My parents raised me under the mantra that every single man, woman and child on Earth have an inherent value, no matter how evil/stupid/ugly/retarded they may be. Every human life is worth something to someone, so I am to respect and treat them accordingly. Well, my folks told me this long before a fat fuck named Jamarcus Russell waddled onto the face of the Earth. No offense, mom and dad, but you two don't know shit. Jamarcus Russell is worthless. Maybe not monetarily, well, not yet anyway. At the very least, once his last dollar is spent on a McChicken he can sell himself into service as a beast of burden in a less civilized nation such as Canada. Upon his death his skin can be harvested and transformed into a tent city, providing shelter to dozens of homeless people. It will in all likelihood be the only act of benevolence his fat ass will ever provide. Literally. So now that Jamarcus stands to lose everything, I am faced with the decision of being content at watching his life crumble or kicking him square in his fat ass while he's down. Taking the high road or the low road.
I'm taking the low road.
So, turns out that Grimmace was guzzling purple drank during his Raiders tenure. No shocker there. I mean, he was slow, lethargic and disinterested. This revelation should come to the surprise of no one. What IS surprising is the fact that apparently no one in the Raiders front office knew anything about it. Oh, the players knew about it. The coaching staff knew about it. Somehow, none of Al's piss boys, yes men or wet nurses were clued in. This is astonishing because there was a point in time where Al knew precisely which players were on which drugs. He knew how many dead whores Matuzek buried on a given weekend. He knew how many pending paternity suits Stabler was facing. He knew the ages of each under aged girl Fred Williamson ravaged during the season. He didn't earn the nickname "The Hammer" for his carpentry skills. Al has slipped. As if the last 7 seasons weren't ample proof of that, Jamarcus just makes it more obvious.
It's amazing to me that none of Russell's hanger-ons told him that keeping gallons of illegally obtained cough syrup in his crib was a bad idea. You figure that out of the dozens of parasites sucking off of his soft, chocolate nipples that maybe one of them would have the foresight to mention to him that maybe they ought to keep that shit at someone else's place. You know, in case the pigs show up. I'm fairly certain this is something they go over in great detail at the NFL's Rookie Symposium. You'd also think that perhaps someone in his crew would've also told his stupid ass to cop a plea bargain instead of claiming he's innocent. The best part is his lawyer requesting a speedy trial so Jamarcus can get ready for the season. Yeah, he actually said that to the judge. Even in unemployment, Jamarcus is still a shining beacon of unaccountability.
I really, REALLY hope Jamarcus goes to jail. I also hope that while he's incarcerated he gets raped and stabbed repeatedly by Raider fans. Let's face it, there's at least a few of us in every prison and jail in North America. I also hope that while he's in jail his house burns down and the feds seize his money and assets. His stupid bitch mother deserves to be homeless and penniless for raising a mong son with a crippling case of self entitlement. I hope all of his friends who cling to him end up piss broke too. Their constant feeding of his ego helped create this monster. I know it's bad to wish ill on another human being, but Jamarcus can barely be classified as human. Judge me if you must.
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