Chicago Bears 2008 Search for the Guilty: Offensive Line Haiku

You know, I'm getting tired of writing this goddamn season review thing for such a season damned by god as it were. And now that I've made it to the offensive line, there's the challenge of trying to rephrase "you know, this guy here, he don't block too good" for seven or so guys, while trying to make it even resemble something worth reading. And you can only get so much mileage out of Photoshopping (or PhotoImpacting - That's what came with my scanner) football cards, especially since they pretty much don't make them of offensive linemen anymore. So this time around, I'm going for something I can finish quickly, while still challenging myself.
This time, I'm going to write haikus.

Olin Kreutz -
A steady decline
Those Pro Bowls seem so far away
Too small to run block.

Roberto Garza -
He's never been good
I don't know why we signed him
Perhaps race quotas?

Josh Beekman -
A pleasant surprise
Wasn't as bad as I feared
Still needs some work, though.

John Tait -
Sometimes you just know
When a dude's on his last legs
Struggled in ought-eight.

John St. Clair -
A bad backup guard
Was our fucking left tackle
Jesus Fucking Christ.

Terrence Metcalf -
Steroid suspensions
Prove they don't enhance line play
Didn't help this fag.

Dan Buenning -
Oh hey, here's some dude
Never set foot on the field.
Excellent pickup.

Chris Williams -
Jerry Angelo
Can't read medical reports
Drafts crippled tackle

Fred Miller -
Fucking Fred Miller
Seriously, what the fuck
Fuck you, Fred Miller

So there you have it. The Bears, failing to build through the draft, opted to go with a line of old men, cripples, crippled old men, and cast-offs who ended up as free agents after they were cut by real teams. They overachieved like motherfuckers, honestly, occasionally opening slight holes in the running game and actually doing decently in pass protection, (with the exception of St. Clair, who now takes a lot of allowed-sacks and false start penalties to Cleveland) but overachieving can only do so much when the floor for your level of achievement is set so low. A for effort, I suppose, but

Final Grade: C-