. Offside, 2nd and 3, another run, Al Michaels comments on crowd impatience about opening it up, chance to namedrop MONTANA and YOUNG and garcia. WOW, nice route and catch by Ted Ginn, first down across midfield. 2nd and 12, DEEEEEP bomb to Ginn, interception inside the 5, essentially a punt, but crowd Boos it. IMPATIENCE.

Eagles run all over the 49ers, first down. A little better on the next series, finally an incompletion, and Justin Smith with another sack, and here comes our first punt, 5 minutes left. Ginn does a lot of doubling back and running sideways, wasting his artful dodge of the first gunner right after he caught it. OH MY GOOD LORD A PASS ON FIRST DOWN ALERT THE MEDIA, incomplete to Morgan. Gore trips over a pulling David Baas, crowd boos. 3rd and 14 DRAW TO GORE, crowd boos louder, Collinsworth tries to defend it, but screw him. And screw that series, quick 3 and out, DeSean runs it back to midfield. Eagles move into FG range as we hit the 2 minute warning. HORRIBLE TACKLING by the allegedly stout 49er run defense, 30 yard TD run. Fuckin' A, man.

1st and 15, dump off to Crabtree, nifty moves makes a first down. Not a bad little play, that. Screen to Gore, nice. Crabtree nice catch and long run, Al Michaels is putting over Alex "looking good in the two minute drill when he can call his own plays". Hmm, maybe. Try a dumpoff to Davis on 2nd down, does virtually nothing except force a use of a time out. Drive stalled by penalties and short pass attempts, here comes Nedney for a 50 yarder with 48 seconds left. Nedney bends it right through the middle, 'tis pretty. 17-10.

Kolb still runs all day and passes to Celek, at least its short this time. Manny Lawson with the STRIP SACK~! and Parys Harrelson recovers, YAY. 16 secs left Underneath crossing route to Crabtree again, gets some nice yards, 10 left. TAKIN' A SHOT, incomplete, 6 left, time for the FG. 40 yarder by Nedney MISSED. UGH. What a waste. Nice snap and hold, Nedney just knuckled it way wide to the right. Eagles kneel on it.

Crowd booing as we head to HALFTIME


QUARTER THE THIRD, in which I mutter "ugh" and "bah" a lot.

Offside on the kickoff, kick again, Eagles start at the 20 instead of the 18. FUN FACT: Eagles have apparently won 20 straight games in which they have led at halftime. Wonderful. Shawntae Spencer gets turned around and his jock strap falls down to the tune of roughly 40 yards. Bah. Deep again but poorly thrown, for once. PATRICK WILLIS~! covering Brent Celek and breaking up a pass, nice deviation from formula there, Eagles punting from the 33, Candlestick Wind puts the ball at the 18 for Ted Ginn's fair catch. Lots of twitching on the offensive line on a long audible, you could see the false start coming. Yep. DL injuries for the Eagles? NO PROBLEM, 49ers are starting rookies up there, Alex eats a sack. That's a False start for rookie one and a sack allowed for rookie two on this "drive", but then Alex rolls on 3rd and 21 and hits Vernon Davis, First Down. Gore with a big run into Eagle territory. And now Gore Fumbles Again, ugh. FUCK THIS TEAM.

Al Michaels makes mention of the 49ers converting a 3rd and 21 for the first time since 1997. "I thought you were going to say against us in the super bowl, they converted everything that day," says Collinsworth ruefully, reminding me of happier times. Yeah, suck it Collinsworth. Sadly, that might be our Official Blog Third Quarter Highlight Tonight, as the Eagles move the ball all over the 49ers some more, until they fuck up the snap on a Wildcat and end up getting no gain on 3rd. ANDY REID GOIN FOR IT. Passing play to TE Celek juggled and DROPPED, lol Andy, thanks.

Nope: Third Quarter Highlight is SNL making fun of Sunday Night Football's theme song. Collinsworth doing his impression of hte impression of him. Look I'd rather talk about that than a dropped pass on first by Moran Norris and then GORE UP THE MIDDLE FOR 1, because 3rd and Long is where you always wanna be. Alex scrambles and is taken down short, ugh. At least DeSean is wrapped up and taken back, and the parody of Faith is the bumper music.

Travis La Boy sack sets up a 3rd and 18, and Kolb RUNS FOR NINETEEN, de-jocking #53. BAH. Can we start heaping some blame on this defense for the 0-4 start? They're earning it, too.

