Sunday, September 14, 2008

So what do we do now? A brief Week 2 preview.

Well, right now, we've got the Packers. Which means the Lions are probably heading to 0-2. The reasons are pretty simple. The Lions can't stop the run and can't rush the passer. This tends to limit success. I foresee Aaron Rodgers having the sort of efficient game that Matt Ryan had against the Lions. He won't be asked to do much other than make safe throws and occasionally stick a dagger in the Lions with a well timed deep pass or two that their pitiful DB's can't stop. Greg Jennings up top at least once is a virtual formality. But where the Lions are going to lose this game is the same place where they lost the game last week: up front. Michael Turner fucking abused these turds a week ago and Ryan Grant should rip them apart too, especially since he put up 92 yards on only 12 carries and a bad hammy against a hellacious Minnesota run defense. That is not a good omen. No sir.

Offensively, the Lions should be able to do some things. Should being the key word here, as when it comes to the Lions there is pretty much an equal chance that they will light someone up for 35 or that they will end up with Jon Kitna weeping on the Ford Field turf like he was just told that Jesus was just arrested as a serial rapist. Look, they could be good, Roy Williams might care, Calvin Johnson might build on last week's ass kicker of a performance and Kevin Smith and Rudi Johnson might pound the ball with authority. But none of those are givens, just mere hopes in the land of the perpetually hopeless. What is a given is that the Lions usually disappoint, and even though they have historically had success against the Packers in Detroit, that always seemed more like an "Oh shit, Bret Favre can't play indoors" kind of hangup for the Packers than anything else. And now that the Ol' Gunslinger has packed up his wife, the lovely John Madden, and whisked him away to New York, there is every chance that Aaron Rodgers becomes man #85691756 to make the Lions his eternal bitch.

There is one particular matchup that lends creedence to that scenario playing itself out: Aaron Kampman vs. my beloved Lennie Small. Oh Lennie, you are too big, too dumb and too innocent for this world and I fear that Aaron Kampman will abuse your big dumb ass all day long as he beats down Jon Kitna much like you Lennie do your poor, poor rabbits. Yes Lennie, Aaron Kampman is going to pet Kitna too hard and it will be all your fault. It is okay though, as you are still my boy.

Predicted Final Score: Packers 27, Lions 17 and after the game the Fords will give Matt Millen a ten year contract extension and a duffel bag filled with cash and exotic drugs.

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