Thursday, December 9, 2010

Redskins 5-7 Positives/Negatives Metasciences Week 13 Recap

(Dead Skins. Again.)

Sigh. Guess I will quickly run thru the plus/minuses from Sunday’s so-called game. I know the Skins have been in the news with their Shocking Suspension of Sir Albert Haynesworth of Laze-about, but really that’s standard Redskins smoke and mirrors to distract from what’s really going on. They should’ve gotten rid of Haynesworth beginning of the year, and it was a convenient way to not address the fact this team had quit when they were on that field Sunday. I mean, they’ve pretty much quit since that Monday night blowout against the Eagles at home, but luckily for them, they played the Titans who somehow were able to quit a little bit more. (Thanks Vince Young!) This team is not a good team at all, and for them to run all those “We have the QB! We have the head coach! We have the GM! Everything is in place!” either shows they are con artists of the first degree trying to fleece naïve and susceptible fans like myself of every dollar they can, or they are fucking idiots without a clue, even though they claimed they now have a clue (again). This team is not good, top to bottom, and anyone thinking there is a quick fix is a goddamned fool. But I am sure as the offseason arrives, they’ll grab this guy or that guy, pretend everything has been put back together, and think they are a playoff team again. But this team needs to be gutted. Too much “we should have” and “we’re better than this.” Once something is repeated again and again, you are no longer better than that; you are that. This is a consistently below .500 team that will contend yearly for a top ten draft pick, every year, forever, unless something actually changes. Not new guy to parade in front of the media changes but for real Charles Atlas comic book ad I’m sick of being pushed around changes. For real changes.
Anyways, fuck this, four days late, but I operate on Raven time not internet time, and being I am the internet, internet time is my time. Or something…
SECOND DEGREE POSITIVE: PR/KR/WR Brandon Banks. The Little Assassin continues to impress and be the one jolt of adrenaline on this lethargic team. Sad thing is I started to notice the body language of frustration in the kid last Sunday against the Giants. On an offensive play, throwing his hands out like, “what the fuck was that” to D-Mac’s errant pass; slapping his hands in anger at another botched near TD return on a kick. The dude is good, and out of nowhere, and I just hope he can maintain his assassin’s soul in the midst of the fat, lazy, and entitled culture of Redskins Park.
FIRST DEGREE POSITIVE: TE Logan Paulsen. Rookie dude finally got some playing time behind Chris Cooley and Fred Davis. He is a longhair white dude, and sort of my Willie Young if you follow what Neil writes about the Lions. He almost got put in a few weeks ago when we lost like 4 offensive linemen at once, and he was next in line. Cooley had asked him if he knew what to do if he went in as a guard, and Paulsen was like, “Yeah, they call a play and I just bust the dude in front of me.” Solid. I look forward to more from the young #82.
STAY MEDIUM DEGREE: LB London Fletcher. I feel bad that London Fletcher has to close out his career with all this. Really, there probably has not been a greater more anonymous footballer in my adult lifetime. Fletcher is the exact reason they have a veterans committee for the Hall of Fame, because shit, Fletcher hasn’t made but one Pro Bowl, but he’s seriously one of the great vets in the game, and a solid football mind. Hopefully thirty years from now he goes into the Hall of Fame. And actually, hopefully they blow this team the fuck up and just make Fletcher Player/Coach next year.
FIRST DEGREE NEGATIVE: WR Anthony Armstrong. Double A has the potential to bust the long receptions, which has been missing forever. (Goddamn, I’m sick of a 4 yard Santana Moss quick slant pattern, but more on that later.) But Armstrong has shown signs of the entitlement sneaking into his mindframe. Dude needs to stay hungry. You barely made the roster on one of the worst teams in the NFL, so stay the fuck hungry. Make more 36 Chambers and don’t get all Bobby Digital.
