There’s a lot of smoke about Terrell Owens’ agent saying he wanted to play for the Redskins, about Donovan McNabb lobbying coaches to take a look at signing Owens, about the possibility of them getting the old tandem together - you know, the tandem that didn’t win anything but took a cursed Philadelphia Eagles to the Super Bowl for once instead of losing in the NFC Championship game, and also had homosexual-joke related incidences in elevators at the team facility. Yeah, that tandem.
First off, let me start out by saying Fuck No. Like all the good will that’s happened the past month, the not completely fucking up by spending 30 zillion dollars on Julius Peppers or Dan Snyder trading away every draft pick for three years plus my own children to the Rams so he can draft Sam Bradford and Russell Okung, all of the good will from my post earlier this afternoon, all of it will be shot the fuck up if the Redskins sign Terrell Owens. All of it. Which is why it will probably happen. Dan Snyder can’t help but shit all over the Redskins franchise as the world’s most idiotic fan/owner there is.
The only comparably bad thing was when they signed Deion Sanders, such is the hatred the average person (and I am an average person if nothing else) feels for T.O. He’s not a locker room cancer, he’s locker room ebola, causing nothing but shit. Even a wonderful gentlemanly leader like London Fletcher is no match for the insidious bitchiness of T.O.
But more importantly, what the fuck is Donovan McNabb doing suggesting they bring in T.O.? Now I don’t trust him. This sounds like the secret plan by Jerry Jones to undermine the Redskins with the mediocrity of Norv Turner for five years. McNabb is on a fucking spy mission for the Eagles to sink the Redskins even further than we’ve already sunk. I mean, yeah, we could use a credible WR threat or two, or three. But T.O.? Holy fuck man. I hope to goddamned god this is just internet rumor-mongering so T.O.’s agent can drum up interest in his player around draft time, using the only team that actually, you know, had a mini-camp last weekend.
This is the type of thing you don’t even consider, regardless of whether he can still play or not. You alienate too many fans who will never cheer for T.O., even if he got 39 touchdowns. Just like we never cheered Jason Taylor. Just like we never cheered Deion Sanders. And if you know Redskins fans who cheered either of those guys, they are not Redskins fans. They are soulless little yankee transplant faggots or Maryland trash who consider themselves too old school to root for the Ravens. Fuck all those types of people. Fuck Terrell Owens.
Oh man, this is the worst news ever. And for Donovan McNabb to be lobbying for that shit? They should just cut him and give Jason Campbell a contract extension. Fuck the 2nd round pick. I would gladly sacrifice a 2nd round draft pick to keep T.O. from ever being in the Redskins locker room. Hell, I’d give up the first round pick and just deal with being a shittier team than we already are than having that guy be on this team.
And only hours after I actually had enthusiasm for the NFL again... they have to sap it from me in one quick google news rumor tidbit. I will not rest easy tonight without the help of codeine, you can count on that. And I will dream wonderful dreams of dead Cowboys T.O.’s and dead Eagles T.O.’s piled upon each other, and a bloody zombeefied army of twenty-one Sean Taylors, plus two Neil Olkewicz’s, gnawing on the little scraps of his brains that are actually left after being raised by his grandmama.
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