Dart Adams presents The Conference Championship Game Report

It was the day that all Patriots fans were waiting for all year long. After the disappointing loss in last year’s AFC Championship game to the eventual Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts, all the Patriots and their fans could think about was the Patriots getting back to the Super Bowl and/by betting Peyton Manning and those damn Colts.

The Patriots played the Colts this season and beat them but Indy had huge matchup problems with the San Diego Chargers that ultimately became their undoing. Patriots fans had to settle for another rematch between the Pats and Chargers, this would’ve been more exciting if it wasn’t for the fact that the Patriots had beaten the Chargers to go to last year’s AFC Championship and blown them out 38-14 in Week 2 this season. All the Patriots had to do was win to earn a date with destiny...not so easy to do.

The game started and everyone was hoping that the Chargers would actually be able to give the Patriots a game. The commentators were surprised that Philip Rivers was actually going to play and that LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates were starting as well. LT got pulled after two runs and a reception never to return to the game and Antonio Gates was taken to the locker romm shortly afterwards (that was because of equipment failure, though).

Philip Rivers remained on the field and he was able to evade the rush and deliver the ball down field to Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson. The Patriots were not in sync to start the game as Tom Brady threw the ball at receiver and instead of it ending up in their hands, chests or breadbaskets they either flew over their heads or hit the grounds in front of or behind them.

The fans were kind of shocked because they don’t remember the Patriots not marching down the field to take the lead in a while. Then Tom Brady threw an interception to Quentin Jammer, he stood on the sidelines making the same look Superman made when he first saw his own blood after that bar fight in Superman 2. The Chargers marched down the field and Michael Turner made the tough yards while Chambers and Jackson found the gaps in the defense and moved the chains. Once they got to the Red Zone and dealt with a short field, the veteran linebacker and DB corps were able to hold the Chargers to a Keading FG...this would become a recurring theme throughout the game.

The Patriots received the ball down 3-0 and finally put together a drive as an end around to Randy Moss netted 14 yards to get them across midfield and Kevin Faulk made some key plays before Maroney punched the ball in to give them a 7-3 lead. Philip Rivers limped onto the field and once again evaded the Pats pass rush to step to his right and hit Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson for deep pass plays. Once they got into the Red Zone, the Patriots DB’s tightened it up and held them to another Kaeding field goal. The score was 7-6.

The Patriots failed to sustain a drive but they executed a great play on special teams that pinned the Chargers back to the 4 yard line. Shortly thereafter, Philip Rivers under heavy pressure and he forced up a bad pass that Assante Samuel snatched from the much bigger Chris Chambers. He ran the ball back to the 24 yard line. One 12 yard pass to Kevin Faulk on 1st down set up a 10 yard pass to a wide open Jabar Gaffney for the TD. The score was 14-6.

Philip Rivers took to the air again with some success, but he forced a deep ball that was intercepted once again by Ellis Hobbs. The Patriots had a chance to put the game away before halftime. It wasn’t to be as the Patriots drive stalled and they gave it back to the Chargers right before halftime.

Philip Rivers kept his team in the game and moved the ball. Then Sproles managed to break through the line for a huge gain. The Chargers got down to the 22 yard line and set up a 40 yard FG for Kaeding. The score was 14-9 at the half, the Patriots could’ve put them away but Rivers and the Chargers just refused to die. Gates wasn’t 100%, Rivers wasn’t 100% and LT wasn’t even on the field...The Chargers still wanted to win and the Patriots were clearly gonna have to fight and earn 18-0.

The second half started and the Patriots drove down the field. They were seemingly back to business as usual...at least until Tom Brady threw his second interception of the day and gave the Chargers the ball in excellent field position. Brady tried to squeeze in a ball to Donte Stallworth. It was a bad decision and once agin the Patriots defense would have to save the day. Philip Rivers continued to find the soft spots in the Patriots defense and put the ball in Chambers and Jackson’s hands.

On a crucial 3rd & 1 at the 12 yard line, Turner received the hand off but the 39 year old Junior Seau broke through the line and stopped Turner for a 2 yard loss. Once again, the Patriots defense came up clutch and held the Chargers to another Kaeding field goal to make the score 14-12 with 8:36 left in the 3rd quarter. That field goal would be the last points that San Diego would score in the game.

