I have been drinking in a public establishment, being I am of the low class type that no candidate speaks of regarding tax breaks and can't afford the satellite transmissions of football gameries into my own home. So forgive me any uncouth transgressions against anybody's emotion. I am an upset man... for multiple reasons.
First, let's address the blog, meaning this blog, which is a stupid fag blog that is the interdork equivalent of a second round draft pick yet to play a game in the NFL. I invisioned originally stupid fans of every team making stupid posts about their stupid fandom. That hasn't even come close to happening. Through the months, we always have some gung ho homos who are all about it, want to be admin, invite their friends or plug it in their other stupid assed blogs, but then nothing. So I'm just saying right now, this is my blog, until somebody takes it from me. Really the only competition is Harpo and Neil at this point, and Harpo is an admin because I know and love that stupid fucking lazy Mexican, and his heart is as pure as a Mexican postal worker's heart can be, and I trust him. Neil is just some dude who bitches a lot about how much his favorite team sucks, which is also what I invisioned for this blog. Except motherfuckers want to be clever and talk about other shit. Or they're too busy posting about 1500 posts a week on 17 different dork ass message boards to make a two sentence blog post, thinking it has to be a graduate essay or some shit. Well fuck you all. Every one of you in the sidebar is a piece of shit and will never amount to anything, except you probably will because we live in a world that rewards pieces of shit who suck but go through the motions more than people who are sad how the world sucks and go through their emotions. But still, fuck you. My dick is bigger; but even if not, it's made more children.
Now onto what I'm s'posed to speak upon... ORALE HOLMES! The Washington Redskins, my team from birth. They sucked tonight, exactly like I feared they would suck. I kicked it at a bar with some folks, and I was the last naive hope of optimism, but I knew in my heart they would lose. Probably the best moment was when I told the dude next to me, "Carlos Rogers interception right here, touchdown." Next fucking play, like five seconds later was when Roethlischilder threw it into Rogers' hands with a wide open field for 30 yards and he dropped it. We both were amused with my almost ESPN psychic ability, but nothing came from it. And it looked like that play shook Rogers. Because he was mostly known after that play for making tackles well down field after losing his man.
But what the fuck is up with the Redskins being in the red zone or inside the opponent's 40 (which should from now on will be considered the yellow zone) and never getting shit except field goals? I mean, I'm kinda glad Jason Campbell finally threw an interception tonight because maybe they'll start throwing downfield in an attempt to get touchdowns now. This has been the biggest offensive yards gaining piece of shit scoring team I've ever seen. I don't think the NFL dork bureau has made a point per offensive yard stat yet, but the Skins would be one of the lowest ranked teams in the past two decades if there was such a dork fucking stat.
The Redskins are 6-3, and there are two ways to look at this occasion. On the beer bottle half empty side, I can be like, "Man, they fucking have sucked, barely beating shitty assed teams and losing the only bonafide good teams they've faced. It is a sign of how shitty the NFL is that they are 6-3, and it is a farce that will eventually be exposed in a shameful manner that will cause me to beat my children for not picking up their Polly Pockets in a timely enough manner, whether that be by the end of the year or in the first round of the playoffs. But this team is a farce and will never amount to shit beyond the first Saturday of January, if they are lucky."
And then the optimistical fuckface inside of me can go, "Well, they've had a ton of injuries. The defense has not been up to snuff on the d-line, and the offense hasn't clicked entirely well yet. But they're still 6-3. Once they get the week off and work out some more kinks and hit their stride, they're gonna be tough. To be running on three cylinders and still be 6-3 is pretty fucking amazing. This is gonna be awesome. We peak right, and it's Super Bowl Sunday beeyotch!"
But I am naive if not anything, and the Skins played the Hall of Fame preseason game, then didn't get a bye week until the last week of byes. They are beat up, but one week off will make a huge difference. The rest of the year we have three home games, against the divisional rivals. I say we win two of those three, because fuck those faggots. Cowboys will not get that much better with Tony Homo, and we will beat one or the other of the Eagles and Giants. Other four games are road games, against the Ravens, Bengals, 49ers, and Seahawks. The Ravens are pretty much a home game, and plus fuck them. My man Hub will come by to watch that because he is a Ravens fan, and we are the paternal figures in earth hippie anarchist children-ridden families. I'm sure there will be venison chili or home slaughtered bacon or some bullshit cooking in the crock pot, and we will sit in the living room with the wood stove going, kids getting in the fucking way until we convince them it's not really that cold outside, why don't you go play on the swingset, and the ol' ladies will be making some sort of winter time homemade herbal cough syrup together in the kitchen. It will be good fun and the Skins will destroy our friendship for the afternoon. The 49ers are the last week (or next to last, I can't remember) and won't have shit to play for. Mike Singletary doesn't seem to be inspiring today's modern athlete, so the Skins should cruise through that one. Of the Bengals and Seahawks, as shitty as both teams are, either the Redskins will slip up against a Houshmadeeznuts-fired up Bengalis team, or the long flight west will cause them to stumble against the Seahoohas in a last tip of the hat to Mike Holmgren. So that's 5-2 in their last seven games, making them 11-5. That's playoff bound, albeit probably a wild card road game against either the shitty NFC North or West champion.
Going into the bye week, I can handle that. I will use the upcoming week off from worrying and excitement to create ways in my head they can win on the road in the divisional round of the NFC playoffs. Or I will look over the Giants crushing schedule and see how they will probably go 4-4 the last half of the season, including losing to the Skins, and the Skins will get a home game in the divisional round as opposed to travelling as a wild card team. As a fan, I have to use this week to psyche myself back up and imagine unpossible scenarios, which become entirely possible because of my psychic energy. I am lucky to be tied to a team emotionally that still has a good shot at this point. Nobody is dominant in the NFL, and fuck it, if anyone deserves to be an international superstar, it's Clinton Portis. My wife has already said if the Redskins make the playoffs, she and the kids will have to leave for the weekend, which works out good because usually the only time I do codeine anymore is when they're gone. I am ready for it.
1 comment:
eat shit
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