Lets run for more first downs, please. DeSean Jackson isn't playing and may be hurt, so at least he won't burn the 49ers to death, it'll be more tiny cuts by everyone else. Hey, DeSean Jackson went to Cal, the 49ers could've drafted him, but didn't. Who does that remind me of? Oh yeah, AARON RODGERS. Al Michaels says the Eagles have done a "nice job" of running the ball tonight, UNDERSTATEMENT, Al. Willis bats down a ball, 3rd and 15, Uh Oh. Give up 13, lucky the Eagles only threw to their fullback. Eagles let the clock run down with their punting unit on the field, perhaps waiting to change out of the wind.

QUARTER THE FOURTH, in which I will probably scream out F-bombs and perhaps even cry.

Eagles will now try a 54 yarder going the other way. But Al Michaels puts over the WEIRDNESS of Candlestick's SWIRLING WIND (tm), which DOES pull the kick wide left. Hee hee. Still hope.

Over the middle to Morgan for 20. Gore up the gut for 5, remembering to hold on to the ball this time. AND ALEX DROPS THE BALL ON THE GROUND ROLLING OUT TO THE WRONG SIDE. Boo Birds in Full Effect. I believe it is time... .yes... I Hate Football. 24-10.

Well, at least Ted Ginn came to play. Decent return, not enough. And the crowd BOOS the offense as it comes on the field, must mean Alex Smith is still in. Yep. Alex hit as he throws, BOOOOOOOOS. Crowd has totally turned on Alex. Screen pass hits Gore in the hands, BOOOOOOOOS. Incomplete pass, BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS. Crowd breaks its "We Want Carr" chant only to boo every single play that doesn't work now, which is all of them. Carr is warming up.

Nice of the defense to finally start stuffing the run, better late than never I guess. Can you hear my eyes rolling during that sentence? Good. Bat down pass, 3 and Out, crowd will cheer THAT. And We Want Carr starts up again, in the wake of a punt.

Alex still in, penalty wipes out a screen pass to Gore, BOOOOS. Short pass complete to Gore, not as much booing this time. Slant to Ziegler for a first down. Deep over the middle to Vernon Davis, his bread and butter play last year, happens for the first time this year. Short pass to Ginn. Gore picks up the first. Touchdown to Vernon Davis. Hmm, defense can have an illegal formation on a PAT? Okay, 5 yards enforced on the kickoff, every little bit helps.

See Alex? All you have to do is be perfect just like Joe Montana and Steve Young and all the booing will stop. It's simple, really.

Defense comes out trying the "don't put pressure on them" 3 man rush. Ooops, Eagles across midfield already. Taylor Mays forces a fumble, but the Eagles recover. Takeo Spikes breaks up a third down pass, drive stalls, big FG attempt by Akers here, 46 yards, hooks just inside, the wind does not come to their aid.

Ted Ginn with a BIG return of 60 yards, a little more than 4 minutes left. Hmm, maybe? Eagles take a timeout. Short nothing pass to Crabs on 1st, clock ticking. Crabs false starts. Ugh. Smith dodges a sack and runs without sliding for positive yards. Conversion to Crabs. No huddle time. Smith runs for his life backwards and CATCH by Crabtree, wow, first and goal! Pass to Morgan down at the 1. Too much time! Ugh, Smith throws away, 3rd and goal, 2:07 left. Swing pass to Gore and a TD with 2:02 left. Kickoff, TWO MINUTE WARNING. Tense.

Last minute heartbreak or utter elation awaits.

1st down Run for a Loss, time out. 1:52. Short pass, but the guy goes DOWN short of the first down, time out. 1:41, lucky break. 3rd and 2, INCOMPLETE, clock stops, 1 time out left, 1:37. Ted Ginn out of bounds around the 30, with 1:28.

68 yards away from WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, Short pass to Morgan who rusn backwards, losing yards and time, fuck. DEEP OVER THE MIDDLE TO DAVIS, past midfield, and VD forces a clock stop by running over someone! Nice play. :47 left. Swing pass to Gore batted down by a blitzer. Come on guys. :43. Down the sideline for Gore too high, :36, 3rd down, 1 time out. Here we go...









...Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Candlestick, 0 AND FUCKING 5, AND I HATE FOOTBALL.