Wednesday, April 21, 2010

DO IT AL! FUCKING DOOOOOO IT!

I wasn't entirely keen on the Raiders trading for Donavon McNabb. He made it obvious that he didn't want to be here, he's getting older and I've never really been a fan. So when he was shipped off to the Skins I was perfectly fine with that. So now that the dust has all settled from that debacle word is starting to spread that the Steelers are shopping drunken cocksmith Ben Roethlisberger for a top 10 pick. If Al Davis trades the #8 overall pick I will forgive him for all of the transgressions he has committed. I will forgive him for running off Marcus Allen. I will forgive him for trading Jim Lachey for Jay Schroeder. I will forgive him for running off Gruden. I will forgive him for hiring Callahan and insisting he run Gruden's playbook. I will forgive him for hiring Norv. I will forgive him for drafting Jamarc-, well, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. Point is, trading a pick that he was no doubt going to waste anyway for an ESTABLISHED. PRO BOWL. QUARTERBACK. would go a long way to not only restoring the faith of jaded asshole fans like me, it would also make them better ON THE FIELD.

Yeah, I'm well aware that he's suspended for 4-6 games next year. Well aware of that. The fact of the matter is the Raiders are looking at going into next year with Bruce Gradkowski or Jamarcus Russell as their QB. While many of my fellow Raider fans are in love with Bruce, the sad reality is he's a journeyman who kinda, you know, sucks at football. The reason he's so beloved is that he's the beneficiary of what I refer to as the "Jamarcus Effect". Think, if you would, of a metal baseball bat filled with sand with a solid rubber doughnut on it. You pick it up and struggle to swing it because it's incredibly heavy. Now after taking a dozen cuts with this cumbersome object, pick up a wiffle bat and give it a swing. You'll have the hand speed of a young Hank Aaron. The Raiders offense was bogged down with the figurative and literal anchor of Jamarcus weighing them down. They put Bruce in and were instantly better. It's science, you see? Now, because they were better does not in any way mean they were GOOD. They went from being historically bad to slightly below average. Nothing Bruce has done in his career gives me the impression that he would be anything more than average as a starting QB on a good team, much less one with as many holes as the Raiders have. So, if getting a franchise QB who has won 2 Super Bowls and isn't even 30 yet for a pick that Al was going to burn on some stopwatch darling is a possibility, they have to take it.

The Bruce apologists are already trotting out their WELL, WHAT GOOD WOULD BEN BE WITHOUT IMPROVING THE O-LINE? argument. To that I say this: HELL OF A LOT HARDER TO FIND A FRANCHISE QB THAN IT IS TO REBUILD AN O-LINE. First of all, if you toss out the game where Brian Orakpo treated him like a plastic fuck doll, Mario Henderson played good at times last year. The first 3-4 games you never heard his name, which is a good thing when you're a lineman. It means you aren't holding. It means you aren't jumping early. It means your guy isn't getting to the QB. I have no problem with him coming back at left tackle. Robert Gallery at left guard is basically making the best of a bad draft pick. Samson Satele is OK at center, and is better than his backup Chris Morris. Right guard is an enormous hole, and Khalif Barnes figures to get another shot at right tackle and could possibly get a crack at left tackle if Henderson struggles. Drafting Bruce Campbell, which is EXACTLY what Al will do with the #8 pick, would be a disaster because he simply isn't that good and Al would be passing on better players at the same position who aren't the workout marvels that Campbell is. They're better off trading that pick, going o-line in the 2nd round and spending on a free agent lineman. You can find decent interior linemen in the 2nd, 3rd and 4th rounds, and given the Raiders tendency to whiff on their top picks and find bargains later on, this is the way to go.

One last point I'd like to make: As hated as Ben is right now, the Raiders are hated even more. This would be the perfect career move for him. Plus there's also the possibility of him and Janikowski going out to a club together which can only end in laughter... and possibly a few sex crimes.

9 comments:

Neil said...

In a world where everyone hates Ben Roethlisberger, the degenerates at this site are the only ones clamoring for him to be on their teams. I have never been so proud.

If there is a blog equivalent to Raider nation, I like to believe that it is ours.

Harpo said...

The fact that the mere possibility of a possible sexual predator coming to my team has brightened my outlook should give you an insight into just how dark my life has become. Strange and terrible times, etc.

Raven Mack said...

I was actually wondering if a 1st rd pick and McNabb could get us Roethlisberger and a 2nd or 3rd in return. Then Jason CAmpbell would have time to prove himself, Roethlisberger comes back early due to good behavior as Joe Gibbs would be his personal mentor, and we can trade Campbell before the trade deadline to some shitty team for a good draft pick next year.

Raven Mack said...

and again, I think if you just imagine Roethlisberger's antics as a Will Ferrell movie, it's not nearly so shocking

Harpo said...

Yeah, I really hope Ferrell does a movie about an USFL QB with heavy gambling debts. I'd love to see him walking through a casino, wearing khaki shorts with pockets turned out and his dick hanging out through the zipper yelling LOOK LADIES, I'M AN ELEPHANT! YEAAAAAAAH! In fact, fuck football, I'm writing this script.

Raven Mack said...

shit, three greyhound tickets, a couple cases of beer, and a shitty hotel somewhere in the middle of the country, and me, you and neil could crank this out in two nights.

Neil said...

We would end up writing, like, three pages and then the rest of the night would be a drunken blur. I have a feeling that I would wake up in a cornfield in only my underwear with the vague suspicion that I had done a shitload of mescaline or something.

Raven Mack said...

haha, why would you still have your underwear on?

Neil said...

Good point.