Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Return


Because I never pass up an opportunity to post a photo of James Harrison wrecking a Browns fan.



So the Steelers are coming back after the bye week at 3-1, and getting ready to face Cleveland in Ben's return game. If that wasn't enough, there's still the sting of last year's shitfest loss in the frozen depths of despair that is Cleveland Browns Stadium. If you think what Mike Vick did to dogs was bad, just wait till Ben gets done with that fat fuck with the rubber mask. Generally speaking, I'd never wish anyone to be a Browns fan just on general principles, but this week especially would probably be a bad week to pull out your knockoff Colt McCoy jersey you bought from some Chinese website with "USA" in their name.

I know what you're thinking, the Browns haven't been very good since they came back. The rivalry hasn't been the same since the old team left to become the Ravens and occupy the spot Steelers-Browns used to hold in any Pittsburgh fan's heart. That may be true to some degree (OK maybe a large degree), but it's still the Browns, and a lot of us here have that one annoying ass co-worker or family member from Ohio who just won't shut the fuck up. It's like, OK you guys won the last time but your team is still most famous for all the times it almost won a playoff game and fucked it up. Steelers fans had to be talked off the bridges after finishing 9-7 and missing the playoffs last year, they would have had a parade in Cleveland if the Browns finished with that record. Bottom line, no matter the records, the Browns are a pox on the NFL and must be destroyed.

So what about this week's game? Beyond having a 2 time Super Bowl winning QB being let off the leash after being grounded for acting like a drunken frat bro, you have a rookie QB (probably) starting for Cleveland against a defense that eats QBs for breakfast and shits out their souls. Their only hope might be to look into whether or not Bernie Kosar can be signed for a one day contract. Harrison, Woodley, and Co. must be furiously masturbating at the thought of teeing off on some fresh meat.

The DBs, who shouldered a lot of the blame for last year's mid season collapse, are surely equally excited at facing an inexperienced rookie. Young master Colt will be very familiar with the scent of Head and Shoulders since he's going to have Troy P all over him. B-Mac will make sure no pass attempts that manage to cross the line of scrimmage stand a chance of completion.

The offense should also be looking forward to having a good week. Other than Ben's return, Rashard will probably have a big day if the Steelers hold true to their standard "get a big lead, then spend the 4th quarter running it up the other team's ass" strategy. Hines Ward must be doing cartwheels over finally getting someone not too injured/scared/old to throw behind center again. Wallace has shown he's still got the ability to be the deep guy that he showed last season, and combining that with Ben's arm will surely be a thing.

The best subplot might be seeing if Jeff Reed continues his season long quest to ensure he doesn't get a big money deal by shanking every FG over 30 yards worse than an old man's tee shot. Luckily, if there's ever a game that should not come down to a last second FG, this by all accounts is that game.

I'm looking for this to be a huge game from the defense, and a statement game for Ben. He should come out throwing fire, and in case he needs extra motivation, Bruce Arians should make sure that The Whisper Song is playing in Ben's helmet. You think he's scary to play against now, Browns? Wait till you see his dick.

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