Tuesday, October 25, 2011

So It Has Come To This...

(I know how you feel, grandma)

So it was somewhere during the 3rd quarter of the Redskins/Panthers game that I realized that I don't even love this team anymore. I had no care in them succeeding, and when Steve Smith continually just outran our allegedly Pro Bowl CB to get a big catch, I was actually thinking in my head, "See! You pieces of shit." Of course, out loud I was cursing and steaming and stomping and pretending to still have hope the Redskins could pull off a miraculous comeback that contradicted the actual energy of the entire game. But inside, I was happy to see what was going on. It served them right. It was in that moment that I thought of the line I used in the metasciences recap about being in a loveless marriage, laying there, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the fuck you were doing, pretending it was going to get better.
It makes sense this happened during a Panthers game, and not just because the Panthers looked like the better team, with a more upward trajectory as a franchise. When Carolina was given an expansion franchise in the mid-'90s, I actually contemplated shifting my rooting allegiances. I've been a lifelong Redskins fan, following the lead of my father and maternal grandfather. My dad used to have some drinking buddies who came over for every game. They'd split a half-gallon of Jim Beam, smoke weed, and get loud and belligerent over every play of every game. It was beautiful. This was during the '80s heyday of Joe Gibbs, and there were three Super Bowls during that decade where a late January Sunday turned into a euphoric experience (except for the Raiders one, which was probably the most depressed and helpless I ever felt as a kid while watching TV). It was good times.
But the fact of the matter was, by the time I became an adult in the '90s, I knew where I was from culturally - southside Virginia - and what the D.C. suburban sprawlish much of northern Virginia and Maryland was like. These were two different places. And though I received Richmond TV stations in my various homes through the antenna on top of the houses, which was considered Redskins market, I felt a closer tie south, to the Piedmont area of North Carolina. Two completely different places, but definitely the Carolina roads felt more like home to me from how I grew up than the immense clusterfuck that you hit once you got within 50 miles of D.C. proper. So I contemplated jumping to the Panthers (and this was long before Dan Snyder ever came on board), but couldn't bail on that lifelong history with the Skins, and actually the day before Christmas in 1995, there was a game between the two franchises, and I told myself that whoever won would be my team. The Panthers had done better under Dom Capers than any first-year expansion franchise ever, mixing in a good collection of veterans with the youngsters they drafted together, and it was actually a legitimate game in question for the much-storied Redskins. They prevailed though, and even though I felt weird even letting my allegiances ride on a single game, I stuck with the Skins.
Since that point, Jack Kent Cooke died, Dan Snyder took over, and it's been a comedy of errors ever since. My waning love for a team that still looked like it could be the great presence I knew in my youth has deteriorated into a bumbling, stumbling mess that has tarnished the white jerseys of Super Bowl victories, Joe Gibbs, and any good memory I have ever. They moved into a new stadium, free of history, that's actually located in Maryland (the shittiest of all states in my travels, except for maybe Indiana), and they've signed a ton of guys who were not actual Redskins in spirit or aura, ever, no matter how many Dan Snyder checks they cashed. I can go through the list if you want, but we've all been through it - the same tired free agents that were brought in as "the missing piece" only to be a Goodwill jersey three years later. The entire culture of the team has changed, and that long-term history that used to make you feel so strong as a Redskins fan... I don't know, it seems like that chronological line has been stamped out to be honest. It doesn't even feel like the same team any more.
After last season, I had contemplated doing a group of pieces on Armchair Linebacker about testing the free agent markets as a fan. I know that sounds ridiculous, because alpha male sports fans will say you stick with your team, through thick and thin, because that's how it's supposed to be. But is the NFL like that any more? Sure, in the early days and into the '80s, a player tended to spend the majority of his career with one team. In fact, it took rabble-rousing renegades like our beloved John Riggins to force the free agency issue and allow players to move to other teams where they might find more happiness. And at first, it seemed like the motivation was more personal happiness, and I cannot deny it seems free agency has degenerated into players just jumping for money, with no real allegiance to any team. And I certainly don't want to contribute to a more fickle fanbase that switches favorite teams twice a year. But I do feel there's some legitimacy to my desire to have more happiness as a fan of an NFL team. So I don't necessarily think it completely outlandish to suggest I could become a free agent somewhere down the road.
