Dear Plaxico Burress,
Skipping practice is one thing. You know, sometimes I call in sick to work when I am not actually sick, but rather just wanted to stay in bed and get laid and then couldn't come up with a good excuse for being late, so I e-mail feigning allergies or something. It's cool, everyone does this! What most people don't do is skip work without calling in and then refuse to take phone calls for an entire day, and then act all surprised when people are worried and angry with them. I mean, I have known one person who did that, but he was going to jail and flipped out during his 25th hour. So unless you were going to jail, which you weren't, this is not cool!
I have no idea what your excuses were, and quite honestly, with your injury history, I don't think the Giants should be running you down in practice and you should get some more time off than other players might, but goddamnit, your boss is Tom Coughlin, noted fascist disciplinarian. You seriously thought you were going to get away with this?
Thank god the Giants don't face a real opponent until sometime next year, or something. Because getting suspended for two weeks by the team might've actually fucked some things up for them in different circumstances!
Sincerely yours,
Ally
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