Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Mike Vick to the Skins - Why It Will Be Git R Dunned

So Jason Campbell's already pissed from Snyder trying to fellate Jay Cutler and Mark Sanchez during the offseason, and Campbell's in a contract year, which means he'll probably play like fucking Johnny Unitas, Randall Cunningham, and Dan Marino rolled up into one. And it'll be the first second season he's really had with one system, and Jim Zorn's hip hip hooray stylings will have sunk into the team completely by now, hopefully, so it's truly a year to show 'em what you got.
But Dan Snyder is retarded with money. Michael Vick sold a lot of jerseys a couple years back, so his star power (and merchandising ability) tricks Snyder (and his little fuckface righthand man Vinny Cerrato) into thinking this is the real deal.
But whatever man, I'm all for it. Campbell's probably gonna leave whether he wants to stay or not, does good or not, no matter what. I have a theory that Zorn was only hired to fuck up so that they could convince Cowher or somebody else with a stupid large ego and stupid large name (unfortunately, that list includes the child molester Mike Shanahan now as well) to come in, and Zorn fucked up his fucking up by doing well enough to finish 8-8 last year. So I assume he will be gone next year, which means if his west coast zenstyle offense doesn't jibe with Mike Vick's playground antics, no matter. Snyder will bring in somebody else next year, at a higher price, with more promise, and less delivery.
The key to me thinking this will happen is De'Angelo Hall. Hall, a fellow Va. Tech Thuggie alum, was all in support of Mike Vick when he got popped by the rollers. Hall got booted from Atlanta for that, went to Oakland where he fleeced Al Davis of millions, then came to Washington and actually played well long enough to fleece some more millions. To his credit, I will give Hall the benefit of the doubt and assume that the fact he's back close to home has given him an edge in life now. And that fact, along with Hall being his boy, is why I think Mike Vick will end up in a Redskins uniform. Close to home, nice schoolboy coach in Jim Zorn to teach Mike the finer things about life outside of football, like how to meditate, stay medium, say corny things, and not drown dogs.
Frankly, I'm all for it. Chris Cooley has gotten kinda lame since he got married, but this team is full of nonsense oddballs. Clinton Portis, Mike Sellers, Fred Smoot, Hall, Randy Thomas, and you throw in a big crazy multimillionaire potential superstar who is most infamous for stomping on the exposed head of a stupid Dallas Cowboy with his cleats in Lord Albert Haynesworth, you are getting the makings of a wacky assed collection of dudes. Perfect environment for Mike Vick. Perfect.
Make it happen retard owner and idiot fake GM. I am over hoping for wins and playoffs and hahahaha a Super Bowl trophy. I just want crazy shit now.


Neil said...

Raven, what is the general consensus about Vick in your neck of the woods? I am just curious since he is a son of Virginia and all that. I am assuming there is the requisite MY HEAVENS disdain from the suburban DC/Northern Virginia crowd, so I'm more interested in what the rest of your fair state thinks about all this. I am not a goddamn expert on the demographics of Virginia and so maybe I'm full of shit about the Northern Virginia theory, but I was just curious.

Andrew TSKS said...

I can't decide if I agree with you or not. That is, I can't decide if I agree with you that this could be kind of awesome in an insane way or not. I definitely agree that it's gonna happen.

Unless Al Davis signs him, that is.

Andrew TSKS said...

Neil, we posted at the same time, so let me leave a second comment about the feeling around the parts of VA that are not absorbed by the borglike NoVa suburbs yet. I'm from Richmond, and around here there are plenty of white people who will lose their minds if Vick's name is mentioned. I personally am not at all comfortable with dogfighting either, but I recognize that it is a part of some people's culture and the environment they're raised in, and that therefore those people are going to see it differently. I realize that it's not a black and white issue. Expressing EVEN THAT sentiment amongst some crowds down here can make people think you're Satan himself, though.

That's all where white people are concerned, though. To black people that I know, this tends to be every bit as obvious a case of a black man being railroaded by the white system as Mike Tyson's rape charge. They don't even try to say Vick didn't do it; they just don't think it should be a crime. It seems that in Virginia, the minority culture is predominantly pro-dogfighting.

Back when the whole thing went down, there was some pretty clear division along racial lines in the reaction, and if Vick goes to the Redskins, you can be sure we'll see that same division again.

Raven Mack said...

yeah, the race thing, and I grew up around too many black people plus country people so I have always wondered why people were so upset about the dogfighting thing. My favorite is when people, because they think treating dogs badly, said Michael Vick should be locked up in a cage like an animal. Hahaha. That shit's funny. Because he treats animals badly you should treat him like an animal, namely badly.
Anyways, honestly, Vick to the Redskins probably would be the best thing ever for Vick. He'd make money, be close to home so his momma could keep him straight, and straight up bros like Clinton Portis and Santana Moss could keep him straight. It'd probably not be so great for the Skins but fuck it, what is great for them until Dan Snyder dies?