And there is personal precedence for this, as my favorite baseball team growing up was the San Francisco Giants, simply because my first little league team was called the Giants, and I thought there was some connection in my naive little CF mind. But when the Expos moved to Washington to become the Nationals, I adopted them as my baseball team, because they were closer, and I didn't feel much kinship to the Giants any more after the Barry Bonds era, and shit man, they were across the fucking continent, whereas I could drive to see a Nationals game as an afternoon excursion. So I switched, and never looked back, even as the Nationals piled up terrible seasons, and even as the Giants won last year's World Series. I never once questioned my change in allegiance, because I arrived there sensibly, and planning on being loyal, and understanding you make this decision expecting the worst but hoping for the best. So there was no switching back when the Giants became a contender before the Nationals did.
There's precedence in Virginia too. You get down below Roanoke, and you tend to see more Panther flags in yards than Redskin ones. Sure, the Redskins "market" used to stretch from DC through Virginia and the Carolinas, which is why there were so many Redskins fans at the Panthers game last week, because there's still heavy enclaves of burgundy and gold allegiance throughout the south. And I can respect that.
But there's nothing left in it for me. I see the writing on the wall, that if you took away the historical importance of this franchise, we are no better than the bumbling Bengals of the past 15 years, and in fact, probably worse. Any stat you look up to see how unstable a team is - lack of playoff victories, number of starting QBs, number of head coaches, W/L percentage - the Redskins are contenders for incompetence in all of them.
So what we have now is a team that does not represent my cultural/geographical awareness, and also on top of that is a fairly incompetent organization spearheaded by a man who will most likely live as long as, if not longer than I do. That means the inner-conflict and emotional frustration I experienced watching the Panthers game will most likely remain with me for the rest of my breathing life. That's a tough prospect to swallow - no hope, no joy, just remaining in a relationship because it's the only one you know.
I can't accept that. So I'm saying here and now, after this seventh week of this 2011-2012 year, that I remain committed to this Redskins team through the end of this season. But once the playoffs are done and a Super Bowl champion is crowned, who will certainly not be wearing burgundy and gold, yet again, not even close, then I'm going to test the free agent waters, to direct my allegiance to another team. And it's not going to be some goofy, "Hey, I like this one player, so I'm gonna be a Team X fan!" because this is not the NBA. I am a loyal motherfucker, to a fault, and a good fan who can remain positive even in negative swirls of tornado-like energy. But I'd like to give that fandom and that positivity and that energy to a team that would give me something back, if nothing more than a little glimmer of hope. Hope that things will get better, and hope that I'm appreciated. I don't feel appreciated as a Redskins fan, that's for sure. I feel like I'm supposed to co-sign everything mindlessly and spend my money on whatever new jersey is available this season as the missing piece and not be bummed that my jersey from three years ago is in a trash bag marked "Goodwill donations" waiting to be dropped off. I'm tired of it.
Being we are still in the season, I'm not even gonna entertain ideas of what team I might want to become loyal to, and I'm not discounting the Redskins eventually remaining that team. This is not a "fuck the Redskins, I quit" post. I want to think it out and see what the teams might have to say. Ideally, I'd die a Redskins fan, but I'm not entirely sure that's in my best interest.
But I'd also like to know what you think. Is this sensible? Do you think it's a cop-out? I'd like to know what a Redskins fan feels about this, and what any fan feels about this. Is it our duty as allegedly loyal fans of a pro football teams to just suck it up and take this fucking frustration for decades? And if so, why is that? What do we get out of it in the end? Is the point not to get anything necessarily but just emotionally attach yourself to one team and ebb and flow with that attachment? If that's the case, then why wouldn't we switch from time to time, to encourage joy and euphoria in our lives instead of frustration and hopelessness? I'm not sure about any of this, but I doubt John Riggins was sure what he was doing when he refused to play for the New York Jets back in the day. He just knew it didn't feel right, and all he wanted was a chance to have things feel right. I'm right there with you, Riggo.

