Fever Dreams and Pants Shitting

I think I'm getting sick. My throat hurts and when I woke up today I had that dehydrated vaguely hung over feeling, but it hasn't gone away all day. I'm not what I would call sick yet but the signs are definitely there and by Sunday I may feel like complete shit. Which is fine because the sicker I am the less I will give a shit about what the Lions do and if it gets really bad I am hoping that I will just be able to chalk it up to a fever dream. If anybody tries to talk to me about the game I will just nod politely all while thinking to myself that I need to get the fuck out of there. I mean, a fever dream is not something to be shared and if some asshole saw what I saw then that either means that I have to face the horrifying thought that it actually happened or that son of a bitch is a wizard and I'm not real fond of either scenario since each would probably end with me projectile vomiting. Fucking wizards. Look, I know that Raven says that he doesn't really trust the Redskins and he wants them to score some fucking points before halftime, but I can assure him that this is the game when his boys will break out. So far, Jason Campbell has been good for the Redskins and if you go through the early part of the schedule you will see that just about everyone who has played quarterback against the Lions this year has put up Hall of Fame numbers. They have all been like that asshole who only plays Madden on rookie because he wants to put up ridiculous stats built from 1 play 87 yard drives. That is what the Lions are now, the rookie level in Madden. So, yeah, Jason Campbell by himself is probably enough to eviscerate the Lions but then you throw in Clinton Portis who is running all over fools and the outcome of Sunday's game becomes painfully clear. Offensively the Lions have one player who is any good. Calvin Johnson may be the Christ child but he is still young and he is still all alone and the Redskins know all this. I expect him to be harassed and beaten until he finally just says fuck it and punches Dan Orlovsky after another failed play. Meanwhile, my man Lennie Small is being pulled yet again in favor of Gosder Cherilus which is just mean. The man is a retard, it is just cruel to keep allowing him the opportunity to run and play one week only to shove him back in his cage the next. Have some class Rod Marinelli. Come on. Look, the Redskins are going to beat the Lions. Everyone knows this. Which makes Washington's desperate attempts to avoid giving the Lions anything to build off of that much funnier. The Redskins' players and coaches have all been bending over backward in order to compliment the Lions and every time Chris Cooley or Jim Zorn mention how hard they play and how they don't quit it is impossible not to picture the Lions as the retarded kids who get stickers and ribbons just for trying to play. Sure they look ridiculous and they are at least as likely to shit themselves, take their clothes off during the middle of a game or run away crying as they are to do anything right, but they are trying damn it, and everyone will clap for them and cheer them on and yell and scream when they manage to run in the right direction. This is what it has come to, the Lions opponents just pity them at this point and are patting them on the backs and saying "Awww, atta boy, here's a popsicle. Go have fun now!" It is as if the entire team has become a 53 man roster made up entirely of Lennie Smalls, and as much as you know I love my boy Lennie, this is not something I'm all that proud of. But it is what it is, there is nothing I can do about it and so on Sunday, whether I am watching the game with a clear head or whether I am watching through the haze of a fever, I will still be rooting for my big dumb retard of a kid, hoping against hope that maybe this time will be different. But deep down, I just know he's gonna shit his pants again. Predicted Final Score: Redskins 34, Lions 10, Number of Pants Shit 7