Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Guess who just got named the starter for this Sunday's game against the Seahawks?

Yep. Alex Smith is BACK as the starting Quarterback.

The "Franchise" Quarterback, shown in the first unfairly unflattering file photo I found via Google image search

This requires a special tirade that is now in the works. I was already to go with a nice little post about the franchise being stuck in limbo; 4-8 yet not mathematically eliminated from the division title/playoffs, unable to go forward with Head Coach Mike Singletary because he's overmatched, over his head, and has clearly already provided all the bounce/improvement to this team that he possibly could, but also unable to fire him mid-season because there's no one to replace him and besides, firing the last coach mid-season is how we ended up with the current head coach. Thus he remains as lame duck, waiting for the axe to fall at the end of the season.

But no. I got a whole new angle to work with now. Alex Smith is back. Suddenly Neil's entry about his Lions reminding him of the film Groundhog Day takes on new meaning for me. I have definitely seen this movie before. I have definitely lived this day before. I can't believe I thought, dared to hope, that three weeks ago I had seen Alex Smith throw his last pass as a San Francisco 49er.

As bad teams always do, the excuse for a quarterback change is "he gives us the best chance to win right now." See, it's because he knows the playbook better than Troy Smith. Troy came to the team late and his knowledge of the book is limited. Even though he's been on the team for 3 months now, has been the starter for 6 weeks, which is plenty of time for a coaching staff that knows what it's doing (unfortunately, the 49ers staff doesn't) to actually TEACH and dare I say the word, COACH, a player in such a way that his knowledge of the playbook expands, he plays better, and the team thus "has a better chance to win."

Nevermind that Troy Smith is 3-2 as a starter knowing his small section of the playbook while Alex Smith is 1-6 knowing the whole thing by heart.

An irate and incredulous caller to the sports talk show (there's going to be a LOT of those today) took one of my points and ran with it; this team, this 49er organization, for whatever reason, eliminates any and all competition for Alex Smith's starting job. Shaun Hill has a commanding winning percentage as starter? Benched then exiled to Detroit via free agency. Nate Davis looks good in preseason? Thrown under the bus by the coach, essentially called a lazy dummy, cut and re-signed to the practice squad after being buried so bad nobody else wanted him. Troy Smith comes in due to injury and actually WINS his first two games? Coach Singletary is unhappy with his "reckless" play at QB (translation: he improvises, runs out of the pocket, and makes GOOD things happen that don't involve handoffs up the middle), proclaims he's going to "reel him in" and he is eventually benched in favor of an Alex Smith that may not even be 100% recovered from his shoulder injury, but not before "reeling in" Troy Smith leads to not only the most embarrassing, but most boring to watch loss in my lifetime of watching 49er football, a 21-0 home shutout loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers that even I slept through the end of.

Anyone who looks better than Alex must be removed from the equation; the #1 overall pick can not be a bust. 2 interceptions + 2 fumbles = 5 wins. Big Brother Dr. John York Is Watching You. The Party Can Never Be Mistaken.

Alex Smith Is Our Starter. Alex Smith Has Always Been Our Starter.

(His Five Year Plan didn't work any better than The Alex Smith one has)

Oh, and by the way, Alex makes his return to the field in a home game. The last time he played in front of the home crowd? He was booed mercilessly and people chanted for David Carr, a.k.a. Anyone But Alex Smith. This one is going to sound ugly. If Alex's first pass is incomplete, look out. If it's an interception? Poor Alex Smith may just end up like Poor Alexandr Romanov. Banjoman may well lead an angry charge of riotous fans onto the field.

Stone Cold Assassin. Revolutionary.
Seriously, don't fuck with this dude. He was around for the Super Bowls.
Wore the same shirt, cape, and beanie hat too.
Might even beat out punter Andy Lee for Team MVP and/or the Len Eshmont Award, too.

1 comment:

Neil said...

Man, they cut away from the Lions game for a second to show Alex Smith talking to Aaron Rodgers on the field before the 49ers/Packers game and all I could think was "Damn, that's mean."

Also, I can't believe your dudes haven't just gotten Alex all liquored up and driven him to Oakland and just left his body in some random alley in the hopes that nature will do the rest.