These are both useless to me now. USSSSELESSSS, ALLL USSSELESSSSSS.
To continue beating the shit out of a long-dead horse, burying him in a shallow and unconsecrated grave, and later digging him up and shooting him in the back of the head in a gruesome display of gangland retaliation, the offensive line has been a problem in Chicago for long, long time. Sure, we fooled ourselves into thinking it would all be okay after the Super Bowl run where we squeezed the last few drops out of Ruben Brown, John Tait, and Fred Miller, but Christ, that was years ago. (Oh man, years ago.) Since then, the situation has been getting worse and worse, with nothing but the most half-assed solutions being put forth, and outside of the ill-advised drafting of Chris Williams and the damage done to Orlando Pace's legacy in 2009, you really can't even say there's been so much as a token effort to fool people into thinking that Jerry Angelo and company actually gave a shit.
But the defensive line? Oh shit fire, son, they've done all kinds of things there. We signed players like Julius Peppers and Darwin Walker. We traded for players like Adewale Ogunleye and Gaines Adams. And every year in the draft, there's another handful of new players like Dusty Dvoracek, Jarron Gilbert, Ervin Balwin, Corey Wootton, Dan Bazuin, Henry Melton, Marcus Harrison, and - well you get the point there. If the offensive lineman is the redheaded stepchild of the Chicago Bears franchise, then the defensive lineman is the fucking golden child, lavished with endless praise and extravagant gifts. The Ricky to the o-lineman's Doughboy, the defensive line can never do any wrong, and no expense is spared in its upkeep, while the offensive line is just repeatedly called a motherfucker and left to deal with the presence of Frank Omiyale and Edwin Williams.
So, you might be asking, what were the Bears to do following a Sunday night disaster where they gave up ten sacks, almost exclusively coming via the most minimal of four-man rushes against the offensive line and blocking tight end/wasted 15 million dollars Brandon Manumaleuna? Did they activate a promising young tackle from the practice squad? Did they take a flyer on a risky free-agent? Did they make some big blockbuster deal for a sure-thing like Logan Mankins?
Of course not, you fucking idiots - They made moves on the defensive line.
And so it has now come to pass that 2006 rookie sensation (and 2007-2010 waste of space) Mark Anderson has joined the growing ranks of the unemployed, while former professional football player Charles Grant is now a Bear. Grant, in case you didn't know, was pretty good as a defensive end for the Saints in the early 21st century, but is currently coming off of being cut by the United Football League's Omaha Skyhawks. This means that not only was he not good enough to be be a third-stringer on a fake football team, but was also non-good enough to clear waivers, which means he was too terrible for the entire fake football league. So in a blockbuster move of epic proportions, Chicago's backup defensive end situation has gone from bad to... bad.
...And this is how we addressed our offensive line problems. Ladies and gentlemen, your Chicago Bears.
But the defensive line? Oh shit fire, son, they've done all kinds of things there. We signed players like Julius Peppers and Darwin Walker. We traded for players like Adewale Ogunleye and Gaines Adams. And every year in the draft, there's another handful of new players like Dusty Dvoracek, Jarron Gilbert, Ervin Balwin, Corey Wootton, Dan Bazuin, Henry Melton, Marcus Harrison, and - well you get the point there. If the offensive lineman is the redheaded stepchild of the Chicago Bears franchise, then the defensive lineman is the fucking golden child, lavished with endless praise and extravagant gifts. The Ricky to the o-lineman's Doughboy, the defensive line can never do any wrong, and no expense is spared in its upkeep, while the offensive line is just repeatedly called a motherfucker and left to deal with the presence of Frank Omiyale and Edwin Williams.
So, you might be asking, what were the Bears to do following a Sunday night disaster where they gave up ten sacks, almost exclusively coming via the most minimal of four-man rushes against the offensive line and blocking tight end/wasted 15 million dollars Brandon Manumaleuna? Did they activate a promising young tackle from the practice squad? Did they take a flyer on a risky free-agent? Did they make some big blockbuster deal for a sure-thing like Logan Mankins?
Of course not, you fucking idiots - They made moves on the defensive line.
And so it has now come to pass that 2006 rookie sensation (and 2007-2010 waste of space) Mark Anderson has joined the growing ranks of the unemployed, while former professional football player Charles Grant is now a Bear. Grant, in case you didn't know, was pretty good as a defensive end for the Saints in the early 21st century, but is currently coming off of being cut by the United Football League's Omaha Skyhawks. This means that not only was he not good enough to be be a third-stringer on a fake football team, but was also non-good enough to clear waivers, which means he was too terrible for the entire fake football league. So in a blockbuster move of epic proportions, Chicago's backup defensive end situation has gone from bad to... bad.
...And this is how we addressed our offensive line problems. Ladies and gentlemen, your Chicago Bears.
2 comments:
Oh yeah, I forgot to add this: Charles Grant is also facing a four-game banned substance suspension sooner or later from that StarCaps business in 2008, plus possible "disciplinary action" regarding accidental manslaughter charges from a while back.
Good times, good times.
Lesson learned-Never hire anyone connected to Tampa and the Prevent Dungy-2 scheme (besides Chucky) EVER AGAIN.
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