The Patriots changed up their game plan and decided to switch to a power running set. They stuck in 2 or 3 tight ends or inserted Heath Evans to clear the way and made holes for Lawrence Maroney to cut back and get big runs right through the heart of the San Diego defensive line. When they did throw the ball, the screened off to Kevin Faulk or went under to Wes Welker. Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth became valuable blockers (and they didn’t incur a penalty all game). The Patriots ran down the clock and drove all the way down the field deep into the Red Zone.

It looked like the Patriots were gonna put the game away in the 3rd quarter but on 3rd & Goal inside the 10 yard line Tom Brady tought he was Drew Bledsoe and decide to force a ball into his tight end Ben Watson at the back of the end zone and Anthony Cromartie waited for the ball and jumped it for the 3rd Brady into of the game. The only good news was that instead of downing the ball in the end zone, Cromartie tried to return it...he didn’t even make it past the 5 yard line. The Chargers drive stalled at the 19 yard line and they punted the ball to the Patriots and conceded them excellent field position. The Patriots once again went to work to start the 4th quarter after a huge Heath Evans pass play put the Patriots over midfield.

The Patriots drove down field behind the hard running of Lawrence Maroney. Maroney caught a key pass from Brady and ran the ball down to the 10 yard line that set up the clinching touchdown by Wes Welker to make the score 21-12 with 12:15 left in the game. The Chargers refused to quit and they drove down to the Patriots 36 yard line before their drive stalled thanks to Rodney Harrison coming in clean forced Rivers to throw an errant pass. The Patriots received the ball on their 12 yard line with 9:15 left in the game. It ended up being the final Charger possession in the contest.

The Patriots had a huge 3rd &11 at the 24 yard line, but Tom Brady found Kevin Faulk who caught the ball and rolled to a 1st down at the 36 with 7:15 left in the game. Kevin Faulk and Lawrence Maroney would trade key 3rd down conversions until San Diego ran out of time outs. Once Maroney ran the ball to the 15 yard line and the 2 Minute Warning passed, the Patriots just took a few knees and it was a wrap. The Patriots were headed for their 4th Super Bowl in 7 years and their first since 2004. The Chargers played a hell of a game and I couldn’t eat until after it finally ended and Bob Kraft hoisted the Lamar Hunt trophy above his diminutive body. The defense was huge and the Patriots got to 18-0 the hard way, they earned it. Next stop: February 3rd in Glendale, AZ for Super Bowl XLII.

Due to fact that my team was now in the Super Bowl, I could just watch this game and really enjoy it. My writing style will now make a complete 180º to further illustrate that point:

The NFC Championship game was to be played on the legendary icy cold tundra of Lambeau Field. By game time, the field resembled ice planet Hoth moreso than Earth. The favored Green Bay Packers were hosting the New York Giants in the second coldest game in NFC championship history. Pam Oliver was covering her entire forehead (that’s one huge hat) and Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were wearing jackets and gloves in a broadcast booth that looked like an NFL igloo. The Giants were confident since they had a 10 game road playoff winning streak and Eli Manning hadn’t turned over the ball once in the entire postseason. The Green Bay Packers were at home in cold weather with Brett Favre behind center. This had the makings of a classic playoff game. I opened up a bag of Honey BBQ potato chips (I’m Black! © Styles P) and got ready for the show to begin.

The game started out and the Packers couldn’t find any continuity on offense early. The Giants got hard yards with Brandon Jacobs and exploited the matchup between Plaxico Burress vs. Al Harris early and often. Green Bay LB Poppinga constantly brought pressure. I laughed when I saw his name on the back of his jersey because in Spanglish (this is a real language in major US cities...ask around) his name means “Dad’s dick”. The Giants marched down the field on two big drives and distributed the ball to Keith “K La” Boss and Amani Toomer to move the chains. Unfortunately, the Giants weren’t able to get the ball into the end zone on either drive and the lead was just 6-0. Jackasses.

