Chicago Bears 2010 Season Review: Seriously, to hell with this

Blah blah blah, here's a football card.

You know, I really was going to do this. You know, do the whole position-by-position season review thing. But really, screw that. That is madness, pure madness that nothing good can come from, like staring at the sun for ten hours or starting a land war in Asia. But I had the whole thing planned out, and I really was going to do it. I even had NOTES. Seriously, I had this little notebook in my car where I write shit down on breaks, real serious shit like "REMEMBER TO BUY GROUND TURKEY" and crude sketches of Optimus Prime. Anyway, every so often, that thing fills up and I throw it out and get a new one, completely disregarding whatever useful information might have been in there. This time, though, I tore out my damn notes I spent tens of minutes writing down, brought them inside the dang apartment, and now I share them with you, with director's commentary on anything that just looks like gibberish. It's a strange post, but it keeps me from having to turn this shit into paragraphs and actually type it. So here you go. Click the images to make them all huge. I'm pretty dumb, but not dumb enough to expect you to read this when it's like two inches across on the screen.

I think the whole "Lousaka Polite cut in favor of Jason McKie" thing is gonna sting for a long time. Also, Forte had a terrible year, but Pro Football Focus ranking him as the worst in the league might be somewhat bullshit, since I think they ranked Lance Briggs as the worst linebacker on the Bears or something. The lack of life it must have taken to put a site like that together is astounding, though, so they deserve some sort of credit, if you can call it that.

Craig Steltz and Josh Bullocks were so bad, that it made me compare them to 9/11. They were the football equivalent of thousands of people being crushed and burned. But hey, Steltz is penciled in as the starter this year! And nothing bummed me out more in 2009 than the fall of Orlando Pace, because he's been one of my favorite dudes for a long time. And seriously, it is going to be cool as hell to see "Chicago Bears, 2009" on his Hall of Fame info someday. Also, I totally left the nose off my crude drawing of Beaker. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It still baffles me how the Bears can fire all their stupid non-coaches, but still keep Drake on an NFL payroll. Also, I have to say that my drawing of Robbie Gould is AWESOME.

This page was started about 5 hours before I typed up my last post on here, I think, hence the mention of Herr Uberklaw. And seriously, Matt Toeaina at the very least looks more like DJ Khaled than anyone else on the team.

"Hello, I am Matt Toeaina of the Chicago Bears."

"And WEE DA BEEEESSSTTTT! LIISSTEENNNNNNN"

Next time: I actually type things about things that matter.