I have just realized that I have been writing about almost nothing but draft bullshit over the last two months and I'm not entirely sure how it happened. I don't even really like draft stuff all that much. I just saw a chance for some easy content and the damn thing ended up with me wandering in the desert for forty miserable years. A lot of good men died out here, but at least we have the memories, like that time I went on and on about different euphemisms for masturbation or the time I inappropriately referenced Hitler or that other time I referenced Hitler or that other time I . . . well, you get the point. It has been long, it has been painful, and at long last, it's over.
Yes, the final bit of draft nonsense that I will write about for a long damn time is also the one that nobody really cares about. Yeah, I'm doing a great job of selling this here, but fuck it, I will still write this even if no one bothers to read it. Why? I don't know, leave me alone. THIS FINISH LINE MUST BE CROSSED. It's fucking June, we started this bullshit in March, and now that we're at the finish line everyone is cranky and swearing at each other, gnawing on our own arms and fingers and hands just so we don't lash out and bite one another and oh Lord, what is this gibberish? I don't know, I am just sick of writing about all of this and I think I am equal parts giddy and irritated when I think about it. Maybe I need a nap.
I suppose it is some sort of stupid stubborn pride thing, because really, I would have told you to fuck off if you said I would still be churning out draft bullshit on June 3. But every time I decide to write something about the Lions, I remember that I started this nonsense and I don't want to look foolish if I don't finish it, which is stupid because really, we're all fools for caring about this stuff and the ones who gibber on about it like this are even bigger fools but that ship sailed long ago and so here we are.
I guess I should just get this over with and then I can go back to writing about Lennie Small and The Lizard King Cinnabon Sims and St. Calvin and all the rest of those shitbirds. Yeah, yeah, Lennie may be gone, but he'll never be gone from our hearts. I suppose next, I'll have to start on the damn season preview, which I know before I even start the damn thing will end up being the size of War and Peace. I thought last season's was long, but the more I write about this shit, the more I write, you know? It is a vicious cycle, horrible and full of blood, sweat, horrible wailing and screaming, awful howling, frightened neighbors, people being whipped like dogs in the streets, crawling on all fours, moaning and begging for mercy from frightened strangers who clutch their valuables to their chest and speed into the night away from all this madness. But I am a Lions fan, and so all of that is familiar anyway.
Jesus, I don't even know what it is I'm hooting about here and so I'll just get to it. Okay. With their final pick in the seventh round, the 255th overall, the Detroit Lions selected Dan Gronkowski, a tight end out of Maryland.
So, yeah, Dan Gronkowski. He's certainly a seventh round pick.
Neil shrugs. Crickets chirp in the background.
Okay, fine, that's probably not fair, but it gets the point across. I mean, this seems like the type of pick where the guys in the war room just all sort of look around at each other, shrug their shoulders and then figure hell, we've gotta pick someone. And Gronkowski it is. Again, that's probably not fair, but fuck it, my team went 0-16 last season, I don't really care about fair.
Okay, okay, fine. The deal with Gronkowski is that he was a high school quarterback, a middling recruit who chose Maryland over that renowned MAC superpower Buffalo. He was eventually converted to tight end where he really didn't do much of anything until his senior year when he was . . . adequate. Gronkowski caught 29 balls as a senior after having snagged only 11 in his first three years combined. So, it's, uh, not real likely this dude makes a big impact at tight end for the Lions.
But really, that's okay. What the Lions are looking for from Gronkowski is a hard worker who could contribute some decent in-line blocking for them. He's got a big frame at 6'6" and if he adds a little weight he could serve as an extra tackle type on running downs. For a high school quarterback that's kind of weird, but the fact that he went from a nobody recruit to an NFL draft pick at a position alien to him speaks to how hard he must have worked. I mean, I doubt that the Maryland coaches were killing themselves trying to make him into a serviceable player. This seems like one of those situations where they gave the guy a shot at QB knowing he probably wouldn't make it, and then told him he had to find his way somewhere else if he wanted to stick around. And to his credit, Gronkowski did, turning himself into a tight end worthy of being drafted by an NFL team. I will ignore the obvious joke about the Lions not being a real NFL team and move on.
It's that hard work that will give Gronkowski a shot. It's possible he's maxed himself out already, but if he hasn't, given his work ethic, there may be something here. It's possible that he turns himself into the type of solid blocker that manages to stick in the league for a while because coaches know they can depend on him. He'll never be flashy, but he's the type of dude who will do whatever it takes to make himself useful to somebody.
The question, of course, is whether or not that will be enough. Like I said, he may have already maxed himself out. An adequate college tight end is all he might be capable of. And, if that's the case, then okay. But for now, he's at least somebody new, somebody who hasn't been infected with Lions Disease, and if he hasn't maxed himself out yet, well, maybe he's the sort of tough foundation player who can give the team the tiny push that every team needs to move in the right direction. Every little bit helps, and I hope that Gronkowski can offer just that little bit.
What they could have done differently: Shrugged at each other in the war room and picked somebody else. I mean, what do you want from me here?
What we can expect this season: The odds are pretty long that we'll ever see anything from Gronkowski, so I doubt that this season is going to be a real memorable one. Maybe he sees the field on heavy run downs - that is if he even makes the team.
Early Pick Grade: I, uh, well . . . I'm not going to grade this one because really, what's the point? He's a late seventh rounder that probably won't ever do much of anything. But, really, neither would anyone else they could have picked instead. The upside for a player picked this late is basically Ramzee Robinson.
My grade for the Lions 2009 NFL Draft: B+. I liked this draft - for the most part. I have warmed to Stafford, although that may be a defense mechanism more than anything. I think that Pettigrew and Delmas should be instant starters and should both be good for a long time. Levy is a bit of a gamble, and Hill could end up making this draft great if he pans out. I'm not really big on the Williams or Aaron Brown picks, but one of them should be able to grab the kick return job and hopefully give us more than an Aveion Cason type performance. I love Follett but he may never be anything more than a special teams standout - if he even makes the team. Murtha is intriguing but his history doesn't exactly inspire a ton of confidence and Gronkowski seems like just a guy. Add it all up and it's a pretty good haul. The Lions were able to draft the three best players at three different positions in the draft in Stafford, Pettigrew and Delmas. That's really impressive. If the middle round gambles pay off, then this draft could be a huge hit and something we'll all look back on as the beginning of something decent and good and right for a change. I think the top three guys should make this a decent draft no matter what, but it's Levy and Hill and either Williams or Brown who will make it great or make it a close miss. And if Murtha or Follett hits along with the rest of them, well, parades in the streets and love your neighbor and all that. Which would certainly be a change. Yes it would. Yes it would indeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment