Jeff Backus, The Detroit Lions And You

In my breakdown of Jason Fox, I got a little carried away with rambling on about Jeff Backus and the broken marriage that is his relationship with Lions fans. I couldn't help myself. The man makes everyone crazy in one way or another and it got me thinking that Backus really is the perfect example of a Detroit Lion. Jeff Backus is the Detroit Lions. Or rather, he's a good litmus test when it comes to figuring out what kind of fan you are.

You see, there are three types of Lions fans. There are the Fuck It, These Dudes Suck And They Will Always Suck Until The End Of Time type of fans. Let's call them Group A. There are the Look, I Know These Dudes Have Sucked But For No Rational Reason I Think This Year Will Be Different type of fans. Let's call them Group B. And then there are the They Suck But I Hope They Won't Suck And I'm Cautiously Optimistic But Let's Try To Stay Rational type of fans. Let's call them Group C.

When it comes to Backus, Group A decided he sucked a long time ago and no matter what happens, they'll always think he sucks. He could pick up Julius Peppers and powerbomb him all over the field for an entire game and they would just shake their heads in disgust because he got flagged for a false start on one play.

Group B on the other hand so badly wants to see Backus do well that they will excuse a game filled with a million false start and holding penalties and point to the one time where he kinda sorta managed to push a backup defensive end around as proof that he deserves all the accolades shot his way by coaches and scouts.

Group C looks at Backus and sees a flawed player, incapable of saving the day all by himself but also a player who can be satisfactory if he just gets some damn help. They want to believe that Backus, despite all his flaws can survive if he has some backup. However, they are also willing to admit that he isn't as good as the coaches try to pump him up as or as solid as Group B likes to pretend that he is.

If you look at your perception of Backus as a player, what you see can tell you a lot about what kind of a fan you are. He is a perfect avatar for the Lions as a whole. Group A is never happy and is forever spouting the same bullshit about Matt Millen and the Ford Family years after it has ceased to be relevant. Group B is always convinced that if one or two magical things happen, the Lions will soar to the Super Bowl and will contort themselves in absurd and obscene ways to get you to see this, torturing logic to the point that Idi Amin would have to look away in horror and disgust. Meanwhile, Group C recognizes the horrors of the past but don't allow it to define them completely as fans. It's always there, but it's not something that needs to be wallowed in all the time. They try to look at the situation as rationally as they can and admit when someone sucks while also pointing out ways that the team has slowly gotten better.

I like to think of myself as someone who belongs to Group C. Then again, I think we all probably like to think of ourselves that way. The truth, of course, is that I have found myself living with the members of all three groups. There have been times - far too many times - where I have scoffed at the optimists and screamed for all the world to hear that my team is made up of inveterate shitheads with no hope for the future. But I have also found myself amongst the members of Group B, screaming All Is Well like Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House while the parade through the center of town goes all to hell. I am not particularly proud of either of those things, but what the hell, that is the simple truth and I would be completely full of shit if I tried to pretend that I was a coldly rational machine passing dispassionate judgment on everything Honolulu Blue.

And that's the heart of Lions fandom, I think. We all want to be members of Group C, that group that can look at a situation for what it is and react accordingly. No one wants to be a crazy asshole. It can be fun to be a member of Group B for a while, and revel in illogical hope based on the high you might get from, say, Matthew Stafford staggering back onto the field to throw the game winning touchdown against the Browns. That shit will make you high. It will make you forget logic and reality and make you blather like a goddamn buffoon. It's cool to be there every once in a while. In fact, I don't really trust you if you can't allow yourself to go there every once in a while. But you don't want to live there, or else you end up becoming the village idiot and no one wants that.

It's also fine to wallow occasionally amongst the members of Group A. Look, it's fucking hard to be a Lions fan sometimes. It can beat the shit out of you. And sometimes you need to just tell everyone and everything to go fuck themselves and rant and rave about shit that doesn't even entirely make sense. Is it productive? Hell no. But it's also entirely necessary if you want to maintain any semblance of sanity. This is what happens when you watch Daunte Culpepper flop around the field like a beached whale in Lambeau Field while the other team practices high jumping into the stands with alarming regularity. You can't help but feel that the situation is hopeless and that it will never get better. It's okay to feel that way. It is. But if you live there permanently, you just become a crotchety old asshole whose view of the world is permanently distorted and thus, worthless.