8 comments:

John the Package King said...

I did the same thing with the Bruins years ago. Sent out a note to my friends, announcing that my hockey loyalty was up for grabs, because I just couldn't get kicked in the teeth by Buffalo-based ownership that saw the Bruins as a cash cow. I missed the Stanley Cup last year, but was glad for them they way you're glad to see an ex succeed. Anyway, I am now a fan of Berlin Eisbaren in the German league, and am starting to like hockey again. I think you'll find the same thing happening when you get through the proces-you become more a fan of the game, and less of a mark.

Raven Mack said...

Yeah, I definitely feel like a mark. Snyder's PR team releases an interview snippet or new hype of a new players, and I'm supposed to buy into it year after year after year after... and then I'm dead.

John the Package King said...

I'd say go free agent for a while-see who appeals to you. No reason you have to settle on any one team just now.

Mavpa Van Cleef said...

I actually get into a lot of arguments about this kind of thing, not just because I'm a Chicago fan in Philadelphia, but because there's a shitload of Phillies/Steelers fans, which in my eyes is a violation.

I do know a guy who got sick of the Eagles though, and renounced them as his team... and he just sort of drift aimlessly rooting for whatever team from week to week depending on what game is on, like a wandering gypsy fan. He seems much happier than he was, and happier than I am with the Bears, and he's also more interested in watching whatever game happens to be on TV. No one really seems to bear any ill will towards him or his decision, yet I think if he went all in as a Packers fan or something, there'd be a problem.

What needs to be done is some kind of designation when a team is accepting new fans. Like, if you dumped the Redskins for the Panthers now, that'd be in the acceptable range, while going Baltimore might look like front running.

Anonymous said...

I'm a 23-year-old Redskins fan. I've lived and died with the Redskins since 1999, when (having grown up in an international household) I cultivated my own love for football and graduated from Madden to the real deal. Stephen Davis, Michael Westbrook and Brad Johnson were my boys. That being the year, I began my Redskins fan tenure on a high note with a playoff run, ending with a bitter, bitter, bullshit goal line pseudo-touchdown by fucking Mike Alstott and things have only gone downhill from there.

And I have to admit, I felt somewhat similar on Sunday, in the sense that everything felt inevitable, deserved and almost not really worth my time. Granted, I was hungover, so that definitely had something to do with the shittiness of the experience, but nonetheless, when Beck threw that game-ending pick, I was almost relieved that I could walk away.

But I feel incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of NFL fan free agency. Your analogy of the loveless marriage makes sense, but I think NFL fanhood is more like citizenship. And yes, you can move out of a country when shit goes to hell, but Sav Rocca is still Australian no matter what team he plays for.

Your point of geography is well taken, and granted, I'm from the DC metro area (Maryland actually, and as a huge fan of your blog -- which is part of the reason I'd be sad to see you go -- I didn't appreciate your hatred, though I do appreciate seeing the same animosity on your side of the Potomac as I/we have for you, which is part of the beauty of the Redskins, but I digress), so I can't relate to the geographical issues you talk about. But if that's really the difference-maker, then it would've only made sense for you to have switched (and been thrilled) when the Panthers were born....and you chose not to...make the change and you're like a Russian in Yugoslavia after the fall of the Soviet Union who has decided a decade later, actually I take it back I want to be Yugoslavian, which I don't think all the Yugoslavians would take super kindly to.

But anyway. Hail to the Redskins. I'd hate to see Metaphysical Sciences for any other team.

Raven Mack said...

I have had many good times in Maryland, and most likely my hatred of your state resides in women more than the land itself. Just so you know.

