Mark Sanchez, Accomplished Fornicator

In week 2 of the 2009 season, The Jets beat the Patriots 16-9. It wasn't the prettiest of games, but Sanchez didn't throw an interception and though the defense went without a sack Brady never found his rhythm. I called my mother and my grandfather, who are responsible for my Jets fandom, and asked them both the same question. "Did we really do that? Are we really building something here?" The answer, later weeks would reveal, was a tepid "maybe." After one more win the Jets went to New Orleans and we thoroughly wrecked, with Sanchez throwing three interceptions and zero touchdowns. The rest of the season they went 6-6, the defense remaining consistently stellar but Handsome Mark often giving games away. A surprise run came together at the end but wasn't quite enough, and that was that.

The first three games of the 2009 season were whem Mark Sanchez learned to jerk off. Like many first explorations of self love it was productive, if messy. He spent some time getting to know himself, and just how he enjoyed things, and for a short while it was great. But that only lasts so long, and eventually he went to see if he could find someone else to join in his fun. Results were mixed. The first three times out of the gate were real ugly, full of awkward stuttering and hands in the wrong places, the kind of steep learning curve that accompanies trying to make what was previously a sole endeavor into a partnership. A brief slump buster against Oakland almost got his feet back under him, but it was another few weeks before he figured out that he had a nice smile and if he stopped referring to women with hateful, insulting terms like "slump buster" he could have himself a good time. And he had some good times, went home with some beauties, stepped out back with a few who...well, their enthusiasm was there. In the end he didn't get the woman of his dreams, but he would try again soon.

Which brings us to 2010. Handsome Mark was a bit rattled at times, but he kept his composure and understood that if he just held on, his chances were pretty good. There was only one woman in the Meadowlands on Monday, and she had been to Deadspin.