The thing about being a Lions fan is that we swing between these different groups like fucking maniacs. One day we're safe in the cozy womb of Group B, enjoying a Candy Land filled with Sunshine and Blowjobs, and the next day we're lying at the bottom of a chasm of hatred and despair, whipping one another and ourselves with chains and whips made of failure and broken dreams, all while a horde of cackling Failure Demons run amok. And then the next day, we step back and assess the situation like we're fucking Spock. It's bipolar as hell and we should probably be collectively institutionalized.

I'm not sure how we smooth that ride out. But I'm not so sure that I want it to either. There is something powerful and unique about it, something that is ours, that we can share and all understand. People on the outside say that it is the losing, the horrible, never ending losing, that defines us. But it's not. What defines us is the fact that we keep getting up even after we get knocked down. We let ourselves feel it all. There's a stupid sort of bravery in that, an absurd nobility. It's utterly foolish and the members of Group A and outsiders will scoff at us and tell us to quit fucking around and just embrace death already, but fuck that and fuck them. I love hoping despite all reason. I love crashing and burning with my team. Because they are my team and that's what having a team means. It's awful and it feels like shit, but at least it's real, at least it's honest, and that's what lies at the heart of all true fandom. It's brutal, it's mean, but it's real and it's honest and sometimes it's wonderful and sometimes you feel like you just got shot in the balls. It is what it is and there is a purity in that that is almost impossible to find anywhere else in this fucked up world.

I look at Jeff Backus and I see a dude who has pissed me off way too many times to deserve the benefit of the doubt. And yet, here I am, ready to give it to him like a moron. And you know why? Because I have to. Because I have to believe that the coaches - my coaches - are right. I have to believe that if he finally gets some help next to him at left guard, that he can be the player who was drafted in the first round a decade ago. That's part of the fun of it, part of being a fan, putting yourself out there every once in a while even though you know you could tumble horribly to your death.

But it's not like I'm just waltzing out onto the ledge, drunk and stupid. I have my reasons for thinking it will be okay. With a functioning left guard lining up next to him for the first time, I actually believe that there is a chance that Backus can be okay. Not great, but okay. I know that doesn't sound like much but it's a leap of faith for Lions fans, and it's one that defines us. Some of us will make it and if we tumble for a million miles because of it, then okay. That's our fault. We made the decision and now we have to own the consequences. Some of us won't even bother to amble out onto the ledge. They'll just sit back and mock those of us who are out there. If we fall, they'll just laugh and say I Told You So and they can pat themselves on their smug little backs. But if we don't fall, if we somehow stand there and reap the rewards of faith, they'll just have to stand there hating themselves for not having the guts to actually come with us. Sure, a lot of them will celebrate right alongside of us and pretend that they were there all along, but deep inside they'll know that they don't deserve it, that they never earned it. Those will be our bandwagon fans.

So, you see, in a way, Jeff Backus is indeed the Detroit Lions. How we see him is the same as how we see our team, is the same as how we see everything as fans. It's too simplistic to break it down into a simple war between optimists and cynics because we're all optimists and cynics. We all feel the pain, and we all feel the hope. What it all comes down to is allowing yourself to feel the hope while also respecting that pain. That's Group C. That's the ultimate goal. Or at least it should be. You can't let yourself get carried away in either direction. It will happen. On some days you'll find yourself babbling about hope and on other days you'll find yourself screaming about failure. This is unavoidable. The trick is to learn how to recalibrate when you find yourself doing those things.

I don't know how to get you there. I'm just some asshole who tries to make sense of all this. I'm just a dude who's a fan of the Detroit Lions, absurd as that may be at times. Don't follow me. Just let yourself be a fan and you'll be fine. Don't let The Fear own you but don't let yourself get tricked by The Hope either. They are mortal enemies and you are just some poor idiot trapped in between. Don't let them own you. After all, you are a Lions fan, which means you are a son or daughter of Detroit, at least on some level, and the sons and daughters of Detroit don't give a fuck about The Fear and they know better than to trust that trickster known as Hope.

I have babbled too long already, and this has devolved into nonsensical gibberish, but that is what I do. Being a Lions fan does this to a man, but that's okay, because it's part of the package and I wouldn't want it any other way.