SECOND DEGREE NEGATIVE: LB Rocky McIntosh. Dude had a bad game, and was non-existent as a tackler. It was like he was pretending to be the Dolphins in that Super Bowl and anybody who had the ball for the Giants was John Riggins.
THIRD DEGREE NEGATIVE: Head Coach Mike Shanahan. Fuck this guy. I did not like him before he was hired, and I have given him the benefit of the doubt mostly because what the fuck can I do? I am stuck with him. But the way the Haynesworth shit was handled has been stupid. If you’re gonna have a melodramatic play with the dude, just dump him off earlier in the year, don’t pussy foot around until you can suspend him the most games possible and allow Redskins to play lawyer ball and try to recoup money. Fuck lawyer ball. This is football. I have not been impressed by Shanahan, and I hope he is embarrassed into quitting, but I know he won’t be. He is a persistent cocksucker.
FOURTH DEGREE NEGATIVE: QB Donovan McNabb. Seriously, fuck a Donovan McNabb. The dude is not very good, so much so that I am actually thinking Rush Limbaugh is right and accidentally listened to him in the truck for about ten minutes last week. Then I was like, “Whoa, no no no… I’m not 73 years old and senile, so this shit makes no sense to me and I should know better.” But still, if you play bad enough to make me – a young and free-thinking individual – think that maybe Rush Limbaugh has gotten a raw deal in public opinion, well, then you really must suck dicks at football.
FIFTH DEGREE NEGATIVE: WR Santana Moss. Tired of the celebrating shit that doesn’t matter. Tired of the little slants. Tired of the clapping emphatically after another pass bounces off his numbers. Just fucking tired of Santana Moss. I read some know-it-all fucker’s (Tom Boswell I think) WaPo column the day after the game, and he was listing all the guy they should keep, with Santana at the top of the list so long as it makes sense moneywise. I say fuck that. Santana Moss has always been the first guy to say “we are better than this, we shouldn’t have lost,” but never the one to say, “I’m sorry, we gotta tighten the fuck up.” He is the perfect example of someone who thinks they are better than they are because he sees himself as a superstar and not as like the 35th or 36th best WR in the NFL, and declining fast. I know he and Clinton Portis are seen as a pair, and I know a lot of people don’t like Portis, but I will defend C.P. over and over. The dude plays hard, is one of the best blockers in the league, far better than most star HBs ever will be, and he fucking goes when he can. Even the little bit we saw of him before he detached his groin again was better than anybody else we’ve seen all year long. I don’t see that from Moss. I don’t see much of anything from Moss, and the McNabb to Moss pairing is one of the more ugh-inducing ones I’ve ever seen as a Redskins fan, second only to maybe Heath Shuler to Desmond Howard or Michael Westbrook. If this team is gonna improve, for real improve, it needs to dump the dudes like Moss who always have a bewildered look when they lose. You motherfuckers are losing because you are losers. Fuck.

Season-to-date totals: LB Lorenzo Alexander (+16), PR Brandon Banks (+15), LB Brian Orakpo (+13), TE Chris Cooley (+12), LB London Fletcher (+12), RB Clinton Portis (+7), S Laron Landry (+7), RB Ryan Torain (+7), WR Anthony Armstrong (+5), Radio man Sam Huff (+4), LB Chris Wilson (+4), GM Bruce Allen (+3), DE Philip Daniels (+2), K Graham Gano (+2), LB Rocky McIntosh (+2), S Kareem Moore (+2), TE Logan Paulsen (+1), CB DeAngelo Hall (+1), P Hunter Smith (+1), CB Phillip Buchanon (+1), T Trent Williams (even), DC Jim Haslet (-1), fan Raven Mack (-1), WR Malcolm Kelly (-1), LB Rocky McIntosh (-2), S Reed Doughty (-2), P Josh Bidwell (-2), OC Kyle Shanahan (-3), CB Carlos Rogers (-5), head coach Mike Shanahan (-6), T Stephon Heyer (-7), WR Santana Moss (-8), DT Albert Haynesworth (-9), QB Donovan McNabb (-16), owner Dan Snyder (-17).


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