Monday, April 9, 2012

Pro & Con with Neil & Raven: TIM TEBOW

PRO (Raven): Tebow has used his Jesus love to be blindly believing in what he is doing, and seemingly wants to win more than anything. The Jets had a lot of swagger last year, but unfortunately like most uses of that word “swag” nowadays, there wasn’t a lot of actual bad assery to back it up. That is not to say Tim Tebow is some sort of bad ass, because he is as meek as a tender lamb – you can see it in his eyes, and yet he is a warrior. I would have seven Tebows on my team if I could, specifically at a FB/TE hybrid position, which could shift into a bruiser wildcat style formation as well. Honestly, I think my favorite Godboy Joe Gibbs would’ve done well with a Tebow in his arsenal. I mean, football is basically just dudes trying to convince themselves to be dumbasses anyways and go against normal logic. With Herr Goodell parading around condemning every minor offense possible like a goddamned Jerry Falwell of football, it sort of makes sense to be ahead of the curve and accumulate Jesus freaks who will concuss themselves for football glory as opposed to the traditional drunken scumbags who have become a corporate liability in today’s façade-driven NFL. So I say not only do we need more Tebow, we need more Tebows – as in plural, multiplication, all of that. And if there are more good moral role models like Tebow for the youth of the world, well then that means more pills and pussy for me.

CON (Neil): Fuck him, he is a charlatan and a false prophet and he will be either eaten by snakes on live TV or turned into a junkie sodomite wandering the streets of New York, like Jon Voigt in Midnight Cowboy, all dumb and naive while this world tears him apart. His faith is shallow, a faith built on institutions and a child's understanding of humanity, the universe and spirituality, an arrogant sort of faith, lazy and self-righteous. The face of God is a wild savage, naked, chasing after an antelope and then going home and slapping skins with his wife next to a cookfire where the whole tribe can hear them get after it. The face of God is not some petty-king young millionaire braying about faith like some sleazy con-artist in a hot pink shirt, turning his own personal failures into a referendum on all man's faith. Stephen Tulloch mocked you not because of your faith, Tim Tebow but because you understand nothing and are a self-righteous ass, Pat Robertson in cleats. Stephen Tulloch was the hammer of God. Jesus would have whipped your ass, mocked you with a few parables while his bros laughed and then drank all the wine. ALLLLLLLLL THE WINE. You sniveling pussy. You hide behind God because you are afraid to live and that is not spirituality or faith, that is cowardice. Amen.

No comments: