49ers Week 3 Review/Week 4 Preview

The 49ers' week 3 game against the Kansas City Chiefs can be effectively reviewed in very few words, and those words are: Todd Haley and his staff thoroughly out-coached Mike Singletary and his staff. That's what it came down to. It wasn't a matter of talent disparity, since these teams were pretty even; in fact the 49ers might even have had an edge here. It wasn't a matter of turnovers, since again these were even; the teams exchanged juggling, athletic interceptions on consecutive drives. Of course, this exchange just so happened to occur deep in the 49ers' own end, because the Chiefs ran all over the 49ers' purportedly stout run defense with a two back attack that they did not seem prepared to see (and certainly did not adjust to). It wasn't a matter of penalties, since there weren't that many. A hold did wipe out a drive-extending third down run by Alex Smith, but really, holding in the NFL is like marijuana possession in the USA; it's happening every minute, it's barely enforced, and is probably just going to be made full-blown legal in my lifetime. It wasn't even a matter of the infamous Arrowhead Stadium crowd noise, since I don't recall any delay of game penalties; the Niners got their plays in on time, those plays simply weren't any good.

No, this was a case of Todd Haley coaching the pants off of Singletary (Tee Hee Hee). It started early, when the Chiefs started to run their punting unit onto the field on a 4th and 1, prompting the 49ers to respond in kind with their punt return unit. However, the Chiefs quickly changed a guy here and there, and suddenly were lining up in their 4th down go for it offense. The 49ers reacted by hastily burning a time out. Basically the Chiefs just fucked around with the 49ers to see if they could get them to waste a timeout, and sure enough they did. Later on, after the Chiefs turned their half of the interception exchange into a 1 play touchdown drive -- a pass to one of those running backs -- the Chiefs correctly sensed the 49ers were reeling and back on their heels, and kicked a surprise onside kick which they recovered. I thought it was an inspired bit of strategy, and if the Chiefs hadn't been offside they might have taken the game right there. As it was, they took the game a little later.

Later in the second quarter the 49ers were moving the ball, finally remembering that the rules of the game allow you to attempt forward passes to your wide receivers, when on 3rd and 3 from the KC 30, they ran a flea flicker. Even at the time it felt to me like a reactive call, as if it were called out of a sense of "well they ran a trick play on us so even though we don't really like trick plays we gotta run one now too to MAKE A STATEMENT" or something like that. 3rd and 3 isn't the time to run a flea flicker. And even as flea flickers go, it was pretty vanilla. Straight run up the middle in slow motion that lets you know something is up, RB stops and pitches it back to the QB. Naturally the Chiefs were not fooled, and the one man running deep was covered. Smith scrambled uselessly and actually looked in Gore's direction before finding nothing, running to the sidelines, and throwing the ball away. Hence my sputtering outbursts of "He Checked Down On A Flea Flicker! HE CHECKED DOWN TO THE RUNNING BACK ON A FUCKING FLEA FLICKER" earlier this week. I can't help but imagine Kansas City spent their halftime break having a collective gut-laugh at this sad parody of a trick play, since early in the 3rd Quarter the Chiefs ran a flea flicker of their own, out of a double reverse. It, naturally, completely fooled the 49ers, who all came up in a zeal to "hit someone in the mouf," leaving a wide open KC receiver plenty of time to streak down the field, through the tunnel like Bo Jackson, into the Arrowhead parking lot, grab a lawn chair left behind by a tailgater, fold it up, run back to the field, set it up in the end zone, order a $10 stadium beer from a wandering vendor, consume the beverage, toss the plastic cup dismissively in the general direction of the 49er sideline, and catch the pass from the best seat in the house to put the Chiefs up 17-3 as means of saying "that's not a flea flicker, mate, THIS is a flea flicker!" The next time the Chiefs got the ball they threw deep again, and their TE made a very impressive one-handed catch to make it 24-3, and I suddenly realized the Arrowhead Stadium crowd wasn't even that loud; as if they realized their team didn't need the assistance of a noisy 12th man to win this game and go 3-0. They were right. They didn't.

