Thursday, September 17, 2009

Week One - The Hurting Starts

Jesus weeps for Brian Urlacher's wrist.

Okay, perhaps I was just a bit premature in my prediction of a Bears division title. Jay Cutler spent the first half playing like Henry Burris on day four of a five-day drunk, Matt Forte didn't get shit going on the ground, God sensed that I talked up Patrick Mannelly as being some sort of superstar long-snapper and sent a bolt of lightning to make him stupid, and Nathan Vasher was allowed to play football on a professional level in 2009. And after I spoke of a glorious world where the Bears would have a monstrous trio of linebackers and wept for a world in which Nick Roach or Hunter Hillenmeyer would again be manning the strong side linebacker spot, both Pisa Tinoisamoa AND Brian Urlacher went down, leaving a situation behind where both Hillenmeyer AND Roach are in the starting lineup. The hurting never stops, but we've been here before.

The 2004 season is still fresh in my mind, where Urlacher went on IR after his calf swole up like a grapefruit, enough quarterbacks were felled that Jeff George himself was nearly the answer, and the screams of the wounded were only drowned out by the screams of the dying. And the 2007 season deserves a mention too, where at one point, Matt Toeaina and Jimmy Kennedy were signed on Friday and started on Sunday. So one way or another, the Bears will survive without Urlacher, Tinoisamoa, Desmond Clark, Trumaine McBride, and whoever the hell else went down that I forgot about when my internet was down for a few days. Until you remember that we were like 4-12 the one year and 8-8 the other, and that these are only the first of many Bears that will miss significant time, and that all the bad things they said about our quarterback are coming true, and OH GOD THE COBRAS GET THE COBRAS OFF OF MEEEEEE AHHHHHH ARGH SO MANY COOBBRAAAAASSSSSSS.


Okay, I'm back. On a positive note in an otherwise ball-crushing loss, we learned that Devin Hester might be an actual NFL wide receiver now, rather than a bum or a chump, Johnny Knox might be the one dude who lives up to his "steal of the draft" hype, Rod Marinelli really might have improved the defensive line play, instead of turning them all into Nazi vampire-apes, and Zackary Bowman comes back next week with Charles Tillman back in a full-time role, meaning that there's at least one layer of separation between Vasher and meaningful playing time. And hell, if I'm going to delude myself with hope, Cutler actually did look pretty damn good for the third quarter and most of the fourth and Huunter Hillenmeyer (who I have decided that from now on shall be called THRILLENMEYER) always seemed to do okay when he subbed for Urlacher in the past. So maybe this week, we can start pulling things back together...

Oh wait, that's right. Fuck.

1 comment:

Raven Mack said...

who's the pussy now Brian Urlacher? fuckin shitbag. couldn't have happened to a bigger dickhead.