Anonymous said...

I know where you're coming from. The Redskins have lost their character, not character in the moral sense, but whatever it was that gave them Redskiness. I can't explain what brownies smell like, but if I smell a brownie I know it, same deal here. Their success and lack there plays a part, but not entirely. They're in need of an identity, much like the sprawling wasteland of NOVA and MD. I remember as a kid watching games at my buddies farm house in Madison VA. His Dad, an attorney who worked in D.C., would go insane watching the Skins; we'd have the radio going with play-by-play and the volume turned down on the television. Maybe the missing Redskin spice they seem to have lost is just some youthful nostalgic feeling we don't get anymore, kind of like watching fireworks, but again...I really don't think so. It's a swagger, an air, an intangible and it seems to have gone dormant but hopefully not extinct. As for marbling the Panthers, good call. I can understand where you're going with that. As a VA native and transplant to NC, I can tell you first hand folks down here love their Panthers. All of the socioeconomic/demographic indicators were just bubbling for a team in Charlotte (clearly all business indicators pointed to it), you and many other Virginians are getting the after affects of that Panther spray. NC was an old school NFL swing state; allegiance generally split between Atlanta and D.C. Carolinians most likely started feeling the cognitive dissonance of Redskin fandom in the late 80's. Oh, and moving the Redskins to MD was a terrible move. No need to go into MD bashing mode but have you seen The Wire...nice, oh but I guess those folks are Raven's fans. At any rate. It's not like you're trading a classic John Riggins card for a 1990's Kevin Greene, but in a way it is like that...the Panthers are like a 90's new vo riche lake house, fun to hang out at but lacks true character. Sorry man, no more Secretary of Defense, no more Fastest Man in the NFL, no more Art Monk, no more Gary Clark, no more Mud Ball Mark Rypien (second season), no more Hogs, instead we have…well…what Dan Snyder gives us. I will continue to hold on with the maroon and gold, but it will be despite the “evolution” of the franchise.

Anonymous said...

I know where you're coming from. The Redskins have lost their character, not character in the moral sense, but whatever it was that gave them Redskiness. I can't explain what brownies smell like, but if I smell a brownie I know it, same deal here. Their success and lack there plays a part, but not entirely. They're in need of an identity, much like the sprawling wasteland of NOVA and MD. I remember as a kid watching games at my buddies farm house in Madison VA. His Dad, an attorney who worked in D.C., would go insane watching the Skins; we'd have the radio going with play-by-play and the volume turned down on the television. Maybe the missing Redskin spice they seem to have lost is just some youthful nostalgic feeling we don't get anymore, kind of like watching fireworks, but again...I really don't think so. It's a swagger, an air, an intangible and it seems to have gone dormant but hopefully not extinct. As for marbling the Panthers, good call. I can understand where you're going with that. As a VA native and transplant to NC, I can tell you first hand folks down here love their Panthers. All of the socioeconomic/demographic indicators were just bubbling for a team in Charlotte (clearly all business indicators pointed to it), you and many other Virginians are getting the after affects of that Panther spray. NC was an old school NFL swing state; allegiance generally split between Atlanta and D.C. Carolinians most likely started feeling the cognitive dissonance of Redskin fandom in the late 80's. Oh, and moving the Redskins to MD was a terrible move. No need to go into MD bashing mode but have you seen The Wire...nice, oh but I guess those folks are Raven's fans. At any rate. It's not like you're trading a classic John Riggins card for a 1990's Kevin Greene, but in a way it is like that...the Panthers are like a 90's new vo riche lake house, fun to hang out at but lacks true character. Sorry man, no more Secretary of Defense, no more Fastest Man in the NFL, no more Art Monk, no more Gary Clark, no more Mud Ball Mark Rypien (second season), no more Hogs, instead we have…well…what Dan Snyder gives us. I will continue to hold on with the maroon and gold, but it will be despite the “evolution” of the franchise.