POOOOOOOOOOUNCE!So it's that time again, Steelers vs Ravens, and the big talk of the week is about....text messages?
Yes, it appears that Big Ben and Ray Lewis are BFFs who text each other on the regular. You'd think after this past summer, any story about Ben that didn't involve either college co-eds or penis would be welcome, but yinzers everywhere are upset that Ben's fraternizing with the enemy. First of all, what else is Ben supposed to do until he's allowed to return to the team? At least you can be reasonably sure he's not trying to rape Ray Lewis. Secondly, it never fails to amuse me how much fans think players should act like they do. I mean, the concept of football players disliking one another based on team loyalty probably went out the window the first time one of them cashed a $1,000,000 check. The harsh reality is that the dudes you cheer for like they were your firstborn children and the dudes you wish would all get AIDS infected cancer and die all go hang out together after the game and spend more on steaks and liquor any of us will make in several years.
In all of this of course is the actual game. You have a team in Baltimore that kind of looks like you'd expect a Ravens team to look, but then you realize that they could easily be 1-2 instead of 2-1. Joe Flacco has looked like the helpless female tied to the train tracks in a 1920s film, and their defense really hasn't been tested too strongly. The Steelers have seemed to reclaim their throne as best defense in the league, and old man Charlie SHOCKED THE WORLD~! by playing an entire game without breaking anything and making people forget he's the QB who's spent the most time in the system and as such has the best handle on the offense of anyone not in time out.
There is of course the fear that Ray Lewis will make one of the offensive line look like a turnstile, then when he realizes the QB isn't his texting buddy, crush poor Charlie into his AARP membership. The Steelers should be able to avoid this by utilizing their usual strategy of "run the ball to the opposite side of where Lewis is standing" which seems to work whenever the two teams play. Troy and company must be sporting boners of joy in anticipation of all the picks Flacco is surely primed to offer up. I don't think anything short of a tainted pregame meal can slow down the defense in this game.
My prediction is that Charlie makes some throws, Rashard busts a big run, then the defense just sits back and waits for Flacco to heave some lollipops their way. 27-6 Steelers should be your final score.
1 comment:
I guess we finally discovered the answer to what Ray Lewis would do if Roethlisberger whipped his dick out during a game: text him with something like: lol bro i can see yr dick lmfao
And then they'd go get ice cream and gossip about boys after the game before "experimenting" with each other in Ben's parent's basement while watching Gossip Girl. And then they'd paint each other's nails and pretend that nothing happened but one of them would catch feelings and their relationship would never be the same again.
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