A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Division Title

This is what happens when Alex Smith dumps it off to the fullback on 3rd and 20.
Again.
And overthrows him.
Again.

Coming into the 2010 NFL season the general consensus of football fans, football pundits, sports experts, and smug football fans armed with a little too much information and internet access who think they are football pundits and sports experts, was that the San Francisco 49ers were, virtually By Default, going to win their division this season. Pretty high praise to heap on a team, but one must bear in mind that the 49ers play in the NFC West. The NFC West, sometimes referred to as the weakest division in professional football. The NFC West, more often referred to as the weakest division in professional football by way of labeling it with snarky, disparaging epithets and alternate names designed to highlight its relative inferiority to the rest of the league. "The NFL's mid major conference" is one. "JV" is another. "LOL I thought you said UFL West" is yet another. All of these are warranted. The four teams in the NFC West all have an established recent history of finishing the season somewhere within the range from "tolerably mediocre" to "embarrassingly bad", none of which would be good enough to win in any other division in the NFL. If American Football had Relegation, like European Soccer leagues do, the NFC West would all be relegated. Or it would be where bad teams are relegated to. One or the other. However, the NFL does not have relegation, so as the old maxim goes, "In The Land Of The Blind, The One-Eyed Man Is King." And in the NFC West, The One-Eyed Man -- the team that is merely "tolerably mediocre" as opposed to "embarrassingly bad" -- is Division Champion, with all the full rights and privileges to hang Division Champion banners and print/sell tickets to at least one home playoff game that all the real Division Champions have.

The track record of the NFC West needs to be re-established for proper context in this blog, because it is this context, more than anything, that led to the expectations placed on The San Francisco 49ers this season. The St. Louis Rams were 1-15 last year, worst team in all of football (including the UFL teams), and starting a rookie QB this year. They sucked and will suck. The Seattle Seahawks were 5-11, played uninspired football under a lame duck coach. They sucked and are expected to suck. The Arizona Cardinals won the division last year, but the probable Hall-Of-Fame Quarterback who led them retired, one of their two stud wide receivers left via free agency, and since they lost so much more than they gained in terms of personnel -- and were only mediocre to begin with, remember -- they were expected to suck this year.

That left the San Francisco 49ers, 8-8 last season, with no major roster fluctuations. The Presumptive One-Eyed Man in this blind kingdom called the NFC West. The Cardinals took a step back, and the Seahawks and Rams still suck, so clearly the 49ers, by treading water, were now the team to beat. Even though they have not had a winning season since 2002. Even though this current generation/edition of the team doesn't have any track record of success that suggests they fit the Annoying Football Observation Cliche of "they know how to win." Even though the current face of the franchise is their head coach, who is primarily famous for taking his pants off during halftime speeches to illustrate how much their poor play in the first half embarrassed him. They haven't earned "favorite to win the division" on the field. They have been awarded it by default.

Still, many fans believed. Many pundits and "experts" believed. I believed too. Why not now? Why not them?

But a funny thing happened on the way to print those San Francisco 49ers: Default 2010 NFC Western Division Champions commemorative T-shirts.

They started the season 0-3. Including being absolutely dominated 31-6 by the allegedly woeful Seahawks.

The 49ers are 0-3. They will get to the month of October without a win on their record.

And it's not going to get any easier.

See, even though the 49ers haven't been a division champion in 8 years, somebody scheduled them like a defending division champion. Hell, they were scheduled like a defending Super Bowl Champion. 3 of their first 4 games on the road. Only 7 total home games, because they get to "represent" the NFL in London this year. Playing the defending champion Saints in their home opener. It is a tough road to hoe even for a good team.

And the 49ers, as it turns out, are not actually a good team. The One-Eyed Man also only has One Ear, and cannot hear snap counts, especially on the road. He also only has One Hand, and it is missing a finger, and it only throws dump off passes to the running back, even on 3rd down and 21 (and he overthrows it, to boot, often leading to a tip and/or an interception). Forget everything I just said about the tough schedule, because this team would be 0-3 right now no matter what their schedule had been.

I wasted 3 hours of my life watching the One-Eyed Man soil himself this morning. The One-Eyed man does still, it turns out, have both his legs. He stood on one and kicked me in the groin with the other, welcoming me to the world of NFL fan blogging with an absolutely dismal performance as my first game to cover/review. I started taking notes on it, halfway through, to document how bad it was, to itemize my moments of outrage. I was going to use them as a framework for a comprehensive review of this game, but as the abysmal showing dragged on and on, got worse and worse, my notes became less reflective of actual game content and more me sputtering with rage and calling for everyone to be fired as I put the remote down and forced myself to watch this game to its grim, inevitable conclusion. I may just post them as is, in a couple days. Which would be a half-assed way to write a game review, certainly, but if the 49ers can put out a half-assed effort and get paid for it, I can put forth a half-assed effort for free.

But first, a little back story and context on what the 49ers have been, what the NFC West is, and what the 49ers were supposed to be this year. And because I think I've had my fill of football for the day.