By the end of the game, even Patrick Willis was getting outrun by the Chiefs backs. Mike Singletary even used his remaining timeouts spitefully in the last two minutes, possibly out of some "fight to the end" mentality he wanted to instill in the team. Or perhaps he wanted to punish his own team for their woeful performance by putting off being able to get on the bus to the airport as long as possible. While by this point the idea of making this game as unfun to play as it was to watch did appeal to me, this too falls under the category of Mike Singletary being outcoached, since normally teams DO NOT do this sort of thing because the chance of getting someone hurt in a futile effort during garbage time. And sure enough, on the very last play of the game, Alex Smith completed a touchdown pass to Josh Morgan, who in the process of scoring, got hurt. Morgan was assisted off the field and Alex Smith raged on the sidelines while things continued, since, under NFL rules, they still have to kick that meaningless extra point with :00 left on the clock. All so the final loss could be 31-10 instead of 31-3.

FIRST QUARTER HIGHLIGHT: Alex Smith picks the perfect time to take off and runs up-field to convert a 3rd and 9 in Chiefs territory to extend a promising drive. This is wiped out by a holding penalty and they end up punting anyway.
SECOND QUARTER HIGHLIGHT: Getting to laugh at the flea flicker, I guess.
THIRD QUARTER HIGHLIGHT: Ryan Succop of the Chiefs kicks the kickoff out of bounds, making him the most productive mover of the ball for the 49ers. And he's on the Chiefs. I was pretty much only watching the game for the sake of this blog by now.
FOURTH QUARTER HIGHLIGHT: That box in the corner of the screen where FOX shows you the score in other games shows me that The Giants are up 3-0 on the Rockies in the 4th inning (they would go on to win 4-2). Notice this has absolutely nothing to do even with football, let alone the 49ers. This is not a coincidence.

There. Game reviewed, now I can print out that page of notes for the express purpose of burning it.

Week 4 Preview: San Francisco 49ers @ Atlanta Falcons

Last year the 49ers started out 3-1, feasting on their division opponents and being victimized on the last play of a game by The Great Satan and his black gunslinging magic. Things were actually looking pretty good. Then, after a bye week in which Michael Crabtree finally signed a contract, the Atlanta Falcons came into Candlestick and totally exposed the Niners 45-17.

This year the Falcons have basically the same team, except they just beat the defending super bowl champions by a field goal. The 49ers are also basically the same team, except they were expected to be pretty good this year and have instead embarked on a campaign to implode in hilarious fashion. Oh, and this year the game is in Atlanta. The 49ers actually looked good in their one home game this year, falling 3 points short of beating that same defending super bowl champion, but in their two games on the road they have been horrid. And the Falcons are most likely a superior team to the ones they've played on the road so far. This one has every sign of being ugly. I suspect wanting/needing material for this blog will be the only reason I'm still watching in the 4th quarter. Even before the season started, when I thought the 49ers would come into this game 2-1, I had written this game off as a loss. Now, I'm preparing myself to watch another blowout and wondering when it will get bad enough that the head coach is compelled to turn in his pants and his red challenge flag and follow his hand-picked offensive coordinator out the door.

I'd make predictions, like many others like to do, but I don't think it's necessary. I'll simply confirm what readers can probably already infer: I have given zero thought to what sort of entry I would write in the wake of a 49er victory this week. I have spent time google-image-searching for pictures related to low points in San Francisco/Bay Area history, using the criteria of "would this go well with an essay about a loss and how much they sucked?" So, yeah, there you go. Sure, they might win, On Any Given Sunday blah blah blah. I guess the Falcons might lay an egg or turn the ball over 8 times or suffer a series of season ending injuries to key players, but I'm preparing for 0-4.

They were supposed to finally be good again this year, damn it. I demand a refund.