Well, Back To Firing Everyone I Guess

Yeah, Alex, I didn't want to stand around and watch that last game, either.

And like you, I couldn't have done anything to improve it.

Back to wanting everyone fired again. The 49ers are now 3-7 (and still technically alive in the playoff race, which I continue to point out not to keep the 49er Faithful inspired, but because implicitly making fun of the NFC West by doing so is just that fun) after the worst offensive performance the team has put forth in my lifetime. That isn't even hyperbole; the 49ers were shut out at home for the first time since 1977. 1977. As in, back when the season was 14 games long, the league featured such teams as the Baltimore Colts, St. Louis Cardinals, Los Angeles Rams, and Houston Oilers, the Ramones were alive, well, and touring, and I was a one-celled organism swimming around in my dad's testicle (the left one, I think. But I had a protozoan brain at the time so forming and retaining memories from the period was beyond my capabilities).

Speaking of things beyond capabilities... Winning a Road Game and Scoring seem to be on that list for the team that once won five super bowls and could smugly say things like "oh, Montana's hurt? Oh well, ho hum, let's just put in our OTHER Hall Of Fame Quarterback."

Like I'm going to post pictures from this sorry ass season when
images like these are still available. Sigh, good times...

These days, however, we're saying things like "Mike Singletary is over his head." Last year he was a great coach, changing the culture blah blah blah, catalyst for change blah blah blah, team is finally on the come after having to sit back and watch the Cowboys and Steelers and Packers get good again while the 49ers get left out of the Dynastic NFL Powers Re-Ascention blah blah blah, of course. But see, last year they were winning games, so he was great. Now they're losing and therefore they suck and he does too.

There is, however, unfortunately, more to it than simple fan knee-jerk reactionism. It's not just the losing, it's how they're losing, and how the coach is handling losing. Singletary's 49ers have a Plan A, which is the same for each game, and when Plan A doesn't work, Plan B is to Keep Trying Plan A until it starts working or the game ends, whichever comes first. Plan A consists of "give Frank Gore the ball up the middle until he falls down and needs oxygen, then bring one of the shitty other running backs in so they can drop a pass or fumble or something." You can guess which one comes first.

And the Broncos actually felt like they had to spy on this team to get an edge? You need counter-intelligence to prepare a game plan against The Most Predictable Offensive in the league? How bad do they have to suck? (Any ACLB readers who are or know a Broncos fan, there's a wide open spot for you to come in and rant about how Josh McDaniels is dismantling your favorite once-mighty football team, too, btw.)

Players are now apparently anonymously leeking tweets to the press criticizing the coaching staff's inability or perhaps even unwillingness to make adjustments during a game. Even worse than that, the shutout loss to the Buccaneers seemed to feature Troy "shot in the arm" Smith being strategically kept in the pocket -- when he was actually allowed to throw, that is -- when virtually all of his good plays over the last two games have come when he was on the move; rolling out, scrambling, running bootlegs. More than not adjusting to the other team's schemes, the 49ers actually seem to be looking at game film, seeing what works for them, and then systematically removing said working things because they don't fit the "style" of team Coach Singletary wants them to be.

WTF?

It would, however, explain why Shaun Hill and Nate Davis were exiled from the QB roster for no apparent reason other than being too good at their jobs. Or why, fittingly pointed out on the night of another Monday Night road game against the Arizona Cardinals, Mike Martz, the mad scientist of Offensive Coordination, was similarly exiled and replaced with Jimmy "Three Inches In A Cloud Of Dust" Raye, since banished himself. Come to think of it, even #1 Whipping Boy Alex Smith played better when he was playing in a spread, out of the shotgun, or getting to make plays with his legs... you know, the system he ran so well in college that this team decided to draft him because of? Lets not ever call plays where he can do that. No wonder he keeps screwing up to the point where the fans scream at him and boo him and curse his name and actually chanted for David Carr.

And unlike Dallas and Minnesota, the 49ers can't/won't fire their head coach midseason, because really, there's no point. Temporary shot in the arm from a change? Already got that with Troy Smith. Besides, who's going to take over, Greg Manusky? The Defense never makes adjustments either! Also, that's how this team ended up with Singletary in the first place... which admittedly seemed like a good idea at the time, even to me. And for a while, it worked. But this season's embarrassing disappointment leads one to believe that Mike Singletary has done all that is within his capability to improve this team, and it was mostly yelling at players until they got better, which we call "motivation" in the world of football.

So yeah, San Francisco 49ers, 3-7 and winless on the road, vs Arizona Cardinals, 3-7 and losers of five consecutive games (their fans must REALLY hate their coaches and want them fired. But at least in Phoenix its a dry hate). Boy, I bet Monday Night Football wishes they had flex game capabilities! Well, at least win or lose, Jon Gruden will be able to see for himself just how much he could improve the 49ers by becoming their head coach once this horrible season finally hobbles to its conclusion.

And a win means they're only a game out of first place with 3 division games to play! HahahahahahahahahahahahaohGod