Revelations

For those of you who phony know me better than others, you know I've had some kind of crazy recurring health problems that at times... mostly due to excessive substance abuse, became almost lift threatening...

...but then I actually decided to do something about it and have this crazy ass throat surgery that pretty much cleared all this infected shit out... so I could continue to excessively abuse various substances without so much of the life threatening bullshit. The big trade off being I had to stop with all that shit for like 4 months to make sure it would be a success... which is some rough shit to pull off with that whole Grossman and Orton debacle on the horizon.

I mean, the Bears had been there before... actually the Bears fucking LIVE there, but back when they were choosing between Erik Kramer and Steve Walsh in 1994 they had similar dudes. Kramer had better skills and a big arm, but was also a retard who didn't seem to have a handle on the flow of the game. Steve Walsh was one of those intellectual type quarterbacks who probably never partook in and of Luke's parties down at the U, threw the ball about 10 yards, but never really fucked anything up.

I would like to qualify that comparison by stating that I'm well aware of Kyle Orton's drunken rampages... but I still don't think he can throw the ball for shit, but... he doesn't fuck things up too badly.

And yeah.... Grossman is the retard type guy.

That 1994 season was also when I started the long long affair with the aforementioned substance abuse which guided me through the Salaam years... and the Enis years... and somehow seems to have completely erased Shane Mathews from my mind.

So, this season, for the first time in a long time, I went in sober as a mother fucker... even enough to realize that win in Indianapolis was just one of those games where one team played really really well and the other didn't... and that shit wouldn't happen again if they played 10 times.

But then I had that surgery shortly after, and after about a third of the recommended recovery time, I had to take advantage of my time off from work and roll out to one of my local Northeast Philly establishments in the Bears jersey to get back down to business. (Also of note... someone got me one of those evaporators so I could still smoke some weed with all them scabs and cuts in my throat... recommended.)

Sometime after the Bears had already won the game... singing Thin Lizzy songs with some Ukrainian chick I'd managed to pick up with my 9 word vocabulary, which thankfully was developed around the booze...I realized I really love getting drunk. I mean, I hate a hangover like that Ukie chick hates a Jew, but the going up is worth the coming down.

That...and I really do a lot of stuff better when I'm drunk. I sing better. I talk better. I'm actually pretty convinced I drive better... I think it has something to do with the diminished skills. I makes me pay more attention to what I'm doing... think some things through and don't let others fuck with my head... and take advantage of whatever other skills haven't been destroyed.

That's how the Bears won in 1994. They actually were even beating San Fransisco in the playoffs for the couple of seconds that year.

Then they did it again with A-Train 7 years later in 2001. Which was actually that year Mike Brown kept winning games by himself at the very end. Yeah... that was SEVEN YEARS AGO.

After ending my short relationship with that chick over a heated argument over the merits of the band Phish... of which, there are none... I headed home with a new found sense of optimism about getting was too drunk... and also the Bears. They're just bad enough to pay close enough attention to the little things that are the difference between getting pulled over by a Philly cop in a Bears jersey and blowing a .4... or in the case of the Bears, the difference between 2-2 and 0-4.

This all being said... those 1994 and 2001 Bears teams turned into borderline crimes against nature within a season or two.