The Packers got the ball pinned back at their own 10 yard line and the Giants rushed Favre. Favre saw a one on one on the corner and lofted the ball up for Donald Driver who took the ball 90 yards to the house. The lead was gone and the Packers were up 7-6. The Giants failed to put together a drive and Green Bay was able to move the ball down the field and get a FG to push the lead to 10-6. The Giants tried to drive before the half but it stalled as Plexico Burress dropped the ball at the 3 yard line and Eli Manning got sacked on 4th down.

During halftime I saw a Subway commercial featuring Jared Fogler and Reggie Bush showing how their lives are different using split screen. It showed them at home, their cars, etc. but it would’ve been better if it showed Reggie Bush smasing Kim Kardasian from behind while Jared is forced to use some of his Subway endorsement dough to pay some hooker to blow him. It would’ve hit home then. Speaking of Subway, I hate their new holier than thou ad campaign where it makes it seem that you’re a worthless asshole just because you ate a goddamn Whopper. Fuck you Subway and fuck you Jared! Now...back to the game!

I turned the channel to BBC America and was watching part of a Torchwood marathon and I forgot about the game for a while. When I turned back to the game the Giants were up 13-10. It turned out that the Giants drove down the field and punched it in with Brandon Jacobs. They kicked the ball off to the Packers who then marched right down the field before Brett Favre rifled to ball to Donald Lee for a 12 yard TD to make it 17-13 in favor of Green Bay. The Pack then kicked it off to the Giants who turned around drove it back down the icy cold tundra and punctuated it with a 4 yard Ahmad Bradshaw TD run to give the Giants the lead again at 20-17.

Eli Manning was looking like his brother out there and the game was finally heating up. In less than 6 game minutes three touchdowns were scored in the 3rd quarter. The Green Bay offense drove and kept the ball in the air because Ryan Grant wasn’t ever able to get into rhythm or get a big run. The Green Bay Packers settled for a 37 yard Mason Crosby FG with 11:46 left in the game to tie it up at 20-20. It would be the last score in regulation. I turned back to the Torchwood marathon at about 8:00 to go after some wackiness went down.

I heard some noise from my living room later on and went in there to see what it was. The Giants were set up to win the game at the end of the game. I figured it was a done deal and went to the bathroom. While I was in there I heard a bunch of yelling from my family and cheering coming from the TV. I washed my hands (I’m hygenic and Black!) and rushed out the bathroom like “What happened?”. My brother said “Tynes dumb ass missed the field goal!”. I was annoyed because I knew that two weeks of hearing about Brett Favre and the Battle Of The Golden Boys was going to wreak havoc on my psyche. I’d rather have the Giants win the game.

The Packers started overtime with the ball, since they couldn’t get yards with Ryan Grant, that meant that they were going to be a one dimensional team and chuck it. Brett Favre cocked back and fired the ball downfield...to the wrong guy. The Giants got a huge interception and the life was sucked right out of Lambeau Field at that moment. The Ghost Of Curly Lambeau said “Fuck!”. Bart Starr and Paul Hornung hung their heads in shame. Deanna Favre wondered what it would be like to be creamy middle of an Assante Samuel and Ellis Hobbs Oreo (Deanna Favre can get it).

The Giants marched down the field but the drive stalled at the 29 yard line. This meant that Lawrence Tynes would have to make a 47 yard field goal when no opponent had ever made a field goal over 40 yards in Lambeau. The snap came and Tynes hit the ball hard and it began to curve between the goal posts...it was long enough...it was good! The Giants were going to Super Bowl XLII for the right to get reamed by the New England Patriots!

Brett Favre was somber in his postgame press conference. Anthony Pierce, Eli Manning and Plexico Burress were ecstatic. Tom Coughlin looked like a manikin and Mike McCarthy looked like a depressed father at a Pee Wee hockey game. I was happier than Britney Spears after the guy with the blow shows up because the Patriots now had another crack at the Giants. The Giants played a great game against the Pats (and lost) and have played three straight games where Eli hasn’t turned over the ball once after Tom Brady had a 3 interception game (and still won). That all points to the Patriots beating up on Eli and the Giants come February 3rd.

Here’s the capsule:

Super Bowl XLII
February 3rd @ University Of Phoenix Arena Glendale, AZ 3:00 PM
New England Patriots (18-0) vs. New York Giants (13-6)

19-0 is just two weeks away, people.

One.