Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Quick Hits and a Bellyflop

Jim Johnson's return

ML- A couple years before I was hired as a ballboy, I was with my family visiting my brother at training camp. We got field passes from his boss, and were waiting for him at the players entrance. The team was rolling up as we stood there, and they all walked right by us without even noticing we were there, except for Jim Johnson. He limped up to the doorway, and sneered in our direction. You got the feeling that he was a crotchety old man, because he was a crotchety old man. The Pittsburgh game had him running blitz schemes that we haven't seen from him in years. The lack of defense in the Dallas game must have really fired him up, because you could see how badly everyone wanted to get off the line by all the offsides calls, which were minuscule compared to the pressure he put on Roethlisberger. If he was mic'ed up for the game, at some point we would have heard him scream, "GET OFF MY LAWN!" after another gang-sack.

BWT- I don't have the personal jock sniffing stories that Matty does but I feel for Jim Johnson. If only he were 54 and not 84 he would have his pick of NFL gigs and the Peter Kings of the world would gush over him. Instead when he dies he's going to be one of those blurbs on the bottom line you wished went by faster while your trying to look up the score of some meaningless baseball game you bet on. I was kinda fed up with the whole Jim Johnson send everyone on every play blitz thingy and I thought it was ready for him to move on after last season but maybe I was wrong. I dunno maybe Jim Johnson has 'WIN SUPERBOWL' on his bucket list.

The Dawkins Play

ML- Sheldon Brown blitzes from the blindside, and Roethlisberger barely escapes, he steps up into the pocket and Dawkins, also blitzing, breaks free from his block. Instead of just sacking Ben, he decides to launch himself up in the air, and bellyflop down on the ball, knocking it loose, and then recover it himself. This wasn't a play that only Dawkins could make, but it is a play that only Dawkins would make. Brian is one of the quietest dudes on the team, but Weapon X is fucking insane. I don't mean insane in that cutesy tutesy, look how hard he's trying, type way. I mean that he is a fucking psychopath. I've seen him threaten a ballboys life just by glaring at him over a game of Halo. Weapon X doesn't fuck around.

BWT- You could really make a case for Brian Dawkins being the best Eagle ever. Fuck Concrete Charlie and his mangled bitter old ass, Randall never won shit, the same goes for McNabb. I'm going with B-Dawk. Dude has given it his all his whole career and is like Matty said, insane. Last week there was a lot of talk in Philly that Dawkins was done since he got burned on a few plays on Monday. After the game Brian was limping towards the players entrance holding his back walking like an old man and then he just screamed "FUCK THAT SHIT!" and ran into the locker room all pumped up. Yeah I think he still has something in him.

Hank Baskett

ML - Every time I see Hank make a big catch over the middle, which he does a lot surprisingly, I'm always curious as to where his gameday balls are coming from. This is the guy who would repeatedly call me "sir" as an unsigned rookie free agent. The answer to my question came from deadspin this week. There's rumors going around that Hank Baskett is dating, or even engaged to, that one football fan playboy ho from The Girls Next Door. Even the jobberest of jobber athletes get access to top notch pussy. Hank Baskett's own parents have to wait for the announcers to tell them who made the catch everytime he touches the ball, yet he's possibly engaged to one of Hef's girls.

BWT- I once carded Hank Basket and he was kinda shook over the whole thing. I didn't even realize it was him until I looked at the name on the New Mexico ID. Hank was a humble dude who bullshitted with my friend Drewball about college football and was pretty impressed with the shitty sports bar I work at. Now he's catching balls over the middle and fucking Hugh Heff's sloppy seconds. You know you made it to the big time when Perez Hilton blogs about you. Things are looking up for the Eagles this season.

Final notes

ML - Staggering offense in the Dallas game, no D. Staggering D in the Pitts game, no O. Westbrook goes down, but is probably fine, which is good because he is our entire offense.

There's an odd quality about this team. It only has three, name, stars on it. Mcnabb, Westbrook, and Asante Samuel. Lito doesn't count, and Sheldon is only well known in the Reggie Bush household. Dawk is old and way past his prime. The linebackers are all unknowns, to the point that I barely know each from the other. The d-line is young and untested, and our biggest star at wide reciever is a rookie. Yet we're still one of the top 2-4 teams in the league. There's a chemistry and swagger this year, that was unearned until they came out in Dallas and proved they belonged. And now it's here to stay. Pittsburgh is a very good team, and we made them look like the Raiders.

BWT - Yeah there's this feeling about this team that hasn't been around since Garcia saved that one season and we all thought it was going to be a storybook ending. There's a theme of redemption with this bunch. People in town are already penciling in a W for next week but I still have nightmares from last years game vs the Bears. I think it's going to be a tight game but at least Brian Griese is on the Bucs now.


Raven Mack said...

man this was great 2-man post analysis. I actually just saw Hank Baskett in a game of Madden the other day and was like, "Hank Baskett... who the fuck is that?"

Anonymous said...

Sometimes when they're having sex, Kendra Wilkinson says the same thing.