Monday, November 8, 2010

A Word From UpHere

Note: This came to me via e-mail from frequent commenter/friend of the blog/thunderheart/my dude, UpHere. I loved it so much that I asked him if it was okay if I posted it as its own blog post. He said okay, and well . . . here we are. So without further ado, I give you the words of UpHere:

Assume for the sake of argument that being born a 2 ½ hour drive from the Silverdome and becoming a Lions fan is the equivalent of being briefly incarcerated in a southern prison for “sawring the hehds off pahkin meetahs”.* In neither case, given a modicum of common sense and a brief eye towards psychological self preservation, is this a life sentence. In one set of circumstances, the sane person practices saying “yes sir” and “no sir”, sleeps on their back to avoid developing an rectum that resembles the Detroit-Windsor tunnel and they ride it out for six months. In the other, they bang their heads against the wall in youthful ignorance before admitting defeat and buying a Roethlisberger jersey by age 10.

What though, if you were a different kind of person? One with a perverse, contrarian relationship with the broader world that biochemically prevents capitulation. One who rejects the logical course of action precisely because it’s the logical course of action. That person rages against the arbitrary treatment by prison guards, digging a six month stint into a torture-fueled multi-year canyon with sheer stubborn, stupid will as the only tool of excavation. And that person stays a Lions fan, says “Fuck it. I make my stand here”.

I am such a fan this morning. I refuse, in my anger and humiliation at fate and fat blowhard opposing coaches to be cowed, whether I should be or not. I will stand here, mouth off, and believe in the Lions no matter how many road gang bosses stare me down and whip the shit out of me, no matter how many nights of sweltering solitary confinements in jungle heat (that might be an Alec Guinness reference from River Kwai, but shut up for a second I got a head of steam up now).

And yeah, maybe this course of action takes my sentence from socially cautionary six months to a lifetime of Job-like persecution and random shoulder injuries caused by stiff breezes. No matter. I make my stand here. I will eat the 50 eggs and I get my ass kicked and I will be there every Sunday with my Stafford jersey and a bitter hatred for the status quo and my place in it. Who’s with me?

* Those too young to be familiar with Cool Hand Luke can probably stop reading now and go play with Facebook or something. Make sure to inform everybody that you’re tired today and remember that the entire world’s been waiting patiently for more cute pictures of your stupid cat.


UpHere said...

You buy the ticket, you
take the ride.

Thanks for letting me ruin your blog.

Neil said...

Fuck it, man. Those were some quality words. We're all in this shit together as Helen Keller famously used to say.

CJ said...

A bullet to the brain would be merciful compared to 25 years of political torture at the hands of the Detroit Lions...

(if no one gets the ref, I will be sad)

I'm so down the prime directive here as long as I'm not expected to do it cheerily. I hate Rex and fragile shoulder ligamenture and Fate and Failure Demons (and also that stupid Sanchez fanboy announcer that everyone insists I'm supposed to love) as much as everyone, but I need something a little more tangible and close to home to hate. Clearly, there is a malign presence lurking behind the scenes thwarting every hope and dream we have ever had, cackling cruelly and wanting his small failures to be played out in acid on our souls (sadly, I'm not even drunk). It's either Beelzebub or William Clay Ford. I'm going with the latter.

Great and inspiring words. Seriously. I can't believe anyone would seriously considering jumping teams after yesterday, but if they did, this should set them right. I guess I'm too young to remember Cool Hand Luke (but I don't own a cat, do I get half points?), but I've seen it a million times and this was truer to its spirit than anything else Paul Newman ever did. Kudos.

I hope we get more guest posts from UpHere, both for the much needed inspiration, and also because I'm kind of curious to see if he can relate "Roadhouse" or "Real Genius" to Lions' shattering defeats and thus make me hate them too.

Seriously, thanks to you both for the extra post today. It was needed. "Biochemically prevents capitulation?" NICE.

UpHere said...

In the words of Socrates, "I just drank what?" ( Real Genius is easy)

Thanks CJ. I had to get that out.

JP said...

Fuck yeah!

I've gotta say, after the loss I just sat stunned. I don't even know how long I sat there, all of my senses were dulled. I didn't want to eat, I felt sick to my stomache.

And then I woke up this morning. And I turned on the radio. What complete and utter bullshit. One bozo after another talking about how it's the same old Lions and how they're no longer fans, blah blah blah. Fuck them. They aren't fans, they're douchebags. That's how the idiots in Philly treat their teams, and I won't stoop to that neanderthalic level.

Our team went out there and smacked one of the top teams in the league in the mouth, and it took everything that they had to beat us. Thats not the same ole'.

The Suh kick doesn't bother me because he was evaluted in training camp and was our second best place kicker. I'm not even mad at Schwartz for the play action. He was trying to win the game. The penalty against Julian though, now he's on my shit list, right next to Wade.

Anyhow, I'm still here, and I choose the path less taken. I'm still gonna don the colors come next Sunday, and even if the rest of fans quit on them, that'll just make me yell louder, because they're my fuckin team

Ty said...

Awesome, awesome work. I'm going to keep digging with my stubbornness.