Well, although he is officially listed as out 4 to 6 weeks, I think it’s safe to assume the Clinton Portis era is over in D.C. And while Redskins honks will line up in the coming offseason to offer up C.P. as the prime example of what has gone wrong under Dan Snyder in D.C., let me just say right off the bat that I think Portis is one of the few highlights that have come under Dan Snyder. He is a solid motherfucker, hilarious, and the one NFL player I’d have in my back yard. Seriously, when they did that Get an NFL Player in Your School bullshit a few years back, I had my daughter write about how she was a homeschooler and loved the Redskins, hoping C.P. would come down to central Virginia and kick it with the homeschooled kids at the library one afternoon. The only thing that makes C.P. not as awesome in Redskins history (of my lifetime) as John Riggins is the whole Super Bowl thing. They really are two very similar guys, just from slightly different eras.
But let this not be a Clinton Portis lovefest (although I will probably do an elaborate one filled with 37 youtube clips should he officially be gone from the Redskins), because let’s face it – there are a slew of guys on this roster who do in fact epitomize the Dan Snyder era, and all ESPN fluff pieces aside, the main goal of Mike Shanahan should be to eliminate as much Dan Snyderies from this team as possible. That’s a tough row to hoe. How do you lie to your owner that you are putting the right pieces in place to win right now, all while thinking in your head you have to overhaul everything from player personnel to how locker room towelboy positions are doled out? The simple fact of the matter is this team will never be Super Bowl successful with any of the following guys on the team: Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Carlos Rogers, DeAngelo Hall, etc. Shit man, even someone like Chris Cooley, as great a character as he is, has been so deeply immersed in this Redskins “we’re only a piece or two away” bullshit for so long, you have to wonder if he’s not psychologically damaged goods as well. That’s just how shit is.
The past couple years have been frustrating in regards to our RB situation, as pretty much anybody who has ever played more than five minutes of Madden football knows that you usually want to draft a young RB at least every other year, to fill in behind your main starter as a 3rd down speed threat or a guy that can bust a long run now and then just because he’s such a different thing than your starter. For a few years there though the Redskins stuck with Clinton Portis/Ladell Betts as their 1-2 RB punch. This is basically like having a really nice luxury sedan in Clinton Portis, and then having the exact same sedan same year and everything but in a less expensive trim package as your second car. In other words, it was fucking stupid. So watching Ryan Torain cleanse that #46 jersey of Ladell Betts memories by freight training an Eagles defender to score a touchdown last weekend, that brought a joy to my heart that this football team rarely does. Actually, that was probably the highlight of the year so far, because the other great moments are more by default – Cowboys guy gets a holding penalty so we win, or Kevin Kolb throws stupid pass so we intercept it and win. This team doesn’t really manufacture highlights nearly as well as they manufacture excuses. That shit was primetime, helmet first, knock a motherfucker out and get six points. We don’t have nearly enough knock-a-motherfucker-out types on offense. So seeing Torain and having Trent Williams back, considering how well he showed up when he was playing, it’s actually exciting for the first time in… well, probably nearly ten years. You throw into the mix Anthony Armstrong, who as an unheralded unknown has already shown in four games 100 times the legitimate potential that Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly, and Fred Davis combined have shown since being the 3 2nd Rd. Amigos a couple years back. Hell man, even little ass Brandon Banks, who is only 155 pounds and like 5’ 7” when standing on a stack of National Geographics, made a huge punt return and could offer up that sneaky midget speed in heavy WR sets. It’s like something is actually being put together for once.
That being said, I don’t expect anything to gel anytime soon. This is a work in progress, and I secretly hope they aren’t so successful that they trick themselves into believing their own hype yet again. But Ryan Torain man, he makes my dick hard for Sunday afternoons. And for all the great time-wasting highlights Clinton Portis could give me inside of youtubes, he hasn’t gotten my dick hard for a Sunday afternoon in a while.
No comments:
Post a Comment