Saturday, August 1, 2009

Golf Carts are Serious Business

So, apparently, according to Tom Kowalski, Bryant Johnson was injured last month in a freak golf cart accident.

I'll let that sink in for a minute. Okay. I saw this and just nodded like a zombie buffoon for a couple of seconds, completely unsurprised that this would happen to a Lion. I mean, this is the same franchise that saw one running back steal his replacement's underwear on his way out the door. Weird shit happens to this team, and so this is really not that big of a surprise.

Golf carts aren't something to fuck around with either. Once upon a time, I mildly sprained my wrist when I jumped out of a moving golf cart when the cart failed to slow down as it passed my golf ball. I still blame the driver for not slowing down, but this is what happens when you let someone else make important decisions such as who hits what golf ball first. It was a dumb thing to do, but fuck it, we are all dumb sometimes and we all do stupid things. But let's just say that it taught me a valuable lesson when it came to respecting the power of the mighty golf cart. Sure, those things are fun as fuck to screw around in, but you start diving off of them and well, shit's gonna hurt. I'm not sure what caused poor Bryant Johnson to end up tipping one of those beasts, but I will not speculate or judge him. We live in terrible times, ridiculous and strange, and there are times when you crash a golf cart, or jump out of one.

The only thing I can say about this incident for sure is that it makes me feel connected somehow to Bryant Johnson, and in this age of robotic, almost alien athletes, separated from the humble masses by a vast chasm of wealth and athletic ability, isn't that a heartwarming thing? I share something real with a member of the Detroit Lions and even if that thing is getting hurt in a freak golf cart accident, it means something to me, and it means that Bryant Johnson has become a favorite of mine without playing a down.


Neil said...

So, I just realized this post has been sitting here for a day with the opening line of "Bryant Johnson was injured in a freak gold cart accident." This has now been rectified, but I felt it would be distasteful to just quietly edit this without pointing out my idiocy.

Raven Mack said...

hahaha, people like us never get to ride in gold carts do we?

Neil said...

fuck a gold cart