Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Why I Love The Redskins Tight Ends More Than Practically Anything Else On Earth

So this past weekend, as long-time Skins fan favorite Chris Cooley remains hobbled by a sore knee, Fred Davis had a monster game, giving professional retard Vinny Cerrato the tiniest amount of satisfaction in knowing that his infamous Super Draft where he got Devin Thomas (now a special teamer for the Giants), Malcolm Kelly (no idea, finally cut in the preseason, probably working at UPS in Norman, OK, if he passed the physical), and Fred Davis (see rest of this), all in the second round, for the super low price of way too much. Now in the offseason there was delusional talk amongst Redskins fans that Davis will be good so trade Cooley, except you don't really get good draft picks for trading veterans in the real NFL (unless somebody else hires Cerrato), and plus Chris Cooley is one of those most loved players that you should just keep forever until the bitter end, except for maybe a two-year maximum period where they collect a check somewhere else, then re-sign with you to retire a Redskin. I'd prefer that not happen, but I understand the 2011 NFL and can accept that. But Cooley is one of a kind.
Fred Davis, though quiet compared to Cooley, is a fairly off-the-wall guy too, in a more traditional cocksure NFL way. He too, though, is a man who get excitedly emotional, and if he can maintain his grip on the football, which he did on Sunday but not so much in previous seasons, he could be what you call motherfuckin' awesome, as they say.
So after Fred Davis on the depth chart, you have a guy named Logan Paulsen, who sports standard Euro-trash long hair, which would make him kinda douchey in the NBA, but this is the NFL, so it makes him awesome. Plus, his name sort of insinuates to me he might have some viking DNA in his blood, and he is a very exuberant man on the field. (Actually got a TD catch last season, which was awesome, and I think almost had one this past week, though my brain is addled, so hey.)
What this makes is the Redskins TE group a strange little assortment of semi-drunk personalities in their natural state. [It should be noted that long-time veteran fullback Mike Sellers, who looks and acts more like a WWE wrestler than an NFL player, is technically the 4th TE on the roster.] That leads to things like today at practice, where the tight ends decided they would all wear burgundy tights to practice. Tights.

As a veteran leader who is also slightly retarded, I love Cooley's master vision involved here. "The intent is really to spread among the whole offense." Futhermore, "A lot of guys were attracted to the look we had today. A lot of guys thought we looked sleek, faster." Of course Cooley has no shame, as this is the goofy ass dude who used to wear short shorts, once was going to cornrow his hair at the urging of teammates, and found his wife in the Redskins cheerleading squad.
And I would expect a guy like Logan Paulsen to follow this wacky lead, adding "I'm comfortable and I'm confident. I think we all are just that much more comfortable." Paulsen is very Sons of Anarchy extra-looking, so I expect that. I think what makes me happiest, and most excited for the direction this team is going, is Fred Davis being along for the ride (although it looks like he's got a towel hanging over his dick area in the pic), agreeing he is comfortable, and saying "Peter Pan wore tights." I mean, maybe he's a little reluctant, but you know, he's going along. And if they make the black dude wear tights one week, somewhere along the way he'll get to suggest nonsense to the other two dudes.
Why this makes me so happy though is far beyond just three goofy ass tight ends. The one great thing about Joe Gibbs teams, both the traditional ones as well as Gibbs 2.0 versions, is he knew the value of having characters in the locker room, to lighten the mood but also keep the team focused by doing it in a football-good way. Shit man, that's why Chris Cooley fit in so well here, because he was the prototypical Gibbs player, who'd do anything, be kinda weird about it, but deliver the goods. It's why Cooley's such a fan favorite.
The one knock on Mike Shanahan (well, there's a lot more than one, but we are 1-0, so I'm feeling positive) is he is one uptight dude. His mouth looks like an anus, and you don't get anus mouth without being a tightly puckered person psychologically. And yet you have this type of TE tomfoolery going on, without taking away. Work is being done. In fact, under Shanahan, he gives his teams the Monday after a victory off as a reward. This past week, the Skins players all said they wanted to come in and practice on Monday, fuck a reward. That's some different shit going on right there.
I am not jumping onto any "this team is overlooked and will make the playoffs" bandwagon or anything, but there does seem to be something good cooking up in that locker room this year so far, and as a guy who has suffered under Dan Snyder's oppressive regime for more than half of my adult life, I am glad to see it. And anxious for Sunday again, which is not a common feeling for me during football season, at least not the past 10 years.

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