Cleveland/New York Preview
I predicted at the beginning of the season that the Browns would go 2-2 entering their bye week. My prediction lies in ruins like a torn down goal post on a desolate, wingless planet orbiting a dead, celery husk of a sun. I feel like I've been served ranch dressing instead of bleu cheese by a waiter named Derek Anderson. I felt like that last year around this month when they were 2-3 after losing to the abysmal Oakland Raiders on a missed field goal, the second try of a do-over because it's legal for a head coach in the NFL to call a timeout while the opponent is busy kicking winning field goals. I will never forget it for as long as I live because the Browns would've won the divison outright if they'd beat the Raiders on that fateful afternoon and we could finally have our revenge on the team that was on the winning end of Red Right 88. The sleep of the avenged is all I ask.
I come out of the bye week and look not to Monday night's game but back to the preseason where I witnessed one of the worst football performances of the last 230 years against the same Giants. The score was 30-3 early in the second quarter and half the Clevleand Browns lay dead or dying and I saw a team in shambles. They say there are no second halfs in football but I stand before you as an example of the never say die attitude that has preserved this city through events that would fell lesser greater metropolitan areas. I see it on the faces of the people who deliver my pornography, on the bumper stickers of cars that refuse to use their turn signal and in the stomach of Romeo Crennel.
I See Positives:
Jerome Harrsion was given a chance to run sweeps and catch flat passes in the Bengals game. Yes, the very same Jerome Harrison who lead the PAC-10 in rushing the same year Reggie Bush won the Heisman Trophy was finally given a chance to play. And play he did!
Donte Stallworth is going to start which means a receiver who can catch at least one out of two passes thrown to him. One out of two! 50 percent!!
Ryan Tucker is back on the offensive line where his run blocking is key to the subprime crisis.
36 year old Willie McGinest will be returning. He will be benched in passing situations but no matter because rookie Alex Hall will take his place and rush, rush, rush the passer like a 7th round draft pick out of a historically black college should.
Josh Cribbs should be 100%. His devil-may-care attitude on kick returns is the stuff of legends. And the stuff of touchdowns.
Monocled Prussian guard Eric Steinbach should be be close to 100% as well.
Do you see? I don't think you do.
Awesome Phil Dawson and Dave Zastudil anchor a special teams unit that is profoundly great. They actually recommend that Zastudil is not to be taken if you have high blood pressure such are his side effects on the weak hearted.
The Opponent:
The Giants will live forever in the shadow of the New York Jets and their back to back AFL East ('68 & '69) division championships. A win against the Browns will go far in their pursuit of respectability but they have alot to prove.
The Prediction:
Cleveland 140 NewYork -32
4 comments:
"Monocled Prussian guard Eric Steinbach"
aslfkhasfljkh
I feel like I've been served ranch dressing instead of bleu cheese by a waiter named Derek Anderson.
^^^^poetry
Poetry of the damned!
I really don't want the Browns to be embarassed Monday night.
I fear I may have doomed you by selecting Braylon Edwards for my fantasy team as it has become very clear to me that any team or player that I have a personal interest in is doomed to utter failure.
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