The good news is that the Lions are playing the Houston Texans this week and the Texans kind of suck. The bad news is that the Lions are something that goes beyond sucking. Their own brand of awfulness is something that defies description or name. The Texans appear to be an NFL team, not a very good one, but an NFL team nonetheless. The Lions would get abused by a team from the local YMCA. They are bad in a way that almost cannot be comprehended.
To actually analyze the upcoming game between the two teams would be almost meaningless and an exercise in idiotic folly. Instead, I think it's important to really hammer home how miserable the Lions are as a franchise. After Roy Williams was allowed to escape from hell, these were his fellow receivers' thoughts on the deal: “Good for him, though. He hit the jackpot.” That was from Mike Furrey. "We're going to miss the guy, but hey he's moving on to better things." That was from Calvin Johnson. Can't you just feel the excitement for Lions football? For fuck's sake, it almost feels like even the Lions own players feel like Roy Williams got some sort of call up to the big leagues. Even they know their team is an abomination.
Meanwhile, Jon Kitna is telling anyone who will listen that the Lions are a bunch of dishonest fuckers who used his back injury as a way of getting rid of him, which I said was the case all along. I am not sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, the Lions really have acted like a bunch of slimy assholes here. They look like cowards and liars, too feeble and afraid to actually treat their quarterback with any dignity and respect. On the other hand, that quarterback is Jon Kitna and fuck him. I don't really care how they did it, I am just glad that I won't have to watch and attempt to root for such a notorious Bible thumper who bitches and screams at all his teammates and coaches in the middle of games, usually after he does something dumb. He is dead and he will be forgotten and good riddance.
Of course, that leaves the Lions in the less than capable hands of Dan Orlovsky who can't really throw the ball and makes decisions like casually running out of the back of the end zone giving the other team a safety. SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER TO ME. I don't know what to think anymore. We're caught in that weird area right now where the season isn't over with but everyone is just waiting for next year. The only problem is that this season still isn't even halfway through. We've got a long way to go and the whole time we are going to be stuck in this Twilight Zone of apathy and ennui, and we are going to have to try to root for idiots like Orlovsky, guys who are just thrown in there now because there is nobody else there, but who we know probably won't be around for the post-apocalyptic rebuilding of the team. There is no real reason to be invested in any of this nonsense, but I still can't look away. It is odd as this is still my team and these horrible assholes are wearing the colors that I support. Who am I even rooting for here? What am I even rooting for? It certainly isn't tradition or anything so nobly misguided as that. No, I think it's more just a habit, a sense of obligation that I have, like if I am going to continue to care about football I have to actually have a team out there to care about, and really, rooting for any other team now would just be weird and kind of suspect to be honest. No one likes or trusts those dudes who take up their fandom of a particular team when they are into adulthood. No, you ride with the same assholes you were born with. It is just the way it is.
Really, there are only two things I am looking forward to on Sunday. The first is that my man Lennie Small is getting yet another chance at right tackle. If we are going to suck, and we are, then why not give Lennie a chance? Sure, he is dumb, and sure he cannot be trusted around small animals or girls of any sort, and in the end you are just going to have to kill him both for his own dumbass sake and for the sake of everyone else, but for now, it will be good to let him run and play. It's not like it's going to matter. The other thing is that I have Andre Johnson on my fantasy team so at least I will be able to have some sort of hope that somebody on that damn field will be able to get me a win. It is not much, but it is something I will cling to.
Predicted Final Score: Texans: something, Lions: something else, Me: miserable
Saturday, October 18, 2008
The Death March Continues
The good news is that the Lions are playing the Houston Texans this week and the Texans kind of suck. The bad news is that the Lions are something that goes beyond sucking. Their own brand of awfulness is something that defies description or name. The Texans appear to be an NFL team, not a very good one, but an NFL team nonetheless. The Lions would get abused by a team from the local YMCA. They are bad in a way that almost cannot be comprehended.
To actually analyze the upcoming game between the two teams would be almost meaningless and an exercise in idiotic folly. Instead, I think it's important to really hammer home how miserable the Lions are as a franchise. After Roy Williams was allowed to escape from hell, these were his fellow receivers' thoughts on the deal: “Good for him, though. He hit the jackpot.” That was from Mike Furrey. "We're going to miss the guy, but hey he's moving on to better things." That was from Calvin Johnson. Can't you just feel the excitement for Lions football? For fuck's sake, it almost feels like even the Lions own players feel like Roy Williams got some sort of call up to the big leagues. Even they know their team is an abomination.
Meanwhile, Jon Kitna is telling anyone who will listen that the Lions are a bunch of dishonest fuckers who used his back injury as a way of getting rid of him, which I said was the case all along. I am not sure how to feel about this. On the one hand, the Lions really have acted like a bunch of slimy assholes here. They look like cowards and liars, too feeble and afraid to actually treat their quarterback with any dignity and respect. On the other hand, that quarterback is Jon Kitna and fuck him. I don't really care how they did it, I am just glad that I won't have to watch and attempt to root for such a notorious Bible thumper who bitches and screams at all his teammates and coaches in the middle of games, usually after he does something dumb. He is dead and he will be forgotten and good riddance.
Of course, that leaves the Lions in the less than capable hands of Dan Orlovsky who can't really throw the ball and makes decisions like casually running out of the back of the end zone giving the other team a safety. SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER TO ME. I don't know what to think anymore. We're caught in that weird area right now where the season isn't over with but everyone is just waiting for next year. The only problem is that this season still isn't even halfway through. We've got a long way to go and the whole time we are going to be stuck in this Twilight Zone of apathy and ennui, and we are going to have to try to root for idiots like Orlovsky, guys who are just thrown in there now because there is nobody else there, but who we know probably won't be around for the post-apocalyptic rebuilding of the team. There is no real reason to be invested in any of this nonsense, but I still can't look away. It is odd as this is still my team and these horrible assholes are wearing the colors that I support. Who am I even rooting for here? What am I even rooting for? It certainly isn't tradition or anything so nobly misguided as that. No, I think it's more just a habit, a sense of obligation that I have, like if I am going to continue to care about football I have to actually have a team out there to care about, and really, rooting for any other team now would just be weird and kind of suspect to be honest. No one likes or trusts those dudes who take up their fandom of a particular team when they are into adulthood. No, you ride with the same assholes you were born with. It is just the way it is.
Really, there are only two things I am looking forward to on Sunday. The first is that my man Lennie Small is getting yet another chance at right tackle. If we are going to suck, and we are, then why not give Lennie a chance? Sure, he is dumb, and sure he cannot be trusted around small animals or girls of any sort, and in the end you are just going to have to kill him both for his own dumbass sake and for the sake of everyone else, but for now, it will be good to let him run and play. It's not like it's going to matter. The other thing is that I have Andre Johnson on my fantasy team so at least I will be able to have some sort of hope that somebody on that damn field will be able to get me a win. It is not much, but it is something I will cling to.
Predicted Final Score: Texans: something, Lions: something else, Me: miserable
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